Yet Another Season 9
by elphabachan
Summary: Picking up on New Years Day, the group has eight months before Donna and Eric leave for Madison. New faces, new stories, and many MANY changes are in store.
1. Same Old Song and Dance

A/N: Okay, I seem to have run out of ideas for my Manhattanverse series (at the moment, I'll work it all out), so I'm going to do what seems to be a popular choice and write a new season for the show. But I can't write in script form for the life of me, so I'm going to write it in prose and you'll just have to imagine it's filmable. And the 'episode' titles are Aerosmith songs, and hopefully a new episode will come out once a week. And I never saw any episodes from the 8th season, so my details may be off. So I hope you enjoy. We'll see if I have enough ideas to give all the characters story lines, but it will probably end up being Jackie/Hyde centric. Just a warning. Wow. That was long.

Disclaimer: I own nothing from THAT 70S SHOW nor the Aerosmith songs the chapters are named for. And if I did own the show, I wouldn't have needed to write a WHOLE NEW SEASON to fix the dummy writers fumbles!

Episode 9.1: Same Old Song and Dance

Donna wished that she hadn't drank as much champagne as she had the night before as she sat up on January 1st, 1980. But she figured that she'd only get to celebrate a new decade only so many times in her life, so she had better make it worth it. She reached for a glass of water, and remembered that she was in Eric's room, and he never had water on his nightstand. She groaned, and stumbled out of bed.

"Happy 1980," Eric said, and she muttered unintelligibly as she wandered out of the room for the bathroom. She walked into the bathroom, and turned on the faucet. She opened the medicine cabinet, and found what she was looking for: Tylenol. She popped the pills in her mouth, and closed the cabinet.

In the mirror was a reflection of Jackie Burkhart. Donna shrieked a little bit, and turned around.

"Jackie, why are you here? It's really early!" Donna hissed, finishing off her water.

"Actually it's almost ten thirty, so it's not early, and Kitty let me in," Jackie said, and began primping in the mirror. "Happy 1980."

"You said that last night," Donna said. "Frankly I don't see the big deal, the decades don't become their own until at least three years in. The 60s didn't become the 60s until JFK was shot and the 70s didn't become the 70s until Nixon resigned."

"Nevertheless, it's a new decade and I'm going to make something out of it," Jackie said. "I turn twenty this year and I'm not about to mess everything up once I'm past teenagehood. How did you do it?"

"I knew what I wanted in life," Donna said. "That could be your first step."

"Oh please don't start lecturing me about life, Donna," Jackie said. "I've heard enough life lectures to last me, well, a lifetime." She followed Donna out of the bathroom back into Eric's bedroom. "Donna, don't walk away, I think I need to talk to you about something."

"Can't it wait until this afternoon?" Donna asked.

"What is she doing?" Eric grumbled, and Jackie sat on the bed with them. "Hey, this is a double bed, not a queen size."

"Donna, I don't think I love Fez," Jackie said, a little panicky. Donna didn't flinch, and put a pillow over her head. "Aren't you surprised by this???"

"Um, no, not really," Donna said. "I'm not."

"Well you should be! Until very recently I was quite convinced that I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but now I'm not so sure!"

"Jackie, really, let's talk about this once I'm awake," Donna said. "Until then, why don't you go bother someone else?"

"Donna! Who am I supposed to talk to about this?"

"Try my Mom!" Eric said, covering his ears. "Let me sleep! How are you not exhausted?"

"Because unlike you two I wasn't fooling around with my significant other all night long," Jackie said. "And frankly, I'm not sure that I want to start."

"Go talk to Kitty," Donna said. "We'll talk after lunch." Jackie huffed, and stormed out of the bedroom.

"I was right," Donna said.

"About what?"

"The 80s aren't any different from the 70s." Eric chuckled, and threw his arms around her.

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Jackie walked to the kitchen, and saw only Hyde at the table. She groaned, but walked in any way.

"Have you seen Kitty?" Jackie asked. Hyde looked up from his cereal.

"No. Why?"

"Because I need to talk to a woman and Donna is blowing me off," she said, hand on her hip.

"Well I think she went to the store to make a big lunch for Eric," Hyde said. "Now that he's back for good she's back to spoiling the hell out of him."

"He needs to move out before the umbilical cord grows back," Jackie said, going for the fruit bowl. Hyde chuckled, and she smiled too.

"Well, if you really want you can talk to me," Hyde said. Jackie laughed snidely, and bit into the pear she had found in the bowl.

"Please. We both know you don't want to listen to my problems. You never have."

"It hasn't stopped you before now," he said, staring contently at his bowl of Captain Crunch.

"Well contrary to popular belief, I'm not the same girl I used to be," she said. "I don't rely on you anymore."

"I wish I could say that hurt, but it doesn't," Hyde stated, just as snide as her laugh. "Fine, if you don't want to talk to me you don't have to. Whatever." She snorted, and left the kitchen.

"Man am I glad I got out when I did," he muttered, and continued eating his cereal.

Kelso walked into the kitchen.

"Hey man, what did you say to Jackie?" he asked.

"Why?"

"She looked PISSED OFF," Kelso stated, pouring his own bowl of cereal.

"Whatever, the attention isn't on her, isn't that enough reason for her to be mad?" Hyde asked, and Kelso chuckled.

"Heh, maaaan I know what you mean," he said. "She's been crabby ever since she started dating Fez. I tell ya, I bet he doesn't satisfy her in bed. I could make her scream so-." He didn't finish, for Hyde slugged him on the shoulder. "OW! What was that for?"

"Don't talk about her that way," Hyde growled.

"Whaddayou care, man, she's not your girlfriend anymore," Kelso said. Hyde snorted, and continued eating his cereal. "And it's not like she dumped you, YOU'RE the one who dumped her on her ass."

"Are you done?" Hyde asked. Kelso shrugged.

"I may be," he said.

Fez walked into the kitchen.

"Have you guys seen Jackie?" he asked.

"She just left, why?" Hyde asked.

"She left before I got up without saying goodbye or anything," Fez said. "Did you see where she was going?"

"I think she stormed off, Hyde pissed her off," Kelso said. Fez sighed.

"You bastard, you should have kept her here," Fez said. "I'm worried about my princess."

"Please, I'm eating," Hyde said.

"Well if you see her, tell her I'm looking for her," Fez said, and left the kitchen back out the back door.

"Is he gone?" Jackie asked, peeking her head through the door from the living room.

"Are you hiding from your boyfriend?" Hyde asked.

"No!" she said, defensively. "I just don't want to see him right now."

"Isn't that avoiding?" Kelso asked.

"No. THIS is avoiding. YOU," Jackie said, and ran back into the living room. Kelso looked back at Hyde.

"Okay, that confused even me," Kelso said, and Hyde chuckled.

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Red was working on his car, when Bob walked into the garage.

"Hiya Red," he said. Red looked up from under the hood.

"Haven't you left for Florida yet?" Red demanded.

"Oh, no, not yet," Bob said, leaning against the work bench.

"Well when are you leaving?"

"Do you want me to leave?" Red rolled his eyes, and wiped his hands on a rag.

"No, Bob, I just want you to not barge into my garage when I'm working on my car," Red said.

"Anyways, have you seen Donna?" Bob asked. "I know she was here last night later than I was."

"I don't ask questions about who is here and who isn't," Red said. "I just care when they eat my food and drink my beer. And come to think of it, Eric's loser friends do that."

Bob was about to answer, when he looked up from the garage into Eric's window. He saw Donna, leaning against the window as Eric made out with her.

"OH MY GOD!" he yelled, and Red looked up too.

"Ah JEEZE!" Red said, going back to his car. Bob, in his rage, looked for something to throw, and settled on an oil can. "Hey, I use those for nails!" But it was too late, Bob threw it and it hit the window. Donna turned, and then through the glass it was apparent that she shrieked. Eric freaked out and drew the curtain down.

"I'm gonna kill him!" Bob exclaimed, and ran into the house. Red shook his head, and went back to his car.

"Dumbass," Red said. "Barely been home and already has a hit on him."

------------------------------------------

Kitty was in the grocery store, picking up ingredients for Eric's favorite pie, and noticed a short brunette hiding behind a stack of cans.

"Jackie?" she asked. Jackie peeked around, and then acted surprised.

"Mrs. Foreman! What a surprise!" she exclaimed.

"Jackie, did you follow me here?" Kitty asked. Jackie laughed, as if it was a laughable question, and shook her head.

"God, no Mrs. Foreman, I didn't follow you. I just needed to pick up something," she said, grabbing a can from the stack. "Yeah, I just needed some… creamed corn? Gross!" She dropped the can on the floor, and crossed her arms.

"Would you like to help me shop?" Kitty asked.

"Oh, well, I should be doing that thing I was supposed to be doing, but… Okay, sure," Jackie said, and gladly walked next to Kitty as she shopped.

"So did you have a happy New Years Eve?" Kitty asked.

"Oh, it was okay," Jackie said, and was silent as they walked down the aisle. Kitty picked up various ingredients, and sort of shook her head.

"So what is on your mind?" she prodded. Jackie shrugged. "You know you can tell me." Jackie nodded, and then turned dramatically to face her.

"Mrs. Foreman, Fez and I are having problems," Jackie said.

"What kind of problems?"

"I don't like kissing him." Kitty was shocked by this admission, but tried not to show it.

"But, you seemed to happy when he asked you out," Kitty said. "You had a smile on your face and a spring in your step- Oh, honey, would you please grab that can of pumpkin pie filling for me?"

"I know! And I should be happy, he's the man I'm supposed to love because he's everything I want in a man," Jackie said, snatching up the can and dropping it in the cart. "But whenever I'm with him lately, I'm just not feeling it."

"Well sweetie, it sounds like you're just in a rut," Kitty said. "You should try to, oh, I don't know, SPICE up the relationship."

"Yeah?" Jackie asked, unconvinced.

"Oh of course, sweetie!" Kitty exclaimed. "Now where is that grocery list? What I think you should do is go to your apartment, put on something cute, and wait for him to come home. Then, you can retreat to the bedroom."

"Ew!" Jackie exclaimed, and then put a hand over her mouth. Kitty looked surprised, and Jackie groaned.

"See what I mean? This is awful!" she moaned. "Mrs. Foreman, I just don't know what to do!"

"Well honey, you shouldn't be afraid of sex," Kitty said, missing the point completely. "It's a perfectly natural experience, and come now, let's not act like we're wholly innocent."

"I never said I was innocent, I-!" Jackie began, but Kitty was thrusting the shopping list in her hands.

"Now, let's find the freezer section and get more pie stuffs!" Kitty said, and Jackie sighed. No one is being any help, she thought.

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The guys were in a circle in the basement.

"Man, you'd think Bob would accept the fact that me and Donna are having sex," Eric said. "I mean, I had to pull my mattress up just to fend off his blows."

"Hey, if I found a guy with Betsy I'd beat him up too," Kelso said. "But I don't have to worry about THAT for another…. Fifteen years."

"If you're lucky," Hyde said, chuckling. "But she's your daughter. You probably have thirteen years before you start chasing the guys out of the house."

"Hey shut up!" Kelso said, trying to swing but missing and falling off his chair.

"Guys, Jackie won't have sex with me," Fez said, grimly. Kelso and Hyde both laughed.

"You haven't done it yet?" Kelso asked, getting back up on his seat. "Man, you must be going nuts!"

"No kidding!" Hyde said.

"Yeah man, I had her in bed after two months," Kelso said, and Hyde hit him on the shoulder again. "HEY! What was that for?"

"You're an idiot!" Hyde snapped.

"Fez," Eric said, "maybe you're approaching things the wrong way. How have you tried to seduce her?"

"I say 'Jackie, let's do it', and she hits me in the chest," Fez said. "She apologizes right away and acts all crazy, but then when I suggest it again she hits me again."

"You have to be smoother than that, man," Hyde said. "You can't just demand it. She isn't into that. You have to be subtle."

"Why? I said 'let's do it' and she did it," Kelso stated, and Hyde hit him again. "HEY HEY HEY!! I'm getting really sick of that!"

"I've been with Donna on and off forever, and even I can't say 'let's do it'," Eric stated.

"Kelso, Hyde, you both have done it with her. Can I get some pointers?" Fez asked.

"First you tell her she's pretty," Kelso said. "And that you love her and want to marry her. That gets her in bed right away."

"Kelso, that's tacky!" Hyde snapped. "Fez, you just tell her that you'll wait until she's ready, because you care about her enough to respect her feelings. That way you charm her, and if you're lucky she'll do it with you then and there." Fez's eyes brightened.

"I'm going to go do that right now!" he stated, and ran from the circle out of the basement. Donna nearly missed hitting him as he ran up the stairs to the street.

"What is he running for?" she asked.

"He's going to go try and get Jackie to have sex with him," Eric said.

"Lovely," Donna said. "Eric, my Dad's calmed down. And I even got him to give this back to you." She held out a Chewbacca action figure.

"Chewy! Donna, you're the best!" she nodded, and they kissed quickly.

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After driving around, avoiding her boyfriend, Jackie walked into the apartment, and saw the Fez had lit candles and was setting out a nice dinner.

"Fez?" she asked. He smiled, and walked to her, a rose in his hand.

"Jackie," he said. "I know that you're been feeling really uncomfortable lately. And I want you to know that I am sorry if I have been the cause of any of it. I also want you to know that I can be patient, and I won't do anything with you until you are ready." She looked at the rose, and smiled at him.

"Fez, that's so sweet!" she exclaimed, and hugged him, feeling a little better about the situation. He hugged her tightly, and put his lips to her ear.

"So, are you ready to do it now?" he asked. Her eyes snapped open, and she pulled away and hit him in the chest. "Ai!"

"You just said that you would wait and respect my feelings!" she exclaimed. "What the hell happened to that?"

"I… I … You look pretty?" She hit him again. "Ai!"

"Fez, I don't want to have sex with you just because you said I'm pretty!" she exclaimed. "Everyone knows that I'm pretty, it's a fact! God, what did you think I was going to do?"

"But Kelso and Hyde said-." Her eyes became even angrier.

"Michael and Steven were telling you how to get me in bed?" she exclaimed, and Fez was certain that she was about to breathe fire.

"Well, they… I…. You're beautiful?" She growled, and stormed out of the apartment. Fez looked at the dinner on the table, and sat down and began to eat it by himself. He smiled a little.

"Ooh, I forgot I put garlic in these potatoes," he said.

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Kitty laid out the big meal for the family, including Donna, and smiled at them all.

"Happy New Year, everybody!" she exclaimed. "I made this chicken and this pie and the potatoes and the beans all from scratch, in honor of Eric being back for good!"

"Kitty, if you keep feeding him this stuff he'll never want to leave again," Red said.

"That's the point," Kitty said, and everyone chuckled a little. Until they realized she wasn't kidding. "I'm just glad that everything is back to normal, and I am going to revel in this until Eric and Donna go to college in the fall. I have a lot of time before that happens, though, and you can be sure I'll be cooking up a storm while he's still here."

"I love you, Mom!" Eric exclaimed, and Hyde rolled his eyes. Donna felt a need to say something.

"You better savor it while it lasts, honey, cuz when we get our own place I'll be too busy to spoil you," Donna said, and Kitty shot her a look. Red chuckled, and clapped his hands.

"I did miss this," he said, and Kitty shot him a look too. He stopped, and everyone began to eat.

Jackie threw the kitchen door open, eyes searing through everyone who looked at her.

"Jackie?" Kitty asked. "Would you like some of the dinner that you helped me gather?"

"How COULD you give Fez pointers on how to get me in bed!?!?!" she exclaimed, storming to Hyde. Donna dropped her fork, and looked at Hyde in disgust. Red covered his eyes in weariness, and sighed a 'jeeze'.

"Well, I-," Hyde began, but Jackie was on a rampage.

"You told him that I would jump into bed with him if he said he would be willing to wait for me! That's disgusting! Was that your strategy to get me in the sack?!" she yelled. Hyde tried to open his mouth, but she wouldn't let him. "I knew that you were a jerk and a heartless whore monger who won't let himself be happy, but I had NO idea that you were lower than the parasites that reside in the intestines of the scum of the Earth! GO TO HELL!" She threw his water in his face, and stormed from the kitchen.

Everyone was speechless. Hyde slowly took off his sunglasses, and wiped his face with his napkin. Donna stood up, gave Hyde a look that wound not only kill but vaporize, and ran after her friend. Eric raised his glass.

"Well," he said. "Happy 1980." It did very little to diffuse the tension.

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Kelso was on the phone with Brooke as this dinner incident took place.

"Brooke, all I'm saying is that I don't think you should let Betsy hang out with the little boys at the playground… It's not that I don't want her playing, I just don't want her playing with the boys!... I'm not crazy, it's for our daughter's best interest!"

FADE OUT


	2. Janie's Got a Gun

A/N: Thanks for the reviews thus far! Just to assuage some fears I'm going to try not to rewrite history or anything like that (though as I said I didn't see any of Season 8, only read spoilers so my ideas may not match completely). We'll see if I can keep up with the episodes and/or keep myself from posting the ones I already have done.

Disclaimer: I own nothing from THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

Episode 9.2: Janie's Got a Gun

It had been a week since the New Years Dinner Incident, as it had come to be known, and no one had really talked about it. Kelso was leaving back for Chicago the next day, and the gang was getting ready to see him off.

"How exactly are we supposed to see him off now?" Donna asked as she and Eric decorated the basement. "What is this, some kind of going away party?"

"Yeah," Eric said.

"Psh, we already threw him one," Donna stated.

"I wasn't there to see it," Eric said. "This is a good second chance for me to participate in the festivities. Who's on detail distracting him?"

"Fez."

"Great, I wonder how that's going, he's not that original."

"It shouldn't be too hard."

As they were saying this, Fez had taken Kelso to the grocery store, and was holding out a long sheet of aluminum foil.

"Wow, that's really freakin' shiny!" Kelso exclaimed.

Back in the basement, Donna was still kind of pissed off.

"What's wrong, Donna?" Eric asked.

"I can't believe that Kelso and Hyde were giving pointers on how to bed Jackie," she said. "Our friends are pigs."

"Well, to be fair it wasn't like they had a diagram or anything," Eric said. Donna stopped hanging up the balloons for a second, and looked at him.

"You knew about it?"

"Well, I was there," Eric said, realizing that he was probably going to get in trouble. Time to back paddle. "But I was high. I can't be held responsible for my actions."

"Eric, I can't believe you!" she exclaimed, punching him in the shoulder.

"Ow, take it easy!" he exclaimed.

"That was so humiliating for Jackie, haven't those two done enough to her over the years?" she demanded. "Be it cheating on her or dumping her for a stripper they've really messed that girl up!"

"They were just trying to help Fez."

"She isn't a conquest, she's a woman! Contrary to popular belief, we're humans too with feelings and dignity!" She jumped off the ladder and began up the steps. She began up as Hyde began down.

"Hey Donna."

"You're a pig!" she snapped, and kept walking. Hyde shrugged, and looked at the balloons.

"This looks like a seven year old's birthday party."

"Well, it is a party for Kelso," Eric said. "And now thanks to you I'm in trouble with Donna."

"This will be a fun game, how to blame your problems on me, it's not like I've ever played it before," Hyde said, plopping down in front of the TV. "What happened now?"

"She just found out that I knew about your advice to Fez."

"It was hardly advice, it wasn't like I drew him a diagram."

"That's what I said."

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Donna knocked on the door to Jackie and Fez's apartment. Jackie opened it.

"Hey Donna."

"Jackie, I haven't seen you in the basement for the past week! Where have you been?" she asked.

"I've actually been at my Mom's house," she said. "I just came back here because I was out of shampoo. You know how important my shampoo is to me."

"Yeah yeah yeah."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, see, and I've been trying to sort out my issues with the Fez situation and the Steven thing."

"And have you?"

"No, but I found a distraction!" she squealed, and ripped her shirt off and turned around. On her back, near the shoulder blade, was a tattoo of a crescent moon.

"Oh my GOD," Donna said. "Is that… Is… Can I touch it?"

"Gently, it's still kind of sore," she said.

"When did you get this done?" Donna asked, touching the small outline of a moon.

"I got it done the day after New Years," she stated. "I was so pissed off at Steven, and Fez, and I needed to get my mind off things, so I got a tattoo."

"Yeah, no kidding!" Donna exclaimed. "Wow! This is so cool! What does it mean?"

"Mean? Oh, I don't know. I like the moon, and I thought it would look cool right by the top of my shoulder blade. Now in the summer when I wear a strapless dress it will be visible and people will think 'wow, that girl is so cool!'" Donna smiled, and began biting her nail.

"Well… I've actually been thinking about getting a tattoo also," she said.

"Really? Well why don't you?" Jackie asked. "What would you get one of?"

"I don't know," Donna said. "Who did yours?"

"This woman named Janie," Jackie said. "The parlor by the theater is where she works. I'll go with you and you can pick one."

"That sounds like fun! Can we, um… go now?" Donna asked.

"Oh, okay. How come?"

"I have some of my own issues to work out."

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Fez walked into the basement.

"Where's Kelso?" Eric asked.

"I took him to the woods and said that we were going to play hide and seek," he said. "Then I drove off."

"Awesome!" Hyde exclaimed, laughing.

"He'll get bored and come back to town in about three hours," Fez said.

"Just in time for the party," Eric stated. "Hey, how are things with you and Jackie?"

"Not too good, Eric," Fez said. "I think that she is going to dump me. She hasn't been home for the past week."

"I'm surprised you aren't happy about this," Hyde said. "She hasn't bit your head off yet."

"Well, I know that when she is really angry at someone she really cares about she lets them know it," Fez said. "But she's just been avoiding me."

"You should have SEEN her lay into Hyde on New Years!" Eric exclaimed. "Man, I thought she was going to take the pie knife and stab him!" This did not help Fez's neuroses. He and Hyde shared a look, Fez's angry and Hyde's awkward, and Eric realized his snafu. "Of course, she could just be getting ready to completely verbally eviscerate you." Fez's eyes lit up.

"You think so?" he asked.

"It's possible," Eric said. "Hell, I bet you come home tonight and a plate flies at you head."

"Oh that would be WONDERFUL!" Fez exclaimed.

Kitty walked down the steps.

"Are you kids having a party tonight?" she asked.

"Yeah Mom, Kelso leaves tomorrow," Eric said.

"Well should I cook anything?" she asked.

"No, that's okay, Donna is bringing cake tonight," Eric said. Kitty looked hurt, and then put on an aloof expression.

"Well, I'm sure that her cake will be just fine. I really hope that it isn't too dry. I know that you boys certainly don't like dry cake," Kitty said. "After all, it gets stuck in the throat and it feels like you're having the life choked out of you, aha ha ha!" The guys all looked at each other, and Hyde held up his hand.

"I wouldn't mind another cake, Mrs. Foreman," he said.

"Me neither, Mom," Eric said.

"You know how I feel about sweets," Fez said. Kitty smiled, and walked back up the steps.

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Kelso came back to the car site and saw that Fez had left.

"What a loser," he said, and laughed to himself. "I totally win by default." He began walking back to Point Place, and heard something in the brush.

"Fez?" he asked. "Is this a crazy prank you're playing on me?... You know that you don't scare me!... Too much, anyway." The rustling in the bushes continued, and he began to run down the country road.

Donna and Jackie walked into the tattoo parlor, and a very punk looking woman walked out from behind a beaded curtain.

"Hey, it's Jackie," she said, genuinely smiling. "How's the tattoo working out for you?"

"It looks so hot, Janie, I love it!" Jackie exclaimed. "And my friend Donna is interested in a tattoo as well."

"Hi, I'm Donna," she said, and Janie shook her hand.

"Janie, nice to meet ya," she said. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I'm not sure, exactly. Something small," Donna said. "I have to attend a party in three hours."

"Okay, I can work in that time limit, no problem," Janie said. "Wanna look at some patterns? I have books and books, that's how Jackie chose the moon." Donna nodded, and Janie handed her a book.

"So Jackie, how's the boyfriend situation going?" Janie asked.

"Still awful," Jackie said. "I told Janie the whole Steven thing."

"He's not your boyfriend," Donna said, flipping through a book.

"Well that includes Fez too!" Jackie exclaimed. "Jeeze, you know that. Janie, it's really messy still. I haven't talked to Fez and I'm not about to talk to Steven, and I have to see both of them at Michael's going away party!"

"Michael cheated on you with her boyfriends sister, right?" Janie asked, motioning to Donna.

"Jeeze, Jackie how much history can you spill in the course of three hours?" Donna asked, and Jackie ignored her.

"That was him. So I'm not looking forward to tonight," she stated. "Donna, I already told Janie this, but I think I need to break up with Fez."

"I told you that you shouldn't have gone out with him in the first place," Donna said. "I knew you'd get bored and you'd dump him."

"I didn't get bored, I wanted it to work!" Jackie exclaimed. "But when I kissed him it felt like I was kissing…"

"Her brother," Janie finished.

"What, is your tattoo artist like your hairdresser now?" Donna asked.

"She was able to listen to me!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Jackie you need to stop beating around the bush with Fez and just dump him already. Not only is it not fair to him if you don't love him, but it's not fair to you either," Donna said. "He deserves to be loved, and you deserve to be in love. If that isn't happening, it's doomed to fail and you shouldn't prolong it. If you do, you'll both just get hurt even more." Jackie was silent, and sighed.

"Ooh, that's a pretty yin yang. Can I get that?" Donna asked.

"Sure, that's an easy one!" Janie said. "Where would you like it?"

"Umm… Can I get it on my hip? And, like the size of a quarter? Can you do that?"

"No problem," Janie said. "Just pull your jeans down a ways and I'll begin."

"… This is so COOL!" Donna exclaimed, pulling her pants down a little bit.

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Kelso burst into the Foreman kitchen. Kitty looked up, surprised.

"Michael, what are you doing here?" she asked, standing in front of the oven so he wouldn't see the cake.

"Hi Mrs Foreman, Fez gave up at hide and seek and left me out in the woods. It was a great burn, but I just walked from there…. Do I smell cake?" he asked, and Kitty became visibly tense.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Hey, Michael, could you do me a favor? Could you take this, um, sandwich to Red at the muffler shop?" She grabbed the sandwich she had made for herself, and thrust it at Kelso. "He needs it. I'm sure he's hungry."

"Sure, I could do that," he said. "If you see Fez tell him he forfeited." He took the sandwich, and left. Kitty sighed, and opened the oven door.

"Oh, please don't be too dry!" she exclaimed.

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Kelso knocked on the muffler shop door. Red looked up, and nodded curtly.

"What's wrong, Kelso, you need a muffler?" he asked.

"No Red, I'm just dropping off this sandwich," he stated. "Mrs. Foreman told me you needed lunch, and I think she was hording a cake…"

"Well thanks," Red said, taking the sandwich away. "So Kelso, you're leaving tomorrow huh?"

"Yeah, going back to Chicago."

"Still working at the night club?"

"Yep."

"Figures."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kelso asked. "I'll have you know that it's the perfect job because I can spend my days taking care of Betsy and getting to know my daughter."

"It's hardly a job to provide for her, Kelso," Red said, munching on his sandwich. "I thought you wanted to be a cop."

"I do, but I can't pass their exam," Kelso said. "They didn't believe that I passed the first time, for some reason."

"So take it again," Red said. "Come on, don't be a dumbass. You need a good wholesome job so your daughter doesn't grow up to be one of those dancers at your club."

"With Brooke as her Mom I doubt THAT would happen," Kelso said.

"Just think about it, Kelso. Do you want to be working security the rest of your life, or do you want to be a man in blue?" Red asked. Kelso sighed, and shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "I think I have some thinking to do."

"I think so too," Red said. "Will I see you before you go?"

"Maybe," Kelso said. "I'll probably be in your basement tonight, Eric said that I had to come over and watch TV with the gang for old times sake."

"Alright. Well, thanks for the sandwich. Now buy something or get out." Kelso got out.

Donna and Jackie grabbed the cake from Donna's fridge, and walked into the basement exactly five minutes before everyone expected Kelso.

"Cutting it a little close, aren't we?" Eric asked, taking the cake and putting it on the table. "I thought you were still mad at me."

"I'm not, because I did something that made me feel better," Donna said, and unzipped her pants.

"Donna, not here!" Eric said, and Hyde and Fez began to look.

"Relax, Eric, just look," she said, and pulled the pants off the small gauze on the tattoo. "I got a tattoo!" She gently pulled the gauze up, and revealed the petite yin yang symbol.

"Donna got a tattoo!" Fez exclaimed. "That is soooo sexy."

"Do you like it?" she asked Eric.

"…. Do we have time before Kelso gets here?" he asked.

"We have five minutes," Donna said.

"That's plenty for you, Foreman," Hyde said, and Eric glared at him.

"I have a cake!" Kitty called, walking down the stairs. The perfectly round and frosted cake on the platter put Donna's little cake tin to shame. Donna buckled her pants, and crossed her arms.

"Kitty, I made a cake already," she said.

"Well, I thought people would like the option of two," Kitty said. "I may come down later to tell Michael goodbye, but for now I'm going to go read. Have a good party!" She went back upstairs, and Jackie smirked.

"Cake burn," she stated, and took off her sweater. Her strappy shirt that was much too revealing for January showed off the simple moon on her back.

"Jackie! You got a tattoo too?" Fez asked. "Is that why you haven't come home?" She turned, and put her hands on her hips.

"Fez, we need to talk," she said.

"Oh boy! Are you going to throw a plate at me?" he asked.

"What? No."

"Dammit! You're dumping me, aren't you?" he asked. She looked around, embarrassed.

"Let's just go talk outside," she said. He nodded, and they walked up the stairs to the outside.

"No plates, too bad for Fez," Hyde said.

------------------------------------

Jackie and Fez stood in the Foreman driveway.

"Fez, look," she said. "You are such a good guy, and such a good friend to me. But… I just can't do this. I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week, and I've realized something. I can't be in a relationship with someone I consider such a good friend. Especially you. Because I'll just end up hurting you in the end. And that's not fair to you."

"Jackie, we can work it out," Fez said. "I mean, you said that I was everything you wanted in a man. I was the perfect man, that's what you said!"

"I know, I know," she said, putting her hands to her forehead. "But sometimes what's perfect isn't what one wants. Do you know what I mean? Fez, I'm sorry, but I don't love you that way, and you should be with someone who does." He shook his head, and sighed.

"Well, I don't want you unhappy," he said. "And honestly, when I kissed you, it felt like I was kissing my sister."

"Me too!" she exclaimed, and laughed a little bit. He chuckled too, and she kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Me too," he said. They hugged, and he began to grab for her ass.

"We don't do that anymore, Fez," she stated firmly, and he put his hand back on her back.

"Are you two about to do it?" Kelso asked. They pulled away, and Jackie shot him a look.

"No, you moron, we just broke up!" she said.

"Oh. Sorry," he said. "So…. I have a question that should focus your anger on someone other than me."

"Okay, go ahead."

"How come you threw water in Hyde's face but you didn't even yell at me about the pointers I gave to Fez?" he asked.

"Because I've come to expect it of you," Jackie said, crossing her arms. "You're a slimeball."  
"Ah, fair enough." She turned to walk back inside. "Is that a tattoo?"

They walked downstairs, and everyone yelled 'SURPRISE!' Kelso screeched like a girl in surprise, and then smiled.

"What is this?" he asked.

"A goodbye party!" Donna exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. He lifted her up, and smiled at all his friends.

"You guys, that's so cool of you all," he exclaimed. "It's like the last time."

"Just don't propose to Jackie again," Hyde said. Jackie flashed her eyes at him, and he knew that they still weren't on good terms. This, for some reason, began to disconcert him, and he was visibly thrown for a split second. Then he stood up and tossed Kelso a beer, zenlike once more.

"Is this why you dumped me off in the woods?" Kelso asked, and Fez nodded. "And I thought that you had gotten bored and left! Whoa! Cake! Who brought the cake?"

"I made one," Donna said.

"Which one?"

"The one in the tray."

"Oh…. And who made the pretty one?" Kelso asked, and Donna growled.

"My Mom did," Eric said.

"Ah yes! Kitty's cake is the best!" he exclaimed, and cut a huge slice from it. Donna snorted, and silently cursed Kitty. "And you guys, while you were setting all this up, I made a decision. Once I get back, I'm going to try and become a cop again."

"That's a mighty big decision man," Eric said. "What about being able to watch the naked girls dance?"

"I think that there is more to life than dancing naked women," Kelso said. "At least, I'm hoping so." They all held up their drinks, and toasted.

"To Kelso," Eric said. "May Chicago recruit you and may you not become a joke of a cop."

"Hear hear," Hyde said.

-----------------------------------------

That night, as Donna fell into sleep, Eric poked her hip.

"Ow."

"It's such a cool tattoo," he said. "I just wanna touch it."

"Touch it in the morning, I'm trying to sleep."

"It's calling to me, Donna."

"Knock it off."

"The balance has me mesmerized." She hit him with a pillow, and he laughed and she fell asleep.

FADE OUT


	3. Draw the Line

A/N: Okay, I had to post two chapters this week, I've been DYING to get more out there. Think of it as a holiday present, unless that sounds too egocentric… Happy Holidays!

Disclaimer: I don't own THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith.

Episode 9.3: Draw the Line

Jackie carried the last box from hers and Fez's apartment and set it in the doorway.

"Fez, I'm packed!" she called. He left the kitchen, and nodded.

"So you're going to be at your mothers, right?" he asked.

"Yep."

"So if there's another problem with the heater can you come over and yell at the super for me?" he asked. She smiled wryly.

"You know I like yelling," she said. He smiled, and they hugged.

"So where are you going? Did you find an apartment?" Fez asked. She was about to answer, when Pamela Burkhart peeked her head in the door.

"I paid a homeless man to put most of your stuff in that awful truck I had to rent," she said. "There's just enough room in the back seat for your boxes. And your room is just the way that you left it! Hello, Fez!" She waved, and then left the apartment. Jackie nodded, eyebrows raised and unable to look Fez in the face.

"Jackie, I beg you, don't move back in with your mother," he said. "You can stay here a little longer until you find a place. Please!" Jackie smiled sheepishly, and pat Fez on the shoulder.

"I'll survive, Fez," she said. At that moment she heard her mother drop her martini glass.

"Damn! Jackie darling, we need to stop at a housewares store! I just broke my last martini glass!" she called. Jackie groaned.

"Somehow," she stated, grabbing her last box and left the apartment.

---------------------------------------

Red was eating breakfast when Eric walked into the kitchen.

"Eric, I've decided that you need to get a job," he said. "You're going to college in the fall and you should earn some money in the mean time."

"Are you serious?" Eric asked. "Dad, I've already looked around town, there are no assistant positions at any of the schools. I tried the high school, I tried the grade school, I tried the Catholic school and dammit I tried the Montessori school. They all want someone with college experience! It's like I went to Africa for nothing!"

"I don't care if you tried to get a job at the hippie dippy new age school in Green Bay, you are not going to be free riding until September," Red said. "Now you should go out and get a job. Today." Eric sighed, at a loss for what to do. Until Hyde walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Hyde, can I work at your record store?"

"Sure, why not?" Hyde said. "Come in and fill out an application when I go in to work." Red rolled his eyes, and Eric smiled triumphantly.

"Problem solved," Eric said, and passed Hyde the eggs.

"Ever since Randy up and left after Donna dumped him, I've been short a hand at work," Hyde said. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to hire any of the jackasses that have applied. Now I can say the position has been filled."

"Steven, get your own apartment," Red said. Hyde looked up, shocked.

"… Huh?"

"You own your own business and yet you're still skulking around in our basement like the damned phantom of the opera," Red said. "Get an apartment."

"Wow," Eric said.

"Bet you're regretting giving Eric that job now," Red said, taking his plate to the sink.

--------------------------------

"So Red kicked you out because you gave Eric a job?" Donna asked, standing at the counter of Grooves. Hyde sighed, and nodded.

"Yeah, he was pretty irritated," Hyde said. "I guess I ruined his whole idea of making Eric be self sufficient. But come on, it's Eric. He takes the easy way out whenever he can."

"I heard that," Eric called, from the table where he was filling out his application. Jackie walked into the store.

"Donna, Bob told me that you were here," she said. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure Jackie, what's up?"

"Can I move in with you and your Dad again?" Jackie asked. "I've barely spent a day at my Mom's and I'm about ready to throw myself out the window of my room."

"Sorry Jackie, but since Dad is selling the house we're kind of in the middle of packing things up, including the cot."

"What about the couch?"

"Why did you move out of yours and Fez's place?" Donna asked. "Wasn't the break-up amicable?"

"It was, but I don't feel right staying there with him."

"There you go, Hyde, you could live with Fez," Eric said. "You should ask him." Hyde snorted, and Jackie didn't even acknowledge his presence. She was still infuriated about the New Years Dinner Incident.

"I guess I could," Hyde said. "He's a cool guy, he'll understand where I'm coming from."

"Here's my application!" Eric said, handing Hyde the piece of paper.

"Cool. You start tomorrow at opening," Hyde said. "I never quite trust Leo to come in on time."

"Oh, jeeze, see, I like sleeping in," Eric said, scratching his head. "I thought I could have a shift from like, noon to six or something." Hyde grabbed his shoulder.

"Foreman, you're my best friend, but I'm saying this to you as your boss now. You work from nine to five or you're fired. Kay?" He went to the back room, and Eric's face fell.

"Great," he said.

"Thank God," Jackie said. "He is such a jerk."

"Are you still mad about what happened with Fez?" Donna asked.

"Yes!" Jackie exclaimed. "I thought that Steven had more taste than that! When Fez told me that he had given him tips on how to bed me, it felt like he was spitting in my face. No one spits in Jackie Burkhart's face! NO ONE!" Donna shrugged, and Jackie turned, and left the store.

"Except her mother," Donna said. "Figuratively, of course."

"Of course," Eric said.

-----------------------------------

Hyde knocked on Fez's apartment door after he left work, leaving Leo the close. Fez opened the door, and smiled.

"Hey Hyde, come in," Fez said.

"Hey Fez," Hyde said. "So. I heard Jackie moved out."

"Yeah, she did," Fez said. "I'm sad to see her go. She kept the place really clean."

"Yeah, I bet she did, she never could stand a mess," Hyde said. "So, looking for a roommate?"

"Oh, yeah, I am!" Fez said, happily.

"Well how about me?"

"Oh, no, I'm not," Fez said, standing up and walking to the kitchenette.

"What?! You just said you were!" Hyde said. "Look, Red kicked me out because I gave Eric a job, and I really need to find a place to live ASAP. Why can't I live here?"

"Hyde, you are my friend," Fez said, voice slipping into condescension. "But I do not want to live with you."

"Why not?"

"One: You are messy. You leave beer cans all over your room, and I once found a plate under your bed that had grown it's own colony of mold," Fez said.

"I have to ask why you were digging under my bed now," Hyde asked.

"That's not important. Two, you're a player. I don't want random women walking in and out of the apartment talking to me like I don't speak English."

"That was one time, and Sam apologized right away for that."

"Three, I blame you for Jackie dumping me."

"Wow, that's kind of a stretch, she dumped you because she didn't love you," Hyde said. "And I thought you weren't mad about that!"

"I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at YOU," Fez said. "I'm convinced that you have been out to sabotage my relationship with her since she first made her intentions clear."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Hyde snapped. "It was doomed from the start, I had nothing to do with that."

"Be that as it may, though I don't agree, I am not going to live with you," Fez said. "Besides, everyone knows that you'll eventually get back together with her, and I don't want that thrown in my face all the time."

"Oh yeah right," Hyde said. "You're nuts. Fine, I don't need your apartment! I can find one of my own! In fact, I'm going to buy a newspaper right now and I'm going to start looking!"

"Okay! Have a good night!" Fez said. Hyde left the apartment, and Fez began to write out his roommate advertisement.

"Let's see. Roommate wanted. Non-threatening salon worker seeks a roommate. Two bedroom apartment, nice view, must like candy and be able to tolerate sleepwalking."

---------------------------------

Jackie left her mother's house for the Hub the next evening. She was meeting Donna for dinner, and had a newspaper under her arms. She walked into the Hub, and sat at the usual table. She looked through the housing section, and pulled a pen from her purse, circling the options that sounded the most appealing. There were few.

"Hey," Donna said, sitting next to her.

"Hey," Jackie said. "Man, there are so many apartments that sound so crappy! I don't want a roommate, I want my own place!"

"Well, what kind of money are you making at the station?" Donna asked. "Can you afford it?"

"I don't know," Jackie said. "Ooh! Here's one! It's above the Fine Grind Coffee House, it's two bedroom, and it's in really good condition."

"So they say."

"Will you come with me to look at it tomorrow?" Jackie asked, circling it and starring it over and over.

"Sure, why not?" Donna asked.

"Good! I hope I can move in right away, I need to get the hell away from my mother," Jackie said.

"It does sound good. I think I've seen that window above the coffee place. Two bedroom is impressive too. But why do you need two bedroom if you want to live by yourself?"

"Donna, I need an extra closet for my clothes," Jackie stated. "Jeeze."

"Oh, silly me," Donna said. "And to think I thought you'd have enough room in one closet for all your clothes."

"Donna, when are you going to dye your hair red again?" Jackie asked.

"Wha-? Where did THAT come from?" Donna asked.

"EVERY man who walks in here gives you a look over and completely ignores me. I think it has to be the fact you're blonde."

"Well maybe I'll just keep it this way then."

"Oh come on! It's not like you don't already have a boyfriend!"

"… Do you really think I should go back to red?"

"If it gets the attention back on me I'd encourage you to cut it all off," Jackie said, sipping her soda.

----------------------------------

Eric walked into work the next morning, cursing having to get up so early, and couldn't believe it was only his second day. Hyde was behind the counter, whistling.

"You seem cheerful," Eric said. "What's going on with you?"

"I think I found an apartment," he said. "Wanna look at it with me on the lunch hour?"

"Who will be looking over the store?"

"Leo will," Hyde said.

"Yeah, okay," Eric said. Two pre teen girls walked in the store.

"Go help the customers, will ya, I'm gonna call the landlord," Hyde said. Eric nodded, and walked to the two girls.

"What are you two looking for today?" he asked.

"What does a geek like you know about music?" the brunette girl asked. Eric was caught slightly off guard, and just sort of chuckled.

"Oh, probably more than you do, Polly Pocket," Eric asked. "What are you looking for?"

"Judas Priest," the brunette said. Eric was caught very off guard this time.

"But you're what, ten?"

"Twelve, you nitwit," the angry blonde said. "Where's Judas Priest?"

"Try the rock section, Linda Blair!" Eric snapped, and the girls glared and skulked over to the rock records. "Jeeze, the kids in Africa were so much more gracious."

"Welcome to America, nerd!" Polly Pocket said, and Linda Blair laughed with her.

"Wow, miniature Reds," Eric muttered, and went back behind the counter.

---------------------------------

"Are you sure this is the place?" Eric asked, as Hyde knocked on the door.

"Yeah, it has to be," Hyde said. The door opened, and a man with a pencil moustache and snooty disposition was before them. "Hey. I'm Steven Hyde, I called about looking at the apartment."

"Oh, that's right," the man said. "Well, I have someone else looking at the place at the moment. But you can come in and wait in the main room. The tour is almost over."

"Thanks," Hyde said. He and Eric walked in, and they looked at the main room. It was a decent size, with a kitchenette connected to it, and three doors, two to bedrooms and one to the bathroom.

"This is a nice place," Eric said. "And yet I can't help but feel like it's cursed or Amityville or something."

"Why is that? It's an apartment, not an old house," Hyde said.

"I don't know, just a feeling," Eric muttered. "But I bet you could make a mighty nice bachelor pad here."

"I bet I could too," Hyde said. "Man, I have ideas for this place." The bedroom door opened, and the landlord walked out.

"And that concludes the tour," he said, gesturing for the first prospects to enter the main room. "So what did you think?"

"I LOVE it!" that familiar, shrill voice said, and Jackie strolled into the main room. Hyde and Eric's heads snapped to see the small girl freeze, and eyes flash.

"What are YOU doing here?" Hyde demanded.

"What are YOU doing here?!" she exclaimed, Donna following.

"Eric?"

"Donna?"

"What are you doing here?" they asked each other.

"I'm looking at this apartment!" Hyde said.

"No, I'M looking at this apartment!" Jackie snapped.

"Ooh, I smell a bidding war," the landlord said.

"That explains the eerie feeling," Eric mused. "Are the walls gonna start bleeding?"

"Well I want to take it," Jackie said. "I will take it here and now."

"Hey, maybe I want to take it!" Hyde exclaimed.

"You can't take it, I was here first!" Jackie threw back.

"How serendipitous," Donna said, walking to Eric. "Of all the apartments in all of Point Place he had to like this one."

"The same could be said about Jackie," Eric said.

"Listen, I'm kind of going to be very picky about who I rent this apartment to," the man said, crossing his arms. "I was looking for two people, not one, to rent this place."

"Why?" Jackie asked.

"Because it's two bedrooms and it's more likely that I would get the full rent each month without an excuse from two people," he stated.

"I'm trustworthy!" Jackie exclaimed.

"I own my own business!" Hyde stated.

"I am going to be a big TV star!" Jackie threw in.

"Look missy, do you have a roommate?" he asked.

"… No."

"And do you, buddy?"

"……. No."

"Well, I am really looking for two people. Sorry," the guy said. He escorted all of them out, and Jackie and Hyde seethed.

"Oh it feels much less evil in the hallway," Eric said.

--------------------------------

Fez was interviewing the third person to answer his interview, a burly, scary biker.

"Well, Claw, while I would be more than happy to house you, this building doesn't allow pets," Fez said, feigning disappointment. "So unless you're willing to give up your pitbull, I don't think that is going to be the right fit for you."

"No problem," Claw said, and shook Fez's hand to the point of nearly breaking it. "Me and Gnash will have to find other accommodations." Fez escorted him out, and leaned against the door.

"Damn you Jackie for moving out!" he exclaimed. There was a knocking, and figured it was the last person on the list. At least this one was a woman, and he hoped she was sexy. He had imagined a pretty blonde girl, and hoped his imagination was right. He opened the door, and didn't quite know what to think.

"Hey, I'm Janie," she said, holding out her black fingernail polished hand. "Is this the place that's looking for a roommate?"

"Yes," Fez said, weighing his options. She was punk, but looked pretty enough provided her dark make up didn't hide anything. "I'm Fez, come in."

"Wait a minute," she said, and smiled a little. "Fez? How many Fez's are there in this town?"

"Um, just me, I think," Fez answered.

"Wow, I've heard a lot about you," Janie said, and walked to the couch. "I know your friend Jackie. So let me guess, she is the one who moved out."

"Oh. Yes."

"So she dumped you, huh?"

"…. Are you the Devil?" Fez asked, actually concerned. She laughed, and shrugged.

"Well, according to my Aunt Sue I've been possessed by him," she said, and laughed a little bit. "No, I'm Jackie's tattoo artist turned friend."

"Ohhhhhh," Fez said. "Well, you're looking for a place to live?"

"Yeah."

"When can you move in?" He decided that her looks outweighed her eerie ability to read him. She smiled, and shook his hand.

------------------------------

Jackie, Donna, Eric, and Hyde got back to the basement, and Jackie huffed and stormed to the couch.

"I can't believe that he wants two people to live in that stupid apartment!" she exclaimed. "I don't have anyone to be a roommate and I really wanted it!"

"You aren't on a deadline to find a place!" Hyde said, sitting in his chair. "If I'm not out soon Red is going to drop me off at the YMCA personally!"

"You know, I hear it's fun to stay at the YMCA," Eric said, but Hyde didn't find it funny. "Sorry."

"you guys are being dumb," Donna said. "Why don't you both move in? You guys could be roommates and then you get the apartment."

"Over my dead body!" Hyde said.

"I would rather tear out all my hair and burn my eyes with drain cleaner!" Jackie snapped.

"… Okay, that was a little harsh," Hyde said.

"Shut up! I'm not moving in with you!" she growled.

"Look, you're both looking for apartments and you're both desperate!" Donna said, firmly. "This is such an opportunity! And who says you guys even have to see each other? You stay in your room, you stay in yours!"

"Donna is right," Eric said. "It's not that bad of a deal. And it's a big place. You can have sides."

"What about the kitchen?" Jackie asked. "We can't split that down the middle."

"Well that can be neutral territory," Eric said.

"Donna, you can't really think that this is a good idea," Hyde said. "I mean… Given our history-."

"Given he's an insensitive jackass to me," Jackie said.

"You both need the place to live!" Donna said. "So unless you want dingy one bedroom apartments that are infested with roaches, I think you should really consider this. How hard would it be to live together in that apartment?" Jackie and Hyde didn't look at each other, and Jackie held up a hand.

"Let me just say, for the record, that I think this is a stupid idea," Jackie said. "But I am willing to do it because my loathing for him is no where near my loathing for my mother."

"… Yeah, and I really don't want to stay at Grooves," Hyde said. "That place has weird happenings in it, man." Donna sighed contently, and nodded.

"Okay, so let's go back and tell him about this," Donna said.

"It's like The Odd Couple!" Eric exclaimed, and began humming the theme. He stopped abruptly once Jackie and Hyde gave him the looks of death.

-----------------------------

The got to the apartment, and signed the lease.

"You can move in whenever you want," the landlord said. "I'm Joe Lane, rent comes to me at the beginning of the month, when you move in I get a deposit, enjoy your new place." Donna smiled at them as Joe left.

"Okay, so Eric and I will help you guys move on Sunday," Donna said. "Two more nights at your Mom's and Erics won't kill either of you."

"For now, though, we're going to a movie," Eric said. "So Felix, Oscar, have a good night." He and Donna left, leaving Hyde and Jackie alone in the empty apartment.

"So," Hyde said. "I guess since you agreed to this you aren't still pissed off about the Fez thing." Jackie looked at him, and walked into the bedroom was going to be hers. "Um, there's no furniture yet." She slammed the door. He nodded curtly. "I'll just be leaving then. You can lock up after you're done sulking. See you on Sunday….. What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

-----------------------------

Fez walked into the apartment, and Janie was cleaning the place in black panties and a spaghetti strapped shirt, listening to The Sex Pistols. She danced around, dusting the mantle and bouncing happily.

"Hi, Fez! How was work?" she asked. "Hope you don't mind what I'm wearing, my clothes are at my Mom's house in the laundry and my leather pants don't work well for cleaning."

"Oh, I don't mind at all," Fez said, and smiled. Then became very awkward looking. "… I have to go now." He rushed into his bedroom, and she continued cleaning and singing.

FADE OUT


	4. Rats in the Cellar

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith or anything of that sort.

9.4: Rats in the Cellar

Donna crept into Eric's room, and stared at him as he slept. She poked his shoulder, and he rolled over. She poked his shoulder again, and he swatted at her hand blindly.

"Eric, are you awake?" she asked. He groaned.

"Donna, it's my day off," Eric said. "It's only on Saturdays that Old Man Hyde doesn't make me come in to open, I kind of want to sleep."

"But do you know what day it is?" she asked, her voice playful.

"… Am I forgetting an anniversary?" he asked.

"No," she said. "Though the fact you don't know our anniversary is kind of disturbing to me."

"Come on, we've broken up and gotten back together enough times that I'm not sure which we celebrate anymore," he said. "But anyway, what day is it?" She jumped on him. "AAAAAAACK!"

"It's the annual Groundhog Day Sled-a-Thon!" Donna exclaimed, and clapped her hands.

"… What are you talking about?"

"Eric, don't you remember when we were little we'd always go sledding on Groundhog Day, looking for groundhogs to see if they'd see their shadow?" she asked.

"… I had blocked that out of my memory, since you liked to shove my face in snow banks, claiming I would find a groundhog."

"Well, I thought that since we're going to college in the fall that we could all go sledding, you, me, Jackie, Hyde, and Fez," Donna said. "Think of it as a last winter sledding time!"

"You're out of your mind," Eric said.

"No, it's going to be fun!" Donna said. "I know that Hyde takes the weekends off, so do Fez and Jackie, and my shift at the station isn't until eight tonight! Come on, Eric, it's going to be fun! I'll go call everyone." She bounded off his bed, and rushed out of the room to the nearest phone. Eric rolled over, and stared at the ceiling.

"Rosebud," he muttered, and covered his head with a pillow.

----------------------------------------

Jackie sat on her bed, reading a Cosmo magazine, when Hyde knocked on the door.

"What?" she asked. He opened it, and peeked his head in.

"Donna's invited us sledding," he said.

"Sledding?"

"Something about groundhogs and shoving Eric's head in the snow," Hyde said. "She invited Fez too. Are you gonna go?"

"Yes." She flipped the page quickly, never looking up. Hyde sighed, and crossed his arms.

"So you haven't said three words to me since the last of your girly crap was moved in on Sunday," he said. "Are you ever going to speak to me or are you taking this split down the middle existence that seriously?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said. "When did Donna want us, and where?"

"In an hour at the Country Club golf course hill."

"I'll leave before you do."

"Why take two cars?"

"Because I feel like it," she said, icily.

"Whatever," he said, and left her room. She put the magazine down, and went to the phone. She dialed, and waited.

"Hello?" Donna answered.

"We're going sledding?!" Jackie asked, much more excited now that Hyde wasn't the one telling her the news.

"Yeah, isn't that cool?" Donna asked.

"Yes!" Jackie exclaimed, smiling broadly. "So what should I wear?"

"Winter gear, Jackie, it's sledding," Donna said.

"I have the cutest coat and ski pants set!" Jackie said. "I don't know if I have a sled though."

"I'll bring an extra for you."

"I'm arriving early."

"Why?"

"Because! I don't want to sit in a car with Steven."

"Are you serious? Jackie, it's been a month and you're still pissed at him?" Donna asked, gathering her winter clothes.

"Normally I would have let it go by now, but I'm just so mad at him still!" Jackie exclaimed. "And now living with him isn't much better. I feel like a freakin' shut in hiding in my room all day." She began going through her closet.

"Well, whatever, that's your problem," Donna said. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay!" Jackie said. She hung up, and pulled out an obscenely pink poofy coat and snow pants set. "Here you are, my pretties!"

------------------------------------

Kitty knocked on Bob's kitchen door, holding a hot dish.

"Bob, Happy Groundhogs Day!" Kitty called, walking into the house. "I brought you over a casserole. You'll be moving soon, and I just thought you'd miss my homemade cheese and pasta dishes." She looked around, not hearing Bob.

"Bob?" she called. "Your door was open! I let myself in, but I don't think this counts as breaking and entering!" She walked into the living room, and saw Bob crying on the couch.

"Kitty?" he asked. She didn't really know how to react, so she held out the casserole dish.

"Bob…. Would food make you feel better?" she asked, awkwardly.

"Is that a hot dish?" he asked.

"Cheese and Ziti," she stated.

"I'll get two forks," he said, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and going for the kitchen. "Would you like a Fresca?"

"Bob, what is going on?" Kitty asked, following him into the kitchen. "Why are you crying in your living room?"

"Kitty, I didn't want to tell anyone this, but this house is not selling!" he exclaimed.

"What do you mean the house isn't selling?" Kitty asked, still carrying that casserole in her hands. "Bob, this property is so great! It's in a good neighborhood, it's old but not too old, it has a hot tub-."

"It has rats in the walls," Bob said, and shoved his fork into the casserole. Kitty set the pot down in surprise.

"Oh my GOD," she exclaimed, getting as far from the walls as possible. "Bob, are you sure?"

"I always thought that the scratching I hear in the walls of my bedroom every night was just the house settling," Bob said, eating the Ziti. "Turns out an entire brood of rats lives in this house." Kitty tried not to look visibly disgusted, but it was hard. She hated rats.

"Well… It's not like you have to tell the prospective buyers this," she said. "I mean, so there's a little scuttling in the walls. So what?" There was a quick scuttle by the fridge, and she gasped and clutched her hands together.

"Great Ziti, Kitty," Bob said, and she nodded and rushed out of the house.

---------------------------------

Donna and Eric walked to the top of the hill of the Country Club gold course, and saw Jackie in her pink abomination holding a thermos and looking quite content.

"Happy Groundhogs Day, Jackie!" Donna said, tossing a rubber inner tube at her. It hit Jackie in the face.

"OOF!" she squawked, falling to the snow.

"Jackie!" Donna exclaimed, rushing to her. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"

"Did I spill any of my cocoa?" Jackie asked, sitting up.

"No, I don't think so," Donna said, helping her up.

"You will be the death of me one day, Donna," Jackie said. "If my nose swells up because of this there will be hell to pay!"

"Even in a winter wonderland she's angry at the world," Eric said.

Hyde trotted towards them, holding a plastic sled in his hands.

"Okay, I'm here," he said. "This had better be fun, Pinciotti. I could be at home watching reruns of Charlie's Angels right now."

"Not to mention doing other things that won't be said while watching it," Jackie said, leaping on the inner tube and sledding down the hill. Donna laughed a little.

"Buuuuurn!" she stated, pointing at Hyde.

"Like she would know, the shut in," Hyde said, setting his sled down. "I'm still regretting listening to you, Donna."

"Where's Fez?" Eric asked. "Donna, you did call him, right?"

"Yeah, I called him," Donna said. "He's bringing Janie."

"Who's Janie?" Hyde asked, sitting on the sled.

"His roommate," Eric said. "She's the one who gave Donna and Jackie tattoos."

"Jackie got a tattoo?" Hyde asked. "Where have I been?"

"On her bad side," Donna said, plopping down on her radio flyer and shoving off. "Jackie! Move it!"

"Huh?" the faint voice called. Donna flew down the hill, and managed to slam into Jackie. "AAAAACK!" Hyde and Eric laughed, and Eric sat next to Hyde.

"So seriously, how is it living with Jackie?" Eric asked. Hyde sighed, and shrugged.

"She's still pissed, man," Hyde said. "I'm not gonna put up with it much longer. I didn't let her play games when we were dating, why should I when we're not?" Eric shrugged.

"Have you guys even talked about everything that's gone down between the two of you?" he asked.

"Who are you, Freud?" Hyde asked. "Gonna ask me about my mother too?" Eric knew to drop it.

Fez and Janie showed up around then.

"Hi guys!" Fez said. "Bad news. The groundhog saw it's shadow. Six more weeks of winter."

"Not that it was a choice in Wisconsin," Janie said. "Hi, I'm Janie."

"Hi, I'm Eric," Eric said.

"I'm Hyde," Hyde stated.

"Steven Hyde?" Janie asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"I'm not supposed to talk to you," Janie said, and threw her sled down on the snow and jumped on it. "Donna! Jackie! Watch out!"

"AAAAACK!" Thud.

"They have the uncanny ability to manage to hit each other no matter what," Eric said.

"Is Jackie going to make me a social pariah?" Hyde asked, steamed. "I find it aggravating that that skinny little cheerleader has more sway than Don Corleone ever did!"

"I brought cookies," Fez said. "My punk roommate not only cleans, she bakes too."

"Well cookies are always good in my book," Eric said.

The girls climbed up the hill, all looking mighty beat up from the constant running into each other.

"Cookies?" Donna asked.

"I made them," Janie said. "Help yourself. Jackie? Cookies?"

"I don't know if I could chew, my jaw is sore from being knocked around," she said.

"Yeah, THAT'S why it's sore," Hyde said, snidely, and Jackie glared at him. Donna and Janie exchanged glances, and Eric and Fez opened the cookie bag.

"Think of the Groundhog, you two," Fez said.

---------------------------

Red was reading in the living room, and Kitty walked in with a phone book.

"Red, we need to help Bob with his rat problem," she said. "I'm going to call every exterminator in town and try to get one out here so they can kill the rats."

"Kitty, if the traps he's set didn't work, who's to think an exterminator will be able to catch the rats?" Red asked, putting down the newspaper. "What more could an exterminator bring to the situation beyond higher bills?"

"Red, I know that you don't want to see Bob in this pickle," Kitty said.

"What pickle?"

"The rats are obvious enough that the house isn't selling," Kitty said. "And he really wants to get down to Florida." Red leapt up and began looking at the phone book as well.

"Why didn't you say that his relocation depended on killing these rats?" Red asked. "Give me that phone book!"

--------------------------------

Bob was in the kitchen, when Red knocked on the kitchen door.

"Bob, let me in!" Red said. "I hear you have a rodent problem." Bob walked to the door, and let Red in.

"Did Kitty tell you about the rats?" Bob asked.

"Yes she did," Red said, and brought in the phone book. "Here's the list of a bunch of exterminators. I called each of them and I circled the ones I thought would be best for this kind of job." Bob looked at the pages.

"Crazy Karl the Rat Catcher?" Bob asked.

"Rats are his specialty," Red said.

"Gee Red, this is really nice of you, you're a great friend," Bob said. "But I don't know. What does he have that I don't have?"

"Tenacity, Bob," Red said. "Call him."

Bob called him, and Crazy Karl came right over. He began tapping the walls, and listened to the scurrying within them.

"Rats alright," Karl said, his voice very reminiscent of Clint Eastwood's. "Big ones too. I'd say an entire family of them."

"That's what Johnson Exterminators said," Bob said.

"Old man Johnson is an amateur!" Karl spat. "He wouldn't know a rat from his wife!" Red and Bob looked at each other, and then back at Karl

"What he neglected to tell you is that there's more than one way to get rid of a family of rats," Karl said, Dirty Harry style. "Poison won't do the trick. Nah. You gotta smoke them out."

"Hold on a minute," Red said, holding up his hands. "Are you saying that we should put fire in the walls?"

"HA! No! That would be CRAZY!" Karl exclaimed, laughing a smoker's laugh. "You put stink bombs in the walls." He opened his box of tricks, and pulled out a few smoke flares.

"Stink bombs?" Bob asked.

"I have a theory," Karl said. "It's worked fairly well in the past. Rats run from water because they know it means danger. So they should run from smoke because they know it means fire. Fire is danger. It's instinct."

"Oh really?" Red asked, skeptical.

"Makes sense," Bob said. "So you're gonna shove them in the walls and the rats will run out?"

"Damn right they will," Karl said, and grabbed a hammer. He smashed a hole in the wall above the kitchen counter.

"Hey! Careful!" Bob exclaimed. Karl grabbed plastic wrap and tape, and pulled out a long sheet.

"Here's what you're going to do," Karl said. "I'll throw the bombs in the wall, then you'll tape it up so the smoke doesn't just come out. The rat like footsteps you hear will be the entire clan saying 'see ya later' to your house. Are you ready?"

"Uh, I'm not sure," Bob said.

"NOW"! Karl exclaimed, ripping off the tops of the bombs. Bob yelped a little and Red pulled out the saran wrap. They taped up the wall, and waited.

A barrage of scurrying and squeaks began to emanate through the kitchen. They all watched where the noises were coming from, and Red rolled his eyes.

"Where did you find this guy?" Red muttered.

"Um, you found him, Red," Bob muttered back. He wrinkled his nose. "Man, that stuff stinks."

"Yeah, it drives the rats insane!" Karl exclaimed, and hit the walls. "That's right, you little bastards!! Run!! Run home to MAMA!"

"Just pay the man and get him out of here," Red muttered, and Bob began to fiddle for his wallet.

---------------------------------

The gang was at the top of the hill after a nice long day of sledding.

"I love Groundhogs Day," Donna said. "Even if it does usually signal six more weeks of winter, I still like the snow and everything about it."

"Sid Vicious died a year ago today," Janie said. "I'm still not sure he was guilty of killing his girlfriend."

"Eh, more power to him if he did," Hyde said, lying back on the sled. "She was nuts."

"Harsh," Eric said.

"She broke up the band, man," Hyde said. "I place the blame solely on Nancy for the split of the Sex Pistols."

"Not the manager who ripped them off or anything," Janie said.

"He's a manager, they're supposed to do that," Hyde said. "She was just a drugged out version on Yoko."

"That is too bad," Fez said. "Yoko was a whore."

"Maybe Nancy really did love Sid whatshisname," Jackie said. "Maybe she got a raw deal."

"You would think that," Hyde said. "You're a Nancy too." Jackie crossed her arms. Donna groaned, sick of her friends fighting.

"How do you figure?" Jackie asked.

"You jump from one band member to another, causing tension and strife," Hyde said, simply. "Like Yoko, Nancy led to the break up of a visionary rock band. You just weren't as powerful as they were, cuz we're all still friends. Of course, you could always make a play for Eric, that would REALLY cause a stir."

"Hyde, knock it off," Donna said. Jackie was on it, though. For Hyde's sled was perilously placed at the top of the hill. One sudden shift of weight and he'd go careening down it.

So Jackie provided that weight shift by shoving the sled with her booted foot.

"DAMN IT JACKIE!" he exclaimed, flying down the hill.

"Wow. He's going really fast!" Fez exclaimed. Everyone stood, and watched him. They all cringed, except Jackie, who was lacing up her boots.

"That's going to leave a mark," Janie said. "It's just good he didn't run head on into that tree and, well, simply grazed it."

"Well, Donna, Eric, thanks for inviting me," Jackie said, putting her gloves on. "I would love to stay and sled until the moon is up, but I have five more bands to break up before the week is out, so you can imagine that I'm in a hurry to leave."

"Okay," Donna said, stifling a laugh. "I'll call you later." Jackie waved, and walked away from the hill.

"Should we go check on him?" Janie asked.

"Nah, he'll walk it off," Eric said. "Although, isn't there a pond at the very bottom of the hill?" They all looked at each other, and scampered down the hill.

----------------------------------

"Wow," Donna said, opening the door to Hyde's car for him. "You're just lucky that you missed the pond."

"Yeah, well, I don't consider myself lucky," Hyde said, holding the gauze to the cut on his forehead. "Not many guys are lucky enough to say they get to go home to the apartment I share with my crazy ex."

"She's not crazy, Hyde," Donna said. "She's hurt."

"Yeah, well now I'M hurt too, I hope she's happy," Hyde said, sitting in the driver's seat. Donna sighed.

"We both know she's not, right?" Donna asked. Hyde shrugged. "Look, just leave her alone for now, but you two need to talk everything out! I can't constantly jump from side to side in this little feud you're having."

"I know," he said.

"Just… Talk to her," Donna said. "Not tonight. She'll probably throw you out a window after what you said on the hill."

"I don't even know why I said it."

"Well, figure it out," Donna said. "You guys really need to stop this and just be civil with one another. No more avoiding each other or refusing to acknowledge each other's existence. Deal with your past."

"…. You're so bossy." She chuckled, and hugged him.

"Happy Groundhog's Day," she said. He nodded, and started up his car and drove off. She waved, and Eric pulled up the car to her. He parked it, and got out.

"So, despite the attempted murder on Hyde, was it a good day?" he asked. She shrugged. "What would have made it better?" She smiled.

"This," she said, and jumped on him. It caught him off guard, and they fell to the snow and she shoved his head into a snow drift. She laughed as he wrestled her off of him.

"You just won't let things go, will you?" he asked, and they wrestled in the snow, laughing all the while.

-------------------------------

Donna walked into her house, and covered her face.

"Ew! What is that smell?" she asked. Bob walked into the kitchen, with a mask over his face.

"Good news, kiddo!" he said. "The rat family is gone!"

"How, did they all die at the same time?" she asked, using her shirt to cover her nose.

"Crazy Karl the Rodent Catcher smoked them out," Bob said. "The only bad thing is that now the house is going to smell for awhile, so prospective buyers won't be allowed in it. But the rats are gone!" She shook her head, and left the kitchen.

"I thought it was pretty good news!" he called after her.

FADE OUT


	5. Cryin'

A/N: Happy New Year! Here's a new episode, with the title being one of my favorite Aerosmith songs! Hope it's enjoyable!

Disclaimer: I don't own THAT 70S SHOW, Aerosmith, nor Peaches and Herb.

9.5: Cryin'

Kitty made breakfast, and Hyde walked into the house.

"Steven!" she exclaimed. "Happy Valentines Day! Come in come in!"

"Hi Kitty, can I have some breakfast?" he asked. "I'm going to work in a half hour and I can't spend another minute in my apartment."

"Of course you can, honey, just sit down and relax," Kitty said. "There isn't going to be much, I'm just going to whip up some pancakes and eggs and bacon."

"That's fine," Hyde said, smirking. Red walked into the kitchen.

"Didn't I throw you out?" Red asked.

"You did, but I've exiled myself from my apartment," Hyde said. "Jackie was hogging the bathroom doing her hair for her stupid job and I asked if I could brush my teeth and we just began yelling at each other. I would say it was like our relationship but this time around instead of throwing her arms around me at the end she threw a brush at me."

"Hell hath no fury, Steven," Kitty said, beating batter vigorously.

"She's the expert," Red said. Kitty shot him a look, and Red hid behind his newspaper.

Eric walked into the kitchen, hair sticking up and still in his boxers and tee shirt.

"Foreman, what the hell?" Hyde asked. "You're supposed to open today!"

"No worries, I switched my shift with Leo," Eric said, yawning. "Are you making pancakes, mom?"

"Dude, you know Leo can't be trusted to open the store," Hyde exclaimed, standing up. "He usually falls asleep on the couch instead of opening!" He went for the door.

"Aren't you staying for breakfast, Steven?" Kitty asked.

"No, thank you," Hyde said. "I'll get you for this, Foreman." He left the kitchen.

"He's crabby today," Eric said.

"Roommate problems," Kitty said.

"Ah, I don't blame him," Eric said. "I remember when I had to share a house with a spoiled devilspawn. Thank God Laurie's hit the road for good." As he said this, Laurie walked through the kitchen door.

"Mommy, Daddy, I'm home!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms open for a hug. Everyone was shocked by her appearance.

"This is karma for switching shifts with the deatbeat, isn't it?" Eric asked the heavens.

----------------------------------

Donna met Jackie outside the radio station for their lunch break. Jackie's hair was not as perfect as it usually was, and Donna could tell this put her in a foul mood.

"So where are we going?" Donna asked.

"I want Chinese food," Jackie stated. "There's one next door, let's go."

"I thought it was too fatty."

"I'm just pissed enough to be able to overlook the fat content," Jackie said, as they walked into the restaurant. "First of all, look at my hair."

"I'm looking," Donna said, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder.

"It was supposed to be in French braids this morning, but thanks to that inconsiderate creep I live with I had to go with regular ones!" she stated as they were seated.

"I can see how that would throw off your day," Donna said, hiding the sarcasm.

"Two, it's Valentines Day and I'm all alone," Jackie said. "I hate being alone on Valentines Day."

"Not to gloat, but Eric is taking me out to dinner."

"Not to mention my boss is still Satan's bride," Jackie said. "This morning she told me that I had to take back her coffee because she asked for half regular half decaf with three sugars and exactly a thimble full of cream!"

"Yikes," Donna said. "Have you considered quitting?"

"I really don't want to, I have nothing else going for me," Jackie said.

"That's spoken like a true loser."

"Thanks."

"Come on, Jackie, you have a lot going for you!" Donna exclaimed. "College, for instance. Why stay here forever working for a succubus?"

"What, go to Madison?" Jackie asked.

"Or somewhere else," Donna said. "Somewhere far from Point Place and botched French braids. Somewhere like…"

"Minnesota?" Jackie asked.

"… Uh, sure, why not there?" Donna said. Jackie began thinking a little.

"… Did you see how off my eyeliner is too?" Jackie asked. Donna leaned in, and tisked.

"It's a travesty."

----------------------------------

Eric came into work, and saw Fez on the couch, listening to The Sex Pistols.

"Hey Fez, since when do you listen to the hard stuff?" Eric asked.

"Since Janie told me it was her favorite band," Fez said. "I'm trying to get into whatever she likes so we can have something to talk about besides Jackie."

Leo popped up from behind the counter.

"See! It was totally fine switching shifts!" Eric exclaimed, pointing at him. "You came in! You've been working!"

"You guys need to quiet down, I was trying to nap," Leo said, yawning. Hyde walked out of the office, and pointed to him, looking at Eric as if to say 'I told you so'.

Janie walked into the record store.

"Hey guys," she said. Fez stood up, and held up the record he was listening to. "Is that the best band in the world I see before me?"

"The one and only!" Fez said, grinning. "Janie, you were right. The Sex Pistols are great. I love the music. They play their instruments with such raw passion. It's almost sexy." Janie smirked, and crossed her arms.

"What are you talking about, Fez?" she asked. "Their instrument playing is godawful. They barely laid any bass tracks on when Sid was there because he was too high to play the notes." Eric laughed a little, and went to the counter to get ready for his shift.

"It's the lyrics that should speak to you," Janie said.

"That's what I meant," Fez said. She chuckled, and ruffled his hair with her hand.

"Adorable," she said. "Hey Hyde, do you have any Def Leppard?"

"I have a demo of their new album in storage. You can have the first copy though."

"Really?"

"Really. Right this way," Hyde said, leading her towards the back room.

"Awesome!" Janie said, following him. Fez snorted.

"He's going to steal her away from me," Fez said. Leo and Eric looked at each other.

"Fez, all you have to do is be yourself," Eric said. "She'll like you for who you are."

"You think so?" Fez asked.

"Oh God no, you aren't bad ass enough," Eric stated, and laughed. Fez turned on his heel, and stormed out of the record store.

"… So can I go back to napping?" Leo asked.

"Would you prefer the couch?" Eric asked in return.

"…. Maybe."

--------------------------------

Donna and Jackie went to the Foreman's basement after work, and were surprised to see Laurie was there.

"Oh God, she's back," Donna said. Laurie looked up, and smiled fakely at them.

"Well if it isn't Mary and Rhoda," she said, snidely.

"Who's who?" Jackie asked. Laurie gave her a look.

"I guess you'd be Mary," Laurie answered, not expecting to have to clarify. Jackie happily jumped up and down a little, and Donna rolled her eyes. "If you guys are looking for Eric he's not here, he took the closing shift at Hyde's store tonight."

"What?" Donna exclaimed. "He didn't tell me! And it's Valentines Day!"

"Sorry, don't know what to tell you," Laurie said. "What did you need Eric for besides fooling around?"

"Ew!" Jackie exclaimed, and Donna kicked her in the shin. "Ow!"

"Well don't imply that my sex life is gross!"

"Anyway, I was wondering if he had any extra Minnesota applications around," Jackie said. "I'm going to apply there for school and I know he took a few from there for this coming fall because he's compulsive."

"You can look around, they'd probably be in his desk," Laurie said.

"Actually, he's compulsive but not organized," Donna said, and pulled an application out from under the couch. "Here ya go, Jackie."

"Thanks, Donna!" Jackie said, and Donna began feeling under the couch for other things. She managed to pull out a bag of weed.

"Ooh! Lookie lookie!" Donna exclaimed. "Wanna smoke it?"

"I'm in," Laurie said, moving her chair around the table.

"Oh come on, Donna, we're college girls," Jackie said, putting the application in her purse. "We're too mature for weed now."

"I bet it's Hydes," Donna said.

"Yeah okay I'm in," Jackie said.

They sat in the circle, and laughed and smoked.

"So, if I go to Minnesota," Jackie said, giggling, "we'll be, like, enemies, right?"

"…. I think so," Donna said. "But I don't follow football, and I think that's the only area we'd be sworn enemies."

"Oh…… Stupid Badgers."

"Stupid GOPHERS!"

"Hey hey hey, you two," Laurie said. "Let's not fight about mascots. Let's fight about something worthwhile."

"Men suck!" Jackie stated.

"Now you're talking!" Laurie said.

"Mine doesn't," Donna said, and smiled. "Eric is so considerate and kind and cares about my needs."

"And that's why he took a night shift on Valentines Day, because he's so considerate and kind and caring," Jackie said. Donna's face fell, and she hit Jackie on the shoulder. "OW!"

"Shut up!"

"Fine….At least you guys don't live with a man," Jackie said. "Steven is such a bad roommate."

"That's only because you're pissed at him," Donna said.

"Fill me in," Laurie said.

"It's because he wrecks everything!" Jackie stated, ignoring Laurie. "He makes my life miserable and now I'm stuck in an apartment with him!"

"How come?" Laurie asked.

"You didn't have to agree on that," Donna said.

"It was your idea!"

"I'm so confused!" Laurie said.

"I just wish that we could be back to what we used to be before we were dating and our loathing was reduced to a toleration of each other," Jackie said. "… Wow, I'm really smart when I'm high!"

"If you guys don't talk it out it's going to explode and you'll never be friends again," Donna said. "So… Okay, here's what you do. You go home, and you say 'Hyde… We need to talk… You're a jerk, and the reason I think this is….' Okay, I lost my train of thought."

"Why are you living with Hyde?" Laurie asked.

"If one train of thought leaves Santa Fe at ten going sixty miles and hour, and another train of thought leaves Denver going….Okay, my head is all weird," Jackie said. "Perfect time to go fill out my college application. See you guys later!" She stood, and rushed away from the circle and out of the basement.

"… Why is she living with Hyde?" Laurie asked.

"Long story," Donna said. "… I'm hungry… I'm going home. Tell Eric food is more important than waiting for him. And that if he thinks he's getting a Valentines treat he can FORGET IT!" She stood, and also left the circle, leaving Laurie all alone.

"……. Why is she living with Hyde?"

------------------------------------

Fez tried listening to Def Leppard, but couldn't enjoy it. It was too loud and too angry for him. He turned on the record player, and had to turn it off after a few seconds because it scared him. He sighed, and Janie walked into the apartment.

"Fez?" she asked, tossing her purse onto the couch. "Were you listening to Def Leppard?"

"Why can't you just like Led Zeppelin?" Fez demanded. "This music is loud!"

"Zepp is loud too," Janie said, sitting on the couch. "Look Fez, you don't have to like my music to get along with me… It doesn't hurt, but it's not required. Come on, Jackie and I are friends and what does she listen to? ABBA? Donnie Osmond?"

"I guess," Fez said.

"It's sweet that you're trying to get along with me though," she continued. "But I think we all know what you'd rather listen to." She walked to the music shelf, and pulled out a vinyl record, covering the title. She took off the hard rock, and put the new album on. Fez gave her a look, and she waited for the music to begin.

"There's nothing more that I'd like to do than take the floor and dance with you, keep dancin', just keep dancin'," Peaches and Herb sang, and she swung her hips and mouthed along with it. Fez smiled, and crossed his arms.

"Jackie must have left that here," he said.

"Sure she did," Janie said, walking towards him, a spring in her step. "Come on, roomie. Let's dance." They danced together, smiling and laughing. At least if he wasn't able to adapt, she was willing to.

------------------------------------

Hyde had a bad day at work, and wasn't in the mood to be toyed with when he got back to the apartment. He opened the door, and was met with ABBA playing in the living room. Jackie was filling out her application at the kitchen table, drinking a glass of orange juice.

"You and ABBA!" Hyde snarled, storming to the record player and yanking the needle off the record.

"Hey!" she snapped, standing up. "You'll scratch it!"

"Like I care if I scratch it!" he exclaimed. "It's not worth anything anyway!"

"ABBA is great, I'll have you know," Jackie said, hand on hip. "What do you have against ABBA?"

"Besides the fact they're no talent bobble heads?" Hyde asked.

"You're such a jerk!"

"I've been nothing but cordial to you ever since we moved in together!" he stated. "You're the one who's been acting like a psychotic bitch for the past month!"

"Steven, you should NOT push me tonight," she said, going back to her college application. "It's been a really REALLY bad day for me."

"Gee, let me guess, your hair wasn't absolutely perfect," Hyde said.

"Among other things, like it's Valentines Day and I'm perfectly alone!" Jackie snarled.

"Whose fault is that?" Hyde asked. "You're the one who dumped Fez at New Years! You didn't have to be alone tonight, you chose to be alone!"

"I wasn't in love with Fez, why should I have strung him along?"

"Because that's what you do best!" Hyde said, laughing a little. She put her hands on her hips. "You love to string men along, you probably consider it a sport!"

"I never, EVER strung you along, Steven," she said. "If I recall correctly, you're the one who treated me like garbage!"

"Oh, here we go again, pulling out the 'you cheated on me' card and the 'you married a stripper' card," he said, throwing his hands in the air. "You know, I did that because you ran off to Chicago and left me here because I wouldn't conform to your demands!"

"My demands?" she asked. "You make it sound like I was asking you to kill someone for me! I just wanted to hear from your lips that you could see a future with me! So of course when you said you couldn't I went to a place where there was one! And I think that I get to use the 'you married a stripper' card a few more times, okay? YOU CHOSE A STRIPPER OVER ME!"

"You certainly seemed to get over that, you moved on to Fez like a Black Widow spider!" Hyde yelled. "You got over it REALLY quickly!"

"Because I HAD to!" she exclaimed, tears starting to stream down her face. "I had to move on because if I stayed stuck and had to watch you, the LOVE of my LIFE, choose a stranger over me, I would have died. I would have fallen apart and I almost did, Steven! Do you even know how I was during that time? I was MISERABLE!" She put her hands to her forehead, letting out all her frustrations and anger and despair. Hyde could only listen.

"I moved on because I had to feel loved!" she stated. "I've never felt as loved as I did when I was with you, you made me feel so special. Michael, my parents, no one made me feel so wonderful! So when the person who made me feel like an actual princess threw me away, I had to move on. I just wanted to feel loved again!"

"Jackie," he said, scared by her emotion, but she held up her hands.

"Seeing you with her killed me," she said. "I had to shut you out, I had to move on, and I moved on to Fez but that didn't get me what I wanted. And when I found out that you had been trying to help him get me in bed, it just made me feel so… so cheap! Like I was something to be conquered, like a country or an object! Like I meant nothing to you! I thought that of everyone in my life, you would NEVER do that to me! But then, I never thought you would be callous enough to flaunt your fake wife in front of me, but there ya go."

"Jackie, stop," he said.

"You broke me, Steven, but I have rebuilt myself and I am just trying to stay together!" she exclaimed. "I wish that I could turn back everything and never have watched The Price is Right with you that day, because then I wouldn't have lost the most important thing in my life, and I wouldn't have had to piece myself back together by myself! So yes, Steven. I moved on because you gave me NO CHOICE." With that, she turned and ran into her room, slamming the door and locking it. He stood in the living room, and then kicked over the coffee table.

There was a knocking on the door. Hyde composed himself, and opened it. Joe was there.

"Is there a problem in here?" he asked, sort of looking towards the bedroom where Jackie's wails were coming from. Hyde shrugged.

"Some bastard did a real number on her," Hyde said, simply. Joe nodded, and shrugged back.

"Well, just keep it down, okay?" he asked. Hyde nodded, and Joe shook his head.

"Poor kid," he said. "On Valentines Day too." With that, he walked down the hall, and Hyde closed the door. He walked into the kitchen, and looked at the application on the table. He studied it numbly, and then retreated to his room as well.

--------------------------------------

Eric was closing up Grooves when Donna knocked on the door. He smiled, and opened the door for her.

"Hey, Donna, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"You jerk, you took a night shift on Valentines Day?" she asked.

"Oh crap, that's today?" he asked. "Oh man, I'm sorry, Donna." She shrugged, and closed the door behind her.

"I figured that's what happened," she said, and removed her winter coat, revealing her old school uniform. "So I brought the celebration here."

"Oh my GOD I should forget our anniversary next," Eric said, and she pulled him down on the couch.

FADE OUT

A/N: I suggest listening to 'Cryin'' if you have not already. It fits the relationship Jackie and Hyde have in this point in time. And the music video is hilariously bizarre.


	6. Come Together

A/N: Hey, I'm updating early because 1) I'm bored and 2) I'm uber pissed off. So I'll post the new episode and make myself feel better that way! This one is longer than I thought it was, but oh well. Hope you like it!

9.6: Come Together

Eric was sitting the basement, reveling in his day off, when Laurie came down the steps to do laundry.

"Hey, nerd, are you going to do anything productive today?" she asked.

"Hey, Skanks, are you going to do anyone productive today?" he asked, staring at the ceiling.

"That was actually pretty good," she said, closing the dryer door. "If not, you're going to come with me."

"Oh joy, where are we going?" he asked.

"We're going to Green Bay."

"Why on Earth would I go to Green Bay?"

"Well can't a sister want to spend some quality time with her baby brother who's going off to college so soon?" she asked, sitting next to him on the couch and wrapping her arms around him.

"Ha haaaah, what's the scheme, Laurie?" he asked. "You're only this nice when you want something, I've seen you do it hundreds of times before."

"Fine," she said. "I have an ex out there who owes me money and I want to get a new outfit for a possible new boyfriend."

"Ah, how noble," Eric said. "Well, as fun as that sounds, I'm going ice fishing with Red, Fez, and Hyde in about, oh, an hour."

"That's not fair!" Laurie said. "I really needed a car!"

"So ask Donna," Eric said. "But don't tell her I suggested it. She's not a fan of you."

"I'm not a fan of her either, how convenient," Laurie said. "I'll go find her." She walked up the steps, and Fez and Hyde strolled into the basement from the outside.

"Where's Red?" Fez asked. "I can't wait to go get some fish! Janie LOVES fish."

"Why don't you just ask her out, man?" Hyde asked. "It's more normal than getting her fish."

"But the fish is like a present," Fez said.

"Or a bribe," Eric stated.

"Or a bribe," Fez acknowledged.

------------------------------------

Donna, Jackie, and Janie were at the Hub when Laurie strolled in.

"Girls road trip!" she exclaimed. The three of them exchanged glances.

"Huh?" Donna asked.

"Come on, ladies!" Laurie said. "We're going to Green Bay!"

"… We are?" Jackie asked.

"Yeah!" she exclaimed, big smile across her face. "Girls, it's going to be fun! Laurie, Donna, Jackie, and… Okay, who are you?" Janie smiled sardonically.

"I'm Janie."

"Janie! We'll talk about boys, hair, make up, other girls," Laurie said.

"Cut to the chase, Laurie," Donna said.

"I need a ride so I can get some money from my ex," Laurie stated, sitting at the table. "He owes me two hundred dollars, which is rightfully mine!"

"You mean rightfully your Dad's," Jackie said.

"Like you can talk, Princess," Laurie said, and Jackie wrinkled her nose at her. "So we go for a drive, have an estrogen fest, and I get my money. Sound like fun?"

"Not really," Janie said.

"I'll buy you all booze."

"We're all legal."

"But it's on me," Laurie said. Donna, Jackie, and Janie all looked at each other.

"Okay," they all said in unison.

------------------------------

Kitty was baking some bread when Bob walked into the house.

"Hello, Bob," she said. "Next time would ya knock please? I've heard about a sting of burglaries around town, and-."

"Kitty, the house isn't selling," Bob said.

"What?"

"My house. It's not selling," Bob said. "It just won't sell! I don't understand it! We got rid of the rats, we got rid of the smell that got rid of the rats, but no one wants it!" Kitty sighed, and knew she and Bob were going to have to talk. And she wasn't fond of their heart to heart chats. He got very huggy and needy.

"Well Bob, maybe you should start evaluating the entire situation," Kitty said. "After all, you can't afford a place in Florida if you can't get some money for this house, can you?"

"No, I really can't," Bob said. "It's not like it's going to affect Donna that much. She's probably going to stay in Wisconsin since she's going to school here. I was just looking forward to living down there, in the sun, near the ocean, in the warmth. Maybe meet a nice woman." Kitty laughed, and then covered her mouth.

"It's the way you said warmth," she tried, and he seemed to fall for it.

"I don't know, Kitty," Bob said. "I have one more prospective buyer coming in this afternoon, but I've lost all my confidence."

"Now Bob, don't give up!" Kitty said, clapping her hands together quickly. "This is a great place to live, Point Place is a wonderful town! Why, from our great community center down to the historic movie theater all the way to that rat hole The Hub, it's a town with character. And I think that people should be knocking each other out of the way trying to buy your house. Make them know that!"

"Yeah.. Yeah! They should be lucky to get a house in this town!" Bob exclaimed. "Well I'll tell you something, Kitty! I'm going to make sure that they buy this house today!"

"That's the spirit!" she exclaimed. He hugged her, and she hugged back awkwardly. "Now you go over there and you get ready to charm the pants off of them!" He rushed out the door, and Kitty sighed.

"At least he didn't cry," she said.

----------------------------

Red was driving, Eric was in the front seat, and Fez and Hyde were in the back.

"Hey, Dad, here's a question," Eric said, holding up his hand. "Just out of curiosity, how come you've never asked us to go ice fishing before now?"

"Because, Eric, I never wanted Kelso to come along," Red said, simply and crankily. "I figured he'd punch too large a hole in the ice and we'd all fall through."

"He was stupid like that," Fez said. "I miss Kelso!"

"Besides, you and Donna are going off to college in the fall, so Kitty said I should try to get some bonding in before you leave," Red said.

"Then why are Hyde and Fez here too?"

"Hyde is here because he's competent. Fez is here because he invited himself."

"Yes I did," Fez said.

"Of all the things in the world that could encourage male bonding it had to be ice fishing," Eric said. "Do you know how cold it is up at the lake?"

"Stop your whining and take it like a man," Red said.

"Yeah, Foreman, take it like a man," Hyde said. "I for one could use a man's man's weekend. Living with Jackie is driving me nuts."

"But she isn't talking to you," Fez said. "How can that drive you crazy?"

"…. It just does!" Hyde said. "I don't know what was worse, when she was yelling at me or now that she's ignoring me."

"Yeah, what happened between you two?" Eric asked. "What did you do that made her stop talking to you?"

"Guys, this isn't manly talk," Red said.

"…. I don't know what happened," Hyde lied. "Whatever, I should just enjoy the silence in the apartment."

"Janie is so pretty," Fez said.

"We get it, you have a crush on her!" Eric said.

"She is hot," Hyde said.

"I just don't know what to say to her," Fez said. "We're so different. She's a bad ass tattoo artist and I'm a shampoo boy."

"Oh for crying out loud, I might as well have invited a bunch of junior high girls to come on this trip!" Red exclaimed. A silence fell over the car, as they assessed what to go with next.

"… Do you guys think I'm pretty enough for her?" Fez asked. Hyde snorted in amusement, and Eric burst out laughing, while Red just rolled his eyes.

-----------------------------

The girls weren't faring much better. Donna was driving, Jackie was in the front seat, and Laurie and Janie were eyeing each other, being the antitheses of each other.

"Green Bay is so lame," Jackie said.

"Says the girl from Point Place," Donna stated. "Laurie, where are we going?"

"It's an apartment complex on State Street," she said. "This guy had better cough up the dough."

"It's not like you can't strip for it all back," Donna said.

"Classy," Janie said.

"It's not the money, it's the principle!" Laurie said. "Okay, it's also the money."

"So who is this new boyfriend?" Jackie asked. "Is he like all other guys?"

"How do you mean?" Laurie asked.

"I mean is he totally scum who's only interested in your body?"

"Jackie, not all guys are like that!" Donna exclaimed.

"And you call yourself a feminist!" Jackie snapped back.

"I am a feminist, and that isn't what feminists believe!" Donna stated. "For example, Eric isn't like that." 'Wooo' all the others said, unimpressed, and Donna scowled.

"So I got a good guy," she said.

"There are so few of those," Janie mused.

"I won't be persecuted because of it," Donna said. "Is this the place?" Laurie looked out the window, and nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "I'll be right back, ladies." She hopped out of the car, and bounded into the building.

"So how come your attitude towards men has become even more nihilistic?" Janie asked, and Jackie shrugged.

"Have you and Hyde begun talking again yet?" Donna asked.

"Why did you stop talking?" Janie asked.

"Because," Jackie said. "We both just had a bad day and took it out on each other. That's all."

"So you aren't talking because of a 'that's all' scenario?" Janie asked.

"Jackie and Hyde 'that's all' scenarios are the equivalent of a fissure in the San Andreas fault," Donna said.

"Yikes," Janie said.

"So why did Red take the boys ice fishing?" Jackie asked, desperate to change the subject.

"I don't know," Donna said. "Something about Kitty imposing male bonding on Eric, at least that's how Eric described it."

"That sounds like Kitty," Jackie said. "Imposing whatever on whoever."

"How verbose of you," Donna said. "I don't know…. I kind of wish my Dad had gone, he's been acting all weird lately cuz our house isn't selling."

"Why isn't it selling?" Janie asked.

"That's an easy one. It's Point Place," Donna said. "No one wants to live in Point Place."

"That's for sure," Jackie said. "If I get into Minnesota, I'm leaving Point Place and only coming back when I'm socially obligated to."

"Everyone's getting out," Janie said. "Point Place is a town that's going to die because the youth keep leaving."

"Sad!" Donna exclaimed.

"But true," Janie said. "Heck, once I have enough money I'm going to try and go to Eau Claire and get my college diploma."

"And then there's people like Laurie," Donna said. "Who just keep coming back." As she said this, Laurie leapt into the back seat.

"FLOOR IT!" she exclaimed.

"What?!" Donna asked.

"Go! He wouldn't give it to me so I took it!" Donna hit the gas, and a angry looking man began chasing after their car.

"Now THIS is exciting!" Jackie exclaimed.

-------------------------------------

The boys were sitting in a shack, holding fishing poles, and not talking.

"Now this is male bonding," Red said. "Simply sitting, no distractions, no women to muck up our conversation."

"Or lack thereof," Hyde said.

"And that's what male bonding should be," Red said. "Be it hunting or camping or fishing or watching the big game, I say in it's purest form it's one of God's greatest gifts to our species." They all nodded, and Eric held up his hand.

"So I'm terrified of living with Donna in the fall," he said.

"JEEZE!" Red exclaimed, disgusted with the deviation from his perfection.

"Why?" Fez asked.

"Because right now I have a sanctuary from her," Eric said. "If we get in a fight, I go to my house and she goes to hers. But if we get an apartment in Madison I'll have no where to hide from her wrath."

"When Jackie and I were dating and we lived together, if she ever got mad at me I'd sleep on the couch," Fez said. "… Make her sleep on the couch."

"And how often were you sleeping on the couch?" Hyde asked.

"Whenever I asked her to do it."

"Which was how much?"

"Basically every other night."

"I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did," Hyde said.

"Well at least she's still talking to me," Fez said.

"I'm over it," Hyde said.

"Ha!" Eric laughed. "I can tell it's still driving you insane. At least when she talked to you it showed she cared. Now she's indifferent."

"Shut up, Foreman, it's just a phase," Hyde said. "It'll work itself out."

"So are you going to apologize?" Eric asked.

"Why should I apologize to her?" Hyde asked.

"You guys, I really like Janie," Fez said.

"We heard you the first ten times," Hyde said.

"Hey, we didn't cover my girl problems!" Eric said. "What do I do about moving in with Donna?"

"You were going to marry her at one point and now you are questioning moving in with her?" Hyde asked. "Are you seriously that afraid of commitment?"

"I'm not as afraid as you!" Eric said.

"Hey, I was married!... Sort of."

"Not legally," Fez said.

"But I kept Sam around because I thought I'd made a commitment to her," Hyde said.

"No, you kept her around because it was a get out of jail free card to you," Eric said. "What about your commitment to Jackie?"

"Since when do you defend Jackie?" Hyde said. "You call her Yoko, Satan, Darth Burkhart-."

"See! This is why I can't live with Donna! I'll start acting like.. like…"

"Like a woman?" Red asked.

"Yes!"

"IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT!" Red exclaimed. "For all of you!" The angry silence fell, and Red sighed.

"Finally, back to silence," he said. "It may be an angry one, but that's better male bonding than what you guys were doing."

---------------------------------

Kitty was baking a hot stew for when the guys returned, when Bob walked into the house.

"Kitty, I think I blew it," he said.

"Bob, what do you mean?" she asked. "And what did I say about knocking?"

"The last prospective buyers just left," Bob said. "And they were not too happy."

"Why not?" Kitty asked.

"Well, I told them everything about the house," he said. "About the previous owners, how great it was for raising Donna, and about the town."

"So what went wrong?" Kitty asked.

"I stepped through the stairs."

"… You mean you literally stepped THROUGH the staircase?"

"I guess we have some carpenter ants," Bob said. Kitty sighed, and shook her head.

"Oh Bob," she said.

"But Kitty, you know something?" he asked. "After telling them all the great things about this town, and after what you said this morning, I realized something. I don't think that I want to leave this town after all. I grew up here and raised my daughter here. Why should I leave?" Kitty smiled, and pat his shoulder.

"I think that's the right decision," she said. "That's why Red and I decided to stay."

"That and Florida is really muggy," Bob said. "And my biggest problem here is ants. Down there it would be gators!" Kitty nodded, and Bob stood.

"So you can tell Red the good news when he gets back from his fishing trip!" Bob said. "Now we'll get to be neighbors until the bitter end." He left, and Kitty laughed, thinking about how Red was going to react to that little fact.

-------------------------------------

The girls were sitting in the cold car, pissed off.

"Donna, how is it that your car DIES ten miles away from Point Place?" Laurie asked.

"I don't know what the problem is!" Donna exclaimed. "I mean, the gas tank is full, I got a new alternator right before Christmas, the battery is BRAND NEW…"

"I'm still shocked that Jackie of all people is looking under the hood," Janie said.

"She has a gift," Donna said. "We don't know where she got it, but Red perfected it one summer."

"Why doesn't she work in his muffler shop if she hates her job at the station?" Janie asked.

"Jackie Burkhart in a muffler shop?" Laurie asked. "That would be the day. At least I got my money. Now I can go out and get that outfit I've been after."

"Laurie, doesn't it occur to you that maybe there's more to life than going after men with money?" Donna asked.

"Why would there be?" Laurie asked. "I'm content being a professional gold digger. I just want a sugar daddy to take care of me."

"Then why did you marry Fez?" Donna asked. Janie looked at Laurie, shocked.

"You married my roommate?" she asked. "Why did he marry you?"

"Two words, Janie Rotten, American Citizenship," Laurie said. "Not that it helped him, he had to take the test anyway."

"So you're divorced then?" Janie asked.

"I think so," Laurie said. "He took care of that. Why, jealous of me?"

"Hardly," Janie said. "Sort of disappointed in Fez."

Jackie knocked on Donna's window, shivering.

"What's wrong with it, Jackie?" Donna asked, rolling it down. "Did my engine completely die? Am I going to have to shell over a bunch of money to fix yet another thing?"

"Donna, when's the last time you had your oil changed?" Jackie asked, holding up a bone dry dipstick. Donna bit her lip, and shrugged.

"I… don't remember," Donna said.

"Well this would indicate it's been a freaking while!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Okay okay okay," Donna said. "There's oil in the trunk." She handed Jackie the keys, and Jackie went to get the oil from the trunk.

"Well I feel dumb," Donna said.

"You should," Laurie said.

"No one asked you, professional gold digger," Donna said. "Consider this trip a favor!"

"What, aren't we all friends here?" Laurie asked.

"Not really," Janie said.

"Remember, I'm buying you booze," Laurie said.

"It's going to be really expensive booze," Donna said.

-----------------------------------

As the guys drove home, some fish in tow, they still weren't talking to each other. Fez was the first to speak in the car ride.

"So do you think Janie will like fish?" he asked.

"Yeah Fez, give a woman a fish and she'll melt for you," Hyde said, sarcastically.

"Well at least I caught some fish!" Fez said.

"I didn't want any fish," Hyde muttered.

"You guys never helped me with my Donna problem," Eric said.

"Well you never helped me with my Jackie problem," Hyde said back.

"Because it's not a problem!" Eric said. "If you just treated her like a human being your problem would be solved."

"And if you got a commitment spine yours would be too!" Hyde snapped.

"Says the notorious commitment phobe!"

"If you boys can't stop fighting I'm going to turn this car around and toss you into the frozen lake!" Red stated. "Do I really have to knock some sense into all you dumbasses? Really? Fine!" He stopped the car on the side of the road, and looked at all of them.

"Fez, Janie is just a woman," Red said. "She'll like you if you are a nice guy."

"But Jackie didn't-."

"Janie isn't Jackie," Red said. "You can't judge one woman by the others. They hate you for it. Give her a fish and the thought will knock her socks off." He turned to Eric.

"Son, stop worrying about something that's months away! For cryin' out loud, you two basically live together already! You fight, you make up, you fight, you make up. You'll get used to it! You'll probably have to sleep on the couch a few times. Every man does. WHO CARES?" He turned to Hyde.

"And YOU," he said. "Swallow your pride and stop acting like this girl betrayed you! You should be so lucky if she ever talks to you again, but a way to get her to do so is just BE NICE. Everyone knows you care about her, stop running away from that!" He turned the engine back on, and sped back onto the road. The guys were speechless, and Eric raised his hand.

"Dad, I-."

"We aren't talking the rest of the drive, you understand me?" Red asked. "You dumbasses made me break the rules of male bonding, and I'm not going to forget that soon! So SHUT UP." Eric put his hand down, and the rest of the drive was long and awkward.

---------------------------------

Fez got back to the apartment, and sat next to Janie on the couch.

"I brought you a fish for dinner," he said. "Does this knock your socks off?" She looked at him, eyebrows arched.

"Uh, thanks" she said. "That's really thoughtful of you. But I have a date tonight. Speaking of which, I should go get ready." She smiled at him,, and stood up and walked into her room.

"Red, you LIED to me," Fez said.

----------------------------------

Eric knocked on Donna's bedroom door, and walked in. She was on the bed, holding a glass of champagne.

"What's with the bubbly?" he asked.

"Your sister bought bottles for me, Jackie, and Janie because we acted as her get away car while she robbed an ex," she said.

"Oh. Well, is it really champagne or is it fake?"

"It's real. And the best part is that it cost almost as much as the money she took back from her ex," Donna whispered, and laughed. He laughed too, and kissed her. "What was that for?"

"I don't know," he said. She smiled, and shoved the glass in his face.

"Drink!" she exclaimed, spilling a little.

"Okay, no more for you," he said, taking the glass from her.

-------------------------------------

Jackie was sitting on the couch watching _Singing in the Rain_ on TV, when Hyde walked in. She looked up, and saw that he had a pizza box in his hand.

"Pizza," he said, setting it on the coffee table. She was going to turn off the TV and go into her room, but he put his hand on her shoulder. She looked at him. "It's veggie. I know you think meat is too fatty." She looked at the pizza, and then at him.

"What's this for?" she asked.

"No reason," he said, and grabbed a slice. "Just thought we could use a pizza." She also grabbed a slice, and looked back at him.

"What's it really for?" she asked.

"It's just a pizza," he said.

"I don't believe you."

"…. Fine…"

"So is this an 'I'm sorry' pizza?" she asked.

"……. Yeah... I'm sorry. Can we just try to be friends again?"

"… We can try." She smiled at him gently, and continued to sit and watch the movie. Which, they both knew, was progress. So he smiled, and watched with her.

-----------------------------------

Donna burst into the kitchen from the snowy weather outside. Bob was putting out sandwiches for dinner.

"Man Dad, I can't tell you how I can't wait to visit you in Florida," she said, putting her coat on the coat hook. "Wisconsin weather is just crazy! Plus, I'll have a free Spring break to Florida! How cool is that?"

"About that, honey," Bob said, pushing a sandwich her way. "I've decided not to sell the house. Point Place is my home, and I'm too old to try and find a new one." Donna stared at Bob, who smiled, and bit into his sandwich. She continued staring, and he winked at her. "Aren't you hungry, kiddo?"

FADE OUT


	7. Ragdoll

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

Episode 9.7: Rag Doll

Jackie primped her hair before going to work, and left her bedroom into the main room. She grabbed her shoes, and her jacket, and was about to leave, when she felt like she should check on Hyde. He was usually up and ready to go by this time. She knocked, opened the bedroom door, and saw that he was fully under the covers.

"Steven, it's eight thirty," she said. "Aren't you opening today?"

"… I feel like crap," he said, removing the covers from his head. She sighed, and walked through his messy room to his side. She put a hand to his forehead.

"Good GOD, Steven, you feel like a boiler," she said, and he moved her hand from his forehead.

"No, your hand is clammy and freezing like…. Dammit, I can't even think of a good burn," he said, leaning back down.

"You're sick! You poor thing!" Jackie exclaimed, full pity mode engaged.

"I'm not sick, I can't trust Eric and Leo to run the store themselves," Hyde said. "Eric's bad at math and Leo's just… Leo." He tried to stand, but felt dizzy enough to fall back under the covers. She crossed her arms.

"There is no WAY you are going to work today," she said. "In fact, I'm staying home to and taking care of you."

"So are we officially good again then if you're taking work off to act like Florence Nightingale?" he asked.

"We're getting there. That and I need an excuse to not go into work," she said simply. "Now get back under those covers!" He nodded, and she tucked him in tightly.

-------------------------------

Donna was at the station, on commercial break from her shift, when Janie knocked on the window. Donna motioned for her to come in.

"Hey Janie, how's it going?" Donna asked.

"Could be worse," Janie said. "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight?"

"Yeah? That could be fun," Donna said. "What did you have in mind?"

"Going to a construction site and getting boards," Janie said.

"… Huh?"

"I told Fez that I'd get us a new shelf, and I realized that my assets are lacking at the moment. SO I was wondering if you wanted to go over to where they're building that new strip mall tonight under the cloak of darkness and steal some boards."

"Oh," Donna said. "Well, I guess I don't technically have anything else to do, since Eric is working the night shift tonight. Sure. I'll participate in the delinquency."

"Great," Janie said. "Wow. I've never been in a radio booth before. What's it like being Hot Donna?"

"It's wearing thin, my friend," Donna said. "Oh crap! The commercial's about to end and I don't have anything cued!" Janie grabbed the first tape she could find, and tossed it to Donna.

"Alright, back for more music hits," Donna said, throwing the tape in the player. "Up next we have… a song we all know and love to get the day rolling. This is Hot Donna, keep listening."

The song 'Feelings' by Morris Albert began playing. Donna made a face, and then looked at Janie. Janie shrugged, sheepishly.

"I thought I'd grabbed T-Rex," she said, contritely. Donna sighed, and cued up a new song to counter the sappiness she had bestowed upon Point Place.

----------------------------------------

Leo answered the phone in Grooves.

"Grooves Music, open nine to ten pm," he said.

"Leo, it's Hyde."

"Hey man, where are you?" Leo asked.

"I'm sick," Hyde said. "I'm sure you can manage the first shift of the day, can't you man? All by yourself?"

"Sure, Hyde," Leo said. "I'll handle it fine, I promise."

"Okay. I'm holding you to that," Hyde said. "If I get in tomorrow and half our merchandise is gone with no money explaining it, I'm going to hold you accountable. Got it?"

"Calm down, Hyde man," Leo said. "I'll take care of it."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

"Feel better."

"Thanks. Bye." Leo hung up, and walked to the couch.

"Alright, no boss man to keep me down," he said, and fell asleep.

--------------------------------

Jackie brought in some chicken soup for Hyde, and set it on his nightstand. He sat up slowly, and looked at the soup.

"I hate chicken noodle."

"You're welcome," she said. "Just eat it, it'll help you."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"I told you, I didn't want to go to work."

"But you could easily be dancing around the apartment listening to KC and the Sunshine Band," Hyde said. "And instead you made me soup."

"… Okay, look, we've both been real pains to each other since we moved in, and I blew up at you like that on Valentines, and then you actually made an effort to make things right again. Friends wise," she amended, trying not to go where she didn't think she wanted to go. "So the least I can do is make you soup…. And take your temperature and bring you orange juice and keep your blankets over you."

"Well that's nice of you," he said.

"How's the store doing?" she asked. "Has Leo burned it down yet?"

"He said he's holding it down but I don't believe him," Hyde said. "I'll rest easier once it becomes three and Erik clocks in." Jackie nodded, and smiled at him.

"Do you need more tissues?" she asked.

"…. Yeah."

"I'll get you some."

"……. Thanks."

"Whatever." She left his room, and he chuckled little.

----------------------------------

Fez was washing a girls hair when Janie walked into the salon.

"I have shelving lined up," she said.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. "What kind of shelving?"

"Cheap shelving. Donna is going with me to get it tonight," she said. "You want we should set it up too?"

"Oh, that doesn't matter," he said.

"We can," Janie said. "Just… pick up some cinder blocks on the way home tonight, would ya?"

"…. Whaaat?"

"Because they are part of the shelving," she said. "So can you do that for me?"

"Ugh, fine."

"And, and, if we set them up will you moved the books and stuff onto them?"

"Yes yes yes," Fez said.

"AND, and, do you think maybe you could buy some paint so we could paint them?" Janie asked.

"What kind of shelves are these?"

"The best shelves in the whole wide world!" she said, hitting his shoulder. This made him jerk the head of his client.

"Hey!" she exclaimed.

"Oh, sorry," Janie said, touching her shoulder. "Thanks, Fez. You won't regret any of this….. Make sure the paint is dark blue." She rushed out of the salon, and the client sat up, hair sopping wet.

"Who's that, your girlfriend?" she asked.

"Oh, if only," Fez said.

---------------------------------------

Eric walked into work, and saw Leo on the couch, sleeping. He looked at the customers, and they looked irritated.

"He's been sleeping all morning," one girl said. Eric sighed, and nudged Leo. Leo opened one eye.

"Where's Hyde?" Eric said.

"Am I off?" Leo asked.

"Where's Hyde?"

"Hyde called in sick," Leo said. "He won't be in today." Eric smiled.

"Oh REALLY?" he asked. "Yeah Leo. You're off." Leo sat up, yawned, and stretched.

"Nothing like going home after a long day at work," Leo said. Eric nodded, and get behind the counter. He began doing transactions with the customers, and while he did so he called Fez's apartment.

"Fez, it's Eric," he said to the answering machine. "Come over to Grooves once you're off work. Old man Hyde is sick!"

-------------------------------------

Jackie sat at the end of Hyde's bed and waited for the thermometer to register his temperature.

"You don't have to baby me," he said.

"Keep your mouth closed, you'll throw off the reading," she said. "And yes I do. It's my natural instinct to take care of people when they're sick or in pain or whatever."

"That's a new development," he said.

"Stop talking!" she said. "Jeeze, you're impatient." He sighed, and crossed his arms.

"So do you want me to check in on Eric to see if he's running the store okay?" she asked.

"You keep asking me questions and I'm not supposed to talk."

"That was a yes no question, you could nod!" she stated, swatting his shoulder. He shrugged, and laughed a little bit.

"You are really impossible," she said, and looked at the thermometer. "You're still at 100. There's no way you're getting out of bed yet."

"Fine," he said. "I don't care if you go and check on Eric. I am thinking about hiring someone new, though."

"You're gonna fire Eric?" she asked.

"No, I'm not gonna do that," he said. "You always assume the worst. I just mean I should hire someone else. Eric and Leo aren't enough to work the store."

"Maybe you could get Janie to work for you," she said. "She can't make a living doing tattoos."

"I'm going to post a sign," he said. She nodded, and pat the bed. "So… What are you going to do this afternoon?"

"You mean what are WE going to do," she said.

"Great."

"Don't act so disgusted," she said. "I'm going to go get you some more soup, then we're going to play Scrabble or Monopoly or Clue. Depending on my mood after I get your soup. But I think it's going to be a Clue mood."

"Board games?" he asked. "You can't be serious."

"I am and we're gonna play," she said. "And I'm not going to let you win just because you're sick with Typhoid or whatever." She stood, and pranced out of the room.

"I don't have Typhoid!" he exclaimed.

---------------------------------

Donna and Janie looked at the construction site while sitting in Donna's car.

"So I think their dump off pile is over there," Janie said. "I figure if they're just throwing it away it's not REALLY stealing."

"Yes, that MUST be it," Donna said. "So what exactly is the plan?"

"We wait for the cloak of darkness," Janie said.

"How Shakespearean."

"And then we climb the fence and grab three boards," she said. "I went to Fez's work and asked him if he'd pick up cinder blocks for us."

"Subtle."

"Not really," Janie said.

"So… How is living with him going?" Donna asked.

"Fine," Janie said. "I always get the sneaking suspicion that he is trying to watch me shower, but for some reason I don't mind."

"No one does," Donna said. "He's quite fond of you."

"That's good," Janie said, pulling out the binoculars and looking through them. "I feel very Alfred Hitchcock right now."

"Were you mad that he didn't tell you about his marriage to Laurie?" Donna asked.

"I was surprised and I didn't really wanna talk to him that night, but we've worked it all out," Janie said.

"… You have a thing for Fez," Donna said.

"Ha," Janie said.

"Or not."

"Oh, I don't know," Janie said. "He's nice and he's cute and he's considerate, but… I like the badasses."

"And Fez is not that," Donna said.

"No way," Janie said. "A few weeks ago he thought someone was trying to get into our apartment, and he hid under the covers while I investigated."

"Oh my God. What was it?"

"It was clanging pipes!" Janie exclaimed, and Donna laughed. "No. I'm not into him that way."

"That's too bad," Donna said.

"Yeah…" Janie said, trailing off. "Holy crap, look at that guy!"

"What, what's going on?" Donna asked, looking through one of the lenses. "Oh my God, is he eating a sandwich out of the garbage?"

"Don't knock it til you try it," Janie said, and Donna gave her a shocked look. "Hypothetically! It was a joke!"

-------------------------------------

Fez ran into Grooves, and smiled at Eric.

"Do you know what a music store needs?" he asked.

"What does a music store need?" Eric asked back.

"Music BLASTING!" Fez said, and threw on a tape. 'Poison' by Alice Cooper began playing.

"YEAH BABY!" Eric exclaimed, and they danced around the store.

------------------------------------

"I win again!" Jackie squealed, showing Hyde the solution cards. "See? Mrs. Peacock isn't as innocent as you said."

"You cheated," Hyde said, coughing.

"Mrs. Peacock is a slut."

"Wow, such anger towards a game piece."

"Miss Scarlett is the best."

"She's the slut."

"She's PRETTY," Jackie said, pointing at the box.

"She's sleeping with all the guys in the game."

"She is not!"

"I believe it was Miss Scarlet in the Conservatory with the riding crop."

"Ew! Steven, please!" she exclaimed, putting the board game back in the box.

"This is the most we've said to each other in a long time," he said. She shrugged, and wouldn't look at him.

"Yes, well, it's been a weird year, hasn't it?" she said. "A lot has changed."

"Yeah, it has," he said. "So… How has your year been?" She laughed a little, and ran a hand through her hair.

"Honestly, I feel like the writers of my life have been out to get me," she said, quietly. "Things just haven't been turning out the way I've wanted them to."

"… That's too bad," he said.

"What about you?"

"…….No complaints," he said. They stopped talking, and he wondered if she could tell he wasn't being fully honest. "What time is it?" She turned and looked at the clock.

"Almost six," she said.

"We've been playing Clue that long?" he asked.

"I guess so," she said. "I'm going to go to the store and get you more juice. Anything else you want me to do?"

"Maybe one thing," he said, smiling.

----------------------------------

Fez and Eric were in Grooves, dancing around and listening to 'Freebird'. They were air guitaring along with the face melting guitar solo.

"This is INSANE!" Eric exclaimed. They would only stop to ring up a customer, but the insanity tended to turn the customers away. They hadn't had one in almost an hour. "You know, I kind of hope Hyde has some kind of infection just so we can do this more!"

"I love to dance!" Fez exclaimed. "I wish I had done more of it in the past!"

"You should dance more, man!" Eric exclaimed. "I wish Donna was here, but she totally wouldn't approve!"

"Neither would Janie!" Fez said. "She has a strict work ethic! Even when she's sick she goes into work and gives people tattoos!"

"She sounds like such a cool girl, you need to rope her in, man!" Eric said. "She'd be an improvement over the chicks you've dated in the past."

"What about Jackie?" Fez asked.

"You two had no chemistry, everyone knows that," Eric said. Fez stopped dancing, but then shrugged because he knew it too.

"Janie is nothing like her," Fez said. "Janie is wild, Jackie is a princess." As he said this, Jackie burst into Grooves.

"What the hell are you two doing?!" she exclaimed. They stopped dancing. "Steven told me to come in here and check on you, Eric, and I'm glad I did! You call this working? You're jumping around like a couple of hicks at a hoe-down! Where are all the customers?"

"… It's been a slow night," Eric said.

"It probably doesn't help that through a window it looks like you two are on shrooms!" Jackie exclaimed. She turned off the music, and swatted them both.

"Ow!" the said in unison.

"Now get back to work!" Jackie said. "Steven will be well tomorrow, after I'm done nursing him back to health, and he'll be back to busting your ass! Fez, don't you have other things to do?"

"Yes ma'am," Fez said.

"I won't tell Steven about this," she said. "He's sick and we don't need him worrying about you boneheads. But if this happens AGAIN-."

"It won't," Eric said. She nodded, and turned and left the store.

"Wow," Fez said.

"What the hell was THAT?" Eric asked, pointing after her. "First she's not talking to him, now she's nursing him back to health? How do I miss all the stuff?"

"I'm going to leave in case she comes back," Fez said. "She has weird powers like that. She always knows when something is up." He left the store, and Eric shook his head.

"Darth Burkhart ruins the dance party," he muttered.

----------------------------------

"Are you ready?" Janie asked.

"Yeah," Donna said.

"Toss me the board and I'll toss it over the fence!" Janie hissed. Donna heaved a board at her, and when she caught it she fell to the ground.

"Sorry!" Donna hissed.

"Toss was meant figuratively!" Janie hissed, annoyed.

"Well I take things literally when I'm under stress!" Donna said. "Are you sure we won't get caught?"

"Sure I'm sure," Janie said, putting the first board of the fence. "Just two more."

"Okay, fine," Donna said. She handed Janie the next board gently this time, and Janie placed it on the other side of the fence.

"One more and we're home free," Janie said.

"If Eric knew I was doing this he'd DIE," Donna said, laughing a little bit.

"So would Fez!" Janie said, and then caught herself. Too late.

"Oh WOULD he?" Donna asked. "Interesting context, don't you think?"

"Give me the last board, blondie," Janie said, and Donna laughed, handing her the last board. She tossed it over the fence, and smiled. "Done. Let's get out of here."

"Hey! You!" the angry male voice said, and Donna and Janie looked out towards the construction trailer.

"Beat it!" Janie exclaimed, and she and Donna threw themselves against the fence and climbed like crazy. They dropped to the ground, and Donna began to run off. "Wait! The boards!"

"What, are you kidding me!?" Donna asked.

"It can't be all for nothing!" Janie exclaimed. "I promised Fez a shelf!"

"You're certainly going out of your way for a guy you say you don't like," Donna said, as they lifted the boards.

"Donna, there's a time and place for everything, and now is neither the time nor place!"

---------------------------------

Jackie brought in one last bowl of soup to Hyde.

"Last one," she said. "How's your temperature?"

"Down," he said, taking the bowl from her. "How was the store?"

"Fine, everything was normal," Jackie said. "You know, it sucks to have to go back to work tomorrow. Today was a good one."

"Yeah, despite the fact I'm weak and feel like ass, it was a pretty good day," he said. "… Thanks for everything."

"You're welcome," she said. "You were sick. What was I supposed to do? Let you whimper like a poor little puppy?"

"It was certainly an option," he said, sipping the soup.

"Well, despite what everyone thinks about me, I'm not a horrible person," she said.

"Come on, Jackie, I know that," he said. "I'd like to think I know you better than most people."

"Yeah, probably," she said. "What on Earth are you going to do with THAT information?"

"…. Take over the world." She laughed, and shoved him a little. "Careful with the sicky." She moved up and sat next to him, and held out a spoon of her own. "Hey hey. Isn't this for me?"

"You can share with your nurse," she said.

"What if you get sick?" he asked.

"Then you can take care of me," she stated, taking a bite of soup. "It's only fair, of course."

"Yeah, sure," he said, nudging her a little. She nudged him back, and they shared a mutual smile at each other.

-----------------------------------

The shelves were built, and Janie smiled at Fez.

"You call these shelves?" Fez asked.

"Yes, I call these great shelves!" Janie stated. "What do you call them?"

"Boards and cinder blocks."

"Not just any boards," Janie said. "Stolen boards. Stolen boards I'm going to paint electric blue! What does that make them now?"

"… Kind of sexy," Fez said, touching the wood with his palms. "They feel naughty."

"Dude, they're just boards," Janie said, and went to turn on the TV. Fez stopped touching them, and looked embarrassed at the floor.

FADE OUT


	8. Remember Walking in the Sand

Disclaimer: I don't own THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith.

9.8: Remember Walking In the Sand

Fez was sitting in a bubblebath, relaxing before going to work at the salon, when the door opened.

"Janie?" he asked, but instead saw a burly biker type. "AI!! Who are you?"

"Whoa, sorry dude," the guy said. "I'm Janie's friend, she said I could brush my teeth in here."

"But I'm in the tub!"

"You aren't her boyfriend are you?" he asked. "Cuz if you were this would be really REALLY awkward."

"No, I'm not her boyfriend, I'm just her roommate," Fez said. "Could you leave please?!"

"Hey, I'm Bruce," the guy said, extending a hand.

"Are you Janie's boyfriend then?"

"Oh, no, just a FRIEND if you know what I mean," Bruce said, and laughed sleazily.

"…. Please get out of my bathroom," Fez said.

"Can I brush my teeth?"

"NO YOU MAY NOT BRUSH YOUR TEETH! I SAID GOOD DAY!" Fez exclaimed, and Bruce left the bathroom.

Janie walked in.

"Sorry Fez," she said, going for her toothbrush.

"Janie! What are YOU doing now?" he asked.

"I'm just gonna brush my teeth," she said. "You don't mind, do you?"

"I'm trying to take a bath! And who is that guy?"

"Oh, him? No one really," Janie said, toothbrush in her mouth. She brushed quickly, and spat out the toothpaste. "He won't be back, just met him last night, that's all."

"Okay," Fez said. "Now PLEASE LEAVE!" She shrugged, and left the bathroom.

---------------------------------

Eric clamored down the steps, and sat next to Donna on the ratty couch.

"Okay, I got tonight off, just like you wanted," he said. "It took a lot of begging, but I definitely got it off. So what did you want to do?"

"I have a great plan in store for tonight," Donna said. "You know that new Japanese Restaurant in town?"

"Shogun? What about it?"

"We're going there. For sushi!!"

"… Are you joking?"

"Oh come on, Eric! It'll be fun!" Donna said. "Janie said that sushi is really really good!"

"Janie also says that foi grois is good, but I don't see you running to get your hands on that," he said.

"There is a difference between raw fish and the liver of a goose that was force fed to death," Donna said, bitterly.

"The yuck factor is the same for me," Eric said.

"Come on, Eric, where's your sense of adventure?" she asked. "You lived in Africa for all those months and now you won't even try some sushi?"

"I don't think I should have to venture in Wisconsin," Eric said.

Jackie walked into the basement in a huff.

"Jackie, have you had sushi?" Donna asked.

"Yes."

"Is it good?" Eric asked.

"Yes."

"Jackie and I agree on nothing, so it's guaranteed that I won't like it," Eric said.

"Jackie, what's wrong?" Donna asked, clued in to Jackie's bad mood. "Wait. Why aren't you at work?"

"What work?" Jackie asked. "I got fired!"

"What?" Donna asked. "What happened?"

"Christine said that her coffee wasn't hot enough. I told her that she could bite me on the ass," Jackie said.

"Wow, I can see why she fired you," Eric said.

"Whatever, I just won't put the station on my resume," Jackie said. "Back to using the Cheese Shop."

"Ouch," Donna said. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Jackie said. "Time to start job hunting."

"There's always Red's Muffler Shop," Donna said.

"WHAT?" Jackie asked. "Donna, are you nuts? ME working in a CAR shop?!"

"You do have a knack, Jackie," Eric said. "Think about it. For now, though, I'm spending the day with my favorite woman in the whole world!"

"Aw, thank you," Donna said, and they nuzzled noses. Jackie groaned, and left the basement.

"Okay, she's gone," Eric said. "What's happening on our great date today?"

"Besides the sushi?"

"No sushi."

"Oh yes sushi," Donna said.

-----------------------------

Fez walked into the Foreman kitchen, and saw Laurie at the table.

"Hello, ex wife," he said. She looked up from her magazine.

"Hello, weird foreign guy," she answered.

"I need your help," he stated. "I would only ask for you help if I really needed it, and I really REALLY need it." She set her magazine down.

"I'm listening," she said.

"Janie likes bad boys. You like bad boys. What is it about them?" he asked.

"Fez, let's get one thing straight," she said. "I don't date bad boys. I date rich married men who are willing to spoil me."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Fez asked.

"But anyway, I am willing to help you because I'm in a nice mood," Laurie said. "Let me guess. You want your punk roommate to want to sleep with you."

"That is the goal, yes."

"Well, I'm sure I can give you some advice. First, get a new wardrobe."

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" Fez asked.

"It doesn't say Joey Ramone, it says 'stuck in the disco'," Laurie said. "Or Cabana Boy…. I'm not sure which."

"Not her thing?"

"Hell no!"

"Oh."

"And also, act aloof," Laurie said, beginning to file her nails. "Not like a little puppy. It's a turn off. Trust me."

"I don't act like a puppy!" Laurie looked up, widened her eyes, stuck out her lower lip, and commenced mocking.

"Laurie, I'm so happy we're married," she said, voice whiney. "Jackie, I'd do anything for you! Nina, I'd-."

"Okay okay okay!" he snapped. "Anything else?"

"Don't be so attentive to your hair."

"But, I like my hair!"

"Bad boys don't care about their hair!" she snapped. "Fez, I swear, if you follow my tips she won't be able to resist you. Just imagine it."

And he did.

He would walk into the apartment, The Clash playing his entrance, decked out to look like a prototypical punk rocker. Janie would stand up from the couch.

"Fez?" she would ask. "What happened to you?"

"I'm just keeping it simple, baby," he'd say, and she'd swoon.

"You look so BADASS!"

"It's who I am."

"Will you take me, Fez?" He'd smirk, and speak right into her face.

"When I feel like it." She'd swoon again, and he'd have her.

He was pulled from his fantasy, and grinned goofily.

"I'll do it!" he exclaimed.

------------------------------

Jackie and Janie sat in the Hub.

"I don't know what I'm going to do about money now," Jackie said. "I'd usually want to just ask my parents, but Daddy doesn't get out for a year and Mom's been missing from the house for a week now."

"Oh my God, are you worried?" Janie asked.

"Nah, she'll turn up in probably a week or two, with a sunburn and a guy named Ralph," Jackie said. "I could wait until then."

"Why not work at Grooves?" Janie asked.

"I already live with Steven, I don't want to work for him too," Jackie said. "And I don't want to work at the salon because I don't want to be touching people's hair all day long. Do you know the awful state's people let their hair get into in this town?"

"I had no idea," Janie said, eating some fries.

"It's terrible," Jackie said, sipping her soda.

"What about Red's Muffler Shop?" Janie asked.

"Again with the Muffler shop!" Jackie exclaimed. "I don't work in muffler shops. Dirty men work in muffler shops!"

"My cousin Jack works in a muffler shop!" Janie said.

"And how clean is he?"

"… Okay, point taken," Janie said.

------------------------------

Donna and Eric walked through a snowy park.

"I love that we can just spend the day together," Donna said. "Our schedules conflict so much, when was the last time we did this?"

"Well, the last time we froze our butts off together was not to long ago," Eric said. "But a date for just the two of us, without obligation or other places to be? I don't know."

"Well, who knows when we'll get another one?" Donna asked. "This might very well be our last winter in Point Place."

"And thank God for that," Eric said. "At least we're getting out, right?"

".. I guess. But then, this town really shaped who we are," Donna said.

"I for one can't wait to leave," Eric said. Donna lagged a little, put off by this statement.

She was about to say something, but a snowball smacked Eric in the face.

"Oh what the FRICK?!" he exclaimed, and saw two familiar preteens.

"It's the nerd from the record store!" the blonde said.

"It's Linda Blair and Polly Pocket!" Eric snapped. Another snowball hit him in the face. "Hey, that one was an ice ball! Knock it off!"

"Come on, Eric, leave them alone," Donna said.

"Yeah, hide behind your girlfriend!" Linda Blair said.

"He's not hiding behind me," Donna said, and a snowball hit her in the face next. "What the hell you little skank?!" Donna grabbed some snow off the ground, and smacked Linda Blair right in the face.

"You just hit a twelve year old girl with a snowball," Eric said.

"Watch out!" Donna exclaimed, knocking him out of the way. She was faster than the two bratty girls, and continuously hit them, barely taking any hits.

"See, this is why I hate this town!" Eric exclaimed, ducking from the crossfire.

-------------------------------

Fez and Laurie walked into Grooves. Hyde looked up, and groaned.

"Please don't tell me you got married again," he said.

"You're so funny, Hyde," Laurie said, snidely. "Does being a slacker enhance the sense of humor? Should studies be done?"

"Hyde, we are here because we need to look at some albums," Fez said.

"What, like to buy?"

"Not really," Fez said. "To model off of."

"The hell are you talking about?" Hyde asked.

"We're making Fez into a bad boy," Laurie said. "He thinks that if he's bad Janie will like him."

"Oh. Well, try some Judas Priest," Hyde said. "There should be pictures on their albums or something."

"I'm over the good girls, Hyde," Fez said. "Jackie was the last straw. Good girls aren't so good. Bad girls are honest with their badness."

"First of all, Janie isn't exactly a bad girl," Hyde said. "Come on. Her worst offense was stealing some boards from a construction site. Oooooh! Scary!"

"Don't listen to him, Fez," Laurie said.

"Second of all, give Jackie a break, okay?" Hyde asked. "She dumped you because she didn't want to hurt you, not to be a bitch."

"Where are these records?" Fez asked. Hyde pointed in the general direction, and Fez nodded and walked towards them.

"Uh oh!" Laurie said, mockingly. "Someone has a wittle cwush on his exey wexxie!"

"Ha, in your wildest dreams," Hyde stated. "She's a goody goody. Why would I be attracted to a vain girl who works at a TV station?"

Jackie burst in the door.

"Steven, should I work at Red's Muffler Shop?" she asked.

"But… the TV station," Hyde said, and Laurie bit back a laugh.

"Oh, I was fired this morning because I told Christine she could bite my ass," Jackie said. "AND, as I left I slashed her front tire!"

"Wow Jackie," Laurie said shooting Hyde a smug look. "How felonious of you. Not goody goody at all."

"You can follow suit and bite my ass too," Jackie said. "So what do you think? Muffler Shop?"

"I don't see you as the Muffler Shop type," Hyde said. "I mean, sure , you know cars pretty well, but come on, Jackie, you couldn't last a day in that situation." Her eyes flashed at him.

"Oh and why not?" she demanded. "I bet I could if I put my mind to it!"

"… I can't think about you and your job situation right now!" Hyde said, as Laurie smirked. Jackie put her hands on her hips.

"Well I just thought that since we share an apartment you'd want to know that I was fired," she snapped. "But whatever, Steven!" She left the record store, and Laurie arched her eyebrows at him.

Fez walked back, holding a record.

"I'm supposed to dress like this?!" he demanded. "They look like Hells Angels!"

"And Janie would probably love to sleep with a Hells Angel!" Laurie said.

--------------------------------

Eric and Donna sat in the car, silent.

"I can't believe you made that little girl cry," Eric said. Donna shrugged.

"Well, she had it coming," Donna stated, defensively. Eric nodded, and smiled at her. She smiled back, and looked at the dashboard. "So… Are you sad you came back?"

"Huh?" he asked.

"Back to Point Place," she said. "Are you sad you came back instead of staying in Africa?"

"No, why would I be?"

"Well, you really seem to hate it here," she said.

"I don't hate it here," he said. "I'm just eager to get out of here. This town just strangles you, ya know?"

"I guess," Donna said. "I mean, I can't wait to get to Madison, but part of me really likes it here."

"I like my friends," Eric said. "And that's about it. My parents drive me crazy and my sister is a bitch."

"Both true," Donna said. "Of course, all our memories are here."

"Yeah, I guess," Eric said. "I'm hungry. Wanna go to dinner early?" She sighed, and nodded.

"Sure, why not?" she asked. "I guess raw fish couldn't hurt my mood."

-------------------------------

Janie was sitting in the apartment, when Fez walked in, wearing full bad boy garb. Janie looked at him, mouth dropped.

"Hey, Janie," he said. "What's going on with you today?"

"Not much," Janie said, stifling a laugh. "Um, this is a new look for you, right?"

"Oh, you know," Fez said, sitting on the arm of the couch. "Just trying something new."

"Well that's fair," Janie said. "So…. Are you going for the leatherdaddy look or something?"

"Would you like me to be your leather daddy?" he asked. She stood up, holding up her hands.

"I'm not sure you know what you're saying," she said. "But… okay, Fez, it's fairly obvious to me and everyone else that you have a thing for me. But hey, I'm not interested. And it has nothing to do with you, okay? You're a good guy, and you always will be even if you doll up in leather and chains. I don't really do the good guys because I always disappoint them. So… Just forget about me, okay?"

"… Janie…"

"This is a weird conversation to tell you this in, but I'm going to go stay with my parents for awhile. I mean, I was going to anyway, Dad's birthday and all that, but I think it's for the best." She smiled sadly, and walked into her room. Fez sighed, and sat on the couch fully.

"Damn you, leather," he said. "You do nothing!"

-------------------------------

Jackie knocked on the Foreman's door, and Red opened it.

"Hello, Jackie," he said. "No one is in the basement right now."

"Mr. Foreman, I know this is going to sound crazy but I've come to see you," she said. "Steven doesn't think that I can work in your muffler shop, and I need a job. I want to prove him wrong. You know I'm good with cars and you also know I'm charismatic as hell. So how about you give me a salesgirl position, and that way I can have a job and also show Steven that I'm not totally worthless." Red looked at her, and smiled sardonically.

"Sure, Jackie," he said. "I've needed a salesgirl for awhile, someone who could bring in customers. I bet you could do that."

"Damn right I could, I'm hot," she stated.

"You start Monday, starting at four dollars an hour," Red said. "You work from nine to three, Monday Tuesday Wednesday and Sunday."

"Make it five fifty an hour and you have yourself a deal," she said.

"Okay, deal," he said. She smiled, and shook his hand.

---------------------------------

Donna was quiet as the waited for their sushi. Eric played with his chopsticks, and cleared his throat.

"Okay, what's going on?" he asked. "I mean, you haven't said much since our walk in the park."

"Just thinking," she said.

"About what?"

"Well, after we go to Madison, who's to say that I don't want to come back to Point Place for awhile?"

"Why would you?" he asked. "I mean, Madison is so great, and there are even bigger and greater cities out there. Why would you want to come back here?" She shrugged.

"My life is here, Eric," she said. "Everything I know is here. How could you let it all go so easily?"

"I didn't," he said. "I came back, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but you seem very eager to leave again," she said.

"With you this time," Eric said. "Come on, Donna. You know I'd do anything for you. I'm about to eat raw fish for you!"

"But would you come back with me?" she asked.

"… Let's just eat our dinner."

"… Fine," she said. The waitress brought the plate of sushi. They both looked at it like it was very weird.

"How did I let you talk me into this?" he asked.

"Janie and Jackie said it was good."

"Janie's a weirdo and Jackie is a snob," Eric said. Donna looked at it, and then at him.

"I can't even eat sushi," she said. "How can you expect me to leave this town forever if I can't even eat sushi?!" She stood, and ran from the restaurant. Eric sighed, and ate a sushi.

"…. That's pretty good," he said to himself.

------------------------------

Hyde was on the couch when Jackie walked in.

"I got a job at Red's Muffler Shop," she said, smugly. "I told you that I could do it, and I did it. You need to learn to have a little more faith in me. I'm more competent than you give me credit for."

"Oh, okay," he said.

"… You're supposed to be humiliated," she said.

"Am I?" he asked.

"Yes. Be humiliated!"

"…. No." She huffed, and sat on the couch next to him. "…. You really got a job there? Red really hired you?"

"Yep."

"Wow…."

"…. You're a little humiliated, admit it."

"Sorry."

FADE OUT


	9. Last Child

A/N: I'm posting a second episode this week so we can get closer to next week… When everyone's FAVORITE ::eyeroll:: stripper makes her unwelcome return to Point Place… But that is then! This is now! Sorry for the teasing. I'm just excited.

Disclaimer: I own neither 70s SHOW nor Aerosmith songs

9.9: Last Child

Red was watching Kitty gather baking supplies around the kitchen.

"Oh my gosh, I don't know if I have any vanilla!" she exclaimed. "Red, how can I bake my famous sugar cookies without vanilla?"

"Kitty, every few months you do this church bake sale and every few months you go crazy trying to whip up nine dozen cookies," Red said. "Why do you keep doing it? We don't even go to church regularly anymore."

"Well I figure that making cookies will help God overlook that little detail you just mentioned," Kitty said. "Red! Why don't we have any vanilla?!"

"Obviously it's because God wants you to stop with the hollow gesture of baking cookies!" Red exclaimed. Kitty shot him a look, and began digging through the cupboards again.

Eric walked into the kitchen.

"I'm off to work," he said.

"Oh sweetie! Will you pick me up some vanilla on the way home?" Kitty asked. "I really need some vanilla!"

"Well Mom, I know that you want to get a head start on those cookies," Eric said. "So since I won't be home until about 3:30 this afternoon, maybe you should ask Dad to go get it." Red set down the newspaper, and Eric smiled at him, cunningly.

"Oh Red! Will you help me and go get the vanilla?" Kitty asked.

"Thanks, Eric," Red said.

"Glad to be of help," Eric said, and left the kitchen.

-------------------------------

Jackie stood at the counter of the Muffler shop, reading a Cosmo and waiting for customers. Red walked in, and she waved at him.

"Hi, Mr. Foreman," she said, chipperly. "How are you today?"

"I'm late because I had to get vanilla for Kitty," Red said, hanging up his coat.

"Is it already cookie time again?" Jackie asked.

"It feels like it was just cookie time, doesn't it?" Red asked. "So how are the customers today?"

"We've had a few," she said. "Larry is in the back, looking at a guys car."

"So how are you and Larry getting along?" Red asked.

Larry walked in at that point.

"Hey twinkle toes, careful not to get oil on that blouse of yours," he said, walking past Jackie. She arched her eyebrows.

"As you can see, we're the BEST of friends," she said snarkily, and Larry came back from the fridge with a soda. "I'm not so sure I fit in here…"

"Awww, come on, princess, you love me," he said, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Larry," Red warned, but Jackie held up her hands.

"Get your arm off of me unless you want me to beat you upside the head with the nearest tool I can find," Jackie said. "Oh look. It's a lug wrench." She reached for it, and Larry chuckled, and sat on the counter.

"I love this girl, Red," he said. "She's feisty." As he said this, he touched her shoulder. She hit him in the face with the Cosmo.

"Back off, creep!" she exclaimed. "Don't make me hit you again!"

"Hey! I wasn't coming on to you, I meant that in a friendly way!" Larry exclaimed, holding a hand to his cheek.

"Oh," Jackie said. "Really? You weren't coming on to me?"

"No!"

"Oh…. Sorry," she said. "What, aren't I pretty?"

"Well, of course you're pretty!" Larry exclaimed.

"Jackie, I think you'll hold your own just fine," Red said.

-----------------------------

Eric was sitting behind the counter at Grooves when Donna walked in. He looked up, and straightened up.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she answered. "Look, I'm sorry I haven't called you back."

"It's okay," he said. "I've been busy at work, and you've been at the station."

"And I'm sorry I freaked out on our date," she continued. "I just… I don't want to lose you again. And I guess I got afraid that I was going to."

"Yeah… Well, that's okay," he said. "Cuz you aren't going to get rid of me THAT easily." Donna smiled, and they kissed across the counter. Hyde walked out from the office.

"Hey hey hey, do that on your own time," he said.

"Sorry, I'm on the clock," Eric said. "Wanna get together after work?"

"Sure," she said. "I'll meet you at your house."

"Okay, Eric said. Donna smiled, left the store, and Eric sighed.

"What's up with Donna?" Hyde asked.

"I don't know," Eric stated. Hyde shrugged.

Fez walked into Grooves.

"You guys, I need your help!" he exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked.

"I stopped by your house to give Laurie back her hair spray, and-."

"Why did you need hair spray?" Hyde asked.

"It was when I was a punk for a day," Fez said. "I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, I was in your kitchen, and then your mother tried to rope me into helping her cook! I think she followed me here…" He looked behind his shoulder, and then dove over the counter.

Kitty walked in.

"Hello, Eric, Steven," she said. "I brought you two some lunch." She handed them brown paper bags.

"Thanks Mom," Eric said.

"Have you guys seen Fez?" she asked. "I was wondering if he'd help me cook! I just need an extra pair of hands if I'm going to get this done." Fez put a finger to his mouth, and Hyde decided to cover for him.

"Nah, he hasn't come in," Hyde said. "You should try the salon."

Donna walked in.

"Eric, I almost forgot to give you your knit hat, it's been in my car since…" she began, and Kitty turned, looking at her. "…. What?" Kitty smiled, and Eric mouthed an 'I'm sorry'.

----------------------------

Jackie was ringing up a customer, who was staring at her chest.

"Enjoying the view?" she asked. He looked up quickly, embarrassed.

"No, I wasn't.. I mean, it wasn't like I was-."

"Just give me the fifteen fifty."

"Okay," he said, and went back to looking at her chest. She groaned, and took the money from him. He left, and she began filing her nails.

Larry walked into the store, and she set her file down.

"That's the third guy who's stared at my boobs," she stated. "They aren't even that big!"

"Hey, do you have some milk?" he asked. She looked at him shocked. "Okay wow, that was just bad timing on my part."

"You have three seconds to explain."

"Well, there's a kitten in the alley out back and it looks hungry," he said, holding up his hands. Jackie's eyes widened, and she let out an 'awwwwww!', and ran for the door to the alley. Larry covered his eyes.

"Could you be any more insulting?" he asked himself. "Jeeze, you idiot!" Jackie ran back in with the little black kitten.

"Oh my gosh, he's so little!" she exclaimed, holding him above her head. "Larry, was there a mother or anything around?"

"Not that I saw," he said. "No tag either. He was picking at some of the garbage out back."

"He must be an orphan," she said. "Oh wittle kitty cat! Larry, isn't he just precious?!"

"He's okay," Larry said, and Jackie set him on Larry's shoulder. "… He's not a parrot, Jackie."

"I brought some milk with my lunch today, I'll get it for him," she said, and rushed to the back room.

Red walked in, and saw Larry petting the cat on his shoulder. Red stopped in the doorway, and wasn't quite sure of what he was seeing.

"Larry, is that a cat on your shoulder?" he asked.

"…. Yessir."

"Should I even ask?"

"It's probably best not to."

"Okay then."

----------------------------

"So Donna, today I am going to pass on my cookie recipe to you," Kitty said. "I always said that I would pass it on to one of my kids, but Eric can't cook and Laurie doesn't deserve it."

"Well I'm honored," Donna said. "Your cookies are always some of the best at the bake sale. Yours and Mrs. Hubers always sell the most."

"Milly Huber is a cheater," Kitty said, matter of factly. "Everyone knows she uses the Betty Crocker cookbook to make her cookies! MINE are all me."

"Oh. Well, I guess that in, um, God's eyes... money is money," Donna said.

"God would never accept dirty money, Donna," Kitty stated. Donna bit her lip. This was going to be interesting. "So first and foremost, you of course mix the sugar and the butter with the eggs and the vanilla."

"Did you ever think about almond extract?" Donna asked. "I've heard a little can make sugar cookies really good."

"Oh honey, this isn't jazz music, there's no improvisation here," Kitty said. "These are only vanilla."

"Then how are they any different from other sugar cookies?" Donna asked.

"That's the secret!"

"Well are you going to tell me the secret?" Donna asked.

"When we get there I will," Kitty said. "So are you going to cook for Eric?"

"Well, if I have time we'll try and cook for each other," Donna said. "I'm not the best cook."

"Well I can teach you all about it!" Kitty said. "I'll make you a cookbook before you two leave for Madison."

"That's really not necessary," Donna said.

"Oh Donna sweetie, trust me," Kitty said. "It is necessary." Donna sighed, and smiled as best she could. "Now hand me the mixer. We have to mix for three minutes exactly. No more and no less!"

"Why?"

"Because!" Donna held up her hands defensively, and Kitty went back to mixing the ingredients.

----------------------------

Jackie and Larry were playing with the kitten at the end of her shift. Red looked at the clock.

"Jackie, your shift is done," he said. "Harry's gonna come in soon."

"Mr. Foreman, may I use that old car part box to take this kitten home with me?" she asked.

"Why do I care?"

"Well I want to see the little guy too!" Larry exclaimed. "Jackie, will you bring him into work with you?"

"Sure!"

"Hold on, hold on," Red said. "Why would this place need a cat roaming around?"

"Because he's the store mascot," Larry said.

"Larry, don't be a dumbass," Red said. "Auto shops don't have cats as mascots!"

"This one could!" Jackie said. "He can play around, entertain the customers while they wait for their parts to be attached, he'd be great for business! Most places have a TV or a magazine table. THIS ONE will have a kitten!"

"She has a point, boss," Larry said. "People love animals." Red sighed, and thought about it.

"I suppose that we could always use the extra business," he said. "Fine. He stays. But if he craps allover the place he's gone." Jackie smiled, and hugged the kitten.

"So what are you going to name him, Jackie?" Larry asked.

"Well, first I have to ask my roommate if I can keep him," Jackie said. "If I get to keep him, I'm gonna name him Donnie Osmond. If I can't, you can have him and you can keep him."

"My apartment doesn't allow cats."

"Then I guess I'll just have to really convince my roommate," Jackie said. She sighed. "But Steven doesn't really like cats."

"What's not to like about this guy?" Larry asked, as the kitten scratched his uniform a little bit. "Oh… Well, good luck with convincing him." Jackie sighed, and placed the kitten in the box.

------------------------------

Eric walked into the kitchen and saw Donna napping on the table.

"So has the baking ended yet?" he asked. She sat up with a start, and rubbed her eyes.

"No, and I'm only breaking because Kitty spilled eggs all over herself," Donna said. "She's in the shower and I'm napping. I hate this. I blame you and your knit hat."

"Blame Fez, he was her intended victim."

"I blame him too."

"Hey, this recipe is sacred," Eric said. "And not just in the church way. She won't tell it to anyone! It's the Foreman family Holy Grail."

"I don't want that kind of power!" Donna exclaimed.

Kitty walked back into the kitchen, and saw Eric.

"Eric, I'm teaching your sweetie how to cook the cookies recipe," she said.

"Yeah, she told me," Eric said. "And look at how much fun she's having!"

"Hey, we are having fun," Kitty said. "Just because cooking isn't YOUR cup of tea it doesn't mean that Donna can't have fun while doing it. Now leave us to our work." Eric chuckled, and waved at Donna as he left the kitchen. She shook a fist at him, and turned to Kitty.

"Kitty, look, this has been fun, but-."

"Are you ready for the secret ingredient?" Kitty asked. Donna's interest was piqued.

"…. Yeah, I suppose so." Kitty made her close her eyes, and grabbed something from the fridge.

"Okay, open them," she said. Donna did as she was told. "TA DAH!"

"Orange juice?" Donna asked, eying the carton.

"Yes! You put a little of it in the frosting, along with vanilla extract!" Kitty said. "That's what makes the cookies so good!"

"Wow. I never would have imagined."

"Donna, thank you for helping me today," Kitty said, stirring the frosting. "I haven't had this much fun cooking since, well… since I was young and my mother taught me this recipe. Now she's older and a real grouch. And Laurie, well… You know…. So thanks." Donna smiled gently.

"I had fun too, Kitty," she said. Kitty smiled, and Eric peeked into the kitchen. "Get out!! The recipe isn't done yet!" Eric held up his hands, and left the kitchen.

------------------------------

Hyde walked into the apartment, and sighed. It had been a long day at work, and after closing he just loved crashing at home on the couch with a beer while watching Johnny Carson.

"Steven, is that you?" Jackie called from the bedroom. He sat down on the couch, and rested his feet on the table.

"No, it's a scary burglar," he called back, and she pranced into the main room.

"So I have a proposition for you," she said. "But before I propose it you have to promise that you'll have an open mind." He looked up at her suspiciously.

"… We are not painting this place pink," he stated.

"Not that," she said. "And I'm not fifteen anymore, Steven, pink doesn't have to be everywhere. Just a lot of places." He turned off the TV, and turned to look at her.

"Okay, what is it?" he asked. She opened the door to her bedroom, and out ran a kitten. "No no no no NO."

"Awww, Steven, PLEASE!" she whined, holding up the little black cat. "We found him outside the Muffler Shop today, and he's more than likely orphaned! There was no mother around, and no brothers or sisters!"

"Jackie, I hate cats," he said. "Especially black ones. They just aren't… right."

"But just look at his little face!" she said, holding the kitten right up at his face. Hyde just glared at the thing. "Steven, I've always wanted a kitten, and Daddy was allergic and Fez was scared of them. I talked to Joe and he said that we could keep him!" Hyde looked up at Jackie, who looked like she really really wanted it.

"… Okay, fine," he said.

"Oh Steven!" she exclaimed, and jumped on his lap.

"OOF! Get off me," he growled, shoving her onto the couch. She held the kitten to her chest, and laughed a little. "So what's his name?"

"Donnie Osmond."

"The hell it is!" he said. "If we keep it I get veto power of any dopey name you come up with."

"Fine…. Romeo?"

"Veto."

"Ugh…. How about Danny Bonaduce?" Hyde opened his mouth to veto it, but then closed it.

"Okay. You didn't pick David Cassidy so you get Danny Bonaduce."

"Hear that?" she asked the kitten. "Your name is Danny Bonaduce! Daddy said it was okay!"

"Hey hey hey, I'm not his 'daddy'," Hyde said. Jackie rested her head on his shoulder, and held the kitten up. Hyde thought about pulling away, but instead rested his arm across the back of the couch. She didn't notice, and he was fine with that. "I'll be uncle Hyde." Jackie chuckled, and set Danny Bonaduce on his shoulder.

---------------------------------------

Donna and Kitty awaited the tallies of the bake sale profits.

"We have it this month, Donna," Kitty said. "There's not way that Milly beat us."

"I hope not," Donna said.

"And the most cookies sold, totaling 54 dollars, is Milly Huber with her scrumptious raisin roundees," the reverend said. Donna and Kitty seethed.

"She cheats! She uses a Betty Crocker recipe!" Donna yelled. She and Kitty were met with disapproving looks.

"Or so we have heard," Kitty said.

FADE OUT


	10. Sweet Emotion

A/N: This is a long episode, and it had some tweaking done, but I think I'm satisfied with it. I hope that everyone likes it too!

Disclaimer: I don't own THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

Episode 9.10: Sweet Emotion

Donna was in the basement, looking at a compact mirror, Eric's arm around her shoulder.

"Damn it, my roots are showing again?" she asked. "It feels like I just got them done!"

"I didn't even notice until you said something," Eric said.

"Really?"

"No." She giggled, and nudged him.

Jackie walked into the basement, and threw her coat on the couch next to Donna.

"Your roots are showing again," she said.

"Yeah, thanks," Donna said.

"You better get on that," Jackie stated.

"Yeah, THANKS," Donna said, irritated this time.

"Wow, what's with the anger?" Jackie asked.

"I'm sick of the maintenance this hair requires."

"Welcome to the world of beauty," Jackie said. "You think I roll out of bed looking like this?"

"I can guarantee that she doesn't," Hyde said, walking down the basement steps. She stuck her tongue out at him, and he sat on the arm of the chair next to her.

"Steven, you aren't exactly Prince Charming when you wake up in the morning," Jackie said.

"Okay, what is going on with you two?" Eric asked. "So are you two friends again or something?"

"Yeah, I guess," Jackie said.

"Sure, why not?" Hyde asked. "Now that she's calmed down."

"Oh what do you mean?" she asked, shoving him gently.

"Stop stop stop!" Donna exclaimed. "I'm still trying to process this! Okay. You guys are friends again, I'm contemplating going back to red… Can we REALLY erase the past year and go back to the way things were?"

As she asked this, the door opened, and in walked Sam.

"Hyde baby!" she exclaimed, dropping her suitcase. "I'm back!" Jackie's mouth dropped, as did Hyde's.

"That answers your question, sweetie," Eric said.

(_commercial break. For once I don't change the scene!!_)

"Sam, what are you doing here?" Hyde asked, standing up.

"Well, what if I told you that I got a divorce?" she asked, walking to him. "What if I told you that I got a divorce because I realized that you were more of a man than my husband ever was?"

"Is that the stripper?" Eric hissed to Donna.

"Yes, that is the stripper."

"That's the one Hyde picked over Jackie?"

"Yes, that's the one he picked over her."

"That's the one who ditched him for her first husband?"

"Yes, that's her."

"That's the one who-?"

"YES THAT'S HER!" Jackie snapped. Eric jumped a little at the outburst, and Donna put her arm around him protectively.

"I would say I think that's a load," Hyde said.

"Aw baby, come on," Sam said. "I realized that I made a huge mistake, okay? I remembered why I left that jerk in the first place, and I came back for you, divorce in tow."

"Sam, you ditched me," Hyde said. "You lied to me and then you ditched me. What did you expect, a parade or something?"

"Maybe just a hello kiss," Sam said, and Hyde shook his head and stormed out of the basement. Donna and Eric looked at each other, and then at Jackie.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked. "Go after him!"

"Well we figured that since you're so close again maybe you would," Donna said, the cogs in her head beginning to turn.

"Oh please, we aren't there JUST yet," Jackie said, crossing her arms.

"I'll go after him," Sam said.

"SIDDOWN!" Jackie snapped, and rushed out of the basement after Hyde. Sam huffed, sat in the chair, crossed her legs, and began to do her nails.

"So I'm Eric," Eric said, extending a hand. "Donna's boyfriend."

"I thought you were in Australia or something," Sam said, not accepting the hand.

"Africa," Eric corrected. It didn't register with her. "… Or whatever, same thing I guess."

----------------------------------------

Hyde was smoking a cigarette down the alley aways, pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Jackie walked up next to him, holding herself in the chilly weather.

"I thought you quit," she said.

"I always have a spare," he stated.

"Ah."

"So why are you here?" he asked. "Of all the people I never thought it'd be you."

"Well, it was either me or her," Jackie said. "And since I don't think you want to see her, I thought maybe I would do."

"Can you believe her?" he asked. "Just waltzes back here like nothing happened. Is she really that stupid?" Jackie smirked.

"Do you really need to ask?" she asked, and he smirked too.

"I just…. I played this scenario over once or twice in my head," he said. "In my mind I would always kick her to the curb. And now that she's here… I don't know." Jackie looked at the ground, disappointed by this statement.

"Steven… What do you want?" she asked.

"I don't know, Jackie," he said. "She was really fun. Really free spirited, she made me forget…" He stopped, and she stared at the trees, wishing he'd stopped himself as much as he wished he had.

"Made you forget about me," she finished.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"….. I am giving you permission to go to her."

"…. Wait, what did you say?" he asked.

"Go to her," she said. "She helped you get over our… thing. I just wish I had had someone like that."

"Are you seriously telling me to go to her?" he asked. She nodded, still watching the trees so as not to look at him. "Are you ever going to tell me why you just did this?"

"… Maybe," she said. "When the time is right. Steven, just go to her, okay? You have a second chance, don't blow it." He didn't know how to react. So he just nodded curtly, and walked back towards the Foreman's house.

"Are you coming?" he asked.

"Oh, no," she said, smiling as best she could. "I have some errands I want to run today."

"Okay," he said. "…. Well, see ya."

"Yeah, see ya," she said. Once he turned, she leaned against the fence. She closed her eyes, and walked to her car.

------------------------------------

"Fez, you don't understand how pissed I am!" Donna exclaimed as he washed her hair. "I mean, I've wanted Jackie and Hyde to work things out for so long! Like, ever since they broke up!"

"Thanks a lot," Fez said, snidely.

"Oh, well, not when she was with you of course," Donna said, backpaddling. "… Anyway, just when they start getting comfortable with each other again, that stupid bimbo comes back into his life!"

"I thought you liked Sam," Fez said.

"That was when I thought they were married and I had to get along with her," Donna said. "Now I just think she's obnoxious! She is an outsider trying to weasel her way into the circle!"  
"When it was Randy you didn't see him as an outsider," Fez said.

"Big picture, Fez," Donna snapped. "Ugh… Anyway, are you sure you know what you're doing when it comes to dying hair?"

"Sure I'm sure," Fez said. "I've become an apprentice to Trisha, the best dye girl in the whole salon. And I did everything she told me to do when it comes to your hair. Once it's all rinsed you'll be Big Red once again."

"I hope so," Donna said. "I'm so frustrated! I just wanna, like, kick some ass or something! And what on Earth possessed Jackie to let Hyde go back to her!? She's ruining the plan!"

"Does Jackie know about this plan?" Fez asked. "Maybe she really wants to move on."

"Oh whatever!" Donna said. "Are you done yet?"

"Don't get snappy with me, missy!" Fez said, pulling her hair into a towel. "Or else you won't get to see your-." He stopped, because as he pulled away the towel he noticed that Donna's hair was not the fire red that it was supposed to be. It was purple.

"See my what?" Donna asked.

"Eeeep," Fez said.

"Eeep?" Donna asked, and turned around to face the mirror. She leapt up into the chair in shock and alarm, and then grabbed a clump of her purple hair. "FEZ!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?!?!" He stared at her for a few seconds, then bolted for the employee area.

------------------------------------

Kitty was mixing dough roughly as Eric, Red, and Laurie sat at the table.

"I can't believe that little tramp is back in town!" Kitty hissed. "I thought that we were rid of her when she and that greaseball husband of hers left Steven in the lurch!"

"I missed so much ridiculousness when I was gone," Eric said.

"Me too," Laurie agreed.

"Well she has some nerve," Kitty said. "Some nerve indeed! And I can't believe Steven took her back!"

"Kitty, it's not our business," Red said.

"Red, things were getting back to normal around here!" Kitty exclaimed. "Eric is back, he and Donna are back together, Jackie and whats his name are broken up, all I was waiting for was for Steven to figure out that Jackie was the girl for him and then THEY'D get back together and everything would be hunky dorey!"

"Life doesn't work that way," Red said, reading the paper.

"She seems cool enough," Laurie said. "We got along okay when I met her."

"Well it's not like you're that much different," Eric said and Laurie glared at him.

"Well I can tell you one thing, there is no way I'm inviting them over for dinner any time soon!" Kitty said, just as Hyde and Sam walked into the kitchen.

"Hi, Kitty!" Sam said, waving. "It's me! Sam!" Kitty threw the dough back in the bowl and left the kitchen.

"Don't mind her, Sam," Red said. "She just can't seem to get her sourdough bread to work."

"Oh, that's too bad," Sam said. "Hey! Laurie, right?"

"Yep!" Laurie said.

"Your outfit is so cute!" she said.

"Oh, you like it?" Laurie asked.

"Of course she does, it's slutty," Eric said.

"Well I have a whole closet full of stuff like it!" Laurie said. "Wanna see?"

"Sure!" Sam said. They ran out of the kitchen, leaving the men to themselves.

"They're certainly getting along," Red said.

"This surprises you?" Hyde asked.

"What are you saying about my little girl, Steven?" Red asked, eying him. Hyde swallowed, and Eric snickered.

"I'm saying that they're both charming young ladies," Hyde answered.

"And that they're both accustomed to dancing around poles," Eric piped in.

-------------------------------------

Jackie was playing with Danny Bonaduce, when there was a knocking on the door to the apartment. She walked to the door, and opened it to see Donna with a big hat on her head.

"Um, what's with the hat?" Jackie asked. Donna closed the door behind her, and ripped it off her head. Jackie screamed.

"I know!" Donna said. "Fez did this to me!"

"What on Earth did he use?" Jackie asked. "Grape syrup?!"

"I don't know! He said that it was supposed to turn into red!"

"Uh, yeah, if you're a brunette," Jackie said. "When he gets here with my new shampoo I'm going to give him a piece of my mind for you."

"Thanks."

"Oh honey. I feel so BAD for you."

"Yeah, well, enough about my hair," Donna said. "What were you thinking?!"

"Huh?"

"You told Hyde to take her back! Are you crazy?!" Donna asked.

"No," Jackie said.

"Then you'd better start explaining," Donna stated. "Jackie. What the hell?" Jackie shrugged.

"He picked her over me," Jackie said. "He must really like her."

"No, he picked her because she was the perfect excuse to not have feelings!" Donna said. "Jackie, come on, you know that. We all know that! Why did you do that?"

"Because I got into the University of Minnesota," Jackie said. Donna tilted her head, confused. "I got the letter yesterday. I'm in, Donna. I'm going to Minneapolis!"

"Jackie, that's great news!" Donna said, hugging her.

"I know. I'm going to be like Mary Tyler Moore for real!" Jackie said.

"But… I don't get it, why did you send Hyde to Sam because of that?" Donna asked.

"Because I'm just going to be leaving him again," Jackie said. "I don't want to get feelings for him, because we'll just get hurt. So I figure if he can be happy with Sam, I won't fall in love with him again, and then I can leave and not feel awful about it." Donna nodded, and sighed.

"I guess that crazy train of thought has some logic," Donna said. "How are you going to stand her?"

"I'll manage," Jackie said. "I don't want to be that vindictive bitch I was when she was here the first time. Steven and I are friends again, and I am not going to ruin that."

"That's very mature of you," Donna said.

"…. Very Mary Tyler Moore?" Jackie asked, hopefully.

"Sure, why not?" Donna asked, petting the kitten.

At that moment, Sam walked into the apartment, holding a shopping bag. Donna pulled out her hat quickly, before Sam noticed the hair. She saw Jackie and Donna on the couch, and sort of rolled her eyes.

"Hyde told me you were his roommate," Sam said. "But I didn't really believe it until now." Jackie shrugged.

"Well believe it."

"I don't really have a choice now, do I?" Sam asked. "I thought that you were never going to talk to him again after he dumped you for me."

"I'm glad you're still proud of that," Jackie said, snidely. "Is that fact seriously your greatest triumph in life? Taking advantage of a drunk guy? Way to go."

"It got me what I wanted, I'd say that was a success," Sam said. "I hope that you're ready to spend a lot of time with me, precious, because I'm not leaving any time soon."

"Whatever, you slutty-," Jackie said, and Donna held up her hands.

"Okay you two, stop," she said. "You guys have to deal with each other, and I think if you want to make it easier on Hyde you need to-."

"Tell me, Jackie, what was it like seeing him pick me all over again?" Sam asked. "Still feel as smug as you used to?" Jackie pursed her lips, and stood.

"Sam, for your information Steven and I are just friends now, so he didn't 'pick' you over anyone. But I agree with Donna," Jackie said. "Right now, we should put aside our differences, and be civil for Steven's sake..." With that, she punched Sam in the nose. Sam shrieked in surprise, and Jackie smirked.

"That being said, that was for LAST year when you ruined my life," Jackie said, and leapt on Sam.

"Oh jeeze," Donna said, and jumped into the brawl before Sam could retaliate completely. "Guys, stop! You're gonna break something or scare the cat, or-!" Her hat came off, and Sam gasped. The fighting stopped for the moment.

"Is your hair purple?" Sam asked.

"…Yes."

"It looks ridiculous!"

"Hey, shut up!" Donna said, and hit her too.

Fez walked in, as the door was left open by Sam.

"Jackie?" he asked, and saw the brawl on the floor. "Oh my gosh! Um… I'll just leave your shampoo here…. Good day." He scampered from the apartment.

-------------------------------

Eric was in his room, when Donna knocked on the door. She walked in, and Eric looked at her.

"Is your eye swelling?" he asked.

"Long story," Donna said. "Jackie and Sam got in a fight, I got in the middle… After all was said and done Jackie left the apartment to go shopping and Sam was unpacking."

"Who won?"

"It was kind of a wimpy fight, but Jackie got the most slaps and stuff in."

"Judging by your eye it wasn't THAT wimpy. So let me see the hair," he said.

"You don't want to see the hair," she said.

"Why not?"

"Because Fez did it."

"Uh oh. Did you get what you paid for?"

"Yep."

"What did you pay for?"

"It was free."

"Uh oh again. Come on, Donna, let's see it," he said. "Take the hat off." She sighed, and slowly took the hat off. Eric nodded, pensively.

"You can laugh, Eric," she said, and he let out the laughter. "Don't worry, it's getting fixed in two days, once Trish gets back in town, free of charge. Fez worked it all out with her over the phone. Soon I'll be Big Red again, instead of Big Magenta."

"I could enjoy Big Magenta in the mean time," he said. "It's very punk. Janie would love it."

"Your mom dropped a loaf of bread when she saw my hair," Donna said.

"Aw, she was having problems with that bread to begin with," Eric said. "It's kind of sad it got made and then fell victim to your hairstyle."

"Don't even try and pin this on me," Donna said, nudging him in the ribs. "So before the fight I talked to Jackie."

"And?"

"And she's just doing a preemptive strike," Donna said. "She doesn't want to get hurt again, so why not keep invulnerable?"

"Huh?"

"She got into the University of Minnesota."

"Damn Gophers."

"She is the enemy now!"

"She was the enemy before."

"Sports wise, now you have an excuse."

"… HA HA HA!" he said, evil laughter exaggerated. "Soon me and Big Magenta shall take over the world from Darth Burkhart and the Golden Gophers!" She laughed, and began tickling him.

---------------------------------

Hyde was on the couch, and Sam sat next to him.

"So," she said. "Wanna go for round two?"

"… Nah."

"… Nah? Are you serious?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Sorry," he said.

"Whatever, that's your problem," Sam said. "Just wanna watch TV?"

"Sure," he said. He turned on the TV, and she nuzzled up against him. He didn't really reciprocate. "Is your nose swollen?"

"…. No."

Jackie walked through the front door, lip cut and a breezy smile across her face.

"Hello!" she said. "Steven, I picked up the beer you wanted."

"You didn't have to do that," he said, craning his neck to watch her walk into the kitchenette.

"Oh please, it's Wisconsin, it's not like there aren't five liquor stores on one block," she said.

"Jackie, what happened to your lip?" he asked.

"Oh this?" Jackie asked, touching it gingerly. "Don't worry about it, I got into it with a crazy witch… At the clothing store. What are you guys watching?" Sam glared.

"Good question," Hyde said. "Disappointed it's not 'Star Trek' reruns?"

"Oh whatever, Steven, I'm not a nerd," Jackie scoffed, hands on her hips.

"I've seen you sneaking reruns late at night," he said, and she wrinkled her nose at him.

"You aren't that cute," Jackie stated. The whole time, Sam was staring ahead with an uncomfortable glare on her face. "Did you feed Danny Bonaduce?"

"Yeah, I fed your little twerpy cat," Hyde said.

"OUR little twerpy cat," she corrected.

"Whatever you say," he stated. "Oh, check your bed." Jackie looked at him suspiciously, and quickly walked into her bedroom. He smiled, waiting for the reaction, and grinned when she shrieked. She ran back into the main room holding up the album.

"PRINCE!?!" she exclaimed, hopping up and down. "Steven, I've wanted this album forever!"

"Yeah, there were a few copies lying around Grooves," he said. "I thought I'd pick one up for you." She shrieked, and ran to him, throwing her arms around him happily.

"You are the best!" she exclaimed. "Okay, we are officially totally good again. You bought me Prince, there's no question now! I'm going to go listen to this!" She ran into her room, laughing maniacally, and slammed the door.

"God she's crazy," Hyde said, shaking his head and smiling. Sam stood up, hands on hips. "… What?"

"What do you mean, what?" she asked. "Hyde, have you looked at yourself in a mirror this entire time?"

"Um, I think it's pretty obvious I haven't," he said. "What are you talking about?"

"You have this big goofy grin on your face because she liked the gift!" Sam snapped.

"So what?" he asked.

"Hyde, do you really not see it?" she asked, and smiled incredulously. "You still have a thing for that princess in there! Did you see what she did to my nose?!"

"No I don't! We're friends, we're roommates, but-! Wait, SHE did that to your nose?"

"Yes, she did!"

"So I take it you're the one who busted her lip?"

"Yes!"

"Why were you fighting?"

"She started it because I apparently ruined her life last year or something," Sam said. "But I guess not, since you still like her!"

"I don't!"

"Sure you do, when she ran back out here looking like a freaking idiot with that damn album you looked happier than I've ever seen you!" she exclaimed. He didn't have an answer for that.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Look, if you still have a thing for that twerpy little brat, you should just-!"

"Don't call her that," he growled. "She's a friend of mine, and you have no right."

"You've always had a thing for her, Hyde!" she snapped. "And just because you aren't man enough to admit it to yourself doesn't mean that I have to put up with it."

"Well good," he said. "Look Sam, beat it. Just get out of here, you're right about one thing, I'm not into you anymore, that's for sure. I'm not sure I was ever into you!"

"That's my point exactly!" she snapped, storming for the bedroom. She exited with her suitcase.

"Lucky for you I hadn't fully unpacked," she said. "You are missing out on a real good thing, Hyde. What on Earth does she have that I don't have?"

"Well, for one thing she has the ability to keep her clothes on when she walks into a room," he said. She scowled.

"You may not admit it, but you still love her. And let me tell ya, it's too late for that. You blew it. After what you did to her she'll NEVER take you back."

"Beat it, Sam." She walked out, and slammed the door.

Jackie walked out of her bedroom.

"I heard muffled arguing. Where's Sam?" she asked.

"Did you hear anything specific?" he asked.

"Uh, no. Prince's sexy sexy voice was basically the only thing I heard besides random noises." Hyde sighed, relieved that she didn't hear the conversation.

"Why didn't you tell me you two fought?" he asked, and she touched her lip.

"You heard?"

"And saw the damage you both did," he said. "Jacks, why didn't you-?"

"Because I wanted to get along with her so you wouldn't be mad," Jackie said. "And that didn't really work. But I'm going to try really hard, and when she comes back I'll-."

"She left again."

"What?! What the hell???" Jackie asked. "Then I'm glad I punched her!"

"It wasn't going to work out," he said. "I don't like her like I used to. And even then it was questionable."

"Oh…. Are you okay?"

"… Yeah, actually," he said, looking at her. She snorted, and crossed her arms.

"I always said she wasn't good enough for you," she stated. "What a whore." He looked down, took a good look at her. She looked into his eyes.

"What?" she asked.

"… Nothing," he said.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"…. About her leaving, I'm fine," he said.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Do you want to get that lip looked at by a doctor?"

"No, it's fine, I asked Red to look at it. He laughed when I told him how I got it." Hyde laughed at that. "Wanna watch TV?"

"… Okay." She smiled up at him, and they sat on the couch. And she knew it was time to tell him.

"…. Steven, I got into the University of Minnesota," she said. He didn't show any emotion.

"…. Good for you." She smiled, and leaned against him as they watched TV.

"Thanks!" He looked down at her, and sighed. "What?" He put on a strong smile, and just squeezed her close.

"Nothing, Jacks."

-------------------------

Donna was on the couch in the basement, and Janie walked in.

"Hey girl, haven't see you in awhile," Donna said.

"Been at my mother's, long story," Janie said. "By the way, NICE hair."

"Oh, you like it?" Donna said.

"Very London Punk."

"You think so?" Donna asked. "I mean, I have an appointment for tomorrow to get it changed back."

"Oh yeah, go back to whatever color you had before, but this is kind of fun," Janie said, and began playing with the hair.

Eric walked down the steps, and saw the two of them.

"Donna, can you keep your hair purple just for this perk?" he asked. Donna and Janie threw the pillows at him.

FADE OUT


	11. Can't Stop Messin'

A/N: Wow, last week got a lot of feedback! Thanks to everyone who wrote reviews! They were a nice way to warm me up during the arctic weather we've been having in the good old Land of 10,000 Lakes. Stay warm, everyone!

Disclaimer: I own neither 70s Show, Aerosmith, or anything else that's obviously not mine.

9.11: Can't Stop Messin'

Janie entered Fez's bedroom.

"I'm back," she said, and walked back into the main room. Fez jumped up, and followed her.

"You came back," he said.

"Yeah, Mom and Dad's was becoming a pain," she said. "My little brother was being a little dumbass and he spilled a bunch of my black nail polish all over their white dog."

"How did that happen?"

"Trying to give the dog a pedicure."

"…. Really?"

"I don't try to understand him," she said, running a hand through her dyed black hair. "I'm sorry I ran off. I just got scared. I've had friends who've fallen for me, and when I didn't reciprocate they always tossed me out with the bathwater. I was just worried you would do it too."

"No, I wouldn't do that," Fez said. "I've been rejected so many times, I'm used to it." She smiled sadly.

"So are we cool? You aren't pissed at me or anything?"

"No," he said. "I'm not." She smiled, and shrugged.

"Good. Wanna come to Grooves with me? I'm gonna beg Hyde for a job."

"What about the tattoo job?"

"Oh, I'm keeping that, but Mom and Dad said that they weren't going to help me with rent unless I got a better job. So obviously, I need two," she said.

-------------------------------

Jackie was at the Muffler Shop counter, when Larry walked out from the garage.

"Jackie, I've been thinking," he said, putting on his backwards hat and wiping off his greasy hands. "You and me, we're coworkers. We see each other a lot, I think, and maybe one day after work we could go get some food or a drink or coffee or something." Jackie looked at him, and smirked.

"Larry, what are you, thirty two? Thirty three?"

"Thirty even!"

"Well, I'm barely twenty," she said, as Danny Bonaduce jumped on the counter. "Sorry, I have a policy not to date men who are ten years older than me unless they are rich."

"Ouch," he said, petting the cat. "…. Wanna go make out in the back room?"

"Ew, no!" she exclaimed, hitting his shoulder.

"Well that doesn't necessarily mean dating!" he said. "It's just… I think you're very pretty." She gave him a sad and flattered look.

"Larry, I haven't heard anyone tell me that in awhile," she said. He smiled, and walked a little closer to her. "But still. No. Although, I have someone in mind you may get along really well with."

"You're going to set me up?" he asked, leaning against the counter.

"I'm a compulsive matchmaker," she said, petting Danny Bonaduce. "You know Red? He has a daughter."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. She's a real skank. I'm sure she'd sleep with you," Jackie said. Larry laughed.

"I'm not interested in getting involved with the bosses daughter," he said.

By PURE coincidence, Laurie entered the store.

"Jackie, is my Dad here?" she asked.

"He's out getting lunch," Jackie said. "Laurie, this is Larry." Larry was dumbfounded by her physical beauty.

"Hi," he said, extending a hand. Laurie looked at it, and wrinkled her nose.

"Sorry, I don't shake hands with the help," she said. "Tell him I stopped by, and that I need money." With that, she left the store. Larry raised his eyebrows at Jackie.

"I like her," he said.

------------------------------

Hyde was at the counter of Grooves, and Janie and Fez walked in.

"Hey Janie, how's it going?" he asked.

"I need a job."

"You're hired."

"Thanks!" she said, shaking his hand.

"Just fill this out to make it official," he said, grabbing an application from under the counter. "I need more people to come in for jobs."

Leo walked out from the back room.

"Hyde man, did you take that copy of that Prince record from the back room?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Aw maaaan, I was going to give that to my niece," Leo said. "Didn't you see the post it on it that said 'Leo's'?"

"No, I saw the post it on it that said 'Mine'," Hyde stated. "Sorry man. We'll get some new ones soon."

"You told me Prince was for girls!" Fez sulked.

"He is, that's why I gave it to Jackie," Hyde said, as Leo leaned against the counter.

"Oh REALLY?" Janie asked, looking up from her application. "Man, I go to my parents for a couple weeks and so much happens!"

"What, it's a record," Hyde said. "She's into Prince. He has no staying power, so why not get her that album before he disappears off the face of the Earth?"

"Sure sure, Hyde," Janie said.

"What are you implying?" Hyde asked.

"I think she's saying you still have a thing for Jackie," Fez said.

"Loud Girl?" Leo asked. "I always liked her."

"One, I'm not saying anything about Jackie to any of you," Hyde said. "Two, do you want a job or not, Janie?"

"I do."

"Then shut yer trap," Hyde said.

Eric and Donna walked into the store, her with her newly fixed red hair.

"Donna, do you like Prince?" Fez asked.

"He's okay."

"I like him," Eric said, and Fez laughed. "I missed something, didn't I?"

"Why the Prince questions?" Donna asked.

"Hyde got Jackie that Prince album for the heck of it!" Janie exclaimed, and Donna turned, a huge smile across her face.

"OOOO!! You did?!" Donna exclaimed.

"It's just an album!" Hyde snapped.

"You got Jackie a just for the hell of it album?" Eric asked. "Aww. That's sweet."

"All of you can leave my store!" Hyde snapped. "Eric, you have a shift tonight."

"Yeah yeah yeah," Eric said.

"Janie, you start tomorrow," Hyde said, taking her application.

"Yay!" she exclaimed.

"Now everybody out!" he snapped. When Leo started walking too, Hyde grabbed him by the sleeve. "Not you, Leo. You still have work."

"Oh…. Can I go on a break?" Hyde groaned, and rubbed his temples.

----------------------------

Jackie and Larry were in her apartment after work. Larry held his arms out, and she put her finger to her chin, tapping it ever so lightly.

"Okay, you are going to need to shower," Jackie said. "Wash that hair of yours. You can't constantly have it hidden under a baseball cap."

"I like my cap," he said.

"And once I see you in non mechanic clothes I'm sure you'll look better," she said. "Larry, we're friends, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"So you won't hate me if I'm brutally honest with you?"

"…. It depends."

"Well, I'm bringing in the experts," she said. "They should be here any minute." As she said that, there was a knock on the door. "Come in!" In walked Donna, Fez, and Janie.

"These are the experts?" Larry asked.

"They're my friends and they know Laurie!" Jackie said. "Okay… Donna, Fez, Janie, this is Larry."

"Hey," they said, in unison.

"Hey," he said.

"Guys, I'm trying to set him up with Laurie," Jackie said.

"Good luck," Donna said. "No offense to you, Larry, but Laurie is what we call a gold digger."

"Though she did once marry Fez to keep him in the country," Janie said. "So she has a nice side. I'VE never seen it, but I guess it's there."

"Yes, that was the one nice thing she did for me," Fez said. "Then she left me."

"It wasn't a big loss, Fez," Donna said.

"Hey, I know that voice," Larry said. "Aren't you Hot Donna?" Donna smiled, and bit her lip.

"Yeah," she said, overly flattered. "I am."

"Wow, you ARE hot, Donna," he said.

"Aww, thanks!" she said.

"Ahem!" Jackie said, clapping her hands. "Let's focus, shall we? Our first goal is to get Larry and Laurie on a date." Janie held up her hand.

"I gotcha covered." She walked to Jackie's phone, and dialed the Foreman residence.

"Hello?" Laurie asked.

"Laurie, it's Janie," she said. "Would you be willing to go on a blind date with a friend?"

"Whatever. I could use a free meal."

"Cool. Meet him at Shogun's tonight at 7:30," Janie said.

"Sure, whatever." Janie hung up.

"Okay, that's taken care of," Janie said.

"Isn't she great?" Fez asked. Janie curtsied, mockingly.

"Now to just get you ready for her," Jackie said. "First of all, disease control. Do you have any condoms?"

"…. Yes, but I don't have any diseases."

"You never know with Laurie," Donna said.

--------------------------------

Eric came into Grooves, and saw Hyde sitting on the couch. He sat next to him, and looked at the album sleeve.

"What are we listening to?" Eric asked.

"Zeppelin."

"Uh oh, you're feeling introspective," Eric said. "You only listen to Zeppelin when you have a lot on your mind."

"… Wanna have a mini circle in the back room?"

"I'm technically working, my boss would kill me," Eric said.

"Shut up and let's go," Hyde said.

They sat across from each other at the desk.

"Man, I really REALLY like Kashmir," Eric said. "We'll never get as good music as this ever again. Rock is dead."

"Yeah, no kidding," Hyde said. "We should have a rock funeral."

"So why the circle and the Zeppelin?" Eric asked. "Something bothering you?"

"Jackie, man."

"No surprises here," Eric said. "She's obnoxious. Apparently she's a star at the muffler shop. All the customers love her."

"I think I still like her."

"You and Red's customers… Wait, what?"

"I think I still like her."

"… Man, I really wish you would make up your mind," Eric said. "One minute it's 'I hate Jackie', the next it's 'I love Jackie', the next it's 'I hate her', then 'I love her'. It's making my head hurt."

"It sucks, man," Hyde said. "I hate complicated relationships. That's why I liked Sam, she wasn't complicated. She was simple simple simple."

"This is some good weed," Eric said.

"I mean, Jackie is still Jackie, but she's also not Jackie. She's different, kind of. She's growing up."

"I think the room is spinning," Eric said.

"I can't help looking at her for no reason!" Hyde said. "I hate it when I do that!"

"… Did the bell just ring?" Eric asked. It rang again. "Uh oh. Customer." He stood up from the circle, and Hyde heard him greet the customer with an over enthusiastic 'HI!!!'.

"Thanks for listening," Hyde said, genuinely, to no one. "You're a great friend."

----------------------------------

Jackie, Donna, Fez, Janie, and Larry stood outside Shogun. They looked in the window, and saw Laurie.

"She looks thrilled," Donna said, sarcastically.

"Are you ever thrilled on a blind date?" Janie asked. "Is anyone?"

"I am," Fez said. "Because… it's a date."

"Okay Larry, remember everything we told you," Jackie said. "Just be aloof, just be yourself, and tell her you're an heir to a fortune. That will get her in bed with you."

"I forget what fortune," Larry said.

"You're the nephew of the Duke of Worcestershire," Janie said.

"Isn't that a seasoning?" Larry asked.

"Like she knows that," Jackie said. "Go in there and charm the pants off of her."

"It's not that hard," Donna said.

"Guys, I'm not that great with girls," Larry said. "Jackie can attest to this."

"It's true, you're awkward," Jackie said. "Tell you what. If this doesn't work out… I'll take you to strip club and give you a lot of dollar bills."

"But you hate strippers," Fez said. "Ever since Sam-."

"FOR LARRY I'LL GO SEE STRIPPERS," Jackie snapped.

"Wow Jackie, you're a good friend," Larry said.

"… I'll go too," Donna said.

"Donna!" Janie exclaimed. "You were just talking about how strippers were anti feminist the other day!"

"But I'm sure this is going to work, so I know I won't have to make good on this promise," Donna said. Larry nodded, and walked into the restaurant. The others watched through the window.

"Laurie?" he asked. She looked up, and groaned.

"She set me up with a mechanic?" Laurie asked.

"I, I just have that job because my… uncle thinks I need the experience before I can… inherit my fortune?" he asked. Laurie's ears perked up, and he sat down.

"So you have an inheritance?" she asked. "Well it's nice to meet you…?"

"Larry."

"Yeah. Larry. So how much money does your uncle have?"

"… A lot. He's the Duke of Worcestershire."

"… Isn't that a seasoning?"

"… No."

Fez gazed through the window.

"I don't know, guys, she doesn't look convinced," Fez stated. "I mean, she looks like he's disgusting her."

"Come on, Larry!" Jackie exclaimed. "You can do it! Just be as charming as I know you can be… Or at least I believe you can be…"

"I don't want to go to a strip club!" Donna exclaimed.

"And is that in England?" Laurie asked.

"Yep!" Larry said.

"Where's your accent?"

"… I lost it."

"Can you take it out for me?"

"… No."

"You're such a liar," she said, smirking. "You aren't rich at all, you're just a mechanic at my Dad's shop who probably dropped out of high school as soon as possible."

"I didn't drop out," Larry said. "I graduated, I just… Didn't continue my education. Besides, Jackie tells me you didn't even finish college."

"Says the girl who didn't even go in the first place."

"You're a stuck up bitch," Larry said. "I don't know why Jackie thought this would work out," Larry said. Laurie examined her nails, and sighed.

"Well, she is aware that it's been awhile since I got any… Like, three weeks…. Wanna go to the coat room?"

"…Yeah, okay." They got up, and snuck off towards the coat room. Fez turned to the others, and gave a thumbs up to them.

"I never thought I'd ever say I was happy to see my ex wife going to have sex with another man," Fez said.

"And I never thought I'd say that I'm getting joy from a mechanic and my opportunistic hypothetical future sister in law getting some in a restaurant," Donna stated. "Ladies… And Fez… I say we treat ourselves to drinks." They all nodded, and walked down the street.

"… Though I kind of wanted to see strippers," Donna continued.

"Are you serious?" Janie asked.

"Sadly, yeah, kind of," Donna said. "It felt deviant to me."

"Well we can still go," Fez said. The girls laughed, and walked a little ahead of him. "I was being serious!"

----------------------------

Hyde was closing up the store, and Eric held up a small pile of applications.

"While you were in the back room a few more people applied," Eric said. "If you hired one more person, you'd have four workers."

"Cool," Hyde said, taking the papers from him. "You know, what I said in the circle, I was high."

"I know not to take what you say while high to heart," Eric said. "You're told me you love me while high, so I figured that this was just the same thing."

"Exactly! I get really loose lipped when high!" Hyde said. "I'm just glad that it was you and not Donna. She'd've been all 'talk to her! Talk to her!' Not my bag, man."

"No way," Eric said. "So, I'm heading home. See you later."

"Yeah," Hyde said. Eric left the store, and he began closing up officially.

There was a knocking on the window, and he saw Jackie out there. She waved, and pointed at the door. Hyde smirked, and pointed at the 'closed' sigh. She stuck out her lower lip, and scratched the window like an animal wanting to get inside. He chuckled, and walked to the door, opening it.

"Steven, you should congratulate me," she said.

"Why?"

"Well, my friend Larry is probably sleeping with Laurie thanks to me."

"Poor Larry. He won't be thanking you when he wakes up with a rash," Hyde said, and Jackie scoffed.

"Whatever, he needed some and I got him some," Jackie said.

"So you're Laurie's pimp?" Hyde asked. Jackie smiled, and shook her head.

"I don't think the pimps trick their prostitutes into sleeping with guys," Jackie said, sitting on the couch. "So what are YOU doing?"

"Closing up," he said, as she fiddled with the turn table by the couch. "Hey, come on, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to celebrate while you close up," she said. She turned on the record, and smiled as 'Somebody to Love' by Queen came on. "Oh yay! I love Queen!"

"Since when?"

"Since I discovered Freddie Mercury was hot!"

"…. Of course you'd think he was hot," he said.

"Huh?" she asked, dancing around the store.

"Nothing," he said. She danced around him, and he chuckled, and hip checked her playfully. She laughed, and grabbed his hands. "I don't dance."

"You've danced before," she stated, and made him move his arms. He gave in, and they twirled around the store. He turned her, and pulled her back, and dipped her.

"Hey! Let me back up!" she exclaimed, laughing.

"Don't fall, Jacks," he said.

"I think that's up to you," she said, holding his shoulders, and laughing. He held her back, and stared at her. She looked up at him, and they had an odd moment of simply staring. So pulled herself up, and brushed off her jumper.

"So are you done closing up yet?" she asked, playfully to diffuse the tension. He smiled, and held up the keys.

"If you turn off the music, we can go," he said. She nodded, and turned to turn off the music. He bolted from the store, and locked her in. She looked up, and her mouth dropped. She ran to the door, and pounded on it.

"Steven!" she exclaimed, trying to sound angry. He dangled the keys at her through the window, and blatantly laughed and pretended to walk away. "Steven, if you don't let me out I'm breaking a window and taking half of your records!"

------------------------------------

Red was stumbling for the kitchen to a midnight glass of milk, when he saw Larry in his boxers and undershirt at the table, drinking milk as well.

"Larry?" Red asked. Larry looked up.

"Hey boss," he said, drinking the milk.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm on a date with your daughter." Red rolled his eyes, and Larry smiled genuinely at him. Red shook his head and left the kitchen.

FADE OUT


	12. Don't Want to Miss a Thing

A/N: It's finally warmed up to 15 degrees here, so I'm in an especially chipper mood. This note is actually in regards to a 'casting' choice I have made. The character introduced in this chapter, Dusty, I think would need to be played by Paul Dano of 'LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE' fame. As much as I don't like dictating who to imagine, I think he'd be perfect. Read on!

Disclaimer: I don't own 70S SHOW, Aerosmith, nor STAR WARS.

Ep 9.12: Don't Want To Miss a Thing

Donna was in the basement, when Eric bounded down the steps at full speed.

"Donna, I've waited so long for this weekend and now that it's here I can't believe it!" he exclaimed.

"What? What's this weekend?" Donna asked. Eric gave her a 'you've got to be kidding me' look, and held out his arms.

"Donna, tomorrow 'The Empire Strikes Back' opens at the movie theater!" he exclaimed.

"… What's that?" Donna asked.

"DONNA!!!"

"I'm kidding, sweetie, I know what's going on this weekend," Donna laughed, taking his hand and pulling him to the couch.

"That's not funny," Eric said. "So are you going with me?"

"Yeah, I'll go with you," she said. "I've heard good things about this one."

"Even if I hadn't I'd still go," Eric said. "I can't wait to see what Luke and Leia do in this movie."

"Luke and Leia?" Fez asked, as he walked into the basement. "Does that new 'Star Wars' movie come out this weekend?"

"As if you haven't heard Eric talk about it constantly for the past few weeks," Donna said. "Wanna come, Fez?"

"Yes, yes I would," Fez stated. "I'll invite Janie too. She likes 'Star Wars'. Not as much as Eric, but-."

"Who likes it as much as Eric though?" Donna asked.

Jackie walked into the basement.

"Hey guys," she said. "Whatcha talking about?"

" 'Star Wars'," they all said in unison.

"Oh," she said. "… Is that tomorrow?"

"Yes!" Eric nearly squealed.

"Can I come? I think Han Solo is hot," she said. "So hot…. Anyway, can I come?"

"So long as you don't ruin it for me," Eric said.

"What a thing to say!" Jackie stated angrily.

"Jackie, you do tend to ruin movies," Donna said.

"Yes," Fez stated. "You talk through them, you ask questions, and then if you've seen it you blurt out the ending for those who haven't."

"I do not!" Jackie snapped. "That was ONE TIME and I thought EVERYONE knew that Norman Bates was Mother!"

"I DIDN'T!" Fez exclaimed.

Hyde and Janie walked into the basement.

"How was work?" Donna asked.

"Exhausting," Hyde said. "Glad I have tomorrow off. Foreman, your shift may begin with cleaning up the back room. Janie dropped a bunch of boxes."

"They were heavier than I thought."

"Whoa whoa whoa," Eric said. "Hyde, I'm taking tomorrow off, it's the opening of 'The Empire Strikes Back'."

"Foreman, you never ran this by me," Hyde said. "You can't take tomorrow off." Eric looked stunned.

"But…. But…. STAR WARS!"

"Sorry man, you should have asked it off two days ago, when Janie did," Hyde said.

"Well why aren't you working?" Eric demanded Janie. She shrugged.

" 'Star Wars'."

---------------------------

Eric sat at the counter, sulking like crazy.

"Opening day of 'Empire Strikes Back' and I'm stuck HERE at WORK," he muttered. "And it's SO OBVIOUS I'm needed." He looked up at the empty store, and went back to sulking.

The phone rang.

"Grooves Records, open nine to ten," Eric said.

"Hi honey!"

"Hi Mom."

"I know that you're alone at the store today because of that little space movie," Kitty said.

"Oh no, I'm not completely alone," Eric said sarcastically. "There are some spiders in the back room, and Leo is sleeping on the couch as usual. It's just that there are no customers because EVERYONE IS AT THE MOVIE!"

"Poor Eric," Kitty said. "Well, if it makes you feel any better I'M home alone too."

"Where's Red?"

"He and Bob went to Green Bay for some reason or another," Kitty said. "Probably buying car parts."

Meanwhile, in Green Bay, Bob and Red were in the movie theater, watching 'Empire'.

"This…. Is….. Amazing," Bob said.

"……. Yeah," Red agreed, somewhat mesmerized.

"Well Mom," Eric continued, "I feel like everyone is seeing 'Star Wars' but me."

"Not everyone," Kitty said. "I'm not. And…. Poor people aren't."

"Well that really cheered me up," Eric said. "Bye Mom."

"Bye sweetie." He hung up, and went back to sulking.

"SOMEONE COME IN AND BUY A RECORD SO I'M NOT WORKING THE REST OF MY THIRTEEN HOUR SHIFT ALONE!" he exclaimed to no one.

-----------------------------

The rest of the gang was standing in line for tickets.

"I hope we get tickets," Donna said. "You'd think these kids would be studying for end of the year tests in school."

"Everything is put off when 'Star Wars' comes out," Janie said. "I know when the first one came out I didn't go to class that day."

"How could you have known it would be that good?" Jackie asked. "No one knew then."

"I had a feeling," Janie said. "And I was kind of a truant student anyway."

"I hope that this one lives up to the first one," Hyde said. "It would be hard to do so."

"I just hope we get tickets," Fez stated. "Are we even in line for movie tickets?"

"I wish Eric were here," Donna said. "It's just not 'Star Wars' without him."

"Yes it is," Jackie said. "This way he won't be hitting you with amazement."

"Huh. That's true," Donna said. "Hyde, I still think you should have let him have the day off."

"Yeah right!" Hyde said. "Everyone else is off but Leo. He can't just assume that I'll let him take off whenever he wants just because we're friends."

"I agree," Jackie said. "He needs to be held accountable."

"But it's his Achilles heel," Donna said.

"I don't see you waiting to see it with him," Hyde said. Donna shut up.

"The line! It's moving!" Fez exclaimed. "We're that much closer to seeing it!"

"I don't see the big deal," Jackie said. "It's just a juiced up sci fi movie."

"Oh no, it's more than that," Janie said. "George Lucas is a genius!"

"Soon, my sweet princess Leia," Fez muttered to himself. "Soon I shall be seeing you again."

-------------------------

Eric kept throwing pencils up at the ceiling, when the door opened. He looked over, and saw a young man with messy brown hair, an army coat covering a Skynyrd shirt, and black jeans.

"Hey," the guy said.

"Welcome to Grooves," Eric said, despondently. "How may I help you?"

"Are you Eric?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah."

"I'm Dusty, Hyde hired me yesterday," he said, extending his hand. Eric took it, and shook it. "I guess you're showing me the ropes tonight."

"Oh. Well it's a bad night for it," Eric said. "No one is coming in."

"Well I don't blame them, 'Star Wars 2' did open down the street aways."

"Yeah, don't remind me," Eric said. "I wish I was there right now."

"Yeah? Well, I saw it in Green Bay earlier today."

"Don't tell me anything!" Eric exclaimed, clamping his hands over his ears. "I just keep telling myself that it can't be as good as the first one, and that I'm not missing much and I can just see it tomorrow."

"Ah." They were silent for a little while, and Eric shot a look over at him.

"So is it as good as the original?" he asked. Dusty walked behind the counter, obviously in thought, and lit up a cigarette.

"Better," he stated.

"DAMMIT!" Eric exclaimed, hitting the counter. "I KNEW IT!"

"Mind if I smoke in here?" Dusty asked, smoking anyway.

"Well, Hyde says people shouldn't smoke in here in case it bothers the customers, but it's not like there are any customers today," Eric said. "Knock yourself out."

Leo sat up, abruptly.

"Oh man!" he exclaimed.

"Leo, this is Dusty," Eric said. "He's working here now."

"Hey, man," Leo said, standing. Dusty nodded in acknowledgement calmly. "Eric, I gotta go."

"What? You can't just go, the evening shift is about to start," Eric said.

"Oh, I took the night off, I told my old lady that I'd see 'Star Wars' with her," Leo said. Eric growled scarily, and Leo's eyes widened. "What's his problem, man?" Dusty shrugged.

"Oh, you know," Dusty said. "How would you react if you were the only hippie in town not going to a Grateful Dead concert?" Leo looked at Eric, and then threw his arms around him.

"Hang in there, Eric man," Leo said. "It seems bleak now, but tomorrow will be brighter….. I gotta go." With that, he left, and Eric was left alone with the new employee.

------------------------------

The gang was sitting in the theater, waiting for the lights to go down, chatting amongst themselves.

"So I bet Eric is training in that new guy who was hired yesterday," Janie said. "Dusty."

"Psh, what kind of name is that?" Jackie asked.

"A rebellious one," Janie answered. "He's cute too. Kind of gives off a badass vibe."

"Are you going to try and make a move?" Donna asked.

"No," Janie said. "For some reason I'm not interested in this guy. Hey Hyde, pass the popcorn!"

"Get your own popcorn," Hyde said, munching on his popcorn.

"You're letting Jackie eat some!" Janie protested.

"It's because we're roommates," Jackie said, munching on the popcorn as well. Donna raised her eyebrows. "What? We're roommates, friends, and now popcorn buddies. Take some of Fez's."

"His is too salty," Janie stated.

"It is not!" Fez exclaimed. Janie took a handful, and made a face.

"It's like a salt lick! I'm not a racing horse, I'm a girl!" Janie said, reaching for Hyde's.

"Come on, Hyde, just give her a little," Donna said. Hyde sighed, and passed the bag to Janie, who munched on it contently. "So. Do you think all of the Point Place populace is in here?"

"The young ones anyway," Hyde said. "This is bad for business. Go buy some music!"

"My popcorn is not too salty," Fez said. "Janie, take some."

"I don't want your popcorn!"

"We're roomies, if those roomies can share, we can share too!"

"If you're so huge on sharing give me some of those chocolates you bought," Janie said. Fez was stunned.

"You think I share my candy?" he asked.

"He doesn't," Jackie warned.

"I NEVER share CANDY," Fez stated. "Even if it is you, Janie!"

"Wow, that's creepy," Donna said. "God, this place is packed."

"I hope that woman takes off her hat," Hyde said. "I can't see anything."

"Hey!" Jackie exclaimed. "Lady! Yeah you, with the big hat! Move it!"

"Jackie!" Donna exclaimed.

"Ha! Awesome!" Hyde laughed.

"Jackie, you're so rude," Donna muttered.

"It worked, didn't it?" Jackie asked. The lights went out. "Oh my gosh! It's starting!"

"I thought you didn't care," Donna said.

"This means HAN will be here soon!" Jackie said, clasping her hands together.

"Han the hottie," Janie said. "Leia is all about Han."

"Nah, she and Luke are the couple," Fez said. The music blared, and they all leaned back, stupefied.

-----------------------------

"And that, my friend, is how you chase dead beats out of the store," Eric said, putting the yard stick back under the counter. "This concludes our tutorial on 'How to Run Grooves', I hope you found it informative."

"Yeah, real great," Dusty said. "So how many customers have we had today?"

"A few. We had that older woman come in here looking for rock albums, but I think she was only interested in buying them to burn them in protest against Satan," Eric said.

"Well we can't have that," Dusty said. "Doesn't she know that by striking them down they shall become-."

"More powerful than she could possibly imagine!" Eric finished. "I see I've found a Star Wars Kindred Spirit."

"Yeah, maybe," Dusty said.

The door opened, and Eric's eyes widened.

"Kelso?!" he exclaimed.

"Man, I've been searching all over Point Place for you guys!" he exclaimed.

"I didn't know you were coming in town!" Eric exclaimed, leaving the counter.

"Oh, I guess I forgot to call you guys," Kelso said. "I'm in town for a month, and I have great news."

"What is it? Did you get into the police academy down there?" Eric asked.

"Well yeah, but that's not it," Kelso said. "I saw 'Star Wars'."

"LA LA LA I'm not LISTENING!" Eric exclaimed, clamping his hands over his ears and running back behind the counter.

"Oh man! You haven't seen it yet?!" Kelso exclaimed.

"Everyone else is there right now," Eric said. "Hyde wouldn't give me the night off."

"BURN!" Kelso exclaimed, laughing. Dusty grabbed the yard stick.

"Are you gonna buy something?" he asked.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Eric said. "This guy doesn't count as a deadbeat, we're friends… Though Kelso, it would be great if you bought something. It's been dead here tonight."

"Oh… Well, I guess I could get Brooke something," he said. "She likes Judy Collins or Joni Mitchell or something. Are they the same person?"

"Pretty sure they're not," Eric said. "But hey, I get them mixed up too."

"Ahh, I'll just get her some Alice Cooper, it's the thought that counts, right?" Kelso asked, grabbing a vinyl.

"Sure, why not, just buy something!" Eric begged. "…. Oh, Kelso, this is Dusty."

"Hey, nice to meet you," Kelso said. Erik looked at the clock.

"It's almost ten," Eric said. "We had a total of five customers tonight. You would be six. Do us a favor."

"Okay okay okay," Kelso said, handing it to Dusty.

The gang walked into the store, all very excited.

"Sorry we're late," Donna said. "Jackie HAD to get tea." Jackie was holding a flimsy looking disposable cup.

"It's good too," she said.

"So you're BACK," Eric said, bitterly. "And how was it?"

"It wasn't that great," Donna said.

"Stop with the LIES," Eric stated.

"Okay, it was awesome!" Fez exclaimed. "It was so good! There was this part where-!"

"NO!" Eric said, as Dusty rang up the vinyl. "Don't say anything!"

"Kelso?" Hyde asked.

"Wasn't it great?!" Kelso exclaimed. He went down the line hugging people, until he got to Janie. "Okay, I don't know you."

"Janie," she said.

"I'm the only person who hasn't seen it!" Eric bemoaned. "Hyde, it wasn't even worth keeping the store open tonight! We got FIVE customers, not including Kelso!"

"It was so good, wasn't it?" Jackie asked Kelso. "Michael, did you bring your cute little baby with you?!" As she ran for him, she tripped, and spilled her tea all over Eric's hand.

"OWWW!" he exclaimed, grabbing his hand. "Jackie! You just spilled hot tea all over my hand!" He cradled his hand to his chest, and she made a pouty face.

"Damn! I really liked that tea!" she stated.

"You're so awkward," Hyde said.

"I'm not that awkward! You're the one who gasped like a girl when Vader said he was Luke's father!" A silence fell across the store. Eric paused, and looked at Jackie with huge eyes.

"What?" he squeaked, still cradling his hand. "But… Vader KILLED his father!" Jackie bit her lip.

"Well good job," Donna said. "You may as well tell him now."

"No, Eric. Vader IS his father," Jackie said, meekly.

"No. That's not true!" Eric exclaimed. "That's IMPOSSIBLE!!!!" He imagined he was Luke, and Jackie was wearing a cape and Vader gloves.

"Yes Eric!" she would cackle in a booming James Earl Jonesesque voice. "You know it's obvious when you think about it!!!!"

"NOOOO!!!!" Eric exclaimed, falling to the floor in utter despair, pulled from his fantasy take on the situation.

The gang looked at him, and then at Jackie.

"…. Burn," Hyde said, smiling cruelly.

"See Jackie?" Donna asked. "You always ruin the movie." She squatted next to Eric, and rubbed his back.

"My life is ruined," he muttered.

"Eric, it's okay," she said.

"Yeah man," Kelso said. "There's a lot of other really cool surprises and twists."

"Really?" Eric asked, looking up.

"… No, not really," Kelso said. "But there IS an ice planet! It looks like Wisconsin in the winter!" Eric looked up, and made crazy eyes at Jackie.

"I'm going to kill her," he said, standing. "I'm going to kill her!" Jackie shrieked a little bit, and Dusty tossed her the yard stick.

"Thank you strange guy!" she called, holding it up in defense of herself. Eric grabbed for the broom, and held it up too. "Eric, don't make me destroy you!"

"Eric, calm down!" Donna exclaimed. "Look, we'll go see it tomorrow, okay? There's still a lot of other important plot points!"

"Yeah!" Kelso said. "Like Yoda!" Eric smacked him with the broom. Dusty looked at all of them, and Hyde walked to the counter.

"So this is the group," Hyde said. "Maybe one day you can be a part of the insanity."

"I know I'm a better person through my membership," Janie said. Dusty nodded, stoically.

"Cool," he said, as Eric and Kelso wrestled on the floor.

-----------------------------

Kitty was reading in bed, when Red walked in.

"Red, you've been gone for so long!" she exclaimed, putting her book down. "What on Earth did you and Bob do in Green Bay?"

"Oh, you know," Red said. "Manly stuff…. We went to a bar, watched some baseball…"

"Red?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Is that popcorn in your shoe?"

"…. There was popcorn at the bar."

"Red?"

"Yes?"

"…… Is that a ticket stub sticking out of your pocket?"

"…… What is this? Perry Mason?"

FADE OUT

A/N: Yeah yeah, I know Kelso's return was pretty tacked on, but he was due to show up and I couldn't figure out a good way to stretch out his triumphant homecoming. Happy Valentines, everyone!!


	13. Back in the Saddle

A/N: I wish I could give you something as good as last week's episode, but I'm not that talented. But thanks for all the reviews and I hope this is an okay follow up.

Disclaimer: I own neither THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

9.13: Back in the Saddle

Fez was sitting in the living room, and Janie walked into the room.

"Hey," she said. "Whatcha doin'?"

"I'm getting ready to go to the hardware store," Fez said. "Very exciting, right?"

"So very exciting," she said. "Hey, while you're out could you stop at the drug store and pick up some cough syrup?"

"Oh, are you getting sick?"

"I think so," she said. "I called into the tattoo parlor sick just as a preemptive thing. My throat is all scratchy. Tomorrow it'll be froggy and then BAM, it's gone."

"Your throat?" he teased.

"Har har," she said. "My voice, you simpleton."

"Okay, I'll do that for you," he said. "But you owe me."

"What do I owe you?"

"A massage. Or a free tattoo. I'm not sure which yet."

"How about a massage?"

"A sexy massage?"

"How about a tattoo?" He groaned, and put on his shoes.

"Okay, I'm off then. But I expect a good tattoo from you," he stated. She nodded, and as he left she pulled the blanket around herself.

"Mmmmm, cough syrup," she croaked, and then clamped a hand over her mouth. That was the first sign.

At the drug store, Fez was perusing the aisles. He looked at the cough syrup, and then glanced at the indigestion aisle. And there was a pretty girl.

"Excuse me," he asked over the aisle. She looked up, and saw him. "Could you pass me some Pepto Bismol?".

"Sure," she said, smiling, and handed him the pink bottle. He smiled at her, and tried to act suave.

"Well thank you very much" he said, walking around the aisle to get a good look at her. "So you know, my name is Fez, and I think that-" He slammed his knee into a display of ointments. "AI!"

"Aw, that's kind of cute," she said, walking to him to help pick them up.

----------------------------

Dusty was behind the counter at Grooves when Jackie strolled in. She pulled her sunglasses on top of her head.

"Hello," she said. "Is Steven here?"

"Nah, Hyde's out putting up some promotional stuff around town," Dusty said. "I remember you. Jackie, right?"

"That's me," she said, walking to the counter.

"What do you need him for?" he asked.

"Well, I was wondering if he could get me a discount on a Captain and Tennille record," Jackie said. "My Mom's birthday is coming up and I think she would like that."

"Oh. Well, I can give you a discount," he said. "Just find the album you want."

"… Really? Wow, that's nice of you," she said. "You're Dusty, right?"

"Yep," he said, smiling slyly. She smiled back, and bit her lower lip.

"… Wanna help me find it?" she asked.

"That's my job," he said. He followed her to the easy listening section, and she searched while Dusty looked on.

"Ugh, he doesn't have it," Jackie said. "What should I get her instead?"

"How about… Barry Manilow?" Dusty asked.

"Well, she does like easy listening," Jackie said, pensively. "Sure, why not?" Dusty grabbed the album, and handed it to her.

"So how much do I owe you?" she asked.

"It's a gift, right?" Dusty asked. "So… Nothing." He winked at her, and she smiled and blushed.

"Wow, that's really nice of you," she said. "You look so dingy but act so sweet." He smirked, and shrugged.

Hyde walked into the store, and overheard the conversation they were having.

"Yeah, so I've been told," Dusty continued. "So, Jackie…. Wanna go out some time?" Hyde's ears perked up, and jealousy began to ignite ever so slightly.

"Oh… Well, I don't know. I mean, you should know I'm leaving for college at the end of August."

"That gives us almost three months to get to know each other." Hyde rolled his eyes. What a line, he thought.

"…. Sure, okay," she said. "What's the harm, right?"

"Yeah," Dusty said. "Wow… Cool. I'll pick you up tomorrow night. You're at Hyde's right?"

"Same number," she stated. He smiled, and she took the album and walked for the door. She walked right into Hyde.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Sorry, Steven… How are you?"

"…Fine," he said, nodding curtly. She nodded too, and rushed out the door. Dusty went back behind the counter, and Hyde threw down the promotional stuff on the counter.

"Something wrong boss?" Dusty asked.

"Nope, nothing," Hyde said.

----------------------------

Janie was on the couch, covered in the blanket. She coughed, and groaned. She turned on the TV, and smiled.

"Yay, Family Feud," she croaked, and groaned again.

Fez walked into the apartment.

"I have your cough syrup," he said, tossing it to her. It hit her in the forehead.

"Owwie," she said, and Fez looked over at her, shocked.

"Your voice went from bad to worse in that short amount of time?" he asked.

"Fez, you've been gone for two hours," Janie said, attempting to massage her throat with her fingers. Fez looked at the clock, and looked guiltily at her.

"Sorry, I got side tracked."

"What could possibly have been so interesting at the hardware store that you took two hours?" she asked. "I mean, it's fine, you didn't have to get my medicine, but-."

"I met someone," he said, and sat on the couch. Janie sat up. "Her name is Grace."

"And where did you meet Grace?"

"The indigestion aisle at the pharmacy."

"Wow, that's awkward," Janie said. "I met a guy in the hygiene aisle at the pharmacy once. He worked there, and we ended up having sex in the store room. It got really awkward when the guys manager walked in on us, and-."

"Stop talking," Fez said. "It hurts your throat. And my ears when it's like that."

"Well, I'm glad you got to chat with a pretty girl," Janie said, softer this time.

"She's coming over tonight," Fez said.

"WHAT?!" Full on frog voice. "Fez, I look and sound like crap."

"I think your voice is like Eartha Kitt's," Fez said. "She was Catwoman you know."

"Yeah, but her nose wasn't plugged with mucous at the time."

"Ew….It will be fine, don't worry about it," Fez said. "Besides, she's coming over to see me, after all. You're just the roommate." Janie felt a little hurt by this, but smiled.

"That's true," she said. "Well, I'll just take some medicine and hope for the best. After all, I'm resilient." She then sneezed, and whined a little.

"… Of course you are," Fez said, patting her shoulder.

-------------------------

Donna was at the radio station, and Jackie knocked on the glass of the booth. Donna motioned for her to come in.

"Hey, you have three minutes before I have to go back," Donna said. "What's up?"

"I have a date!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Oh yes?" Donna asked, smiling. "With who?"

"Dusty!"

"…. The guy at Grooves?" Donna asked.

"Yeah! He asked me out!" Jackie squealed. "I never thought that would happen, and it did! Isn't it great?"

"Well yes, of course it's great," Donna said. "How long has it been since you had a date?"

"Since I dumped Fez," Jackie stated. "And I haven't had SEX in longer."

"Wow, you're gonna do that with Dusty?"

"Well, probably not on the first date, but if it goes well…" Jackie said. "You don't understand, it's been since Steven. SINCE STEVEN."

"Okay yeah, that's awhile," Donna said.

"And you know, I've 'gone solo' before, but it's just not the same."

"Wow. That was disturbing. Well, just be careful…. Jackie, what about Hyde?"

"What about him?" Jackie asked.

"Well, do you ever think about getting back together with him?" Donna asked. Jackie leaned back in the chair. "I mean, you guys are friends again, and-."

"No," she stated. "It wouldn't work. Donna, after you he's my best friend. We've tried it before, and he clearly has no interest in me that way. I'm not sure he ever has."

"Oh Jackie, come on, he has, but… Oh crap, I'm on in a few seconds!" Donna exclaimed. "I don't have anything cued up!.. Jackie, put on those earphones."

"Ooh, what am I listening to?" Jackie asked, doing so.

"And we're back, top of the hour with Hot Donna, and I have a special guest here," Donna said, rummaging for an album to put in. "Jackie, from Red's Muffler shop." Jackie's jaw dropped. "Say hi to the listeners, Jackie."

"…. Hello."

"I'm sure that some of you have been there to get a car part or something," Donna said, grabbing a Who album. "Well, she's here ever so briefly…. Jackie, say something to your fans out there."

"Um… Come to Red's for autoparts," Jackie said. "I'll probably be behind the counter, ringing you up. AND if you think Hot Donna is hot, you should see ME."

"Okay, thanks Jackie," Donna said. "We have 'Pinball Wizard' on the way, by The Who, Britain's loudest band. So keep listening, I'm Hot Donna."

"And I'm Jackie!" Jackie said into the mike. Donna cut her off, and shot her a look.

"Let's not forget this is the Hot Donna show," Donna said.

"Psh. Diva," Jackie said.

--------------------------

Eric walked into work, and saw Dusty avoiding Hyde.

"He's in a bad mood, careful," Dusty said. Eric nodded, and walked to the back room. Hyde was sitting at his desk, and Eric stood in the doorway.

"Hey mister grouchy pants," Eric said. "Dusty says you're pissed. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Hyde snapped. Eric shrugged, and sat across from him. "…. Okay fine, if you really must know…. Jackie is going on a date with Dusty."

"The nerve," Eric said. "Her going on a date with a guy. That's just ridiculous."

"Shut up."

Kelso walked in.

"Hey guys, how's it going?"

"Hey, you don't work here," Hyde said.

"Yeah, but I have a free pass because I'm a cop."

"That's not how it works, dingus," Hyde said.

"Okay, so I have a free pass because you own the place," Kelso said. "What are we talking about?"

"Nothing," Hyde said.

"I'm just saying that you're acting more ridiculous than usual when it comes to Jackie," Eric said. "If you like Jackie you should have made a move a long time ago. She isn't going to wait around forever you know."

"Uh oh, are you after Jackie again, Hyde?" Kelso asked.

"Why did it have to be Dusty?" Hyde asked.

"Because… he's a nice guy?"

"Who's Dusty?" Kelso asked.

"She doesn't even know him."

"That's kind of the point of dating, isn't it?" Eric asked.

"Is that the guy out there?" Kelso asked.

"I know that I can't just sit on my ass and expect her to come to me, but come on!" Hyde snapped. "I should tell her she can't date him."

"You aren't serious," Eric said.

"…. No, I'm not," Hyde said. "But I will tell him that he's getting into a weird place if he starts dating her."

"Like how?"

"Like dating his bosses ex," Hyde said. "The only thing that's more awkward is dating the bosses daughter." Eric shook his head, and Dusty knocked on the door.

"There a party in here or something?" he asked.

"Yeah, come on in, Dusty," Eric said. "So Hyde has something he wants to tell you about his ex."

"Your ex?" Dusty asked. "Who's your ex?"

"My roommate, Jackie."

"WHOA," Dusty said, holding up his hands. "Okay, wow, this is weird. I had no idea that Jackie was your ex."

"She's my ex too," Kelso said.

"Just what are your intentions with her?" Hyde asked.

"I hope they're more honorable than mine were," Kelso stated.

"I… I want to go out with her," Dusty said, coolly. "That's all. She seems really cool in a weird rich girl Zelda Fitzgerald kind of way."

"She is weird," Eric said. "Hell, I don't know why I'm saying this but I do consider her my friend, and I think what Hyde is trying to say is that we just don't want her getting hurt. RIGHT Hyde?" Hyde shot Eric a look, and then looked back at Dusty.

"Yeah," Hyde said. "We just don't want you to hurt her."

"Cuz if you do, we'll kick your ass!" Kelso said. "WE hurt her enough for a lifetime, and I've become more sensitive ever since my daughter was born." Dusty gave them all odd looks.

"Oh," Dusty said. "Well, I won't hurt her. We're just going to try it out." Hyde and Kelso exchanged looks again, and Eric smiled.

"Well good," Eric said. "Cuz she's been hurt before. And I don't think any of us want that to happen again." Hyde restrained himself, and Dusty smiled at them all.

"Yeah. Okay. No worries," he said. The bell rang, and he went back out to the front. Hyde reached across the desk and hit Eric on the shoulder.

"Ow!" he exclaimed. "What was that for?!"

"Dammit, I wanted to intimidate him a little!"

"Well you can't do that!" Eric said, rubbing his shoulder. "For one thing, it's not ethical, and for another Jackie wouldn't appreciate it." Hyde sighed, and nodded.

"Yeah, I guess," he said. "Well, thanks then." He hit Kelso next.

"OW!!! What the HELL?!"

"That was for the 'she's been hurt before' crack," Hyde said, going back to his paperwork. "Eric, go out there and help the customers.

"You are the worst boss ever!" Eric snapped, leaving.

"Kelso, leave," Hyde said.

"You ARE the worst boss ever!"

"I'm not your boss."

"Oh. Well, FINE," Kelso said, and left.

---------------------------

Janie drank her tea, and flipped through a music magazine, when Grace and Fez walked into the apartment.

"Wow Fez, this place is pretty nice," Grace said.

"Yes, I know," Fez said. "Oh, this is my roommate, Janie." Janie pulled out her small slate and began writing in chalk. "She has lost her voice, so she communicates through chalk."

'Hey,' the slate said.

"Um hi," Grace said. "So are you two…?"

"Oh no," Fez said, laughing. "She just pays the rent with me." Janie frowned, and erased the chalk.

"Ah, okay," Grace said. "So, what should we do tonight?" Fez shrugged, and Grace smiled at him slyly. "I think we should go for a picnic, and get to know each other." Fez smiled.

"Ooh," he stated, and Janie crossed her arms in a huff. Neither of them noticed. "Okay. Janie, do you need anything while I'm out?" She began to write down something, but Fez was too entranced by Grace. "Okay, we're off then." He and Grace left, and Janie glared as they left. She threw down her slate, and it hit her mug with tea, spilling it on the floor. She sighed, a sad look across her face.

There was a knocking on her door. She leapt up, and opened it. Donna was there.

"Who was that I saw Fez walking down the hall with?" she asked. Janie shrugged. "Well it's good to see he's dating again." Janie nodded, and went to clean up the tea. "Okay, why aren't you talking?"

Janie touched her throat, and shook her head.

"Oh, you lost your voice?" Donna asked. Janie nodded. "Oh. Well. This is kind of bizarre… I'll just come back when it comes back, okay?" Janie sighed, and nodded.

-----------------------------

The next day, Jackie was filing her nails behind the counter of the muffler shop, when Hyde walked in.

"Hey Steven," she said, putting her file down. "What are you doing here?"

"You forgot Danny Bonaduce's lunch," he said, handing her the paper bag. She gasped a little, and then took it from him.

"Oh my gosh, I brought him but not his lunch," she said, and the young cat leapt on the counter, sensing the food. "Thanks, he would never have forgiven me."

"Don't mention it," he said. "So… You and Dusty, huh?" She looked at him sheepishly.

"Oh. Well, yeah, I guess," she said. "We're going on a date tonight."

"He was talking about it at work," he said. She smiled a little.

"Yeah, he's taking me to the movies," she said. "Some theater in Green Bay is showing 'Midnight Cowboy' or something, I think that's what he said. Should be fun. We'll see how it goes, huh?" He smiled.

"Yeah," Hyde said. "He's a good guy."

"He doesn't even seem like the kind who'd like a girl like me," she said, laughing a little.

"Yeah, well, I guess he has a good sense of character," Hyde said. She smiled up at him, and he smiled at her too. He moved a strand of hair from her face, and Larry walked into the room.

"Uh oh, Jackie, another fan?" he asked. Hyde pulled his hand away quickly and pretended he was scratching his head.

"No Larry, this is Steven," she said. "Steven's my roommate. Larry's my friend and a, um, friend of Lauries."

"Laurie only calls me when she's horny," Larry said.

"Good to know," Hyde said.

"He isn't a radio guy, Larry," Jackie said.

"That's a surprise, they've been in here all day," Larry said.

"It's awful," Jackie whined.

"No, you like the attention."

"… Okay yeah, I do," she admitted. "Would you feed Danny Bonaduce? Here's his lunch."

"Sure," Larry said, grabbing the bag. "C'mere, Danny!" The cat followed Larry to the back room, and Jackie turned back to Hyde.

"Thanks again for the cat food," she said. He nodded, and walked for the door. As he was leaving, a teenage boy rushed into the store.

"Are you Hot Jackie?" he asked. Jackie smiled, and held out her arms.

"That's me!" she said. "Were you listening to the radio yesterday?"

"Heh, yeah." She smiled, and shot a look at Hyde that said 'here we go again'. He chuckled, and left.

"So," the fan continued, pulling out a pair of scissors. "Can I have some of your hair?"

"Larry!" Jackie called, a little too weirded out by this kid.

----------------------------

Janie was on the couch, when Kelso walked in with Fez and Grace.

"Hey Janie," Kelso said. "How's your voice?" She held up the chalkboard with the answer to the question she had been anticipating. 'Still gone'.

"Poor Janie," Fez stated. "You should drink more tea. It's good for you." She wrote 'thanks, Fez', and he smiled down at her. She smiled at him too, and Grace cleared her throat.

"So, Fez, I was wondering if you wanted to stay at my place tonight," Grace asked. "I mean, I know that we just met, but it feels like we -."

"Yes," Fez said. "Let's go. Bye Janie. Kelso, you can let yourself out." He and Grace left, and Janie fumed. She wrote for what seemed like an eternity, and then held up the slate to Kelso. It had a few crossed out words, and then only 'bitch'.

"Uh oh!" Kelso said. "The mute girl is jealous!" Janie rolled her eyes, and smacked him in the chest with the slate. 'Ow! Why is everyone hitting me lately?"

------------------------------

Hyde was on the couch watching late night TV, when Jackie and Dusty walked in.

"Hey Steven," she said. "Did Danny Bonaduce behave?"

"Yeah, he didn't claw anything or puke on anything," he said.

"Good," Jackie said.

"Hey boss," Dusty said. Hyde nodded, and continued to watch the TV. Jackie turned to Dusty.

"Well, thanks for the movie," she said. "I never thought a movie about a prostitute cowboy would be so good… And depressing."

"Glad you liked it," Dusty said. "Well… I'll call you." He kissed her on the cheek, and winked. She smiled, and closed the door behind him.

"So how was the date?" Hyde asked. Jackie turned around, and had a huge smile across her face.

"I loved it," she said. "You have a very good employee there."

"… Good," he said. She nodded, and walked into her bedroom. Danny Bonaduce jumped onto the couch, and Hyde pet him a little bit.

"Don't look at me like that," he said. "She's just a friend and she's going to stay that way. Besides, yeah, she's hot, but she's not the be all end all of women, and she's certainly not the woman for me." Jackie walked back out in her pajamas and into the kitchenette.

"Not that I'm a dopehead, but I could really go for some dope right now," she said, brushing lint off her Who tee shirt. "Want me to grab you a beer?" Hyde sighed, and shot the cat a look.

"Don't tempt me," he said, glad she wouldn't catch the dual meaning.

------------------------------

Janie was on the couch the next morning, asleep, when there was a knocking on the door. Janie sat up and walked to it. She opened the door, and Donna was there.

"Hey," Donna said. "Voice back yet?" Janie tried talking, and only squeaks came out. "Well, see ya tomorrow." Janie stamped her foot, and hugged Donna sadly. "Hey, I was just joking, no need to get so upset."

FADE OUT


	14. Dude Looks Like a Lady

A/N: Now I know that there is little romantic J/H interaction in this episode, but I felt the need to expand on some other characters a little bit. Don't worry, there will be more next week! AND I had to insert and expetive deleted, as it's a tv show, ha ha ha.

Disclaimer: I own neither THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

9.14: Dude Looks Like a Lady

Donna was sitting in the Hub, when Janie walked in and sat next to her.

"Can I stay at your house tonight?" Janie asked.

"Um, what?" Donna retorted.

"Well, Fez is cooking his new girlfriend a big dinner, and I don't really want to be there for it…. Privacy wise."

"Sure, privacy wise," Donna said. "Janie, if you like Fez you can tell me. I won't tell him, I can keep a secret. It's Jackie you shouldn't tell."

"Not that she'd even notice, she's so wrapped up in Dusty at the moment it would go in one ear and out the other," Janie said. "And there's nothing to tell, okay? Fez is a friend and a roommate who's in a fulfilling relationship with a vapid, egomaniacal, twerp."

At that moment, Jackie pranced into The Hub.

"It's his type, you know," Donna said, and Jackie sat with them.

"Hey girls," she said. "How are we today?"

"Janie is still denying her feelings for Fez," Donna said.

"What's the point anymore, Janie?" Jackie asked.

"Do I really have to prove to you all that I don't have feelings for him?" Janie asked.

"It would be nice to have some proof," Donna said.

"Okay," Janie said. "The next man who walks through this door…. I'll ask him out, damning the consequences." Donna and Jackie exchanged glances, and laughed.

"Janie, the majority of men who come in here are high school boys," Donna said. "We're the old fogies of The Hub."

"We should probably find a new place to hang out," Jackie mused.

"That doesn't matter," Janie said. "Even if he is a teenager, I'll ask him out."

"Just to prove us wrong?" Donna asked.

"No, so I can show you that I am willing to date someone and not stalk my roommate," Janie said. "So whoever the next one is…. He's mine for the taking."

"Even if it is statutory?" Jackie asked. Janie nodded, and the door opened. "Well here comes jail bait number one."

Through the door walked a very VERY handsome man, with black hair, green eyes, and a subtle smile on his face that could only be described as a confident smirk. At the same time, by serendipitous circumstances, 'Calling Dr. Love' by KISS started playing on the juke box. All of the girls mouths dropped. He walked up to the counter, and as if in slow motion, leaned against it, and then turned, looking at the three of them. He smiled a little, and waved a little. The world still moved as if it were in molasses. Donna waved numbly, taken aback by his looks. Jackie subconsciously licked her lips and mouthed 'wow'. And Janie arched an eyebrow, and bit her lip with primal lust building inside of her. He smiled fully this time, obviously slightly embarrassed by their gawking, but as if he were used to it.

"Holy (_bleep_)," Donna said.

"Oh my God," Jackie said, eyes wide and tongue almost hanging out of her mouth. "Is THIS how the guys felt when Farrah Fawcett was on 'Charlies Angels'?"

"I think so," Donna said.

"I love this feeling," Jackie said. Janie hit the table, and smirked.

"Ladies," Janie said, standing up, "I think it is apparent that I am not into Fez." She stood up, and strutted over to him.

"Hell, I may not be into Eric anymore," Donna said, and Jackie nodded.

---------------------------

Fez, Eric, and Hyde were in Grooves, and Fez was going on and on about Grace.

"AND, Grace can tie a cherry stem with her tongue," Fez said. "Can you believe that?"

"So what?" Hyde asked. "Jackie can do that too."

"She can?" Fez asked. "She never showed me!" Hyde smirked, and shrugged.

"I'm sure it just never came up," Eric said, then exchanged looks with Hyde.

"Anyway, Grace also likes to do this thing, where she-."

"You know what, I'm getting a little put off by all the sex scenarios," Eric said. "Namely ones that involve you, Fez." Dusty walked out from the back room.

"I need some advice," he said. "I'm thinking of buying Jackie some flowers, and-."

"Psh, why?" Hyde asked, resentfully. "Have you already been pestered about a two week anniversary or something?"

"No, nothing like that," Dusty said. "I just want to surprise her. What kind of flowers does she like?"

"He's buying non special event flowers?" Eric asked, sitting up. "Do you REALIZE how bad this is going to make all other guys look?"

"Huh?" Dusty asked.

"Dusty, if you buy her flowers just because you like her, our women may get ideas," Fez said. "Why should we have to live up to your standards of sucking up?"

"Cool it guys, he's probably just buying them to get one step closer to her bedroom," Hyde said.

"No, it's not like that either," Dusty said. "Don't you guys buy your girlfriends flowers just to see the look on their faces?" Eric and Fez exchanged glances, and smirked.

"Oh, yeah, ALL THE TIME," Eric laughed.

"Dusty, are you really just buying her flowers because you want to?" Hyde asked, genuinely perplexed.

"Yeah," Dusty said. "Didn't you?" Hyde had no answer, and just went back to doodling on some paper by the counter. He didn't like it that Dusty was one upping him in most areas of the Jackie department.

Kelso walked into the store.

"Hey guys," he said.

"Kelso, Dusty is going to buy Jackie flowers just because he can," Fez said. Kelso held up his hands.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Kelso said. "Are you trying to make us look bad?"

"Did you guys ever stop and think that maybe you make yourselves look bad because you don't buy your girls flowers?" Dusty asked. The other four shook their heads. They actually laughed at the thought, and Kelso took off his raincoat. And the laughter stopped. For Kelso was wearing a bright pink shirt.

"Kelso, what are you wearing?" Hyde asked. Kelso looked down at his shirt.

"What do you mean? It's a shirt," Kelso said. "Brooke gave it to me, it's apparently Italian."

"It's pink!" Eric exclaimed.

"It's a really nice shirt, you dingus," Kelso said.

"This is just like that damn coat incident," Hyde said. "Only this time instead of looking like the Fonz you look like a girl."

"I do not!" Kelso exclaimed. "This is a nice men's dress shirt from Italy!"

"It's a nice shirt from Italy, but yes, it is a woman's," Fez said. Kelso slowly and sheepishly put his rain coat back on.

"Why don't you just change?" Eric asked.

"Because I'm out of clean laundry! And besides, promised Brooke that I would wear it," Kelso said.

"It's not like she's here," Dusty said.

"Whoa, now you're supporting subverting women?" Hyde asked.

"When girly shirts are involved, yes," Dusty said.

-------------------------------

Janie continued to chat with the mystery man, and Jackie and Donna watched with intrigue and lust.

"How come I've never seen this man before?" Donna asked. "Why is it that he shows up AFTER Eric and I got back together?"

"Donna, what are you saying?"

"Oh, nothing too serious, but since I was just wasting my time with Randy, why couldn't I have wasted time with HIM?" Donna asked.

"Oh, that's a good point," Jackie said. "Even more importantly, I could have had him instead of Fez, and my time may not have been wasted!"

"So I'm Janie, by the way," Janie said, smiling sexily.

"Andy," he answered.

"You aren't from here, are you?" she asked.

"No, I'm the new music teacher at the grade school. I'm actually from Minneapolis."

"Oh that's cool. My friend over there, the brunette, she's going to the U of M this fall," Janie said, pointing at Jackie. Andy looked at Jackie, and raised his eyebrows in affirmation. Jackie looked behind herself, as if he was looking at someone else. When she realized he wasn't, she waved, and giggled a little bit. Donna swatted her, and Jackie swatted her back.

"Your friends seem…."

"Hysterical?"

"Heh, I was going to say nervous, but…"

"Well that too," Janie said. "So, have you been shown around town yet?" she asked.

"Oh, somewhat," he said. "Why? Are you offering?"

"I might be," Janie said. "What say we meet here tonight?"

"Maybe around… seven?" Andy asked.

"Sure," Janie said. He smiled, and the soda jerker gave him his shake.

"Well, I have to give a private lesson in a half hour, so I should go," he said. "But yeah, see you tonight at seven." He smiled, and as he turned Janie squealed silently to herself. He waved at Donna and Jackie, and they giggled goofily as he left. Janie rushed to their table, and bounced up and down.

"We're going out tonight!" she exclaimed. "He's a music teacher at the grade school, his name is Andy, and we're going out tonight!"

"Way to go, Janie!" Donna exclaimed. "I'm glad you're found someone to make you forget about Fez."

"I was never thinking about Fez, so that statement is moot," Janie said.

"Whatever you say," Donna stated. Jackie was still staring after Andy. "Jackie. Stop with the almost drooling."

"I'm sorry, I was just watching his ROCKIN' ASS!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Okay, here's a question," Donna said. "Is it bad that we women always complain about how we're objectified, and then we turn around and objectify that man?"

"…. No," Jackie and Janie both said at the same time.

"I was only making sure," Donna said.

----------------------------------

Later, Donna and Eric were sitting in the basement, when Jackie and Dusty walked in.

"Look look look!" Jackie exclaimed, holding up the bouquet of flowers that Dusty had given her. "Dusty bought these for me just because he cares about me!" Donna 'aww'd and Eric shot Dusty a withering glare.

"Dammit, Dusty, you ruined it for the rest of us deadbeat boyfriends who don't need to give gifts to receive sex!" Eric exclaimed, and Donna hit him in the chest with her wrist.

Fez and Grace walked into the basement next.

"Hello everyone!" Fez called, and then saw the flowers. "AI!"

"Oh, those are pretty!" Grace stated, and Jackie nodded.

"Grace, no!" Fez exclaimed. "Dusty is just doing it to make the rest of us look bad." Grace put a hand on her hip.

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe the fact you don't buy me flowers makes you look bad?" she asked.

"That's what I said," Dusty interjected.

Hyde and Kelso walked in.

"This is just great!" Kelso exclaimed. "I can't believe that the washer at my parents broke after just the whites were clean! I really need to change out of this shirt and I don't like my white ones.!"

"Karma, man," Hyde said. "That's what you get for making fun of my sandals."

"Your hippie sandals?"

"Your debutant shirt?"

"Shut up!"

"What are you two talking about?" Donna asked, and Kelso sighed. He took off his rain coat, and revealed the pink eyesore. The girls laughed, and Kelso glared.

"Yes, HA HA HA," he said. "I'm just trying to do right by my baby's mom by wearing this shirt and everyone laughs."

"You're just lucky Janie isn't here, she'd tease you relentlessly," Donna said.

"Yeah, where is she?" Eric asked. Jackie and Donna looked at each other, and both sighed.

"She's out with Andy," Jackie said, dreamily. Dusty and Eric looked at each other, and then back at their girlfriends.

"Who is Andy?" Dusty asked.

"He's just the sexiest man this side of Point Place," Donna said.

"Hey!" Eric stated.

"Sorry sweetie, I love you, but Andy is on fire," Donna said.

"Are those flowers from Dusty?" Hyde asked, and Jackie grinned.

"Yeah!"

"Dusty, you suck," Hyde said.

"Steven, just because YOU never gave me flowers it doesn't mean that Dusty sucks," Jackie said, sick of people picking on her boyfriend. Hyde crossed his arms in a huff, and she smiled up at Dusty.

"Thank you for fighting my battles, honey," Dusty said, sarcastically.

At that moment, Janie led Andy into the basement. Donna and Jackie both became entranced with him.

"Hey guys," Janie said. "This is Andy." He waved.

"I met you two," he said, and Jackie and Donna nodded eagerly. Eric and Dusty looked at Andy, then at their girlfriends, and put their arms around their shoulders, protectively. "But it's nice to meet the rest of you."

"This is my roommate," Janie said, motioning to Fez. Fez stood, and tried to look non threatened by this rugged stranger. Instead he ended up looking maniacally happy.

"I'm her roommate," Fez said.

"Cool. Well, thanks for showing me around the town, Janie," he said. "But I should get going, I have an early class tomorrow."

"Okay," Janie said, and they kissed. Donna and Jackie wrinkled their noses, and Fez couldn't help but feel jealous, and an envious glare set across his face which Grace noticed.

"Nice to meet you all," Andy said, and left the basement. As soon as he'd closed the door, Janie squealed and Donna and Jackie hopped up.

"Tell us everything!" Jackie exclaimed. "Is he a good kisser!?"

"Is he romantic?" Donna asked.

"It's not me that makes you look bad," Dusty stated to Eric. "It's HIM that makes US look bad."

"He is officially Public Enemy Number One," Eric stated.

"HOW is he hotter than ME?!" Kelso bemoaned.

"He's a great kisser," Janie said. "…… And we had sex!"

"Whoa! You slut!" Donna exclaimed, not cruelly.

"I know!" Janie said, giddily.

"She's not a slut, Donna," Jackie said.

"Three times in his car!" Janie clarified.

"Okay, you're a slut," Jackie said.

"…. Well Grace and I had sex too!" Fez exclaimed.

"Fez!" Grace snapped.

"…. That was awkward," Hyde said.

"Fez, when Janie talks about it it's hot, because look at her," Kelso said, gesturing towards the smitten punk girl. "I mean come on. She's hot."

"Hey Kelso, nice shirt," Janie said. "Is that from the women's section at Pennys?"

"She's also a BITCH!" Kelso snapped, and stormed from the basement.

-------------------------------

"I can't believe she slept with him three times, in his car," Fez said, playing with the rootbeer bottle in his hand, the next day. "I knew that Janie liked her men, but I had no idea that she was that quick with them. I mean, yes, she's had a few one night stands, but those never formed into something beautiful. But now she's with Andy that MAY be turning into something delicate and beautiful. So since I'm with Grace, why can't I be happy for her?"

"…. Why are you in my kitchen?" Red asked, extremely distressed that Fez had cornered him and outpoured his sexual anxieties.

"…. I just needed an older and wiser man to talk to," Fez said.

Kitty walked into the kitchen.

"Well hello, Fez," she said. "How are you this morning?"

"Well, not so good, Miss Kitty," Fez said. "You see-."

"Kitty, why did you have to open the floodgates all over again?" Red asked, standing up and leaving the kitchen.

"Are things going okay with you and your new friend?" Kitty asked.

"I'm not sure. I like her, but seeing Janie with Andy is making me crazy," Fez said. "I can't help but feel like maybe I should dump Grace and try to woo Janie again."

"Fez," Kitty said, resting her chin in her hand, "let me put it this way. You have a pretty, buxom blonde at your side who seems to really like you. And you are considering dumping her for a girl who has not only rejected you before, but she wears safety pins in her jeans and puts on so much make up she looks like a lemur!"

"…. So…. I should stick with Grace?" Fez asked.

"Yes, sweetie. Stick with Grace."

-----------------------

Kelso sat by the dryer, and Jackie was sitting on top of it filing her nails, as Hyde sat up against the broken washer..

"You're really eager to get a new shirt on your back," she said. "You know, just because the shirt is pink it doesn't mean that it's awful."

"What would you do if Dusty wore a pink shirt?" Kelso asked. Jackie thought for a second.

"Well, Dusty can pull any color off, so I wouldn't mind," she said, and Hyde rolled his eyes.

"Dusty would look like a shrimp cocktail in a pink shirt," Hyde said, and Jackie lightly kicked him in the shoulder with her dangling foot.

"Why do you care if he gives me flowers? You don't have a girlfriend who's going to get high expectations," Jackie said. Hyde snorted, and decided to not answer. After all, what was he going to say? Once the dryer 'dinged', Kelso leapt up and opened it.

"Finally!" he snapped at it. He began pulling out his white load, and realized with horror that all of those clothes in it were pink. "No. No!"

"That's a lot of pink," Hyde said. Kelso began pulling the clothes frantically, and found the culprit. One of his red socks somehow got in with the whites while he was rushing to get the laundry done.

"NOOO!" he yelled, holding up the sock in the air.

"Ooh, that's the first faux pas of laundry," Jackie said. "Once, I dropped a red scarf in with my whites. I had ugly pink panties once they came out. Who would have thought pink would be ugly, on PANTIES? And that stain NEVER comes out."

"Shut up shut up!" Kelso said. "There has to be a white shirt in here somewhere!" But there were none. He groaned, and rested his head against the dryer. Hyde and Jackie looked at each other.

"… Wanna go get a burger?" Hyde asked.

"Okay," Jackie said, hopping off the dryer to leave Kelso to mourn.

------------------------

Janie and Andy were lying in his bed after a lunch date that turned into a bedroom date back at his place.

"You're so hot," she said. "Has anyone ever told you that before?" He shrugged, and she looked around the room.

"Into jazz?" he asked, as she looked at the Miles Davis poster.

"Oh," she said. "….. Not really."

"That's too bad," he said, and the talking stopped. She sighed, and sat up.

"Okay, Andy, I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore," she said. "I know it's only been two days, but I just can't."

"Oh. How come?" he asked.

"…. I'm a self proclaimed feminist, and I can't stand it when women are only used for sex. So it would be wrong to continue because I am simply objectifying you!" Andy thought for a minute, and then began laughing. "Why are you laughing?"

"For a person who went through high school as a band nerd and in chess club, and who was a loner in college, being told you're objectified is very flattering." She thought for a second and then chuckled too. "But, if you aren't happy, I'm not going to protest."

"I'm sorry, Andy," she said. "My heart, it's just not in the right place."

"That's okay. We had fun anyway," he said.

"LOTS of fun," she said, and he smirked. "Again… I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't worry about it," he said. "I just hope that I can find someone as willing to talk to me as you were."

"Trust me, looking like that there will be NO problems," Janie said. "ARG! I'm doing it again!"

"Don't worry, I won't hold it against you," he said. She kissed his cheek, and began to get dressed. "For the record, I learned a long time ago that you should always follow your heart." She smiled, and nodded.

"Even if it's a weird guy who's obsessed with candy?" she asked.

"Especially if it's a weird guy who's obsessed with candy."

------------------------

Eric and Donna were in Grooves when Janie walked in for her shift.

"Where's Andy?" Donna asked, looking out the window hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

"We broke up," Janie said.

"That was fast," Eric said. "Why?"

"… Eh, no chemistry," she said, and left it at that.

"Well that's okay then," Donna said. "Still…."

Fez and Grace walked in as Janie went behind the counter to clock in.

"What's with Janie?" Fez asked.

"She and Andy broke up," Donna said. "They didn't click."

"Oh," Fez said, and looked after her, somewhat longingly. But he felt Grace slip her arm in his, and smiled at her. Just remember what Kitty said, he thought.

Kelso walked in, wearing a pink tee shirt.

"Hey guys," he said. Donna and Eric burst out laughing. "At least it's not frilly!" Dusty walked out from the back room, and shook his head.

"How did you manage to do that?" he asked.

"…. Red sock," Kelso answered.

---------------------------

While Donna sat in the basement reading a book, Jackie and Dusty walked in.

"Donna!" Jackie exclaimed, holding out her wrist. "Look at this cute charm bracelet Dusty bought me today!" Donna examined it, and smiled up at Jackie.

"Very cute, good taste Dusty," Donna said, and Eric strolled down the steps. "Eric! Why haven't you ever bought me a charm bracelet?" Eric looked at Jackie's wrist, and then at Dusty.

"I'm gonna get you, man," Eric said.

"Hey hey, we're united against Andy, he's the common enemy," Dusty said.

"Uh, not anymore, Janie and Andy broke up," Donna said.

"WHAT?!" Jackie asked. "But… But…. His ROCKIN' ass!" Dusty looked at her, and she smiled sheepishly up at him. "Yours is rockin' too, sweetie."

FADE OUT


	15. What It Takes

A/N: This episode is going up early tonight because I have two tests tomorrow that are both plotting to kill me. So I have to strategize my defense.

Disclaimer: I own neither THAT 70S Show nor Aerosmith songs.

9.15: What It Takes

Kelso walked into Grooves and saw Janie bending over trying to grab a pen she'd dropped.

"Nice view," he said, and Janie stood up.

"I'm sorry, I thought you had a girlfriend and a baby," Janie said.

"Okay, one, she isn't my girlfriend, she's just the Mom of my baby," Kelso said. "And two, Betsy is almost a toddler now, thank you. So I can look if I want to."

"You're kind of a sleaze, aren't you?" Janie asked.

"Yeah, kind of."

"I can dig that," she said.

Fez and Grace walked in, and Janie had to hold her eyes from rolling into the back of her head in disgust.

"Hello Kelso," Fez said. "Janie, I was wondering if you had anything by Blue Oyster Cult today."

"We always have BOC," Janie said. "Try the rock section."

"Oh good, I shall," Fez said, walking for the albums. Grace stayed at the register, eying Janie.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" Janie asked, civilly.

"No, I'm just looking at you," Grace said. Janie eyed her, and Kelso looked from one to the other.

"I'm sorry?"

"Look, I see the way that Fez looks at you," Grace said. "And I see the way you've been looking at him, and I just want to tell you to back off." Janie was caught off guard, and her mouth dropped. Kelso's eyes widened, and he got an excited grin across his face.

"I don't know what you're talking about, we're just friends," Janie said. "You're reading too far into it."

"I know what I see and I want you to stay away from my boyfriend."

"It's hard when we're roommates," Janie said, testily. Grace arched her eyebrows.

"Don't mess with me and I won't mess with you," Grace said. "Your punk look doesn't scare me. You aren't so tough."

"Oh my God, is this a chick fight?" Kelso asked, giddily. Janie and Grace looked at him, and he held up his hands. "Just asking."

"Remember what I said," Grace said, and Fez walked up to pay for his album.

"Here's what I want," he said. Janie glared at Grace, and walked into the back room. At that moment, Dusty was shoved out of the back room. He looked behind him, confused, and then at Fez.

"Buying?" he asked.

------------------------------

Janie sat in the back room on her break, and Eric walked in.

"You look especially cheerful today," he said.

"I don't like Grace," she stated.

"Oh," Eric said. "Is someone JEALOUS?!?!"

"Why does everyone think that?" she asked. "Can't I just not like the girl without having feelings for Fez?"

"I'm just kidding," Eric said. "It is certainly possible to be in that situation."

"Thank you," Janie said. Hyde walked in, and sat in his chair.

"I'm really getting sick of Dusty being at my apartment all the time," he said.

"See, here is exhibit A of why I think people are jealous of their friends lovers," Eric said. "Just look at Hyde! Dusty is a great guy who treats his close friend really well, and he can't stand the guy because he is still into her."

"Oh REALLY?" Janie asked, leaning forward in her seat. "How intriguing. Tell me more, Hyde. Enquiring minds want to know."

"Bite me, Janie," he said. "I'm not the one pining after Fez."

"I'm not pining after Fez, I rejected him, remember?" Janie asked.

"Aww, they're BOTH jealous," Eric said.

Donna walked into the back room.

"Hey guys."

"Why does everyone think they can just walk in here?" Hyde asked.

"I have a press pass," Donna said, holding up a tag written in Eric's handwriting. "Being a radio host and all. Hyde, here's a question for you. Are you still into Jackie?"

"GOD!" Hyde exclaimed. "Can we for once focus our attention on someone in denial besides me? Ask JANIE what she thinks of Fez!"

"Janie, what do you think of Fez?" Donna asked, attention easily moved.

"God!" Janie exclaimed. "This isn't about me, Hyde, it's about you!"

"It's about both of you now," Donna said. "Hyde first. Answer me."

"I'm taking the Fifth because you'll just go to Jackie with any information I give you," Hyde said. "And if I was still into her I'd obviously be trying to get over her for my sake! Now it's Janie's turn! YOU. LIKE. FEZ."

"Alright alright alright!" Janie exclaimed, standing up. "I like Fez! I like him a lot and I'm kicking myself for it!"

"Welcome to my world, broad!" Hyde snapped, storming from the back room.

-----------------------------

Eric got home and sat down on the couch in the basement. He leaned back, and sighed. It was obvious that he was looking forward to a nice relaxing night at home.

Donna walked down the steps.

"Eric!" she exclaimed. "Eric, it's June!" He sat up, and looked at her.

"Yeah, and what is your point?" he asked.

"We need to go to Madison and find an apartment!" she said. "We need to be able to move in as soon as we get in town for school!"

"Would you calm down please?" Eric asked. "Madison isn't that far away, it's easily a day trip. Let's say I call up Hyde, ask for tomorrow off, and we get up bright and early and we drive down there? Huh? Is that okay?" She continued hyperventilating, but nodded.

"Yeah," she said. "… Okay. Why not? I'm not working, and we can begin the search, huh?"

"Exactly," he said. "Don't freak out, Donna. When you freak out your face turns almost as red as your hair."

"It does not!" she exclaimed, but ran her hand on her face self consciously.

Jackie walked into the basement.

"Hey guys," she said.

"Jackie, is my face red?" Donna asked. Jackie examined her face.

"…. I'd say it's more of a scarlet," Jackie said. "What are you freaking out about now?"

"Never mind, it's been solved," Donna said. "What are you up to tonight?"

"Oh, I asked Dusty if he'd meet me here," Jackie said, looking in her compact mirror. "We're going on a date. I think tonight might be the night."

"The night he realizes you're a succubus?" Eric asked. Jackie snapped her mirror shut, and wrinkled her nose at him.

"What I meant, DONNA," she said, turning back to her no longer flustered friend, "is that I think tonight Dusty and I are going to have sex for the first time."

"Does he know that succubae suck out men's souls through sex?" Eric asked.

"I'm not a succubus!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Wow, that's kind of quick for you," Donna said. "Don't you like taking things slow?"

"I like taking things slow when there's time to take things slow," Jackie said. "But I leave for Minnesota Labor Day weekend! There's not time! I have to speed up! Besides, I really like him."

"Fair enough," Donna said. "You'll have to tell me of your sexcapades tomorrow night though, cuz Eric and I are going to Madison to start looking for apartments."

"Oh crap, I have to go to Minneapolis and do the same thing," Jackie said. "One that allows cats. There's no way I'm leaving Danny Bonaduce with his pothead uncle Steven. I don't want my cat ending up like Leo."

Dusty walked into the basement.

"Hey Jack," he said, putting his arm around her. "Ready to go?"

"Sure am," she said. "Donna, I'll call you tomorrow night to discuss… you know."

"Great," Donna said, half heartedly.

"Remember Dusty, succubae take many forms," Eric said as Jackie and Dusty left the basement.

---------------------------

Fez and Grace were making out on the couch when Janie came home that night. She rolled her eyes, and slammed the door behind her. They both jumped a little from the noise, and she smiled at them.

"Sorry guys," she said. "That slammed harder than I meant it to."

"It doesn't matter," Fez said. "How was work?"

"Boring and tedious," Janie said. "But I got paid. Money is good. I can finally buy that chocolate I promised you three weeks ago."

"It costs two dollars, why couldn't you get it before?"

"Becauuuuuse I'm cheap," Janie said. "Well, I'll leave you two alone. Just thought I'd say hi."

"Hi," Grace said. "And bye." Janie laughed fakely.

"Oh ho MAN Grace, you are one with a rapier wit," Janie said. "Really. Owwie." Grace glared at her, and Fez twiddled his thumbs awkwardly.

"Well," he said, and nervously chuckled, "I guess we've all had long days. Nothing a little candy won't fix. Who wants candy?" Grace stood up and tossed her curly black hair.

"Fez sweetie, I want her to stay away from me!" Grace said. "And I want her to leave, or I'm leaving."

"Ha, sorry baby, this is my apartment too," Janie said. "I pay the rent and YOU can't kick me out!"

"Janie, could you go to the movie or something?" Fez asked. Janie's mouth dropped, and she threw her hands on her hips.

"Oh, I see how it is," Janie said.

"Would you just get your chunky self out of here?" Grace asked, snidely. Janie laughed scornfully.

"Honey, this isn't chunkiness!" Janie said, hitting her curvy hips. "It's called beauty! I'm not surprised you wouldn't recognize it!"

"Janie," Fez said.

"Screw you, Fez!" Janie snapped. "I'm out of here. I'm going to Hyde and Jackie's!" With that, she stormed out of the apartment, and Grace and Fez were left alone.

"She's nuts," Grace said.

"…. Sure," Fez said, sad to see her go.

--------------------------

Janie knocked on Jackie and Hyde's apartment. He opened the door, and she stormed in.

"I'm crashing for the night and I hope you don't have a problem with it!" she snapped. "Where's Jackie?"

"Uhhh, out," he said.

"OF COURSE!" Janie exclaimed. "Well I'm taking a shower. And I'm not in the mood to be messed with, Hyde!" She stormed into the bathroom, and he huffed.

"One apartment, one guy, two crazy girls," he said. "It's like 'Three's Company' from hell."

--------------------------

Donna shook the sleeping Eric. He opened his eyes.

"Is it already time to hit the road?" he asked. "Donna, it's six in the morning!"

"And we have to get there and go looking," Donna said. "Get up! Get dressed! I have coffee and donuts in the car! If you want I'll drive the first half of the trip and you can sleep." Eric stood up, slowly, and made his way to the closet. "Thanks again, Eric. I'm glad we're doing this!"

"Mmhm," he said from the closet.

"Honey… You're putting on more pajamas."

"…. Dammit."

"Oh, and honey, one more thing."

"What?"

"Well…" Before she could say it, Kelso walked in behind her.

"Come on, Eric, we gotta get on the road!" he said.

"…. Kelso is coming cuz of the co-eds," Donna said. Eric sighed, and nodded.

"Man, do you know you're just getting into more pajamas?" Kelso asked.

--------------------------

Hyde woke up for work the next morning and saw Janie at the breakfast table. She was eating an English muffin and reading the paper.

"Morning," she said. He nodded, and went for the cereal. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm tired and crabby," he said. "I tossed and turned all night long, and the delivery truck woke me up. I can't think of anything that could put me in a worse mood."

"I could," Janie said.

"And what's that?" he asked. Jackie walked out of her bedroom wearing a Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt and pink panties, Dusty following close behind only wearing jeans.

"Morning guys!" she said. Hyde turned, and saw the sight he'd been hoping he wouldn't have to see: confirmation that Jackie had indeed fully moved on.

"Oh, that, for example," Janie said, continuing to read the paper.

--------------------------

Donna and Eric were walking the campus at Madison, Donna looking thrilled and Eric looking bored.

"Okay, so if we can get an apartment near campus, we could just walk or take the bus," she said. "Cuz it looks like parking here is going to be a pain in the ass." Eric nodded, and saw the summer school kids walking around campus too.

"I can't wait for this, Eric," she said. "Are you as excited as I am for our life together in college?"

"Yeah."

"… Well don't sound too giddy."

"Donna, I'm just tired, you got me up at the very crack of dawn," he said. "And now I have to start thinking about school again and getting a job so we can afford the apartment you want, and-."

"Whoa whoa whoa," she said, holding up her hands. "You mean the apartment WE want. You do mean that, right?"

"Of course I mean that!" he exclaimed. "Why are you women so GOOD at twisting us guys words?!"

"Eric, it was your idea to come here and go apartment hunting," Donna said, angrily. "We need to get ready to start out life together! Aren't you excited about it?!" He was going to answer, when Kelso walked up with a female student.

"Guys, this is Lena," he said. "She's a theater major. These are my friends Eric and Donna. They're gonna be freshmen in the fall. Lena enjoys going to the movies and playing Frisbee!"

"I also like singing," the girl said. "I'm going to sing 'I Don't Know How To Love Him' for my next audition. Wanna hear it, Mikey?"

"I sure do, Lena," Kelso said. Donna held up her hands in defeat, and walked away from them all. "Hey Donna! Don't you appreciate the theater?!" Eric sighed angrily, and went after Donna as fast as he could.

-------------------------

Janie and Hyde were sitting in the back room smoking pot.

"Man," Janie said, "I can't believe that Fez chose that BIMBO over me, one of his closest friends! That's so typical!"

"She slept with him," Hyde muttered. "I can't believe she actually slept with him."

"The fact he had the NERVE to let her talk to me that way!" Janie continued. "Hyde, I'm not fat. I have girthy German hips! It's how I'm built! Just cuz she's built like a swizzle stick doesn't mean she can burn me!"

"Man I've screwed up," Hyde said. "Well, it's too late for me. It's official. Jackie has moved on, and I haven't. I should just sleep with someone too. Even the playing field."

"So," Janie said, assessing this statement. "…. Wanna have sex?" Hyde thought for a second, assessing the offer.

"Nah, not really."

"Yeah, me neither," she said. "…. How about now?"

"Nope."

"Why, do you think I'm fat too?" she asked.

"You're acting like a ninny."

"Yeah, the way GRACE would act!" Janie said. "Well, I'm not going to take this lying down! I'm not going to end up like you, Hyde. Tonight, I'm marching back to my apartment and telling Fez 'Fez, I really like you. Now dump her and take me!'"

"Well good luck to you," Hyde said. "Hm… We should probably go help the customers…"

"Leo can take care of it."

"Huh?" Leo asked, sitting up from under the desk. Janie and Hyde looked at him, and Hyde stood up to go help the customers. "Hey Janie, can I get a hit of that?" She passed him the joint, and went to follow Hyde.

-------------------------

Eric found Donna on a bench.

"Here you are," he said. "Thought you'd run off without me and Kelso."

"Nah, you have the car keys," she said.

"You know that I'm just as excited to be moving here as you are," he said. "Whenever we talk about leaving Point Place you go a little crazy." She nodded, and crossed her arms. "Why is that, Donna?"

"…. Point Place is the only thing I know," she said. "The only time I've been away from it was when I ran to California. And I eventually came back. I'm worried, Eric. I'm worried that I won't be able to leave. I couldn't the first time. But I know you want to get away, and I'm just so scared that you'll stay away and I won't." He put his arm around her.

"Donna," he said, "you want to leave too. You weren't ready, and that's what kept you there. But Donna, you're ready now. And I'm ready too. Sure, we're leaving a lot of people behind, but I've done it before. And I found a way back to them. God knows we won't be able to stay away all the time. My mother would kill me." She chuckled, and hugged him.

"This is our new home," she said, looking around Madison. "In a couple months anyway… Can we do it?"

"…. Yes." They kissed sweetly.

And Kelso ran up to them.

"Guys, let's hit the road. Lena hasn't stopped singing!" he exclaimed. "I need to get away from her!" They chuckled, and walked back towards the parking lot.

--------------------------

Fez and Grace were watching TV, when Janie threw the door open to the apartment. She stormed in, and Grace rolled her eyes.

"Janie?" Fez asked. "Are you still mad?"

"Fez, I'm over that," she said. "But I want you to listen and listen closely. And you can't interrupt me, okay? I just need to say this and I need your FULL attention."

"Uhh, okay," Fez said. Janie held up a finger, and groaned.

"This is going to sound so dumb," she said. "Okay Fez, have you ever met a person that you just could never see yourself with because you had certain expectations about who you would end up with in the end? Cuz I always thought that I would fall for some hard rocking badass bartender biker guy, and because of that I just dismissed all the other guys. I dismissed my tenth grade lab partner, I dismissed the president of the U.N. club in twelfth grade, and I completely dismissed that adorable flower shop guy who dropped off my parents anniversary flowers."

"…. Huh?" Fez asked.

"And I dismissed you, Fez," Janie said. "I never thought that I would fall for you because you're so sweet, and gawky, and not at all bad boy. I thought that I had to push you away because I would only end up hurting you, but dammit, you just swept me off my feet! And I know it sounds so tacky telling you this when you have a girlfriend, but I don't want to end up like Hyde who is pining after someone he never told his feelings to. I don't want to be that miserable girl whose pride kept her from happiness. I really like you, Fez. I just thought you should know that. I want to know if maybe someday, if this doesn't work out between you two, maybe you'd consider me? Just a stupid punk girl who was looking for Johnny Rotten and found… Greg Brady?" Fez and Grace stared up at her, stunned. Janie clasped her hands together, holding her breath.

"Nice try, Janie, but you're out of luck," Grace said. "Fez is with me now, and nothing you say can change-."

"I'll consider you now," Fez said, standing up.

"Fez!" Grace exclaimed.

"Really?" Janie asked, happy smile spreading across her face. Fez nodded, smiling.

"Yes, Janie, I'll date you," he said.

"Fez, what about me?" Grace demanded, standing up. Fez turned to her, and shrugged.

"Sorry, Grace," he said. "You're nice, but it was always about Janie."

"Are you serious?" Grace asked.

"And… You called her fat," Fez said. "….Good day." Grace growled, and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door.

"You aren't fat," he said to Janie. She smiled, and threw her arms around him. He lifted her up, and they kissed.

---------------------------

Eric and Donna looked up at the old apartment building, and smiled.

"Think this is the place?" she asked.

"I think this might be it," he said. "It's close to campus, it has ambiance, the price is reasonable, and it allows pets so if you ever want to get a dog we can."

"Please, we're getting cats."

"So should we go in and enquire?" he asked. She smiled sadly, and nodded.

"We're really doing it, aren't we?" she asked. "We're really moving away from Point Place?"

"Come August, yes we are," he said. "So are we enquiring or not?" She thought for a second, and smiled at her boyfriend.

"We're going in and enquiring," she said. He nodded, and they walked into the building.

Kelso got out of the car, and looked up at the building.

"Huh. Not too shabby," he said. And then he heard the familiar singing.

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll love ya, tomorrow," Lena sang, skipping down the sidewalk. Kelso screamed a little, and ran into the building after Eric and Donna.

------------------------

Donna and Eric walked into the basement, where Janie, Fez, and Jackie were sitting.

"Great news!" Donna exclaimed. "We-."

"I told Fez I like him!" Janie said.

"We're dating!" Fez said, holding up Janie's hand.

"I had sex!" Jackie said, beaming. Donna and Eric exchanged glances.

"Their stories just make our apartment arrangement pale in comparison," Eric said.

"Oh you guys, congrats!" Janie said.

"We're so happy for you!" Fez said, holding up Janie's hand again.

"…. I had sex!" Jackie said, continuing to beam.

FADE OUT


	16. Falling In Love Is Hard on the Knees

A/N: Finally, some J/H interaction! My boyfriend said that I should be exceedingly mean and put this season on hiatus until April, like his show 'Heroes' is doing, but I thought that was stupid. I actually have a question for readers out there. How many episodes are normal for a season? Cuz I'm not totally sure… Hope you all enjoy this one!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from 70s SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

9.16: Falling in Love (Is Hard On The Knees)

Donna was in the basement with Janie when Kelso ran in.

"I've decided on something I want to do before I go back to Chicago," he said. They looked up from their magazines.

"Oh?" Donna asked. "And what might that be?"

"I want to go into that haunted house and explore," he said. Donna shot him a confused look.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that we were living in a Vincent Price movie," she said. "Kelso, there's no such thing as ghosts."

"But I've been dying to go into that house on Pine Grove Avenue," he said. "I hear weird stuff happens in it."

"Actually, that's a few blocks away from my parents house," Janie said. "He's not kidding, Donna, that house is messed up. I used to cross the street whenever I walked in front of it on my way to school."

"You're serious, aren't you?" Donna asked. "Doesn't someone own the place?"

"No, it never keeps an owner for very long," Janie said, voice becoming quite low and spooky. "Last I saw it still had a for sale sign on the front lawn. You know what happened in there, don't you?"

"What?" Kelso asked, voice lowered and somewhat scared. Janie made him sit next to her on the couch.

"Well," she said, "this guy and his family lived there back in the forties. And one night, he killed them all with a butcher knife! Ever since, people've been running from that house, like something horrible is there. And it's said that if you go into the house, he'll get you too… You can hear the screams of his family late at night…." Donna had snuck up behind Kelso, and grabbed his shoulders, shrieking. He screamed, and Janie laughed.

"You guys SUCK!" he exclaimed, and they laughed.

"You're so gullible!" Donna giggled.

"So none of that's true or anything?" he asked.

"Well, the place is haunted, but the whole murder thing I made up," Janie said.

Eric came down the steps.

"Why is Kelso screaming?"

"We're all going to the house on Pine Grove Avenue tomorrow," Janie said. Eric arched his eyebrows.

"The haunted one?"

"Yep."

"Cool."

---------------------------

The entire gang was on the front lawn of the house on Pine Grove the next evening. Jackie and Hyde were looking skeptical, Eric and Donna looked bored, and Fez and Kelso looked scared.

"Are you guys ready to experience the creepiest house in Point Place?" Janie asked.

"Why are we here, Jackie?" Hyde asked.

"Because this was Michael's idea and he leaves in a few days," she said. "This place looks so dirty!"

"I had a friend once whose cousin's girlfriend went into this house and has been in therapy ever since," Janie said.

"That sounds like a reliable source," Eric said. "Okay, let's go in and explore and then go back to the Hub for shakes."

"AI! SOMEONE'S IN THE WINDOW!!" Fez exclaimed, and the rest of the gang shrieked a little bit. "Oh. It was just a curtain." The rest of them groaned, and they walked onto the porch.

"Janie, this house is huge!" Donna exclaimed. "Do your parents live in a house like this?"

"Eh, not as big," Janie said.

"Your parents are rich, aren't they?" Eric asked. "That's why you're all punk and stuff, you're rebelling against them!"

"… You should be a psych major at Madison," Janie said, trying to open a window. "Hey Donna, would ya help me with this window?" Donna sighed, and nodded.

"Let's just get this over with," she said, helping Janie open the window. "Kelso, I hope you're happy. This is such a waste of time."

"No way, Donna," he said. "This is so cool! I have my camera in case we see any ghosts!"

"We aren't going to see any ghosts," Donna said, climbing through the window. "We may see the inside of a jail cell if we get caught trespassing though."

"Live a little, Donna," Fez said. "My Janie would not lead us into peril, right my love?"

"Yeah, sure," Janie said, following Donna. "Now be quick crawling through, sometimes the cops patrol around here."

------------------------

Laurie and Larry were making out on the back porch when Red walked out.

"Hey!" he snapped, and the two of them pulled away. "I thought you two weren't really dating! I haven't seen you around here for awhile, Larry."

"Daddy, we aren't dating, he's just a really REALLY good friend," Laurie said.

"Yeah, I just come over when she's, uh, lonely," Larry said. Red threw his hands up in the air, and walked into the kitchen. Kitty was making dinner.

"I can't believe the nerve of that guy," Red said. "He's pretty presumptuous just thinking he can come over whenever he wants and do what he wants with our daughter."

"Well Red, this shouldn't surprise you," Kitty said. "Larry is a very nice man. Much nicer than her past boyfriends. Of course because of this she won't want to stay with him, but he's nice to have around for a little while. He's polite and courteous and-."

"And he's putting his hands all over our daughter," Red said, peeking through the shades. Kitty walked to him and pulled him away from the curtains.

"Red, leave them be," she said. "If you leave them alone I'll… I'll let you have bacon with breakfast tomorrow." Red smiled wickedly.

"I'm holding you to that."

"I know, I know."

Larry stopped making out with Laurie, and looked at his watch.

"Well, I gotta run," he said, standing up. She looked at him surprised.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"On a date."

"What?! You have a date?!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So… So you were just making out with another person before going on a date!" Laurie exclaimed. "That's so… so…. Me!"

"Ah, good to know," he said. "Well, as you've told me many times before, what we have isn't anything real. It's fun, but that's about it." Laurie scowled.

"You can't date anyone but me!" she snapped.

"Wow, kind of possessive aren't we?" he asked. "See ya later, Laurie." He waved, and left the Foremans porch. She stamped her foot, and stormed into the house.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed. "Fire Larry!'

"Why would I do that?" he asked.

"Because he isn't obeying my rules!"

"Well that's not against work policy, sweetheart."

------------------------

"Oh my GOD this place is so boring!" Jackie exclaimed, making her flashlight beam dance on the walls. "Janie, I thought this place was supposed to be haunted!"

"It is!" Janie stated. "Just because the spirits don't do tricks for you doesn't mean it's not haunted! They just have better things to do! Can't you feel the energy in here?"

"I just feel bored," Eric said. "Kelso, can we just go to the Hub and get our shakes now?"

"Yeah, I guess we can," Kelso said. "I mean, the Hub is really important too, ya know? More important than the undead."

"Technically ghosts aren't the undead," Janie said, as they all stood up.

"You are such a weirdo," Donna said. They all walked for the window, but Jackie thought she heard something.

"Wait guys, I think I heard a cat," she said.

"And?" Eric asked.

"We can't just leave a cat in here!"

"Where did you hear it?" Donna asked.

"It was going up the steps."

"I don't want to go upstairs," Fez said. "This place is creepy enough on the main floor."

"Fine, I'll be right back," Jackie said. "You guys go ahead!" She ran up the stairs calling for the cat she heard. Hyde groaned.

"She'll get lost," he said. "You guys head to the Hub, I'll follow her and we'll be there soon, okay?" They didn't argue, and climbed out the window. Hyde followed Jackie up the steps, and the others left the house for the Hub.

Jackie whistled for the cat, and thought she heard it run into a room down the hall. She walked into the room, and looked around.

"Come on, kitty," she said. "Danny Bonaduce could use a friend. If you're a girl I'll name you Grace Kelly." She got on her hands and knees, looking under the window seat in the room that must have been a nursery due to the baby wallpaper. There were small pieces of furniture with sheets covering them. She sighed, for there was no cat there. She stood, and something grabbed her. She screamed, and saw it was just Hyde, who was now laughing. She hit him a few times on his chest.

"That was NOT funny at ALL, Steven!" she snapped, and he laughed at her.

"Oh yeah it was," he said, smirking. "Find what you were looking for?"

"I thought I heard it run in here," she said. "I guess not though… Oh well, where's everyone else?"

"They've gone ahead, I just came up to get you," he said. "So can we go since you just imagined the cat?"

"I didn't imagine anything," she said, and the door to the nursery slammed shut. She jumped a little bit. "Steven?"

"Calm down, it's a drafty old house," he said, and she walked to the door. She tried opening it, but it wouldn't budge. She tugged on it, beginning to get frantic. "Har har, Jackie, but I know it can open. Nice try at payback though."

"No really, it's not opening," she said, stepping away from it. He tried it, but it was indeed stuck. "Oh my God. Oh my GOD we're TRAPPED in a haunted house!"

"Would you please just chill out?" he asked. "Stop it, we are not trapped and this place isn't haunted!"

"Yes we are and yes it is!" she exclaimed. "Steven, we're on the second floor and the door won't open! And I HEARD a cat! The ghost is playing tricks on us!"

"Jackie, knock it off!" he exclaimed, and her flashlight turned off. She began shrieking, and he moved in the dark towards her. "Jackie! Stop and hold out your hand to me!" He grabbed her hand. "There. I have your hand, just calm down."

"…. Steven, you aren't holding my hand."

"…. Oh my God."

"…. Okay, THAT was payback for the scare you gave me, you are holding my hand," she said, and turned the flashlight back on. He growled, and yanked his hand away, hitting the door in frustration that she got him. He then turned, a smirk on his face.

"That was a good one."

-------------------------

The rest of the gang walked into the Hub, and saw Laurie sitting at a table by herself.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the crankiest one of all?" Donna asked, sitting across from her.

"I hate you guys," she said. "It's your fault I'm falling for that stupid mechanic who has no money."

"Oh my God, you're falling for Larry?" Janie asked, sitting down as well. "That's so cute and unexpected!"

"Shut up, it sucks," Laurie said. "He's on a date with another girl right now. I have the dating privileges, he doesn't!"

"Oh Laurie," Eric said, grinning evilly. "It's strange when the shoe is on the other foot, isn't it?" Kelso sat down too, while Fez went to a video game.

"Hey Laurie, where is he on his date?" Kelso asked. "If you want I could go put my moves on the girl."

"Kelso, when are you going to grow up?" Donna asked. "You have a child for God's sake and you still act like a horny dog!"

"It's in my nature!" Kelso said. "OR, Laurie, WE could go to the place they're having their date, and then make out in front of him. I wouldn't mind revisiting the past."

"Yuck, shut up, Kelso!" Laurie said. "I don't want to make out with you!"

"Wow, she must really dig this guy," Eric said. "She doesn't want to make out…"

"Laurie, you just need to let go of your preconceptions," Janie said. "Look, I never thought that I would ever go out with a guy like Fez. And now look where we are. Just look at him." They all looked at Fez, who was yelling at the Pac Man machine.

"You stupid yellow circle! Get the lousy cherry!" he yelled, hitting the side. Janie sighed happily.

"That's my man, you guys," she said. Donna shuddered a little bit, and turned back to Laurie.

"It's not horrible to fall for someone, Laurie," she said. "Why do you act like it's the worst thing in the world?" Laurie shrugged, and stirred a fry in her ketchup.

"Hey, where are Hyde and Jackie?" Eric asked. "They should have been here."

"Speaking of dysfunctional relationships," Janie said.

"Yeah, what is with them anyway?" Kelso asked.

"Jackie's sleeping with Dusty and Hyde can't stand it," Donna said. "Did that bring you up to speed?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Shouldn't they have been here by now?" Eric asked.

"Maybe they decided they didn't want to come to the Hub," Janie said.

"Or maybe they went somewhere to kiiiiiiiiss," Kelso said, making kissy faces. They all looked at him. "Okay, maybe I do need to grow up a little bit."

"Ya think?" Laurie asked.

Fez hit the Pac Man machine again.

"I HATE THIS GAME!" he yelled.

"Hey sweetie?" Janie called, and he turned. "Come here and leave the game to mend the wounds you gave it tonight." He nodded, and sat next to her.

------------------------

Jackie sat on the floor of the nursery, meditating as best she could, while Hyde tried prying the small window open.

"Even if I get it open I won't be able to climb out. And I don't trust you to get out safely," he muttered, and his fingers slipped. He fell to his knees, and snarled in frustration. She continued meditating, and he stood, rubbing his knees. "What are you doing?" She hit the floor, mad at the interruption.

"I'm trying to get through to the spirits," she said.

"Oh for God's sake, I'm beating myself up trying to get us out of here and you're talking to the walls! Enough with the ghosts and crap!" he snapped. She looked up at him, and smirked.

"You're getting scared!" she teased.

"Oh please spare me."

"Steven's scared of the ghosts in this house!" she laughed, and stood up. "Don't worry, I'll protect you, I promise." He rolled his eyes, and she made 'woooo' noises and pranced to him. "Oh Steven, I'm just kidding. Don't be crabby."

"If you weren't trying to communicate with the dead and just helped me find a way out of here I wouldn't be crabby," he said. "And my knees hurt." She sighed, and put her hands on her hips.

"Steven, all we can do is wait," she said. "Eventually the others will figure out we're gone and they'll come back for us." He sighed, and nodded.

"Yeah, probably," he said. He sat down, and she sat next to him, observing his aching knees.

"They're bleeding," she said, softly. She pulled tissues from her purse, and put them on his ripped up knees.

"Yeah, they'll do that if you cut them up on the floor," he muttered.

"If you wore pants without holes in the knees you wouldn't be in pain right now," she said.

"Whatever."

"All we can do is find a way to pass the time," she stated. "Wanna conduct a séance?"

"No no no no," he said, holding up his hands. She huffed, and crossed her arms.

"Dusty would want to hold a séance."

"Dusty has no opinion on anything."

"And that's why we'd hold it, he wouldn't care and I'd get my way," she said.

"Is that why you're so smitten? Cuz he lets you have your way all the time?" he asked.

"Oh whatever, Steven," she said. "I'm smitten because he's fun and considerate and smart…. The fact he listens to me is just a bonus." He smiled, and ruffled her hair.

"You must like him a lot," he said.

"Yeah, I do," she said. "I hope he's a good employee so you can like him to."

"Yeah, he's a good guy," Hyde said, loathe to admit it. "He treats you right, right? Cuz if he didn't he'd have to answer to me." She smiled at him, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I guess if I had to be locked up in a haunted house with someone it would be you," she stated.

"What, not your knight in shining armor?" he asked.

"Dusty would probably nap and I wouldn't have anyone to talk to," she said.

"Yeah, probably," he said. "Fine. You wanna hold a séance? We can hold a damn séance." She squealed, and clapped her hands together.

"Okay," she said, scooting to face him. "Now we take hands, close our eyes, and sit cross legged. Just be careful with your knees."

"Stop babying me."

"I wish we had candles," she said, ignoring his griping. "The flashlight will have to do." She turned it up towards the ceiling, and took his hands. She closed her eyes, and took a couple of cleansing breaths. He opened one eye to look at her briefly, and then closed it again.

"Oh spirits of the house," she said. "We are calling you from the side of the living."

"You are so full of it."

"Shh! Ignore him, spirits," she said. "If you are listening, make your presence known."

Something in the wall thumped. They both turned towards it, eyes open now. They looked back at each other.

"I'm done," he said, dropping her hands.

"Yeah, me too," she said, pulling her knees to her chin.

-------------------------

Laurie was driving home when she saw Larry standing at the bus stop. She was going to just pass him, but instead slowed down and rolled down the window as she pulled up to him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey."

"Want a ride?"

"Sure." He climbed in, and she turned down her radio.

"How was your date?" she asked.

"Fine," he said. "The dinner was fine. She was kind of a dud." Laurie chuckled, and shrugged.

"Well, that happens," she said. He nodded, and smiled over at her. "Any reason she was a dud?"

"Eh, she just wasn't that interesting," he said. "Not as interesting as you."

"Hah, I'm hardly interesting," she said. "What is interesting about me? I'm just a college drop out ex stripper who is living at home and working at a clothing store. That's not interesting, it's pathetic."

"It's not so bad," he said. "At least you're real, ya know? Sure, your life hasn't been that great or thrilling or anything, but you've survived it all. And that's commendable. Come on Laurie. You sell yourself too short. Is that why you put up such a tough face? Because you don't like yourself?" She kept driving, but for a brief second had a sad look across her face. She shrugged it off, and he sighed. They pulled up to a stop light, and he put his hand to her face. She turned to face him, and he was just giving her that all knowing look. She smiled, and they kissed sweetly. They hugged, and she wished they could stay like that forever.

But the car behind them honked cuz the light was green. She jumped a little, and became angry.

"Oh screw you, mother(bleep)!" she yelled, shaking her fist at the car behind them. "God! What an ass!" Larry chuckled at her. She chuckled too, and they kept driving.

----------------------

Jackie and Hyde were lying on their backs, heads to each others, staring at the ceiling.

"I'm getting sick of this waiting thing," he said.

"Me too," she said. "What time is it?" He looked at his watch.

"Almost ten," he said. "If they haven't figured out that we're missing yet they aren't going to."

"I'm beginning to think you're right," she said. "This is all my fault. If only I hadn't followed that ghost cat in here, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Whatever, this has been kind of fun," he said.

"You're such a liar."

"Yeah, I know," he said. "But hey, we can play such a crazy prank on them when we get out. We can be all 'guys, we were trapped in a room with a ghost of a lady who wanted to do nothing but strip for us'. Kelso would be sad he missed that." Jackie laughed.

"And that she possessed my body and I began stripping for you, that would drive Michael and Fez crazy too!" she giggled.

"You wish."

"Oh shut up!" she said, swatting him. They began swatting each other, and laughing, standing up. She grabbed a sheet from the covered furniture, tossed it over herself, and began making ghost noises. She threw her sheet clad arms around him, and he tickled at her to get her to let him go.

"Steven, stop!" she exclaimed, laughing. He laughed too, and pulled the sheet from her face. And she eventually stopped fighting him, and they just stood there laughing, in each other's arms. And he lost his mind for a couple seconds, and kissed her quickly on the lips. He pulled away, and let her go. They were once again in an uncomfortable silence, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

"Sorry," he said, not turning to face her. She kept standing there, in shock. He turned around, and their eyes met. "Jackie, look, I-."

The door to the nursery opened, and they both looked at it quickly. Donna was there.

"Guys! Have you been here the whole time?!" she asked. Jackie threw the sheet off of herself, and ran to Donna.

"What took you so long?" Hyde asked, gruffly.

"I'm sorry, we thought you'd just gone home but you didn't answer your phone, so I came back here," Donna said.

"Donna, we were trapped! The door wouldn't open, and there was a cat that we couldn't find, and-," Jackie exclaimed.

"Jeeze Jackie, calm down!" Donna exclaimed. "The door was fine for me, you probably turned on the handle the wrong way. Come on, let's go back to Eric's and out of this musty old house." Jackie nodded, and turned back to Hyde. He inspected the door.

"Donna, it was seriously jammed," he said. Donna laughed a little bit.

"Right guys, cuz the ghost really wanted you two locked in a room together," she said, leading them out. "Like that would accomplish anything." Jackie looked at Hyde, who looked at the wall as they walked out of the room.

-----------------------

Kelso was napping on the couch in the Foreman basement, when a little stick puppet of a ghost peeked up from behind it.

"Kelllllsoooo," it said. "Kellllsooooo. Kelso, why didn't you stay and take pictures of me? Why did you leave me alone in that house? Why don't you LOVE me?" Kelso opened his eyes, and grabbed the stick figure. He swatted the perpetrator, and Fez popped up from behind the couch.

"What? You didn't like it?" he asked.

FADE OUT


	17. Girls of Summer

A/N: I just want to thank everyone for reviewing this story so consistently! I have 100 reviews!! That's almost five times more than I've ever received! Hooray!

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

9.17: Girls of Summer

Donna and Eric were in the Foreman basement, when Jackie came in, wearing big black sunglasses. She looked around, and sat next to Donna.

"Audrey Hepburn wants her sunglasses back," Eric said. Jackie took them off, and there was concern in her eyes.

"Eric, for your information I wear these when I don't want to be noticed," Jackie said.

"I like that those huge glasses are your way of going incognito," Donna chuckled.

"Donna, something happened last night in that haunted house," she said. "I didn't tell you right away because Steven was there, and I needed to do this with you and you alone." She stood up, and walked to the room that used to be Hyde's. Donna remained on the couch, and Eric smirked. Jackie walked back out, and tapped her foot.

"Donna!" she said, the way she used to when they had first met. Donna sighed, and Eric burst out laughing. Donna followed her into the room, and Jackie closed the door.

"Jeeze Jackie, you haven't 'Donna'd' me since we were in high school!" Donna said.

"And I only do it if it's really important!"

"Jackie, you once did it because you wanted me to tell you your dress looked good."

"Let's not dwell in the past, I have to talk to you!" Jackie whined.

"You make it sound so Earth shattering," Donna said. "What, did you hear a creak in an old house and make an ass of yourself?"

"No Donna, it isn't anything trivial like that!" Jackie said. "Look… Last night, Steven kissed me." Donna gasped, and Jackie nodded.

"Hyde kissed you?!" Donna exclaimed, and Jackie shushed her. "I mean, how? Why? Why would he kiss you?!" Jackie scowled.

"I'm not THAT repulsive, Donna!" Jackie said.

"I didn't mean it like that, but… He kissed you?" Donna asked.

"Yes, for the last time yes."

"Well… That's wrong! He knows you have a boyfriend!" Donna said.

"I know," Jackie said. "Look. We need to call an emergency meeting so we can figure this all out. I am going to declare martial law in our female social circle, and we need to have a high order tribunal. Tonight."

"You don't mean…"

"Yes Donna," Jackie said. "I mean a slumber party."

---------------------------

Janie was in Grooves on her shift, when Donna walked in, carrying a small envelope.

"Hey Donna," Janie said.

"Is Hyde back there?" she asked. Janie looked at the back room.

"Yeah, he is." Donna handed her the envelope, and Janie looked at it, incredulously. "My mission, if I choose to accept it?"

"Well, I was told to be discreet," Donna said. "Look, Jackie and I are having a sleepover at my place tonight. Kind of a last sleepover thing, but Jackie has some issues she needs to discuss."

"If this is about me bending her pony hair clip thingy, I've told her it was an accident," Janie said, matter of factly.

"No no, it's not about us, it's about Hyde," Donna said. "So be very, you know… hush hush about it."

"What about Hyde?" Janie asked, leaning in. "What did he do that has her pissed off?"

"She isn't pissed! He just…. Okay, but keep this quiet," Donna said, leaning in. "In the haunted house last night, when we accidentally ditched them there, he kissed her."

"HOLY CRAP!" Janie exclaimed, and Donna clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Discretion is not your strong suit, is it?" Donna asked. Janie shrugged.

"Does Dusty know?" Janie asked, quietly.

"No, I don't think so," Donna said. "And it's not like Jackie reciprocated, I got there before she could."

"Would she have though?" Janie asked. Donna didn't have an answer, so she just shrugged.

"Just act normal, okay?" Donna said. "We'll talk more about it tonight, but until then, just…. Be cool." Janie nodded.

Dusty walked in.

"Hey girls." Donna shrieked, and turned around. "Wow…. Donna, think about laying off the coffee." She nodded quickly, and scampered out of Grooves.

-----------------------

Red and Kitty were sitting in the living room watching TV when Eric walked in.

"Oh, Eric sweetie, what are you doing tonight?" Kitty asked.

"I'm going out with the guys, cuz Kelso leaves again in two days," Eric said. "Why? What are you planning around me without my consent?"

"Well, I just thought that maybe you would be willing to have a nice dinner here," Kitty said. "You've been doing a lot with your friends lately, and you leave for college so soon."

"Kitty, let the boy do what he wants," Red said. "You're going to have to accept the empty nest in two months, better to accept it sooner rather than later."

"And hey, Laurie is still here," Eric said.

"Well if she and Larry settle down she'll be moving in with him," Kitty said. "And besides, you know how I feel about Laurie."

"You mean your test run child?" Eric asked.

"Watch it, Eric," Red said.

"You can invite your friends over too!" Kitty said. "Oh please Eric, let me cook for you and your friends." Eric sighed, and looked at Red. Red shrugged, and nodded.

"Sure Mom, I'll tell them that we're going to be here for dinner," Eric said. "I'm sure they won't protest to a home cooked meal."

"Oh good!" Kitty exclaimed. "I'll go get the burners running! It's been so long since we've had a dinner party!" She rushed into the kitchen, and Eric looked at Red, defeated.

"Is she going to be okay?" he asked.

"Once you leave she'll hit the bottle pretty hard, sleep for a week, and then be back to normal," Red said. "You have nothing to worry about because you won't be dealing with it."

-----------------------

Fez, Hyde, and Kelso looked at Eric like he was crazy as they stood in Grooves.

"We're coming to a dinner party your mother is throwing us?" Kelso asked.

"Yeah."

"Why is she throwing us a dinner party?" Fez asked.

"Because she's crazy," Eric said. "Attachment disorder or something. Come on, let's just do this for her, okay?"

"I don't know, man," Hyde said. "Why should we be the ones to encourage her?"

"Wait a minute!" Fez said. "Janie said that she won't be home tonight because she, Donna, and Jackie are having a sleepover at Donnas!"

"Wait, they're going to be next door?" Kelso asked. "Haven't you guys always wondered what goes on at sleepovers?"

"Didn't we speculate when your California girlfriend was in town?" Fez asked.

"Yeah, but we never found out!" Kelso said. "Tonight could be the night!"

"… He's right," Hyde said. "Who knows what they'll be talking about."

"Probably me, Fez, and Dusty," Eric said. "What else are girls going to be talking about at a sleepover? Their boyfriends."

"Okay, so after dinner we go and spy on them," Kelso said. "That way we please Kitty AND ourselves." The rest of them looked at him, and Kelso didn't quite get what he had said. "What?"

"You may be on your way to becoming a Chicago cop in a few days, but you're still dumb as a brick," Hyde stated.

----------------------

Donna answered the doorbell, and Jackie was there with a pink sleeping bag and back pack.

"I'm so glad this is falling into place," she said, walking in. "Is the main room our place of operation?"

"You make it sound like we're strategizing a war," Donna said. "But sure, if that's where we want it. I meant to ask you, did you ever tell Dusty about the kiss?"

"Oh God NO," Jackie said. "I mean, I didn't reciprocate, so why would I tell him? It was all Steven. Why would I tell Dusty?" Donna shrugged.

"Okay, whatever," she said. "I got Janie up to speed, I got horror movies for Dad's new VCR, and I got popcorn. We can order a pizza if we want to, and I brought down Blue, my old teddy bear!" Donna grabbed the ratty bear from the couch.

"Ohmigod, I brought Bumpy Bear too!" Jackie said, unzipping her bag and pulling out the teddy.

Janie walked into the house.

"I brought wine," she said, tossing a bottle to Donna. "I also brought cookie dough…. Are those teddy bears?"

"Yeah," Donna said. "Why, too good for a teddy bear?"

"Oh no, I just didn't expect Carmichael to have company," Janie said, pulling a red bear from her bag. "Okay ladies. Jackie, lay it all out for me. Tell me what happened, tell me where he touched you."

"Janie, you make it sound so sordid!" Jackie said.

"It was sordid!" Donna exclaimed. "He kissed you and he knows you have a boyfriend! I can't believe him! When you're single he treats you like garbage but when you're taken he's all over you!"

"Well, it wasn't like he meant to do it," Jackie said. "I mean, it just kind of happened."

"Hey, stuff like that happens all the time," Janie said. "Weird situations make people do weird things."

"Yeah," Jackie said.

"I mean, once, a guy and I got locked in a classroom in high school, and we had sex on the desk," Janie said. "Didn't even know the kid. That was my 'trying too hard to be a rebel' phase." Jackie looked at her, and then back at Donna.

"Okay, it wasn't THAT weird," Jackie said. They all sat on the couch. "How am I supposed to feel about this?"

"Pissed," Donna said.

"Well I'm not pissed. I'm confused, but not pissed, and why should I be pissed?" Jackie asked.

"Yeah, why should she be pissed?" Janie asked. "What if she and Hyde are meant to be together?"

"Ohmigod, what if we ARE?" Jackie asked.

"Janie, don't give her any ideas," Donna said.

"All I'm saying is that maybe Hyde has figured out his baggage and is ready to be with you for good this time around," Janie said.

"Or maybe you should just stay with Dusty," Donna said. "Dusty worships the ground you walk on, Hyde just kind of neglects it."

"Oh I just don't know!" Jackie exclaimed, and hugged her bear. "…. Wanna break out the cookie dough?"

"Did you really have to ask?" Janie asked.

--------------------------

Eric was peering over the fence trying to see into the window. Kelso and Fez were standing down below, eager, while Hyde was shooting hoops.

"I can't see anything," Eric said. "I can't imagine they'd be in their pajamas yet, it's only seven."

"I know for a fact that Janie just sleeps in a tee shirt and flannel pants," Fez said.

"Same with Donna," Eric said. "Hyde, what does Jackie wear to bed?

"How would I know?" he asked, defensively. The other three looked at him, suspiciously.

"It was just a question," Eric said, and dropped from the fence. "Okay, what are you hiding? You aren't interested in seeing them in their pjs, you've been quiet basically all day…"

"Quieter than normal," Fez said. "What is going on?"

"Nothing," Hyde said. "I'm just hungry. When is dinner, Foreman?"

"It's dinner time right now, Steven," Kitty said. "Come on in, boys. I made pot roast and red potatoes and bean casserole, and for dessert I made cherry pie!" Fez and Kelso rushed in, knocking each other out of the way to get through the door. Eric and Hyde walked in after them.

They all sat around the big dining room table, and Kitty just beamed.

"How is the food?" she asked.

"…. It's real food," Fez said. "I rarely get real food. Janie is queen of desserts and the tv dinner."

"Really good, Mrs. Foreman," Kelso said. "I mean, a lot better than what MY mom makes."

"That's because your Mom is another queen of TV dinners," Hyde said.

"There can only be one," Fez said. Eric stood up, and walked into the kitchen.

"Where is he going?" Red asked.

"Oh, probably to get some water," Fez lied. "…. I think I'll go with him."

"Yeah, me too," Kelso said. Hyde was the only one who stayed at the table. Kitty and Red looked at him.

"Are they coming back?" Kitty asked. Hyde shrugged.

"They're probably trying to look in on Donna's sleepover," Hyde stated.

"What, are they still in junior high?" Red asked.

"Steven, why aren't you going off with them?" Kitty asked.

"Because I don't care what Donna and Janie are wearing and I know what Jackie sleeps in," Hyde said. "I do live with her after all. It's not like Eric and Fez have any surprises in store for them either."

"And Kelso is just a pervert," Red said.

"Well that's VERY mature of you, Steven," Kitty said. "And you and Jackie are friends again, right? No more complications or anything?"

"Well, we're friends anyway," Hyde said. "Women are always complicated, am I right Red?" Red chuckled, and Kitty just scowled at the two of them. When Red saw the face she was making, he stopped chuckling.

"No Steven, you are wrong," he said, and went back to his food.

---------------------------

"How's my hair looking?" Jackie asked, as Janie French braided it.

"It looks fine, Jackie," Donna said. "Don't worry about it, you know Janie is an unexpected master of hair."

"It's true, this is what happens when you have a mother who tries her hardest to make you as girly as possible despite the influence of three other brothers," Janie said. "You get me, the punk who can French braid."

Bob walked into the living room, with a tray of grilled cheese sandwiches.

"Here's dinner, ladies," he said, setting it down on the coffee table that had been moved to make room for their sleeping bags.

"Thanks Dad," Donna said, grabbing a sandwich.

"I never thought I'd see a bunch of twenty somethings in my living room having a sleep over," Bob said. "You know, that used to-."

"Dad, stop before you make it sound gross," Donna said. Bob held up his hands.

"Fair enough," he said. "Have a good time, kids." He left, and Donna shook her head.

"What is the appeal of the sleepover?" Jackie asked. "So many guys just die at the thought of an all girls slumber party! This isn't 'Animal House'! There are no topless pillow fights!"

"We could have one," Janie said. "Just to perpetuate the stereotype."

"No, we better not, I feel like the walls have eyes or we're being watched or something," Donna said.

"Who would be watching us, Donna?" Jackie asked.

Outside the window, Eric, Kelso, and Fez were crouched down out of sight.

"Did we get this far last time? I don't remember," Kelso said.

"I don't remember either," Eric said.

"Donna, Janie, we still haven't figured out what I should do," Jackie said. "Steven is one of my best friends now, and I don't know how to treat him. He kissed me."

"I think that you should act like it didn't happen," Janie said. "Deny deny deny! It worked for Nixon, right?"

"Um, no," Donna said.

"Oh damn, it didn't," Janie said. "Well, it's not like you were spying on your rivals. It will work for you."

"Should I talk to him about it?" Jackie asked.

"Normally I would say yes, but he can't be trusted now," Donna said. "I think that Janie may be right, just act like it didn't happen, and he'll get the hint. Meanwhile, just continue with Dusty until it's time for you to go to school. Then it won't be a problem anymore."

"I guess not," Jackie said. "So I won't tell Dusty cuz there's nothing to tell, and I'll just act like it never happened…. BUT IT DID HAPPEN!"

"Why are you obsessing?" Donna asked. "Jackie, do you still like Hyde?"

"I don't know!" Jackie exclaimed. "You know, for a long time I was totally sure that I was over him, and then we became such good friends and I was completely satisfied, but he kissed me and now I'm not sure of anything anymore!" Donna sighed, and Janie kept braiding hair.

"But I think you guys are right," Jackie said. "Because I know how I feel about Dusty. I like him, and I'm not going to let anyone, including Steven, get in the way of that."

"Good, we've worked it out," Janie said. "Your hair is done. Donna, toss me a grilled cheese." Donna did, and Janie missed it. It hit the window, and Janie got up to get it. She then saw the three faces peering through.

"Hey!" she exclaimed.

"Oh crap guys, we've been spotted!" Eric said. "Abort the mission! Abort!!!!"

"They're SPYING on us!" Janie exclaimed, and ran out the door. Donna and Jackie exchanged looks, and then watched out the window.

"We weren't spying, per se," Kelso said, and then Janie tackled him. "OW!! FEZ, YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!"

"Three older brothers indeed," Donna said.

-----------------------

Hyde sat on the porch of the Foreman's, and Eric walked out.

"Going home soon?" he asked. "And if you do, could you please bring some of Mom's food? She'd love that."

"Sure," Hyde said. Eric sat on the rail, and looked towards Donna's house. "So did you see anything?"

"Well, we almost did, but then Janie gave Kelso a black eye," Eric said. "She of course apologized right after, but I don't know how he's going to explain that one to the police academy." Hyde chuckled, and shrugged a little bit.

"Well, Janie's a tough chick," he said. "I mean, at least this way Kelso gets to leave Point Place with more than just memories." Eric smirked, and shrugged.

"So I know you hate having heart to hearts when you aren't high, because you find it weak or something," Eric said, "but you've been awfully quiet tonight. Obviously you don't have to talk about it, but you know that if you so choose, you-."

"I kissed Jackie."

"… Wow. I didn't need to coax you at all, did I?" Eric asked. "When?"

"Last night."

"How did she react?"

"Well she didn't hit me."

"A good sign."

"I think she's pissed though, since she has a boyfriend."

"Oh yeah, Dusty," Eric said. "Man, that's gutsy on your part. Trying to steal an employee's girlfriend."

"I didn't mean to, it was a dumb accident," Hyde said. "It sucks! I've been trying to put these damn feelings to rest, man! But I can't!" Eric shrugged, and clapped Hyde on the back.

"That sucks," Eric said. Hyde nodded, and stood up. "Where are you going?" Hyde ignored him, and walked across the driveway to Donna's house.

He knocked on the door, and Donna opened it.

"Do I need to get Janie here?" Donna asked. "You saw what she did to that police cadet."

"I'll take you DOWN, boss!" Janie called.

"Is Jackie here?" he asked.

"She's making popcorn," Donna said. "Hyde, stay there."

"Donna-."

"No Hyde," Donna said. "You've messed with her heart way too much for one lifetime. She's my best friend, and I've spent way too many nights holding her as she cried over you. I don't want you hurting her again."

"Donna, I just want to-."

"NO, Hyde," Donna said. "Look, she has a really good thing going with Dusty. Please stop trying to sabotage that. You had your chance and you blew it. Let her move on." She closed the door in his face, and he was left standing on the front stoop. He was livid, but he knew she was right. So he turned, and walked back to the Foreman's house.

Jackie walked into the living room with a big bowl of popcorn.

"Popcorn's popped!" she sang. "Sleeping bags ready?"

"Yep," Donna said, composing herself.

"Donna, are you okay?" Jackie asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Donna said. "Janie, throw in the bad horror movie." Janie eyed her, with a look that said 'I hope you know what you just did', and then smiled at Jackie.

"Do we want sci fi or monster?" she asked.

"Ooh! Monster!" Jackie exclaimed, wrapping the sleeping bag around her. "Who was at the door?" Donna made up the first idea she could think of.

"Eric," she said shortly. "He was… trying to join the sleepover."

"Ew, no boys allowed," Jackie said. Janie and Donna exchanged guilty glances, and Janie looked back at the window. Kelso was there again.

"Guys," she said, pointing. Kelso ducked down. She walked to the window, and opened it. "Kelso, come on it."

"Are you serious?" he asked, popping back up. Janie looked at Donna and Jackie.

"Fine," Jackie said. "ONE boy allowed."

"Think of it as a going away gift from me to you," Janie said. "You now have special access to a girls slumber party. BUT you leave before lights go out."

"Oh that's a good deal!" Kelso said, climbing in the window. "Hello, ladies. Are you going to commence the pillow fight?"

"Do you want another black eye?" Donna asked.

"No ma'am," Kelso said.

"Then sit down and watch the movie," she answered.

"Oh no, I forgot my wine glass," Jackie said. "Just start, I'll be right back." She pranced into the kitchen, and poured some wine for herself. She hummed, and then heard a knocking on the door. She opened it, and Hyde was there.

"I know things are awkward right now between us, but I want to say I'm sorry for last night," he said. "I don't want you to feel weird at home, I don't want you to avoid me, I just want to go back to the kind of weird friendship we had before last night because I'm fine with that." She stood speechless, and set her wine down.

"… Okay," she said. "Don't worry, I didn't take it to heart. It was a weird situation, and I know that we're really just meant to be friends." He nodded gruffly, and she smiled at him, awkwardly.

"Go back to your party and I'll see you at home tomorrow," he said, and left. She was left in the kitchen, and grabbed her wine, gulping it all down.

-------------------------

Donna woke up the next morning, and went to put coffee on the stove. She heard a knocking on the back door, and looked over at it. Kitty was there, in her robe. Donna opened the door, and Kitty walked into the kitchen.

"Morning, Kitty," Donna said. "What's-?"

"Your slumber party ruined my dinner party!" Kitty exclaimed.

"How?"

"My guests left in the middle of it to try and see what you girls were doing," Kitty said.

"Well, this is why you don't have dinner parties for twenty something year old guys," Donna said. "They can't handle the etiquette aspect of it all. Especially when there's a mysterious female ritual happening next door." Kitty crossed her arms.

"You owe me a dinner party!" she snapped, spun on her heel, and left the Pinciotti kitchen.

FADE OUT


	18. Walk This Way

Disclaimer: I own neither 70s SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

9.18: Walk This Way

The July heat was hanging quite heavily on the third, and Eric was sitting in a kiddie pool in the back yard. Fez and Janie walked into the yard, and Janie shook her head.

"This is really sad," she said. "Why aren't you in the basement? It's probably really cool down there."

"Laurie and Larry have been down there for the past hour and they're in that stage of their relationship that's just nauseating to watch," Eric said. "Much like your stage in YOUR relationship."

"Someone is cranky because of the heat, pookums," Fez said. "I'm glad our apartment has air conditioning."

"Thank God for that, sweetie," Janie agreed.

Red walked out onto the lawn.

"Eric, you have to move that damn pool back into the garage before my barbeque tomorrow," he said.

"You're having a barbeque?" Fez asked, ears perking up. Red groaned.

"Yes, I am," he said.

"Fez, Janie, you want to come?" Eric asked, removing his sunglasses. "Everyone else is going to be here."

"I love barbeques!" Fez said.

"Is there going to be a vegetarian option?" Janie asked. "I don't eat meat. I think it's cruel." Red looked at her, horrified.

"You're what?"

"Just kidding!" she said, pointing at him. "Bring on the beef!" Red sighed, and grasped at his chest.

"You almost gave me another heart attack," he said, and then smiled at Janie. "Good, a girl who really appreciates a BBQ."

"Do you use wood or charcoal?" Janie asked. "Cuz I think that charcoal is great but wood has a great retro feel, ya know?" Red smiled at her, and then at Fez.

"It's official, she's a keeper," Red said.

----------------------------------

The day of the 4th came and Donna and Eric were setting up the grill for Red.

"I'm skeptical about this BBQ," Eric said. "Red always goes over the top and it won't live up to his expectations."

"At least he and my Dad aren't competing this time around," Donna said. "I was surprised that Dad even got an invite."

"That was Mom's doing," Eric said. "She wants Red to have more friends…. Well, just friends, really."

Laurie and Larry walked up to Donna and Eric from inside the house.

"Is that grill set up yet?" Laurie asked.

"No," Eric said.

"God, hurry up, you weakling!" Laurie said. "Daddy wants to start grilling the brats and hamburgers."

"You know, I thought that being in a steady relationship would have made you less of a bitch," Eric said.

"Silly you," Donna said.

"Eric, even though I have definitely looked at myself in a new light and realized that I don't have to be hard to prove anything, I'm still going to be your big sister," Laurie said. "And that means that you're MYYY bitch."

"I love this woman," Larry said.

"I love you too, sugar," Laurie said. "Let's go to my room."

"Okay."

The first to arrive were Jackie and Dusty.

"We're here!" Jackie sang.

"And we brought booze!" Dusty said, holding up three boxes of beer.

"Jeeze, Dusty, you're carrying a lot of beer and not even breaking a sweat," Donna said, impressed.

"That's my MAN," Jackie said, and Dusty handed the boxes to Eric, who promptly fell under their weight.

"And that's mine," Donna said. "So, how are you two today?"

"Oh, I'm not into the whole 4th of July thing, but Jackie said there would be free food here," Dusty said. "And plus I get to see her in this sexy sundress."

"It's new," Jackie said.

"Where's Hyde?" Eric asked, stacking the beers on a table.

"Oh, Steven will be here in a little bit, I called him before I left with Dusty," Jackie said. "I made potato salad and I told him to bring it."

"I love potato salad!" Eric said.

"It's German style," Jackie exclaimed, quite proud of herself.

"Oh," Eric said. "…. I don't love that kind."

Janie and Fez were the next to arrive.

"We brought cookies!" Janie said. "Look! They're red, white, and blue!"

"I made the frosting," Fez said. "She even let me put candy on the top of them."

"Sprinkles, honey, they're sprinkles."

"It's sugar, what do I care?" Fez asked.

Red walked out with the plate of meat.

"Eric and Donna, you got the grill set up?" he asked.

"Yes Red," Donna said.

"Ooh, who brought the beer?" Red asked.

"I did, sir," Dusty said. "I'm Dusty, I'm Jackie's boyfriend."

"Finally, it's nice to see some new faces in this group you have, Eric," Kitty said, bringing out the punch bowl. "Happy Birthday, America!" Dusty gave Jackie a look.

"She's quirky," Jackie said.

------------------------------------

By the time Hyde arrived, the barbeque was in full swing. He walked up to the party, and Jackie waved at him.

"Steven! Did you bring my potato salad?" she asked, as he walked to her. He handed her the big bowl.

"Yes, I brought your foul smelling potato salad," he said. "You just can't do things like other people, can you?"

"I'll have you know this potato salad is very classy," she said, poking him in the chest. "Kitty! I have German potato salad!"

"Jackie, who brings German potato salad to a celebration of America?" Red asked.

"I do," she said, handing him the bowl.

"Fine, I won't argue with you," Red said.

"Why won't you argue with her?" Eric asked. "If I pulled that I'd of had a boot up my ass!"

"Eric, language!" Kitty scolded.

"I won't argue with Jackie because she brings in the customers at my shop," Red said.

"Cuz they like looking at her," Eric said.

"Eric, knock it off," Red snapped, and Eric sighed. "Thanks for the commie salad, Jackie."

"And thank YOU for the overblown glorification of America, Red," Jackie said, and Hyde burst out laughing. Red shook his head, and set the salad with the other food.

"I like you," Red said. "You're a smart ass but not in an Eric kind of way."

"Aww, thanks," Jackie said, and Red went to continue the grilling.

"That was ballsy," Hyde said, and she grinned at him.

"He takes it from me because I'm the only girl he knows who can fix a car," Jackie said. "Donna! Wait for me!"

"I'm just going to the basement to get more soda with Eric."

"I'll come too!" She skipped after Donna, leaving Dusty and Hyde alone. Hyde chuckled, and shook his head. Dusty looked at him skeptically.

"She never ceases to fascinate me," Hyde said. Dusty nodded, but was quiet.

Janie and Fez walked up to them, holding hotdogs in their hands.

"This party is missing something," Fez said. "We have food, we have booze, we have sweets…" Janie thought for a second, and then snapped her fingers.

"Music!" she exclaimed. "You guys, there's no music! Where's the Foreman's radio?"

"I know where it is," Fez said. "I'll go get it." He rushed into the house, leaving Janie with Hyde and Dusty.

"So Hyde," Dusty said, "how long have you known Jackie?"

"Since she was fifteen," Hyde said.

"That's awhile."

"They're like, best friends," Janie chimed in, seeing her opportunity to stir up a little controversy and manipulate the situation to the way she saw fit.

"Well, that's not true," Hyde said. "Donna is her best friend, then probably you, Janie."

"Yeah, but you're up there with us," Janie said. "Hell, you probably know her better than either of us do."

"Janie," Hyde said, testily, and she smiled sweetly.

"Oh my gosh, is that German potato salad?" Janie asked, rushing away. Hyde sighed, and laughed awkwardly. Dusty laughed awkwardly too.

"She's just being… Janie," Hyde said.

"Yeah," Dusty said, but the damage, however so slight, was done.

Fez ran out of the house, holding a radio.

"Hey, he has the tunes," Hyde said. Fez slowly walked to him, looking as pale as a ghost. "Fez man, what's wrong?"

"…. I heard Laurie and Larry doing it," he said. "I may never sleep again!"

----------------------------------

In the basement, Jackie was watching Donna and Eric grab boxes of soda.

"So did you see how Dusty was very thoughtful and brought some beer?" she asked. "I didn't even have to ask him, he just brought it because he thought it would be nice."

"Yeah, that's great," Eric said. "How about YOU do something thoughtful and help carry the boxes of soda?"

"Eric, please, these shoes are not meant for carrying boxes," she said.

"Jackie, you're wearing flats," Donna said.

"If your eye was as sharp as mine, you'd know that they were brand new clogs that need to be broken in," Jackie said. "And that can't be forced, so I won't be carrying soda."

"Then why did you come down here?" Eric asked.

"To talk of course," Jackie said. "See Donna? I am totally into Dusty."

"I don't doubt it, Jackie, stop trying to convince me," Donna said. "It seems like you're only trying to convince yourself."

"I don't need to," Jackie said. "Because I know in my heart that I really like Dusty."

"I notice the word 'love' hasn't popped up," Eric said.

"Eric, please don't encourage this conversation," Donna said.

"Eric, don't be silly," Jackie said. "I couldn't have fallen in love with him in such little time. We've only been dating for a month. That's too fast for love."

"But not too fast for sex," Eric said.

"I'm going to hit you with my clog."

"Sorry, I'll shut up."

-----------------------------

Larry and Laurie were laying in her bed, both smoking cigarettes.

"Now that is what I call fireworks," she said.

"That was cheesy," he stated.

"Yeah, it kind of was," she said. "Oh well, like it or lump it."

"Laurie, you're so brash," he stated. "…. So… Wanna get married or something?" She sat up, covering herself with the sheet.

"Wait… Wait, did you just propose to me?" she asked. He sat up, and thought about it for a second.

"Yeah, I guess I kind of did," he said. "Huh. That was impulsive… But what do you think?" She bit her lip, and then looked back at him.

"Larry, I've been married before, and it just didn't work out," she said.

"Laurie, you were married to that Fez guy so he could stay in the country," he said. "That isn't a marriage, it's a favor."

"You're really serious, aren't you?" she asked. "You want to marry me."

"Yeah, I do," he said. She smiled at him.

"Yes," she said.

"Yes?"

"Yes."

"Cool."

----------------------------------

The radio was playing, the young adults were mingling, and Bob walked over to Red, who was basking in the glow of a well planned out barbeque.

"I've gotta hand it to you, Red," Bob said, "you really know how to bring out the spirit of the 4th."

"Yeah Bob," Red said, "you know you're a hit when people of the next generation can appreciate it." Kitty walked up to them, sipping a margarita. "Kitty, where did you get that?"

"Donna made them," Kitty said, and laughed in her tipsy stupor. "Happy 4th of July, from Margaritaville!" Red shook his head, and took the drink from her.

"Fez," Janie said, as they sat on the stoop of the porch, "this may be the margarita talking, but I want you to take me to the basement and have your way with me." Fez's ears perked up, and he smiled at Janie.

"Oh yes?" he asked.

"Oh yes," she said, leaning on him. "I don't know why, but watching you eat that cookie makes me really horny… Fez… Come on, let's go down to the basement."

"We can use Hyde's old room. You don't have to ask me twice," Fez said, taking her hand.

"I'm hardly asking!" Janie exclaimed, and they ran into the house.

Donna and Eric were dancing to the music.

"So Donna, how does it feel to be dating a guy who can dance like Astaire?" Eric asked, arching an eyebrow.

"When I find out I'll tell you."

"Ouch."

"Well it's okay, I'm not Ginger Rogers either."

"Besides, I don't think Fred and Ginger would have danced to Neil Young," Eric said.

"Also true. But maybe they should have."

"Maybe."

Jackie was dancing with Dusty, who wasn't really into it.

"Dusty, is something wrong?" she asked. "You usually like this guy who I can't stand."

"Neil Young is good stuff," he said. "I don't know. Just feeling kind of… sick. I think it's the heat."

"It is REALLY hot," Jackie said. "If you aren't feeling well you should go home." He nodded, and smiled at her. "What?"

"Nothing," he said, kissing her quickly. "Jack…"

"Yeah, Dusty?"

"…. Never mind. I'll call you tonight," he said. She nodded, and kissed him. "Later."

"Bye," she said, and watched him go to his car. She waved, but he didn't wave back. She sighed, wondering what had happened since they got to the party that made him so unresponsive. She sat on the stoop, and rested her chin on her hand.

Red and Bob toasted beer cans.

"To America, and also to the fact that Eric is moving the hell out in less than two months," Red said.

"Oh, but then Donna leaves too," Bob said, slightly tipsy from the beer Dusty brought.

"Enjoy your freedom," Red said. "The freedom the Bill of Rights gives you AND the freedom college gives you."

"But then I'm all alone in that house," Bob said.

"Oh Bob, you know that you can come over any time you want to," Kitty said, and Red tried shushing her. "Our house is going to be pretty lonely too, you know. You should come by!"

"Kitty, get a hold of yourself," Red muttered.

"Really?" Bob asked.

"Yes, we can get through empty nest syndrome together!" Kitty said, spilling some margarita.

"She's drunk," Red said.

"I'm not drunk!" Kitty said. "Really, I'm not."

"Oh God, my mom is drunk," Eric said. Donna looked at Kitty, and then put her hand to her mouth.

"Oh my GOD my DAD is drunk!" she hissed.

"At least you can share my humiliation," he said. "I mean, what would I do if I had to experience it alone?"

"Gee, that makes me feel better."

Jackie tapped her fingers on the steps, and watched those around her.

Hyde sat next to her.

"Where's Dusty?" he asked.

"He didn't feel well so he went home," she said, quietly.

"Oh," Hyde said. "… Look, you never told him about the kiss, did you?"

"No," she said. "It was so miniscule, why would I tell him? It wasn't anything, it wasn't important…. Why?" The slight panic in her voice did not phase him.

"Nothing, just wondering," Hyde said. She nodded, and he could tell she was worried about something.

Eric and Donna stopped dancing, and walked over to them.

"Where'd Dusty go?" Donna asked.

"Home, he isn't feeling well," Jackie said.

"Oh, that's too bad," Donna said. Jackie nodded. "It's the heat, it makes people act crazy."

"I second that," Eric said. "I don't even want to know where Janie and Fez went."

'Baba O Reilly' began playing on the radio. Jackie's ears perked up.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I love this song! I love it I love it! I'm going to dance." She leapt up, and stood in the driveway. She began dancing in place, which looked more like hopping up and down gracelessly. Donna shook her head, and looked at Eric.

"I'm hitting the basement," she said. "It's too hot out." She moseyed on into the house.

"Steven!" Jackie called. "Dance!"

"I don't dance," he said.

"Steven, you DO dance and you like The Who, so why don't you just come dance with me?" she asked.

"Because I don't dance."

"Ugh, Steven, please?" she asked. Hyde groaned, and walked to her. "Ha. Told you you dance."

"I'm only doing this so you'll shut up," he said. She took his hands, and they began dancing together.

Kitty nudged Red in the ribs.

"Red, look!" she exclaimed. "I told you they'd be getting back together!"

"Kitty, they're just dancing," Red said. "Why does everyone make a big deal out of dancing?"

Jackie and Hyde danced, getting slightly closer as the song continued, and Donna ran out of the house.

"Ew!" she exclaimed, running to Eric.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I think I just heard Fez and Janie having sex!" she exclaimed. "… Why is Hyde dancing with Jackie?"

"Why are you so against it?" Eric asked.

"I'm… I'm not against it, they can dance," she said. "I just… GRR! I sound like such a jerk!"

"Calm down, Donna, I know you're concerned."

"Steven, you didn't actually have to dance with me," Jackie said, hands on his shoulders. He shrugged, and smirked at her. "What?"

"You're a terrible dancer."

"Shut up, I am not!" she exclaimed, swatting him. He rested his hands on her hips, and she smiled up at him. "You're my best friend, you know that?"

"No, I didn't."

"I never thought we'd get close again, much less this close," she said. "Steven, I'm going to miss you when I go to Minnesota."

"Yeah, I'm going to miss you too, Jacks," he said.

Dusty walked back into the yard, realizing he'd forgotten his lighter by the grill, when he saw Jackie and Hyde dancing together. Though it wasn't overtly sensual or romantic, he could tell that there was something going on. He paused, and sighed. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and left the barbeque without being noticed by anyone, especially not Jackie or Hyde.

Laurie and Larry walked out of the house, finally.

"Guys, we have an announcement to make!" Laurie said. "We're engaged!"

"What?" Kitty asked.

"Larry proposed!" Laurie said.

"Yeah, I proposed!"

"Oh my God, one of my babies is getting married! For REAL this time!" Kitty exclaimed, rushing to hug Laurie and Larry. Donna shot Eric a look, who decided to promptly take the awkward attention off of him.

"Oh my GOD my sister is getting married," Eric said. "Why on Earth would Larry want to marry THAT?"

Fez and Janie emerged from the basement just in time for the announcement.

"Damn it, my ex wife is going to remarry before I do!" he exclaimed. Janie shrugged.

"That means no more alimony," she joked.

-----------------------------

Donna and Eric were on his bed, reeling from all the food.

"I ate so much beef I think my intestines are going to kill me," Donna said. "I feel like such a glutton. I mean, I eat all that food, and then I don't exercise at all."

"I can think of something we could do for exercise," Eric said, raising his eyebrows at her. She grinned, and nodded.

"Sure, it's fun AND healthy!" she said, and they began to fool around.

Laurie was walking into her room with a basket of clean clothes, when she heard some noises she didn't want to hear.

"Oh man!" she exclaimed, not realizing that the circle of overheard sex had just come full.

FADE OUT


	19. Angel

A/N: I'm in a good mood despite the fact it's all snowy here in MN in April. And I'm almost finished writing this season, as I told ZenKindofLove not a half hour ago. But there's still time!

Disclaimer: I own neither 70S SHOW nor AEROSMITH

9.19: Angel

Jackie was behind the counter at the muffler shop, rubbing Danny Bonaduce behind the ears, when Larry came in.

"I just drained a bunch of oil onto myself," he said. "Do you have a rag I could use?"

"Isn't there one in your pocket?" she asked.

"That's.. kind of where the oil spilled," he said, and she sighed, and tossed him a rag from under the counter.

"You know, you have ME to thank for your engagement," she said, as he wiped his hands and coveralls. "I introduced you two."

"And I thank you for that and I'll be sure to mention it at the rehearsal dinner," he said.

"Really?"

"No." She sighed, and he smirked at her.

"Well fine, be that way," she said.

"I fully intend to be, Burkhart," he stated.

The phone rang. She picked it up.

"Red's Muffler Shop," she said. "Oh hi Dusty!... Ooh, dinner tonight? I'd love to go to dinner tonight!... Okay, I'll wear something nice… So I'll see you at seven? Alright!... Okay, see ya then! Bye bye."

"Jackie, that better not have been a personal call," Red said from the office.

"It wasn't," Jackie lied. Larry smirked. "This is a good sign. He'd been so distant since the 4th of July, and now he seems to be back to normal! That was a long week and a half of not knowing where we stand."

"I bet," Larry said.

Meanwhile, at Grooves, Dusty was hanging up when Hyde walked out from the back room.

"That wasn't a personal call, was it?" he asked.

"Since when do you care?" Dusty retorted.

"Touché," Hyde said.

"I was just calling Jackie," Dusty said. "I'm taking her out tonight, gonna buy her dinner, wine…"

"Sounds nice," Hyde said, only half listening because he didn't want to hear it.

"Then I think I'm going to break up with her."

"Yeah… Wait, what?" Hyde asked, head snapping up from his rock magazine.

--------------------

Donna knocked on Eric's bedroom door. She heard him mutter 'come in', so she entered, only to see her boyfriend still asleep.

"Eric, it's almost eleven," she said. "Aren't you going to get up today?"

"Yeah, I'm getting up," he said, sitting up. "I don't work until three, I was hoping I could sleep a little bit."

"Well, I have a better idea," she said. "We're leaving at the end of August, which is going to come quicker than either of us can imagine. So we should start packing now."

"… Okay, I'm going back to bed."

"No no no, wait a minute," she giggled, pulling him back up. "Not anything big, just little things. That way, it won't be overwhelming when we have to move the big stuff."

"What big stuff? We have nothing coming to us from our parents and we can't afford to move furniture."

"Look, just humor me," she said. "I thought that what we could do would be make up a list of stuff you want to take and a list of stuff I want to take. I mean, we can't take everything, so we should compare notes."

"Well first and foremost on my list is my Star Wars collection," Eric said, giving in to his girlfriend. "Especially now that I have Yoda and Lando Calrissian."

"Let me get this straight, you can't afford furniture but the money you do have goes to dolls?" Donna asked.

"Donna, we've been over this and over this, they're-."

"Okay okay, 'action figures'," she said.

"And yes," he stated. "These are like my children, Donna. I spend the very best on them."

"… Well not all of the children can come to Madison with us," she said.

"What?! Why?!"

"Because you have a lot of them!" she exclaimed. "There won't be enough room!"

"There's always enough room for Star Wars!" Eric exclaimed, and Donna held up her hands.

"And this is why we're discussing this now," she said.

-----------------------

Hyde stared at Dusty.

"Dusty, why are you breaking up with Jackie?" he asked. "She adores you."

"Look boss, she's a great girl, and I like her," Dusty said, leaning against the counter. "But… I don't think she adores me as much as you say she does."

"Oh what are you talking about?" Hyde asked. "She's been talking about you nonstop since you started dating."

"I believe that, but I don't know if she can see what I can see," Dusty said, leaning forward on the counter.

"Oh? And what do you see, Dusty?" Hyde asked, getting miffed. "Do you see how she looks at you? Do you see how she laughs with you, and how she throws her arms around you?" Dusty looked over at Hyde quickly.

"Yeah, I see all that," Dusty said. "But I also see how she looks at YOU, and laughs with YOU, and throws her arms around YOU." Hyde was thrown for a loop. He laughed awkwardly.

"You're being dumb," was his only retort, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Am I?" Dusty asked. "Hey man, I know you two have a complicated history, and I know about the stripper and her thing with Fez, and I know that you screwed her over so many times in the past, and yet she always forgives you and goes back to you. And for the life of me I couldn't figure out why, until I saw you dancing at that barbeque. Just being around you makes her beam." Hyde wouldn't look at Dusty, and just stared at the counter.

"That was just a dance," Hyde said. "She likes to dance, man. She always likes dancing, and she asked me to dance with her because you had left. It wasn't anything! She loves that song because her damn cat bounces off the walls to it!"

"And the fact you know that just proves my point," Dusty said. Hyde snorted.

"She is still all about you, man," Dusty continued. "And she's all there is for you, isn't she?" Hyde shoved away from the counter, and left Dusty to deal with the customers. Dusty shrugged.

-----------------------

Donna and Eric were looking at their lists, getting a might irritated with each other.

"Donna, why is it that I can't bring my Star Wars action figures, but you want to bring those two creepy dolls that are stored away in your closet?" Eric asked, pointing at her list.

"Eric, there is a difference between some toys you bought and the dolls that have been passed down on my mothers side since the Victorian Age," she said, testily.

"Such as?"

"Such as they're heirlooms!" Donna stated.

"Mine will be our children's heirlooms!" he snapped.

"My children will not have heirlooms of Chewbacca and Yoda!" Donna snarled. "That's just… just… DUMB!"

"It's not dumb!" he said. "Oh here, and what is THIS on the list? HOW many books are you planning on moving?"

"All of them!"

"All eighty seven of them?!"

"They're all good books! If you took some time to READ once in awhile-!"

"Oh that's great, let's talk about how I don't read enough!" Eric exclaimed. "Maybe you read too much, did you ever think about that?"

"You know what, I'm going to go home and we'll talk about all this later when you've cooled off," she said, standing and heading out the door.

"Oh, I'm cool, baby, I'm cool as a cucumber!" he yelled after her. He went back to his Star Wars action figures, and touched them lightly. "She's gone. I won't abandon you, I promise."

------------------------

Hyde peeked out from his office after he'd calmed down. Dusty was putting up a display, sullenly.

"Careful with those records," Hyde said, walking to help him.

"Are you going to fire me because of what I'm doing tonight?" Dusty asked.

"No, I'm not going to fire you," Hyde said, helping him set out the records. "I need you to work the store, you and Janie are my best workers, and she only works part time."

"What about Eric?"

"…. Look, this isn't about him," Hyde said. "I won't fire you, that isn't a good reason to fire you."

"Well, I'm embezzling money too."

"You better be kidding."

"I am, I am," Dusty said, smirking a little bit. "I just… I want us to not be weird after Jackie and I break up."

"Isn't the reason you're dumping her going to make it awkward enough?" Hyde asked.

"…. I guess," Dusty said, and then laughed sardonically. Hyde chuckled a little, and shook his head.

"Man, why did you have to tell me?" Hyde asked. "Why couldn't you have just let me pick up the pieces tonight?"

"I don't know," Dusty said. "Probably because in a weird way you're the reason I'm dumping her."

"I don't need to hear that again."

"Well, she is still into you, obviously," Dusty said. "And I can tell you hope that she is."

"Would you stop saying that she's into me?!"

"Why?" Dusty asked. "Because you're into her and you don't want your hopes going up in case I'm wrong?"

"Okay, maybe I will fire you."

"You don't mean that."

"No, no I don't," Hyde said, angrily. "Damn it, why is Eric so incompetent?"

"He's not that bad," Dusty said.

"…. Don't tell her I'm the reason you're breaking it off, okay?" Hyde asked. "I've crossed the line with Jackie too many times and I don't want her knowing that I'm the reason you two are breaking up."

"It won't come up," Dusty said, and smiled coolly at Hyde. Hyde nodded, and went back behind the counter.

"I think I'm going to take the rest of the day off," Hyde stated. "Can you be in charge until Janie and Eric get here?"

"Sure thing, boss," Dusty said. Hyde went to leave the store. "Hey boss?"

"Yeah?" Hyde asked, turning around.

"It's not just you, okay?" Dusty asked. "She leaves in a month." Hyde nodded.

"Yeah, don't remind me," he said, and left.

-----------------------

Donna walked into the salon, and saw Fez sitting at his station.

"Fez!" she called, on edge. He looked up.

"Hi Donna," he said. "What's going on?"

"Wash my hair," she said.

"Um, I have an appointment in ten minutes."

"It's an emergency!" she exclaimed. "I need to get rid of all this tension in me and only YOUR fingers can do that, mister!"

"Yes ma'am," Fez said, rushing to a sink station. She sat down, and threw her head back.

"Fez, do you think it's too much for me to ask Eric to please leave his dumb Star Wars toys here when we move to Madison?" she asked, as he prepared to wash her hair.

"They're his babies, aren't they?" Fez asked, turning on the water.

"They're plastic!" she snapped. "They aren't his babies!"

"Okay okay, woman, calm down!" Fez said.

"Sorry," she muttered. "He's just so… stubborn!"

Meanwhile, at Grooves, Eric was complaining to Janie.

"She thinks she can boss me around and tell me that I have to limit my things, but she isn't limiting any of her things," Eric said, as Janie dusted some shelves. "She acts like my Star Wars toys are just regular toys, like Lincoln Logs of something! They're more than that!"

"Eric, where would you put all your Star Wars dolls?" Janie asked. "I mean, they fill up two shelves in your room. And in a small apartment space gets tight!"

"I know it gets tight, but our place has a mantle, and I was thinking they could go there," Eric said.

"You can't be serious," Janie stated.

"… Well, I am, but if that's ridiculous to you-."

"You know, relationships are about compromise," Janie said. "You two have been together long enough that I thought you knew that." She hit him on the shoulder with the duster.

"I know that, but I feel like I'm the one who does all the compromising," Eric said.

"You're the guy," Janie said. "It's your job."

"I think you're biased."

Back at the salon, Fez was lathering Donna's hair.

"I love all my books, why should I leave any behind?" she asked.

"Donna, don't you have some pretty worthless books?"

"Such as?" she demanded.

"Well, that book on alchemy," Fez said. "I tried it once, it didn't work."

"Well that's just part of my collection for… for kitsch reasons," Donna justified, but knew that Fez was probably right. "Okay, so I don't need to bring all my books, I guess. But Erik doesn't have to bring all his Star Wars toys either!"

"No he does not," Fez said, massaging her scalp. She grinned giddily, and then put on an angry face again.

"Fez I want to be angry, but I know I won't be when I leave here," she said.

"It's because my hair washing skills make the world seem sunnier," he said.

Back at Grooves, Janie and Eric were sitting behind the counter.

"I don't like the idea of giving into her again," Eric said. "This place is going to be as much mine as it's going to be hers."

"Yeah, it will be," Janie said. "You know Fez and I have very different tastes, and-."

"What? No way!" Eric said sarcastically. "I had no idea you two were so different! Get out of town!"

"Are you done?"

"Yeah."

"Anyway, he doesn't like the Sex Pistols poster I put up above the TV, and I think that his big comfy pumpkin orange chair is the ugliest thing I've ever seen," she said. "Where did he find that anyway?"

"We don't ask these things," Eric said.

"The point is that I live with it because he loves it, and he lives with my poster because I love The Sex Pistols….. A little too much… Mmmm." She went off into a fantasy world, eyebrow arched and licking her lips. Eric backed away a little bit.

"Sorry," she said, shaking herself from her fantasy. "So you will love her books because you love her. Even if her book obsession is painfully geeky. Cuz your Star Wars toys are painfully geeky too, but not in the intellectual way." She smiled at him, pat him on the head, and went to help a customer.

----------------------

Jackie was putting on the last touches of makeup when Hyde walked into her room.

"Hey," she said. "How do I look?" He smiled at her.

"You look good," he said. "You seem excited."

"I am, Dusty had been really weird lately, but tonight our date is going to bring everything back to normal. I just know it." He held his tongue, and sat on her bed.

"Well, I hope you have a good time," he said. "Me, I'm just going to plop down in front of the TV and watch something with Danny Bonaduce."

"The Partridge Family?"

"I meant the cat, Jackie," he said. "I'm going to watch something with your cat."

"Oh," she said, and giggled. She sat back at her mirror, and he smiled sadly at her. She saw him through the mirror, and turned. "What?"

"Don't worry," he said.

"Huh?" she asked. "You aren't making any sense, Steven." She stood, and went for her purse. He wished he could just tell her what her impending fate with Dusty was, but knew that she would only get mad at him. All he could do was be there for her when she got home. He followed her into the main room, and she twirled.

"Does my skirt look floofy?" she asked.

"Does it look what?"

"Floofy," she stated. "You know, floofy!"

"Uh, sure," he said, and the doorbell rang. She ran a hand through her hair, adjusted her bra through her shirt, and opened the door. Dusty was standing there. She smiled.

"Hi," she said, hugging him. He hugged her back, and Hyde gave Dusty a look that said 'you're gonna break her heart'.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "Bye Steven. Have a good time with Danny Bonaduce!"

"Thanks," he said. "See ya, guys." Jackie and Dusty left, and Hyde turned on the TV. The cat jumped up on the couch, and he gave it a look.

"You better be as good at comforting her as you are at pissing me off," he said, and it sat on his lap. "Don't be cute."

---------------------

Jackie was sitting across from Dusty at the restaurant, her inner monologue going bananas.

_He ordered the stuffed shells, which is a good sign because that means he's willing to talk awhile, since those shells are so HUGE_, she thought, staring at his food, examining it for any clues. _And he ordered wine, RED wine, red equals love which equals romance, so THAT'S a good sign._ Her eyes moved to the determined look on his face._ I bet he's trying to think of the best way to apologize for sending the weirdest signals ever… I bet he's going to smile at me and tell me 'Jackie, you're so beautiful and understanding, and even though you leave in a month, I feel like we'll have an eternal bond forever and for always'. Yeah. Oh, he's looking up. He's going to say something._

"Jackie, I think that we need to talk about our relationship," he said, and she smiled broadly.

"Okay," she said. "What about it?" _It's great. It's wonderful._

"It's…. not really working," he said, regretfully. Her smile slowly disappeared.

"………….Oh."

---------------------

Eric and Janie were sitting in Grooves, when Donna and Fez walked in.

"Eric," she said, and he sat up.

"Hey Donna," he said.

"I want to tell you something," she said.

"Well, I should probably tell you-."

"No, let me say it first," she said. "I talked to Fez, and he gave me some good advice."

"Fez gave you good advice?" Eric asked.

"Don't sound so shocked," Fez said, irritated.

"Anyway, after talking to Fez, and after he was off of work, we went to my house," she said, and held out a list. "And we narrowed down my book list to forty five instead of eighty seven. I picked my very favorites, the rest can stay at home until there's more room for them."

"And?" Fez said, and Donna sighed.

"Aaaand, I realize that it was unfair of me to expect you to sacrifice stuff without me following suit," Donna said, reluctantly. "So I'm sorry for that."

"Well that's good, cuz Eric has something HE wants to tell you too," Janie said, kicking Eric up from his seat.

"Oh, well it's not important now," Eric said, and Janie kicked him again. "Ow! Okay okay okay. I've narrowed down my Star Wars action figures to only the main characters, like Luke and Leia and Darth Vader. None of the minor characters, like Uncle Owen and Tuskan Raiders and stuff."

"Really?" Donna asked, smiling.

"Yeah."

"Ohhh, that's so sweet!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. "We could have a Star Wars and book shelf!"

"They could protect your books," Eric said, and they kissed quickly. Janie stuck out her tongue.

"That's just sappy," she said, putting her arm around Fez.

"Sweet you mean," Fez said. "Sweet just like you are, my darling tiramisu." Janie grinned, and then stuck out her tongue again.

"That was even worse!" she stated, pulling away.

----------------------

Hyde was in the shower when Jackie got home. He didn't know she was home until he saw her bag in the middle of the floor. Once he was dressed, he knocked on her bedroom door.

"Come in," she said. He opened the door, and saw her on the bed, in her pajamas, playing with Danny Bonaduce. 'Love Hurts' was playing on her record player.

"Is that my record?" he asked. She nodded, dangling a string in front of the cat. "So, I take it the date did not go well."

"He broke up with me," she said, scooping up the cat and hugging it tightly. "I was so sure tonight things were going to get back on track and then he dumped me."

"I'm sorry, Jacks," he said, sitting next to her.

"I guess he was making sense, though," she said. "I mean, I am leaving in August, you know? I can understand why he wanted to break it off now before it got any more serious."

"I suppose. Are you okay?"

"… Yes."

"….. No you aren't," he said. She looked at him, and shook her head.

"I just wish I wasn't always reversed!" she exclaimed, letting Danny Bonaduce jump from her arms. "Why is it when I like guy he doesn't like me, and when a guy likes me I don't like him?" He put an arm around her, and she leaned on his shoulder.

"I don't know, kiddo," he said. She began crying, and he hugged her. She gripped his shirt, and wailed into his chest. He sighed, and hugged her tighter.

"Jackie, listen to me," he said. "Dusty is a jerk. He's a creep, he's a tool and nobody likes him." She took in a few deep breaths, and shook her head.

"No, he's a nice guy, everyone likes him," she said.

"Yeah, he is," Hyde admitted. "He's a damned nice guy. Probably the nicest guy you've ever dated." She nodded, and wiped her eyes on her arms.

"If he had given me the chance I could have fallen for him," she said.

Now if Hyde had been the man he used to be, or had he been Kelso, he would have used this opportunity to his advantage. He would have laid a line on her and kissed her and probably have gotten her into bed with him. But right now he was comforting his best friend he still had feelings for. So he just said

"I know." He pulled her close, and let her cry on him, and held her as she fell asleep.

-------------------------

The next morning, Jackie woke up, and found that Hyde had fallen asleep with his arms still around her. She looked at him, and remembered the night before. She had finished crying over Dusty, and now was perplexed by her ex, who spent the night comforting her. She cocked her head to the side, and realized that at that moment she felt more confused about him than she ever had in the past year. She touched his face, and he sat up quickly, which made her fall off the bed in surprise.

"Oh, oops," he said. "You okay?" She peeked her head up over the bed.

"I'm fine," she said, but knew it was more complicated than that.

-------------------------

Eric was going through Donnas books.

"Sweetie," he said, holding one up, "you can't be serious about taking this one."

"Oh, I'm very serious," she said.

" 'Helter Skelter'? I'm going to have nightmares with that on the shelf," he said.

"So put the Darth Vader doll next to it," she said. "He'll protect you from Charlie Manson."

"Well if you bring that book I'm bringing my Hoth Wampa Ice Creature," Eric said. "I need double the protection."

"…. Nerd," she said.

FADE OUT


	20. Big Ten Inch Record

A/N: Okay, this is VERY unusual, but I am going to update tonight for a couple reasons. 1) I have a busy week coming up and should be putting time towards school work (LAME!), and 2) zenkindoflove needs a fix and I am gonna give it to her cuz I love her so! So here's the next episode. I'll update again NEXT Wednesday. Just pretend some Fox special is on or something.

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING from 70s SHOW nor Aerosmith. OR The Who!!!!

9.20: Big Ten Inch Record

Janie was cleaning the apartment when Fez walked in.

"Hello my precious jewel!" he said, kissing her on the cheek. She kept vacuuming the carpet. "Why are you cleaning so compulsively?" She turned off the vacuum.

"Now don't get freaked," she said, and he stepped away from her a little.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked. "Why should I be getting freaked?"

"I said 'don't get freaked', not 'do get freaked'," she said.

"Janie, what is going on?" he asked. She smiled sweetly at him.

"Well, my brothers are going to stop by tonight," she said. "My older brothers."

"Oh, okay," Fez said.

"My overprotective older brothers," Janie emphasized. Fez swallowed. "And you're the first man I've lived with. They like to live in a fantasy world where I'm always going to be thirteen and never have even kissed a boy."

"What a silly fantasy," Fez said. "Well, that's okay. How many older brothers do you have?"

"…. Three."

"I see."

"I have three older brothers, and a younger brother and a younger sister," she said. "My family is kind of big."

"Obviously," Fez said. "Well that's okay! You make the place as clean as you want it to be. I'll just be in the kitchen, trying not to hyperventilate."

"Fez!" Janie exclaimed, hugging him. "Don't worry! Danny, Calvin, and Alex won't make things difficult for you!"

"You're lying," he said.

"…. Okay, I am," she stated. "But at least they won't do what they did to my last serious boyfriend."

"What did they do to him?"

"…. Let's just say he eventually found his way back to Point Place."

--------------------------

Jackie walked slowly into the basement. Eric was on the couch.

"Is Donna here?" she asked. He turned around, and shook his head.

"No, she had to pick up a shift at the station," he said.

"Dammit," Jackie muttered, and sat in Hyde's chair. "Eric, we're going to talk. And you're not going to make fun of me or anything."

"I can't promise that."

"You have to."

"Huh, you seem pretty serious," Eric said. "Still…. I can't make any promises." She turned to leave, and he leapt up and grabbed her wrist.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," he said. "Come on, sit down. What do you need to talk about?" She looked at him warily, and then sat next to him.

"Okay, so I'm sure you know that Dusty and I broke up," she said.

"I did hear about that," Eric said. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay," she said. "Well, it's not totally okay, but… Anyway, here's the thing… Steven."

"What about him?"

"…. He's been really sweet lately," Jackie said. "I mean, we've been pretty close for awhile now, but lately… I think I'm falling for him again."

"Man, can't you two make up your minds?" he asked. "You stalked him, you ignored him, you dated him, you left him, you stalked him, you dated Fez, you hated him, you-"

"Enough!" she exclaimed, clamping a hand over his mouth. "I realize that Steven and I aren't exactly the prime example of long term relationships, but… It's different this time!"

"How is it different?" he asked.

"We started out different this time," she said. "When we dated the first time it was out of lust and loneliness. The second time we didn't work out our issues, and dove into it, same with the third. And now… We know each other as friends as well as lovers. I know all of him now."

"That was strangely deep," Eric said.

"Well, I AM a college girl," Jackie said. "And I know that Donna is worried I'm going to get hurt again, and I have my doubts too… What should I do?" Eric shrugged.

"I really don't know," he said. "Damn it, this is why you should talk to a girl about this! All I'm good for is making fun of people on The Price is Right!"

"So should I go tell him how I'm feeling?"

"Oh, I don't know."

"You really are no help."

"At least I didn't make fun of you."

"That's true," Jackie said. "… Wanna watch 'The Price is Right'? Make fun of people?"

"Yeah, okay," he said.

--------------------------

Janie had cleaned the apartment, and now she and Fez were waiting for the brothers to show up. Fez was very nervous. So nervous, in fact, he was shaking.

"Fez, chill," she said.

"I've never dated someone who had a protective older brother, much less three of them," Fez said.

"They'll love you," Janie said. "If they want me to be nice to them they'll love you."

"How nice do your older brothers want you to be to them?" Fez asked. Janie thought for a second.

"It's not important," she said. "Just be yourself!"

"Myself doesn't go over well with normal people," Fez said. Janie smiled.

"Awww, sweetie," she said, hugging him. "You went over well with me."

"…. I said 'normal'," Fez said. She was going to swat him, but there was a knocking on the door. She turned, and then rushed to the door. She opened it, and then began jumping up and down. Three men rushed into the apartment, one sweeping her up over his shoulder.

"JANE!" they all said, and she laughed.

"Calvin, put me down!" she exclaimed. The oldest brother set her down, and she smiled from ear to ear.

"Jane, this is your place?" the blonde asked.

"Yes, Danny, this is my place," she said. "And guys. Calvin, Alex, Danny: this is my boyfriend, Fez."

"Hey man, how's it going?" Alex asked, shaking Fez's hand vigorously. "So you're the guy my sister has been telling our mom about."

"The one who has our Mom in a tizzy," Calvin said.

"Cal, knock it off," Janie said.

"Think of the three of us as the practice meeting, cuz when you meet Mom and Dad, THAT is going to be terrifying," Danny said.

"Oh my GOD, you guys, you're gonna freak him out!" Janie said.

"Ah, he'll be fine," Alex said. "I'm sure he's been interrogated by family members before, right?"

"Oh, yes," Fez said.

"So obviously you know how to handle it, am I right?" Alex asked. "I mean, you can't blame us, she's our little sister, yeah?"

"Hell, she'll always be the little girl in pig tails who used to sing along to the Beatles," Danny stated.

"Okay, that's enough embarrassing stories for one day," Janie said.

"So Fez, what do you do for a job?" Calvin asked.

"I work at the salon, as a shampoo boy," Fez said. The brothers sort of gave each other looks, and Alex smirked.

"So you wash hair?" he asked.

"…. I guess so."

"Alex, shut up," Janie said, and Alex put her in a headlock. "Hey!" He gave her a noogie, and she tried pulling her head from his grasp.

"Alex, don't be such a jackass," Calvin said, asserting his oldest sibling position. "It's not like Janie's job is much better."

"Okay, you guys suck," Janie said, pulling her head free. "Just because I'm not some big business man like you, Calvin, or a law student like you, Danny, doesn't mean that I'm a loser."

"What about my job?" Alex asked.

"Alex, you work at a library in Milwaukee," Calvin said.

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing," Alex muttered, plopping on the couch. "So Fez. Wanna go out with the guys tonight?"

"Guys, come on," Janie said. "Fez is not like the rest of my boyfriends. He wouldn't be interested in going out to the woods, drinking beer, and lighting fires."

"Oh, don't be so sure," Fez said, smiling at her brothers. Janie gave him a look, and the Braden boys all smiled wickedly.

"Fez baby, you just made a deal with three devils," Janie said. "I don't want you going out with them, they may as well be soccer hooligans."

"Janie, please, we prefer the term thugs," Danny said. "And besides, this thug businessman brought back something from his last trip to Japan." He reached into his pocket, and tossed her a little box.

"If you think that I can be bought off like your girlfriends, you have another think.. Oh my God, is this a silver koi?" Janie asked, pulling out the necklace.

"Janie, can I go with them?" Fez asked.

"Go, please, go," Janie said, putting on the necklace. Fez followed her brothers out, and she rushed to the mirror. "Despite the punk attitude and mentality, I do love me some silver jewelry from Japan."

-------------------------

Donna walked into Grooves, and saw Dusty behind the counter.

"Hey Dusty," she said, and he looked up.

"You haven't come to kill me, have you?" he asked.

"Um, no, I'm grabbing some music after my shift," she said. "Even if you did break her heart."

"Did I really?" he asked, concerned.

"No, not really," Donna said. "She's getting through it. Anyway, is Hyde here? I need some advice on what to play for a 70s retrospective I'm putting together."

"Zepp."

"Well obviously Zeppelin," Donna said.

"He's in the office."

"Thanks," she said. And slugged him on the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"There, I think that's good enough retribution," she said. She walked into Hyde's office. "Hey Hyde. How are you?"

"Fine," he said. "What's up?"

"I need music."

"What kind of music?"

"The station wants me to do a 70s retrospective in music, and I want your input," she said. "And may I ask why Dusty thinks I'm going to kill him?"

"Because you're Jackie's minion."

"Please, that's you, and you didn't fire him, so-."

"I'm no one's minion," Hyde stated.

"ANYWAY, music," Donna said. Hyde began writing down songs he thought would work out well. "So… How did Jackie take it? She seems fine now, but… how was she when it happened?" He shrugged.

"She didn't say much, she just cried," he said.

"Poor Jackie," Donna said. "Why do you men always treat her so badly?!"

"Hey, you can't lump me in that category anymore, I stayed up with her the whole night he dumped her!" Hyde said. "I've paid my dues, woman!"

"Wait wait wait," Donna said. "Okay, look, let's be very frank here, shall we?"

"We shan't," Hyde said, handing her the list of music. "You have a show to put together."

"Hyde!" she exclaimed, as he shoved her out of his office. "Hyde, come on! Let's talk about this!"

"You love the idea of talking through problems, mainly mine," Hyde said. "Get a life, Donna." She stamped her foot as he walked back into his office.

Dusty chuckled.

"Don't make me hit you again," she said, and he closed his mouth.

--------------------------

Eric and Jackie were sitting in the kitchen, and Kitty poured them some lemonade.

"Look at you two!" she exclaimed. "Since when do you get along?"

"Since all our other friends are working," Jackie said, sipping the drink.

"We aren't friends, Mom," Eric said. "We're grudging acquaintances."

"Whatever you say, Eric," Kitty said. "Jackie, I heard about you and your boyfriend. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Mrs. Foreman," Jackie said. "I'm over it."

"So what are you two going to do today?" Kitty asked. "Go to a movie? Go for a walk?"

"Sit in the basement reading and ignoring each other," Eric said. "It's an existence we're both comfortable with."

"He's reading 'Lord of the Rings' and I took a book off Red's shelf," Jackie said. She held it up. " 'Heart of Darkness'. It sounds like a really smutty romance novel!"

"…. Oh sweetie," Kitty said, taking the book from her. "Just stick to Cosmo. Come on you two, you both leave soon! Don't you want to get to know each other's quirks? Jackie, you've been in and out of our basement for years now! Start talking!" Eric and Jackie looked at each other.

"So….," Eric said, and scratched the back of his head. "Do you still want to be a cheerleader for the Cowboys?"

"No."

"…. Cool," he said. Kitty sighed.

"Talk about someone you both like," Kitty said. "Steven! Talk about Steven."

"… Hyde's cool," Eric said.

"Yeah, he's cool again," Jackie said. "He wasn't for a long time, but yeah, he's cool."

"…..Cool."

"You two are hopeless," Kitty said, leaving the kitchen.

"… Do you want some pie?" Eric asked.

"Yeah!" Jackie exclaimed.

-------------------------

Fez was sitting in the back seat of the car with Alex, while Calvin and Danny were in the front.

"Where are we going, guys?" Fez asked. Danny looked in the rearview mirror, and took a drag off his cigarette.

"Ever been to Ashland?" he asked.

"…. No… Isn't that up near Lake Superior?" Fez asked, skeptically.

"It sure is," Alex said, taking a hit off a pot cigarette. "We're going camping, Fez."

"It's almost five hours away!" Fez exclaimed.

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Danny asked. "After all, you're dating Jane, you must have SOME sense of adventure."

"She's nuts," Calvin said. "She used to play football with us. Look at this scar! She bit me during one of the games at Thanksgiving!"

"That's funny!" Fez said, laughing. "I have a similar bite on my back, that she…" The brothers all looked at Fez, warily. He sank down in his seat. "Could I get a hit off that dope, Alex?"

"AS I WAS SAYING," Danny said, "we're gonna go fishing and drink the beer and the whiskey, and come back tomorrow and not tell Jane anything that went on. It drives her crazy. We love doing that!"

"She always gets an angry look on her face, the look she's had since she was two!" Calvin whooped. He imitated it, and they all laughed.

"She did that when I tore the head off her Barbie doll," Alex said.

"She did that when I threw her favorite books into the lake by the cabin," Danny said.

"She did that when I knocked her out of bed in my sleep," Fez said. They brothers looked at him again. "I'm just not doing well am I?"

"You're drowning, man," Alex said.

"Don't you worry," Calvin said. "When we're finished, you won't feel strange any more. That's what we do with all of Janie's boyfriends."

"Huh?"

"We expose them to the very worst of us, and that way every other meeting after that is a piece of cake," Danny stated.

"…. What?"

"Hang on, Fez buddy," Alex said, putting his arm around him. "You're in for one hell of a trip." Fez threw himself against the window, as the Braden brothers laughed.

------------------------

Eric and Jackie were sharing a full pie in the kitchen, watching the rain storm fall down from the sky.

"This is not good for my figure," she said.

"Live a little," Eric stated.

"I want to live prettily."

"I wouldn't worry about not living life prettily if I were you."

"Awww, Eric!"

"DON'T repeat that to anyone."

"So what should I do about Steven?" Jackie asked.

"I thought we established I couldn't help you," Eric said, taking a bite of pie. "I'm not a girl, I can't give advice."

"Well you can lend me a sympathetic ear anyway!"

"I have no sympathy for the devil," he said, and she huffed. "But I have to say, you made my day infinitely less boring."

"Of course I did, I'm great," Jackie said. "You should be so lucky that I decided to stay and hang out with you. I mean, I could have gone tanning."

"Jackie, it's raining," he said, and she sighed.

"Yeah, it is," she stated. "Well, then I could have watched the rain. I love the rain, don't you? It just makes me feel at peace, especially when things are really awful."

"Such as?"

"… Well, such as when you were gone and Donna was ignoring me, and Sam was here and married to Steven," she said. "I used to cry…. A lot actually. But when it rained… I felt like I was the most at peace then because…. Because the rain felt like love, I guess. It envelopes you, ya know?" Eric didn't know what to say. So he just put his hand on hers, in a supportive way. She smiled at him, gratefully. They had so few of these moments, and the truth way they both cherished them. "Thank you."

"Sure," Eric said. "Okay, you want some honesty on the Hyde subject?"

"I would love some."

"Well fine," Eric said. "Look, Hyde and Donna have known each other for years, right?"

"Yes."

"Well let's just say that the night I left Donna at the alter, he wasn't up with her all night consoling her," Eric said.

"Yeah, because he fell off the water tower!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Okay fine, but even if he hadn't, he wouldn't have done that," Eric said. "It takes someone he really REALLY cares about to have that happen. And you're the only person I know that he'd do that for." Jackie sat in thought for a little bit, and Eric held a small bite of pie in front of her mouth. "Yummy yummy yummy." She bit it, and then stood.

"I have to go home," she said, mouth full of pie. "Thank you, Eric."

"Okay," he said. "Well, have a good-." She was out the door before he could finish. "Okay then. Bye!"

---------------------------

Donna was at the station, looking through her music, when Janie knocked on the window. Donna motioned for her to come in, and she did so.

"I think my brothers have kidnapped my lover," Janie said.

"What?"

"My older brothers came to town to see me today," Janie said. "And they took Fez with them. They tempted me with jewelry!"

"Since when do you like jewelry?" Donna asked.

"Since it's Japanese," Janie said, showing off the fish. Donna 'ooooo'd!' and Janie smiled from ear to ear, then frowned again. "But I haven't heard from them, and I'm concerned that maybe they did what they did to my last boyfriend!"

"What did they do?"

"Dumped him off in the woods," Janie stated.

"Well that's not bad."

"Did I mention it was in Duluth, Minnesota?"

"Oh jeeze. Don't they want their sister to be happy?"

"Well sure they do!" Janie said. "They just don't like some guy sticking his-."

"Okay okay, never mind, forget I asked," Donna said. "I'm sure that Fez is fine, Janie. Your brothers, on the other hand, sound mentally disturbed."

"You don't have older brothers, do you?"

"No… But Kelso does. I dated one once… He wasn't much better than Kelso."

"Good story. What are you working on?"

"Well, for my last show here they wanted me to do a Hot Donna throwback show of the 70s," Donna said. "It's kind of dumb, but they really want me to do it. I'm broadcasting it my last shift before I go to Madison."

"That's cutesey." Janie said. "Donna, I'm worried about Fez."

"Don't be," Donna said. "I'm sure he's fine."

Meanwhile, Fez was sitting with a blanket around himself by the lake. He was looking around, waiting for the Bradens to come back.

"Guys?" he called. "It's been about, oh, a half hour…. This isn't funny!"

-------------------------

Janie was at the apartment, when her brothers burst through the door. They were all wet from the rainstorm that had been falling all day.

"Hey Jane!" Calvin said. "How was YOUR day?"

"Guys, where have you been?" she asked, standing up. "Where on Earth did you take Fez?"

"Jane, he's a good guy," Danny said, going to the fridge. "We all sat around, drank, smoked pot, and he really cares about you."

"Well I could have told you dumbasses that!" Janie said. "But I'm glad you had a good time. Now where is he?"

"…Chequamegon Bay," Alex said. Janie's mouth dropped.

"You dumped him off in Ashland?!" Janie asked.

"By the cabin!" Danny defended.

"That doesn't matter! Does he know there's a cabin?"

"… No."

"You guys suck so much! What were you thinking?! It's a four hour drive up, by the time I get there he'll have been out there for eight hours!" she exclaimed, throwing her shoes on. "Are you happy now, guys?!"

"No," Alex said, softly. ".. Cuz you snapped at us."

"Make yourselves at home, you jackasses!" Janie exclaimed. "I'll probably be back tomorrow!" She stormed out of the apartment, and her brothers all shared mischievous looks.

"That was awesome," Danny stated.

"I don't know what she was so mad about, it wasn't like LAST time," Calvin said.

"Yeah, Duluth is a lot further away!" Alex said, opening a box of cereal.

---------------------------

Jackie was sitting on the couch, listening to Donna's radio program and watching the rain.

"Well, I'm about to clock out here, after being here until ten fifteen," Donna said over the radio waves. "I hope that everyone wasn't too disappointed that Rocking Robby came down with the flu, but hey, you got a double dose of Hot Donna today. I just got a call from a friend of mine… Okay, my boyfriend.." Jackie smirked, setting down her tea cup. "… And he has a request, which is up next. And it's to our mutual friend Jackie, apparently." Jackie's ears perked up.

"So on with the song, this is The Who, with 'Love Reigh O'er Me'," Donna said, as the song began playing. "Jackie, if you're listening, we both love you… Contrary to popular belief. And just keep watching the rain. I'll assume you get that Jackie, cuz I don't." Jackie smiled, and made a mental note to hug Eric when she saw him next.

Hyde walked in to the apartment at that time.

"Hey," he said, closing the door. "You're really into The Who, huh?"

"Didn't you hear? This is MY song," she said, and he sat next to her. He smirked.

"Oh really," he stated. "Have a good day?" She nodded, and smiled at him. "What?"

"… About the other night," she said, "you didn't have to stay up with me you know."

"Don't mention it," he said. "It was nothing."

"No, it meant a lot," she said. "It was one of the nicest things you've ever done for me, and I wanted you to know that…" He nodded, and smiled coolly.

"Well, only for you, right?" he asked. It was a harmless comment, but it made Jackie shiver all over.

"Yeah, I guess," she said. "….. Thanks, though."

"Yeah, you're welcome," he said. "I'm going to go do some work in my room, then probably go to bed. Night."

"Yeah, night," she said. He walked into his room, and she took her tea cup to the kitchen, turning off the radio as she went. But from Hyde's room, she could hear his radio, playing the same song. She leaned against the counter, and listened. She didn't know what possessed her at that moment. Was it the music? Was it the rain? Was it what he had said? Or was it just because it was him, and it was her? She jumped up, and rushed to his room. She knocked on the door, frantically, and he opened it.

"What's wrong?" he asked. She just looked at him, breathing in and out quickly. "Jackie? What's wrong?" She grabbed him, and kissed him fiercely. He was obviously caught off guard, but eventually wrapped his arms around her. He lifted her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her, still kissing her, and then tripped into the doorframe. She squawked a little as she was crushed between him and it.

"Sorry," he said, and carried her into his bedroom, the song reverberating throughout the room, and the thunder crashing as the rain hit the windows.

_Only love can make it rain,_

_The way the beach is kissed by the sea._

_Only love can make it rain,_

_Like the sweat of lovers layin' in the field._

_Love, reign O'er Me._

_Love, reign O'er Me._

--------------------------

Fez was sitting in the woods, knowing that the Brothers weren't going to come back for him. But he didn't want to start the trek back to Point Place until it was morning.

"Oh Fez, just survive one night," he muttered, hugging himself and rocking back and forth. He heard a crack in the brush. "If that is some sort of large cat, I. Am. Not. Food!"

Janie walked into the clearing, holding a grocery bag.

"I'm your little kitty cat," she said, smiling. Fez leapt up, and hugged her. "Okay, calm down."

"I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!!!" he exclaimed.

"Fez, there's a really nice cabin my parents own just down that path," Janie said. "Let's go there."

"I thought I was going to starve to death!" he exclaimed. "Your brothers are mean! They're jerks! They're-!"

"They really liked you."

"Oh…. They aren't so bad," he said, and she led him down the path.

FADE OUT


	21. Jaded

A/N: So I'm updating tonight. I'm a whore and it's been a week. Maybe I'll move it to Sundays. Mila Kunis was in this music video!!!! And it's great!! So check it out.

Disclaimer: I don't own 70s SHOW nor Aerosmith.

9.21: Jaded

As Donna sat in the basement, she looked at her watch and growled. She and Jackie had a date to go college shopping, and she was twenty minutes late. Eric came down with two glasses of orange juice.

"You've been sitting here for awhile now," Eric said.

"Jackie told me to meet her down here at nine thirty sharp!" Donna exclaimed. "And now she's late! That's so.. So-."

"So much like her?" Eric finished, handing her a glass of orange juice.

"But when shopping is involved she's never late," Donna said, taking a sip. "Should I be worried?"

"I'm sure she's fine," Eric said. The phone rang upstairs. "That's probably her now."

"It better be," Donna said. "No, I take that back! That better be someone else and she better walk through THAT door in ten seconds!"

"Eric, it's Dusty!" Kitty called from the top of the steps.

"Good!" Donna exclaimed. "Ten, nine, eight…"

Eric trotted upstairs to the phone.

"Hey Dusty."

"Um, I'm the only one at the store right now," he said.

"What? Where's Janie?"

"She called saying she's stuck in Ashland," Dusty said. "She also said she tried calling Hyde to tell him, but he didn't answer."

"He's probably still sleeping," Eric said. "She's brave calling him this early on his day off. If I tried it I'd lose a limb."

"So are you going to come in?"

"Uhhh, no."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't work today," Eric stated.

"Why not? You didn't work yesterday or anything."

"… I just mean I can't work this morning, because I work tonight and… and THAT'S over time!"

"Okay okay," Dusty said. "Then I suggest you go get Hyde, cuz I'm not working a Saturday shift alone." He then hung up, and Eric snorted.

"Donna!" he called. "We're going on a field trip!"

------------------------------------

Jackie opened her eyes, and looked over at a sleeping Hyde. She smiled a little, and then looked at the clock.

"Oh JEEZE!" she exclaimed, leaping from the bed, taking the comforter with her. Hyde sat up, groggily.

"…. Morning?" he muttered, still sleepy.

"I was supposed to meet Donna forty minutes ago!" she exclaimed, grabbing for her clothes. "She's going to freak out!"

"Yeah, probably," he said, grabbing his jeans from the floor.

"If I throw on some clothes, run a brush through my hair, and skip brushing my teeth-."

"Who are you kidding?" he asked. "You won't step foot outside the apartment without make-up."

"You're right!" she cried, and rushed from his room, still covered in the blanket.

"Hey, that's mine!" he called.

She was going for her room, when there was a pounding on the door.

"Jackie?" Donna called.

"Hyde?" Eric called as well.

Jackie froze, and decided that she had no choice but to open the door. So she secured the blanket around herself, put on an aloof face, and opened the door. Donna and Eric were caught somewhat off guard.

"Morning guys," she said, tossing her hair nonchalantly. "Donna, I'm sorry, I overslept. If you give me fifteen minutes… Okay, a half an hour, I'll-."

"Jackie, what is going on with the blanket?" Eric interrupted.

"… Do you like it?" she asked. "It's new. What do you think?"

"It's olive green," Donna said. "You hate green."

"Olive green is this season's hot color," she said, leaning against the doorframe to Hyde's room. "Sit and make yourselves at home, and I'll be really quick."

"Jackie, what did you do with my blanket?" she heard him say, and slammed the door in his face before he could enter the room.

"Steven!" she called, as if he wasn't on the other side of the slammed door. "Eric is here for you! Donna, give me ten minutes." She rushed into her bedroom, and slammed her door too.

Hyde walked into the room, and waved quickly at Donna and Eric.

"Hey guys," he said. "……. So what's up?"

----------------------------------

Donna and Jackie were at the home furnishing store in the mall, and Donna wondered why her friend was so quiet. Jackie was looking at wall hangings and curtain samples, but her head was elsewhere.

"So what color are you going to go with for your apartment?" Donna asked, desperate to get her to say something.

"I think I'm going to try powder blue," Jackie said. "It's tasteful, but feminine."

"How big is the apartment you have waiting for you?" Donna asked. "Eric's and mine isn't that big. One bedroom, kitchenette…"

"Oh, it's fine," Jackie said. Donna sighed, and Jackie looked at her. "What?"

"This is boring!"

"You always find shopping boring!"

"But you're usually talking when we shop, now you're just being really really quiet," Donna said. "You aren't a quiet person. What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm thinking about color schemes!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Wait. That wasn't your blanket at all, was it?" Donna asked.

"How would you know?"

"Because, Jackie, if your blanket was olive green you would NOT be going for a powder blue theme," Donna said. "It would make the blanket look that much more hideous."

"…. Donna, I've taught you so well!" Jackie exclaimed, throwing her arms around the red head.

"It was Hyde's, wasn't it?" Donna asked, and Jackie let go. "And if it was Hyde's, there is only one explanation that you were naked with Hyde's blanket wrapped around you."

"Yeah, okay, fine, you got me," Jackie said. "Yes, Steven and I slept together last night."

"Yeah, no kidding," Donna said. "So what does that mean for you two?"

"I don't know, we didn't have time to talk about it because you and Eric bombarded us," Jackie stated. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"Hey, you and I had plans, I'm sorry they got in the way of your weird freaky on again off again relationship with Hyde," Donna said.

"Okay, I didn't mean that, I'm just really mixed up," Jackie said, and sat on a couch in the show room of the home store. Donna sat next to her. "I just don't know what he's thinking right now."

"Well what are you thinking right now?" Donna asked.

"I don't know that either," Jackie said. "Look, let's just continue shopping. And I'll talk, I promise."

"Good," Donna said. "Ooh, this is kind of comfortable." She bounced up and down on the couch. "Do you think this would work in an apartment with a small living room? Or would it take up too much space?"

"I think that I may look into it, Steven would LOVE it," Jackie said.

"Jackie, Hyde isn't moving with you to Minnesota," Donna said. "Remember?"

"Oh…. Yeah, I remember," Jackie said. "Well then I don't want it, it would throw off the powder blue theme."

------------------------------

Hyde was behind the register, bitter about having to work on his day off all because Janie's idiot brothers dumped Fez up north and she had to get him. Bitter about not being able to sort things out with Jackie. And especially bitter that Eric was hanging out in Grooves despite the fact he wasn't working until that evening.

"Man, I'm going to miss this," Eric said. "Just sitting around in your store, hanging out with you. Hanging out with all of my friends. I sort of wish I wasn't leaving Point Place, but then I remember. It's Point Place."

"Yeah, sometimes I wish I didn't have a store to run," Hyde said. "Small town life sucks. Everyone knows everyone's business."

"Heh, yeah," Eric said. "You know, everything Jackie tells Donna, she tells me, and then I tell you, and then, well, you keep it to yourself usually."

"Yeah, cuz I don't gossip like a girl," Hyde said. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Uh, not really," Eric said. "Donna and Jackie are out, Fez is still up in Ashland with Janie… You're my only friend, and if you have to work I'll just sit here and make your day more pleasant."

"You could always clock in."

"Ah, but that would be over time," Eric said. "We all know how you feel about over time."

"Yes we do," Dusty said, leaving the storeroom. "Sorry you had to come in, you were my last resort, I swear."

"Why didn't you try Leo?"

"Oh, he's here, he's just worthless," Dusty said.

"Where is he?" Eric asked, looking around.

"Beats me," Dusty said. "I'm not his keeper."

"Dusty, when you work with Leo alone, you ARE his keeper," Hyde said. "Whatever, he couldn't have wandered off far."

At that moment, Leo walked into the store, holding a soda.

"Hey Hyde man," Leo said. "How's life?"

"Oh, you know, can't complain," Hyde said.

"I see that you got some action last night," Leo said, flipping through a magazine. Hyde sat up abruptly, and Dusty and Eric looked at him.

"Wha-? How-?"

"Whenever you get some action you tuck your shirt in," Leo said. "I don't know why I know that about you, man, but I do."

"Wow," Eric said. "So who was she? Was she hot?"

"Let's not talk about this," Hyde said.

"Oh come on, man," Eric said. "You've been really quiet lately about your lady friends, and you never were shy about it, except when you were with Jackie, and- Oh my God it was Jackie wasn't it?"

"….Shut up, Foreman," Hyde stated, and Dusty scoffed.

"Told ya she was still hung up on you," Dusty said.

"Oh don't pull any jealous crap, Dusty, you dumped her, remember?" Hyde snarled.

"I'm not jealous, I'm just happy she's happy," Dusty said.

"DAMMIT, why do you have to be such a stand up guy?!?!" Hyde exclaimed, and went to his office to work on budget stuff.

--------------------------------

Jackie and Donna were at the mall food court, when they saw Laurie walking by.

"Laurie, over here!" Donna called. Laurie rolled her eyes, and walked to their table and sat down.

"Hi, what do you want?" she asked.

"Uh, just saying hi, you don't have to stay," Donna said. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to the bridal gown store," Laurie said. "I want to find the perfect wedding dress that looks sexy but not trashy."

"You'll probably need some help then, since you're kind of trashy," Jackie said. Donna snapped her head at her, shocked. "What??? I'm sorry, I shoot my mouth off!"

"ANYWAY," Laurie said, letting it slide, "Mom was supposed to go with me, but I remembered that she's my Mom and will only say I look like a whore in any dress I like."

"Probably because-," Jackie began, and Donna held up a hand, which quieted her.

"Do you want some help?" Donna asked. Laurie rolled her eyes again, and blew the bangs from her face.

"Yeah, sure," Laurie said. "I mean, Donna, you know taste and sexiness, and Jackie, you know Larry and what he'll like."

"I love wedding dress shopping!" Jackie exclaimed. "I mean, I've never bought one, but when I'm down, I come and try them on!"

"That's pathetic," Laurie said, standing. "Let's go." She walked ahead, and Jackie scowled.

"How is she getting married before me?" Jackie asked.

"There are some questions in this world that cannot be answered," Donna retorted.

"I mean, I'm pretty and I'm much less bitchy than she is!" Jackie hissed.

"Yeah, I know. Larry loves her, and in a strange way she loves him too. We may never understand their love…"

They sat on two chairs as Laurie walked out in the first dress.

"Too Elly Mae Clampett," Donna said. Laurie nodded.

She walked out in a second dress.

"Too table cloth," Donna stated, and Laurie nodded.

She walked out in a third dress.

"Too prostitute," Jackie stated, and Donna snickered a little, but held back when she saw that Laurie was not amused. "Well I'm only saying that Larry wants to see the future mother of his children! Not some chick he takes around the corner and does in his car!"

"Wow," Laurie said. "Point taken."

-----------------------------

Hyde was sitting in his office, when Eric walked in.

"I've decided to clock in early because you're moping back here and Dusty and I aren't at that point in our friendship that I can just, you know, talk with him," Eric said. "But I get overtime for this. You can go home now."

"Whatever," Hyde said.

"So…. You and Jackie."

"…. Yep."

"…. Where does this leave you two now?"

"I don't know and I don't want to talk about it," Hyde stated.

"Okay, okay," Eric said.

"But man, it's a really weird situation," Hyde said, and Eric clocked in. "She leaves for school soon, and I know that I'M not up for a long distance relationship, even if it is Jackie. It's just-."

"Complicated," Eric finished.

"How did you know?"

"Because with her and you it's always complicated," Eric said. "Not that this is any different from any relationship. If every relationship ended because of complications no one would be married ever."

"Yeah yeah yeah, but luckily we aren't getting married," Hyde said. Eric shook his head. "Man, I don't even think we're back together."

"Does Jackie know that?"

"I don't know, we're going to talk tonight, and you aren't my therapist," Hyde said.

"Well, now that there's a chance with you she may not even go to college," Eric said, leaning against the desk.

"… Ya think?"

"Oh yeah," Eric said. "She just applied because she wasn't happy here. If she's with you she'll be happy, so she'll stay."

"I didn't think of that," Hyde said. "Maybe…. Actually, I hope you're right."

"You do?"

"Yeah… If she stayed I could see myself committing to her."

"You committing to Darth Burkhart, there's a great disturbance in the Force," Eric said.

-----------------------------------

Donna and Jackie were leaning back in the chairs, waiting for Laurie to show off the tenth dress. Jackie was playing with a veil she had placed on her head out of boredom and curiosity.

"I wish this was me getting married," Jackie said, putting the veil over her face.

"Yeah yeah yeah," Donna said. "I know, I know. Does this mean you want to be back with Hyde and marry him or something?"

"I don't know," Jackie said, staring at the ceiling and swishing the veil with each emotion. "I just wish that I wasn't going away, since we're back together. If we even are, you never know what a man is thinking after sex. Especially Steven. He's like a stupid rubix cube. I HATE rubix cubes but I like Steven! It's ridiculous!"

"Jackie, take that veil off before you tear it."

"Okay," she complied, removing it from her head.

"When you talk tonight maybe it will give you some perspective," Donna said. "But brace yourself. It's Hyde. He's still that commitment phobe who runs away at the first sign of romantic conflict."

"I know," Jackie said. "Look, I've decided that Steven Hyde is destined to be in my life, be he lover or friend, and though I'd like him to be my boyfriend and my future husband, if he has to just be my friend, I'll accept it. I'll be pissed and heartbroken, but I'll accept it!" Donna chuckled, and put her arm around her shoulders.

"If you two are done having a made for tv movie moment, I'm going to show you the last dress that this store has to offer that isn't completely frumpy," Laurie said from the dressing room.

"This is the LAST ONE, Laurie," Donna said. "I understand why your mother decided to skip out on this little expedition!"

The tenth dress did not make Donna or Jackie wretch, so it was a good start. Laurie looked in the mirror.

"Ladies," she said, "I think this is the dress."

"…. Wow Laurie," Jackie said. "It's not all that bad. I mean, I would go more for a Grace Kelly look, but-."

"Laurie, you look great," Donna said. Laurie had a girly moment, and grinned from ear to ear.

"You guys, I'm really getting married!" she exclaimed. Jackie and Donna nodded. "Okay, let's get this paid for and beat it, and you are going to have to carry it, it's really heavy and I just got my nails done." With that she walked back into the dressing room, and Donna and Jackie exchanged looks.

"It's kind of nice to know that even when you get married you're still essentially the same person deep down," Donna said.

"Nice in our cases. Unfortunate in hers," Jackie said, standing up.

---------------------------------

Jackie walked into the apartment, and Hyde waved at her.

"I thought you were going to be back awhile ago," he said, and she rolled her eyes.

"Donna and I were roped into helping Laurie find her wedding dress," Jackie said, sitting next to him. "It sucked."

"I thought you liked looking at wedding dresses."

"Yeah, when I'M trying them on," Jackie said, and Danny Bonaduce jumped on her lap. "When someone as snarky as Laurie gets married before me I get a little depressed. BUT, I did decide on a color scheme for my apartment in Minneapolis." She held up her hands, and arched her eyebrows. "Powder. Blue."

"Sounds great…."

"…. So about last night."

"I'm glad you brought it up instead of me," he said. Hm, not a good sign, she thought, which was conveyed in her pause.

"…. So what are we?" she asked, focusing her attention on the cat. "Are we dating again, are we just friends and that was a one night thing, or are we friends who sleep with each other?"

"I don't know," he said. "I mean, I guess you're still going to college then."

"Uh, yeah," she said. "Is that a surprise?"

"Well, I just thought that-."

"Because I'm going to make something of myself in Minnesota," she said. "I can't stay in Red's Muffler Shop forever, you know."

"Okay okay, chill out."

"Sorry," she said. "I'm just confused about us, once again."

"We could go back to what we were before you left for Chicago."

"And what was that, out of curiosity?"

"Uh… Hm… Good question."

"That's my point."

"Well what does it matter if you're just going to leave in less than a month anyway?" he asked, getting defensive.

"Well would you wait for me?" she asked. "Would making a long distance relationship work with me be something you'd want?"

"… I don't know."

"You always hedge your bets, don't you?" she asked, eyes flashing at him. "Even after everything that's happened to us, between us, you still want to keep your options open."

"That's not fair."

"Ugh, fine," she said, standing. "Okay, let's just call that a one night only deal, is that what you want?"

"I'm okay with that if you are."

"… I don't know if I am."

"What do you want from me, Jackie?" he asked.

"The same thing I've always wanted," she said.

"What's that?"

"You really need me to tell you?" she asked, sadly.

"…. No," he said. She put her hands to her eyes, and then smiled bravely at him.

"If you can't give it to me, I understand," she said. "I am leaving, and you're crazy commitment phobic. So I'll understand." He thought a moment, and didn't know what to say. So he went with what his brain was telling him to do.

"Neither of us do the whole long distance relationship thing," he answered without giving a real answer. "I know we don't. It's hard and we don't like aggravation..."

"So come with me!" she blurted out, that horrible feeling of desperation bubbling up inside of her.

"Jackie-."

"Minneapolis is great, I've been there before, it's like a big city but with a Midwest feel!" she explained. "You and me, we could be together and-."

"Jackie I have my store here," he said. "I can't just leave Grooves, WB put me in charge and I can't just up and leave." She sighed, and felt like an idiot. "Look, you have college and I have my store, so-

"…Yeah…. Yeah, you're right," she cut him off. "Last night was… great. But it's not realistic. WE aren't realistic. We are a nice idea, but we can't get it together, even though we've tried multiple times."

"… I guess."

"And even though I still care about you, I would rather not lose you altogether," she said. "So if we end it here and go back to friends, I'll be fine with that."

"….. My God you've changed so much in the years I've known you," he said, the sudden realization striking him profoundly.

"It's funny how that is," she said. "So have you, even though you pretend you haven't." She kissed him on the cheek, and picked up her cat. She walked into her room, and closed the door behind her. Once she didn't need the strong face anymore, she let the abject humiliation take her, and sank to her knees.

-----------------------------

Larry was lying in bed, reading a book, when Laurie walked in, wrapped up in nothing but a long piece of white cloth.

"Um, what is that?" he asked.

"My veil," she said.

"Wait, that's part of your wedding dress?" he asked.

"Technically."

"I'm not supposed to see this before the wedding, it's bad luck!" he exclaimed, covering his eyes with his book.

"Larry, of course I thought of that," Laurie said, sitting on the bed next to him. "That's why you haven't seen the DRESS. The VEIL is a completely different story." He pulled he book from his eyes, and then smiled that sly smile of his.

"Well that's good enough for me," he stated, and pulled her into a kiss.

FADE OUT

A/N 2: Don't hate me. The pay off is going to be good. I promise.


	22. The Other Side

A/N: To make things clear, there are two episodes after this one left of this season. So I have some time to right the wrongs of the 70s SHOW universe!!

Disclaimer: I own nothing from THAT 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith.

9.22: The Other Side

Fez and Janie were making out on the couch in the Foreman basement. She pulled away, and smiled at him.

"Fez."

"Yes my sweet?"

"My foot is falling asleep, could you move off of it?"

"You are not a romantic person," he said, shifting his weight.

"Sorry, you're romantic enough for the both of us," she said, poking his nose with her finger.

Kitty walked down the steps.

"You two kids make such an odd pair," she said. "But Fez, at least you finally have a woman who truly cares for you and isn't my daughter."

"Miss Kitty, your daughter never cared for me," he said with a smile at Janie.

"Janie, I have an idea!" Kitty said. "Fez tells me that you like baking, and I needed someone to help me with a plate of Brownies for Bob, Donnas Dad."

"I've met Bob," Janie said. "He's kind of endearing in the used car dealer kind of way. I'd be happy to help you."

"Now just to warn you, Bob has been feeling a little blue lately, since Donna is leaving," Kitty said. "When we drop them off, well…. I hope you don't have a lot to do that afternoon."

-------------------------

Jackie and Donna were drinking sodas at the Hub.

"So have things kind of gotten back to normal?" Donna asked, and Jackie shrugged.

"For all Steven knows I am totally fine and not heartbroken," Jackie said. "Not that I am heartbroken. I told him I was happy being his friend, and I am."

"Okay, but are you guys back to friendly terms?"

"We were never OFF friendly terms, I just felt uncomfortable putting my heart on the line and him stomping on it again," she said. "But oddly, I don't want revenge this time around, and we still watch TV and hang out. He acts like nothing's happened, and I'm trying…. Though I really can't stop thinking about our night together, but I'm just gonna pretend that never happened."

"Okay," Donna said. "Do what you have to do, right?"

"Yep," she said. She then looked out the window, and her eyes widened. She leapt up from the table, and ran into the girls bathroom. Donna was going to ask, but then Hyde and Dusty walked into the Hub and it made… some sense. They ordered their food, and walked to Donna's table.

"Hey Big Red," Hyde said.

"Hey Hyde, Dusty," she said, acting nonchalant. "What are you two doing here?"

"Getting malts before the evening shift," Dusty said. "What about you?"

"Oh, just drinking a soda, all by my lonesome," she said.

"Whose is that?" Hyde asked, pointing at Jackie's. Donna's mind scrambled for an explanation, and decided on the first fib that sprang to mind.

"This one's a refill," she said, pointing at hers. "The guy behind the counter has a crush on me, so I flirt with him and he just sort of sends refills my way." She then waved provocatively at the soda jerker, and he gave her a look like 'who are you and why are you waving like that?'

"I wish I could get a free malt," Hyde said. Dusty turned, and made a coquettish face at the soda jerker, trying his luck. The guy just rolled his eyes, and set their malts out.

"Hm, I don't think he's into me," Dusty said, and Hyde laughed a little. "Well, on to work. Later, Donna."

"Yeah, see ya Donna."

"Bye guys," she said. They left, and she turned back to the bathroom. "Jackie they're gone!" Jackie walked out of the bathroom, and sat down, casually, and sipped her soda. "Oh no you don't, what the hell was that? I thought you said that you were cool with Hyde!"

"I am!" she exclaimed. "Donna, think of it this way: would YOU want to be in a room with TWO MEN who had rejected you in the course of a month?" Donna thought a second, and shook her head.

"I suppose not," she said. "Well, on their own though you're okay?"

"It's weird, right?"

"Yeah, a little bit."

"I mean, I still feel really hurt by Steven not wanting to try a long distance thing with me…"

"Well what do you expect?" Donna asked. "It's Hyde." Jackie huffed.

"I'm gonna go home, I have some packing to do," Jackie said. "I'll see you later."

"Okay," Donna said. As Jackie left, the soda jerker came to her table.

"So," he said, eying her lecherously. "You uh… want a free refill?" Donna sighed, and smiled politely at him.

----------------------

The next day, Kitty and Janie were making brownies when Eric walked into the kitchen with a check in an envelope.

"This, my friends, is the second part of the deposit on the apartment in Madison!" he announced. "Once this is in the mail, I will have officially began the process of moving. Ooh, chocolate!" he said, sticking his finger towards the bowl. Janie hit him with a clean spoon. "Hey!"

"Back off, Foreman, these are for Bob," Janie said.

"Mom, your apprentice hit me!" Eric said, pointing at Janie.

"Oh Eric, she's just protecting the brownie mix from you, it was a just hit," Kitty said. Janie grinned at Eric, who glared.

"You can be as bad as my sister," he said.

"No one is as bad as your sister," Janie said.

"Hey now you two, that's my baby," Kitty said. "But Eric, really, these are Bob's, I'll make you brownies some other day."

"That's fine, I have to head over for work soon," he said. "Janie, don't you work tonight?"

"Nope, I switched shifts with Dusty," Janie said. "It's gonna be a boys club tonight."

"It was a boys club before YOU were hired," he said. "Then you showed up and added the estrogen. EW, ESTROGEN!" She smirked at him.

"Okay Eric, just let us cook, please," Kitty said. He nodded, and saluted as he left. Kitty and Janie sighed, and Red walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, it's the girl that Fez is dating!" he said. "I like you! You're saner than most of the people who walk in and out of this house."

"Are you going to come with us to drop off these brownies for Bob?" Kitty asked.

"Oh darn, I would LOVE to, but I'm going to the muffler shop," Red said. Kitty and Janie exchanged looks.

"I can tell you're heart broken," Kitty said. Red smiled, and saw the envelope on the table.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Oh darn, Eric forgot that," Kitty said. "It's his deposit for his apartment in Madison."

"This is one step closer getting him out of the house and he forgets it!" Red said. "Dammit, the kid didn't write out the address! When does he get back from work?"

"Not until later," Janie said. Red groaned, and then got a great idea.

"I know what I'll do," he said, putting it in his pocket. "I'll bring it to work and have Jackie bring it over there when she's off."

"That's lovely Red, now Janie, should we put chocolate chips in these brownies?" Kitty asked.

"….. Dark chocolate chips," Janie said, menacingly, and lifted an eyebrow. Kitty laughed her little laugh, and began dumping chocolate chips in the batter.

-------------------------

Jackie was at work behind the counter, when Red walked in.

"Jackie, I have a job for you when you're done here," he said.

"Yes, Mister Foreman?" He took out the envelope.

"You are going to take this envelope to Eric at work once your shift is done," he said, handing it to her. "He has to mail it ASAP because it guarantees him having a place to live, and I don't want any excuse for him to false start leaving the nest again. Got it?"

"… Yes," she said. "But, you see, Steven and Dusty are both working tonight, and…."

"And what?" he asked. She took in a deep breath. Courage, Jackie, she thought.

"And I can't be in the same room with both of them because they've both rejected me in the same month!" she exclaimed, and Larry poked his head around the door to the garage.

"BOTH of them?" he asked. "Wow, they must be nuts!"

"Jackie, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" Red exclaimed. "You can suck it up and drop this off!" Jackie's jaw dropped.

"You just yelled at me!" she whimpered. "You never yell at me! I'm your favorite! I'M JACKIE!"

"Wow, he usually yells at me," Larry said.

"I'm only yelling because you're acting like a ninny! So they're idiots! You can handle it! You dated Kelso for God's sake!" She sulked, and took the envelope from him.

"Fine," she said. "But I just want you to know that if I DIE of humiliation related injuries, I am going to HAUNT you!"

"If you're the worst haunting I have to contend with I'll consider myself lucky," Red said. "And thank you for your cooperation. I'm sorry it's going to be hard for you." He then went to his office, and Jackie whined a little bit. Larry walked to her, and put an arm around her shoulder.

"You're still his favorite," he said. "He just REALLY wants Eric out of the house."

"Larry, everyone is busy today and I need someone to talk to when I'm done with work," Jackie said. "So we're going to hang out. Okay?"

"Uhh…. Okay," he said. "I get off when you do, I think…."

"Good," she said. "And you better be good at listening!"

"I listen to you day in day out, I've had practice," he said.

---------------------------

Janie held the plate of brownies as Kitty knocked on the door. Bob opened it, and smiled broadly.

"Hey Kitty, Janie!" he said, and Janie presented the plate to him. "What's this?"

"Brownies!" Kitty said, and chuckled. "Can we come in?"

"Of course," he said, and they walked into the kitchen. He set the brownies on the table, and they all sat around it. "So what are these for?"

"For you, we thought you could use some cheering up," Kitty said. "I understand your pain, Bob."

"My pain?"

"With Donna leaving so soon," Kitty said. "I feel the exact way because Eric is leaving, and Laurie is getting married. Soon it will just be me and Red. And you, you have no one!" Janie gave her a horrified look.

"WHAT Kitty is TRYING to say is that we just wanted to make some treats for you," Janie said. "We know you've been blue. And hey, if you want to talk about it, I mean REALLY talk about it, you can talk to her, or to Red, or even to me if you really want to. Because Donna is a good friend of mine, and I'm going to miss her too."

"Yes, what she said," Kitty stated, surprised by the eloquence of this punk girl. Bob stared at them for a couple seconds, and then began crying.

"You guys are such good friends!" he exclaimed. Janie pat his hand, and Kitty wasn't quite sure she believed what she saw.

---------------------------

Jackie was pacing the kitchen while Larry sat in front of the TV, flipping the channels.

"Larry, in all honesty I've been trying so hard to be normal around Steven, but I can't get over the fact that I laid my heart out on the line again and he kicked it across the room," she said. "Donna never gets this because she knows Steven really well. You know nothing about him, so your ignorance to my advantage! Your biased towards ME!"

"I guess," he said, and stopped on PBS. "Ugh, some black and white movie." Jackie turned, and then gasped.

"Don't change it!" she exclaimed. "It's 'Bringing Up Baby'!"

"Huh?"

"It's only one of the best romantic comedies out there!" Jackie exclaimed. "Katherine Hepburn and Cary Grant! He's a paleontologist and she's a socialite who has a pet leopard and they fall in love despite the fact she's kooky and he's stuffy!"

"Sounds cute," he said.

"Larry, if I was a kooky socialite like Kate Hepburn do you think Steven would want me?" she asked.

"Huh?" he retorted, but she was off in her imagination.

_In her mind, it would have to be black and white, of course. Like the movie. She'd be wearing 30s garb, looking just as glamorous as Hepburn. More so, even._

_"Steven!" she'd call, and he'd enter, a la Cary Grant, the man who didn't want to love her but couldn't help it. And looking rather geeky in the tweed suit and glasses._

_"Yes yes, what is it, Jackie?" he'd ask._

_"We have to go to upstate Minnesota, my wealthy aunt has a country estate there and I have to bring my leopard there, away from the hustle and bustle of Point Place!"_

_"Jackie, I've no time for- did you say l-leopard?"_

_"Yes! His name is Baby!" she'd chirp, and in would stroll the leopard, but it would be Danny Bonaduce._

_"Confound it, Jackie, that's nothing but a common house cat!" She'd scoop up her cat. "YOUR housecat!"_

_"Alright, fine, you caught me, it's Daniel. But STEVEN, he's simply FEROCIOUS!" And Danny would lick her face._

_"Well it doesn't matter, let's go to Minnesota anyway and have adventures of screwball proportions!" he'd say, wrapping his arm around her waist, looking down at her fondly._

_"And sexual innuendoes?" she'd respond, thrilled._

_"Is there a screwball comedy without them?"_

_"Oh STEVEN, I love you!" And they'd start singing 'I Can't Give You Anything But Love, Baby' to the cat as they embraced._

She was smiling giddily, and then Larry lightly shoved her. She fell off the couch's arm onto the floor.

"Hey!" she exclaimed.

"You faded for a minute, just making sure you weren't catatonic," he said.

"I take it back, you're no help at all," she said.

"Wanna just watch this movie?"

"Ugh, of COURSE I do," she stated, and sat next to him, her worries not assuaged in the least.

----------------------------

Eric, Dusty, and Hyde were doing their various tasks in Grooves, and Eric decided to open his big mouth about what Donna had told him in confidence the night before.

"So apparently being in the same room with you two makes Jackie feel really uncomfortable," he said. Dusty and Hyde looked up from their work.

"What are you talking about?" Hyde asked. "We haven't been in the same room together lately."

"Well that's cuz she won't give you the opportunity," Eric said. "She bolts when she sees you guys in the same room."

"Why would she do that?" Dusty asked.

"Um, I guess because you guys both rejected her in the course of a couple weeks or something," he said. "Complete humiliation or something, ah, I stopped listening to Donna cuz I was falling asleep." Dusty shot Hyde a look.

"What did YOU do, man?" Dusty asked. Hyde shook his head, and chuckled in exasperation.

"She's fine when we're one on one," he said. "I mean, okay, we crossed to 'the other side' and had sex so the tension is there, but it's nothing we can't handle…. Sure, she's hot… And I see her in her pjs all the time and it drives me crazy… But we're better as friends, we're past the sex."

"Just keep telling yourself that," Eric said, and put his hand in his pocket. He then began to panic a little bit. "Crap. Crap!! Where's my deposit!?"

"Deposit?" Dusty asked.

"For our apartment!" Eric exclaimed. "Oh my God, if I lost that check Donna is gonna kill me! I need to use the phone!" He rushed to the back room, and called Donna's house.

"Hello?" Donna answered.

"Donna, it's Eric!" he said. "Um, just out of curiosity, did I give you my rent deposit check?"

"Uh, no," she said. "Wait, why?"

"Oh, no reason," he said. "I know where it is, then." He was lying through his teeth, and wondered if she would realize it.

"That's good," she said. "Eric, look, I kind of have to go, my Dad is really upset, and-."

"What happened?"

"I don't know! Kitty and Janie brought over brownies, and then he started crying," Donna said. "So I'm going to go try and calm him down. I'll see you after your shift tonight."

"Bye."

---------------------------

Donna hung up, and sat at the table with Bob, Janie, and Kitty. Janie was holding Bob's hand and nodding as he talked.

"I just haven't ever been alone!" Bob exclaimed. "Even when Donna was going to go to college the first time, I still had Jackie staying here!"

"I know, I know," Janie said, soothingly. "And that's okay. Of course you're scared."

"I'm a little scared myself," Kitty muttered.

"Dad, Madison isn't that far away," Donna said, taking a brownie from the plate. "I'll come home for all major holidays, and Eric and I can drive home all the time! And you are always welcome to come visit us." He nodded, and blew his nose on a tissue.

"And there's the telephone too," Janie said. "Someday maybe you could even more out to Madison to be closer to them." Donna shook her head violently at Janie, but stopped when Bob looked up.

"Or not, I know you love it here," Janie continued. "And Donna is not the type to leave and never turn back, are you Donna?"

"No, I'm not, Dad," Donna said, chewing on the brownie. "Really. If you need me to come back some weekend I will come back. But not EVERY weekend, you realize-."

"What she is trying to say, Bob, is that she will be here if you REALLY need her," Janie said. "Man, I should go to school and become a psychologist."

"Yeah, that's great," Kitty said, and decided to steer the conversation towards herself. "And Bob, there's always us next door. I have an idea! We'll have dinner once a week! We'll designate some night, and you can come over and I'll cook and we'll just love the fact that we're free and independent…. Huh." Kitty realized something at that moment. If Bob was going to get through this, she had to be able to get through it too. So she smiled widely, and pat Bob on his hand.

"We'll get through this together… Even if I AM going to miss my BABY!" She couldn't be strong for long, however, and also began crying. Donna and Janie both looked at each other, and sighed.

--------------------------

Jackie took in a few deep breaths outside Grooves, and clutched her purse in her hands. She had waited as long as she had to, and ended up there right before closing. She saw through the window that it was indeed Dusty and Hyde working on closing up the store. But Red wanted her to do this, and she was NOT a ninny. At least, not a big ninny.

She strolled through the door, and Hyde and Dusty looked up. She held her strong face, and held up the envelope.

"Hey Jack," Dusty said. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Dusty. I'm here for Eric," she said. "Is he still here?"

"Eric, Jackie's here for you!" Dusty called. Eric walked out, diffusing a little of the tension.

"Hey Jackie, what's up?" he asked, and she pointed at the envelope. "Oh thank GOD!" He snatched it from her, and shoved it in his pocket.

"Red told me to drop this off for you, so I have and now I'm going to go home, goodnight" she said, turning towards the door.

"Hang on, Jackie," Hyde said. "You don't have to feel uncomfortable around me and Dusty."

"Who says I do?" she demanded, her face flushing.

"Eric," Dusty said.

"Eric!" she exclaimed, and slugged him on the shoulder.

"Ow!" he exclaimed. "Well Donna told me, you should hit her too!"

"No, we are allowed to tell our boyfriends anything so long as it's in strict confidence, which you BROKE!" she snapped. "I'm leaving!"

"Jackie, come on, don't go," Dusty said. "Hyde and I decided that we wanted to find a way to make it easier for you, so we wracked our brains, and came up with a solution."

"Yeah," Hyde said, walking to her. "Since you're, um, leaving soon anyway, we thought that you won't be seeing us in the same room much. But we have a way to make it better now…."

"Oh yeah, and what's that?" she asked. Dusty and Hyde exchanged sly glances…

And they were in a circle in the back room after closing, sitting around a box of supplies. 'Children of the Revolution' by T-Rex was playing on the record player, and Jackie was laughing hysterically, throwing her head back the way she usually did.

"This was a great idea, you guys!" she exclaimed. "I mean, wow. It's like I don't even care that you guys were total jerks to me and tossed me aside! In the same MONTH!... Okay, I still care. But it just doesn't seem as important!"

"Well pot does that," Hyde said, and chuckled a little bit. "It makes the important things seem less important. And the stupid things seem hilarious!" Eric nodded, and held up his deposit envelope.

"You guys, I can't believe I almost LOST this thing!" he exclaimed. "Do you know what Donna would have done? CASTRATED ME!" He laughed hysterically at that, and Dusty looked up, a really serene smile on his face.

"I haven't done this in forever," he stated. "…. At least it feels like forever… Maybe it was a few weeks ago… I don't remember." Jackie laughed again.

"This is so great!" she exclaimed. "I was so stupid! Of course I can hang out with you guys! So what if we've slept together! I mean, I can do circles with you and Michael, Steven! I mean, if Michael was here it would be much worse! AND FUNNIER!"

"Yeah, and you haven't done anything remotely sexual with Eric, so that's good," Hyde said. Eric looked awkward, and Jackie laughed again.

"There was that one time he copped a feel!" she chuckled. Hyde and Dusty both looked at Eric, whose eyes were huge.

"We were all camping! I was drunk! I fell and I grabbed for the closest thing that would support me!" Eric stammered.

"And it was my BOOB!" Jackie exclaimed, and fell of her chair.

"You said you'd never tell anyone about that!" Eric exclaimed. Her hand poked up from behind the box.

"You told THEM about my ABJECT HUMILIATION," her voice said, as her finger scolded Eric. "So now we're even!"

"…. AWESOME!" Dusty yelled. And Hyde smirked, and hit Eric on the shoulder.

"Ow!" Eric exclaimed. "Hey, you said you wouldn't cross to 'the other side' again! Why are YOU hitting me?!"

"Because she's my best friend, ya dingus."

"Well this sucks. I may just go home."

"Just have another hit," Jackie muttered from the floor.

"…. Fine," Eric said. "Besides, I have no regrets about that." It was Dusty's turn to hit Erik on the shoulder. "DAMMIT! Jackie, get your exes to stop defending your honor!"

--------------------------

Red got home and found the kitchen empty. He had hoped that Kitty would have had dinner ready by the time he got home from work, as he was starving. He found the note on the table: 'At Bob's… Still… Find us over there. Janie'. He groaned, and walked out the door to the Pinciotti residence. He knocked on the front door, and waited. Donna opened it, and she gave him a sympathetic smile.

"What's going on?" he asked, wearily.

"Janie is kind of conducting a, shall we say, THERAPY session with your wife and my Dad," Donna said.

"Aw jeeze, what did you two girls do to them?"

"Nothing!" Donna said. "Come in, Janie and I made dinner for those who would be hungry because of this little…. Breakdown?" Red walked in, and saw Kitty and Bob on the couch, and Janie was sitting across from them in a chair.

"So Kitty, how does it make you feel that Eric left, came back, just to leave again?" she asked, sympathetically.

"He gets my hopes up and then TAKES THEM AWAY!" Kitty exclaimed, and Red rolled his eyes.

"I'll take you to the kitchen," Donna said. "Or should I say waiting room?" She opened the door, and Fez was eating potato soup.

"Hi Red," he said, waving quickly. "My girlfriend is your wife's therapist. Have some soup?" Red rolled his eyes, and sat down to eat the soup.

"Look Fez, your girlfriend better not charge me anything for this," Red said.

"I don't think it's legal for her to do so…" Fez mused.

--------------------------

Hyde and Jackie got home, and she was coming down from her buzz.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed," she said, sitting on the couch. "Maybe I'll just sleep here."

"Why would you do that?"

"Well, because my bed is gonna be moving out to Minneapolis soon, so I should probably be used to sleeping on the couch," she answered, smacking her head on one of the pillows. "Goodnight, Steven."

"Okay, let's get you in a real bed, shall we?" he asked, picking her up and carrying her to her room. He set her down on the bed, and she grabbed her pillow to her chest. He covered her with her blankets, and she smiled.

"Comfortable?" he asked, and she nodded. "Good. Well, I'm gonna let you sleep the buzz off."

"You know what's great?" she asked.

"Hm?" She sat up, and grinned.

"I'm feeling good about this," she said, gesturing from him to her. "When you said that you couldn't come with me to Minnesota, I thought that we were going to fall apart completely. But we're still here, and still friends despite all this sexual tension between us."

"Oh…. Yeah, we are," he said.

"And that night, that last time," she continued, "it was a good way to get it out of our systems."

"Oh, for sure," he agreed. "Completely out of MY system."

"Yeah, mine too," she agreed.

Twenty minutes later, they were under the covers, after another round of spontaneous lovemaking.

"Okay, NOW it's out of our systems," she said, firmly.

"Yeah, definitely," he said, though neither of them were quite sure they believed that….

----------------------------

Janie and Fez were asleep, when the phone rang. Janie sat up, and looked at the clock.

"3:30?" she muttered. She grabbed the phone. "Hello?... Hi, Bob…. Well, it's not a BAD time, per se….. Uh huh…. Well I'm sorry that you had that dream-."

Fez sat up, and took the phone from her.

"Mister Bob, the doctor is OUT for the night," Fez said, and hung up the phone.

"You are not an empathetic person are you?" she asked.

"I'm empathetic. I'm also SLEEPING," he muttered, and rolled over.

FADE OUT


	23. Hole In My Soul

A/N: Since I'm gonna be hella busy tomorrow night, I'm updating tonight. You'll be getting the finale next Sunday (though I may split it in two parts, since it's long).

Disclaimer: I own neither 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith.

9.23: Hole in My Soul

Jackie rushed to the front door as someone pounded on it frantically. She opened it, and saw Donna.

"Look at what I have!" Donna said, holding out an invitation.

"What is this?" Jackie asked, taking it from her. " 'You're invited to the going away party of Jackie Burkhart, being held from seven to closing at Brunswick's bar.' Donna, I hate Brunswicks. It's dirty."

"Ah, but they have cheap and good booze, and that's what we really care about since you leave us Saturday," Donna said. "So I would think the lure of cheap liquor would get you there."

"Ohhh, I don't want to get a hangover the day I drive to Minnesota with my MOTHER," Jackie said, and Donna took the invitation back.

"There will be dancing," Donna said. "Brunswicks has dancing every Friday night. And why are you leaving early anyway? Labor Day isn't for a couple weeks."

"You know my lease was for this week," Jackie said. "And Danny Bonaduce needs to get settled too."

"…. This doesn't have anything to do with Hyde, does it?" Donna asked.

"No!" Jackie stated. "He and I are fine."

"….. Did you two sleep together again?"

"Donna….. Yes. But that was a week and a half ago."

"Jackie, you two are so STRANGE!"

"I know I know but we're done now!"

"Okay, whatever you say," she said, over the drama. "I just have to drop the rest of these off and that will be that. What are you doing today?"

"It's my last day at Red's," Jackie said. "And I'm so sad! I was really getting used to working there! And sales went up so much because of me and my car skills."

"… Are you sure it wasn't the fact you're a pretty twenty year old and they're middle aged creeps?" Donna asked. Jackie huffed, and pushed Donna out the door. "I mean, think about it, the repeat customers always have lame excuses! 'My brakes are braking too hard'? Really?"

"I have to get ready, Donna," Jackie said. Donna sighed, and nodded.

"Okay, but I am handing these out to all our friends. Give one to Larry too," she said, giving Jackie an extra invitation.

"You know, I'm usually the one going overboard with this stuff."

"Well someone has to fill the void when you leave," Donna said, and smiled.

------------------------------

Janie walked into Hyde's office, holding up an invite.

"Are you going to Jackie's going away party?" Janie asked.

"Uh, yeah, she is my roommate," Hyde said.

"Well here's the official invite, Donna dropped it off before going to work," she said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Are you suuuuure?" Janie asked.

"Don't you have some work to do?" he asked. She nodded.

"Most likely," she said. "Anyway, just thought I'd give you this going away invite. It's too bad Kelso can't come up, that's what Donna told me."

"He'd probably ruin the party anyway, no big loss," Hyde said. She began to walk out, but then turned around.

"You're crabbier than usual," she said. "Is it because Leo accidentally got a bunch of tapes stolen because he left his car door open while buying a taco?"

"….. I did not know that until now, but that certainly didn't help my mood," he said.

"…Please don't fire him," Janie said, mad at herself for squealing.

"I didn't fire him for nearly setting the place on fire while he got high back here, I'm not going to fire him for that," Hyde said.

"So, is Jackie all packed?"

"Basically, her big stuff has already been moved out there, she's been sleeping on the couch," he said.

"Not in your bed?"

"Janie…"

"Okay, I'm going back to work," she said, and left the office.

Eric walked in.

"Donna is really overcompensating with these invites, don't ya think?" Eric asked. "I mean, I know she's gonna miss Jackie, but she's acting all Stepford Wife on me."

"I know, I know," Hyde said. "Hey Foreman, I'm going to ask you a question and I don't want you running to your little girlfriend and telling her. Got it?"

"Yeah, sure."

"And you can't run to Janie either."

"Got it."

"Or Fez, or-."

"Hyde, just spit it out or I'm going to tell Donna to broadcast it over the air waves."

"Am I an idiot for letting Jackie get away?" Hyde asked.

"No."

"…Really."

"Hyde, I'm going to be completely honest with you: you do nothing but hurt her. Letting her go is probably the most selfless thing you have done in a long time," Eric said. "…. If not ever. You should be super proud."

"Well I feel super lousy," Hyde said. "We slept together again. It's like I can't stay away from her!"

"Well, since she is a demon I'm not surprised," Eric said. "Demons have the hypnotic powers, you know."

"So I'm doing the right thing though, yeah?" Hyde asked.

"Of course. You'll just hold her back."

"…. That's really harsh, Eric." Eric sighed, and shrugged.

"I'm sorry, man," he said. And went back out to help the customers.

--------------------------------

Jackie rang up her last customer, and looked at the clock at Reds. Her shift was over. She sighed, and Larry walked out from the garage.

"So this is it," he said. She turned, and smiled up at her friend. "… I promised myself I wouldn't cry."

"You're mean," she said, swatting him on the shoulder. "I can't believe I won't be working with you anymore!"

"And you're taking your cat, that's what I'm going to miss," he teased.

"MEANIE!" she wailed, and hugged him tightly. He hugged her too, and kissed the top of her head. She pulled away, and he sort of made a face, as motor oil had gotten on her pink blouse. She looked down, and sighed. "You know, I'm not even mad, I'm too sad about leaving this place!"

Red walked in, and smiled at Jackie.

"Last shift, Burkhart?" he asked. She nodded.

"Yes, Mr. Foreman." He nodded, and then rolled his eyes. He opened a tool box and pulled out a small wrapped gift. "Oh my GOD!"

"Now don't make a big deal of it, it's nothing special," he said gruffly, handing her the gift. "Larry and I thought you'd like it." She unwrapped it, and smiled.

"Oh, you guys! I never thought you two would give me a book about beauty secrets of the stars!" she exclaimed.

"We were given funny looks at the bookstore," Larry said.

"We're never speaking of that again!" Red snapped. "Just to show my appreciation that you managed to boost sales during your stint with us, and-." Jackie threw her arms around him, and his first instinct was to be uncomfortable. But he smiled, and hugged her back. "And Kitty wants you to stop by for dinner tonight. And bring Steven. She has it in her head that she is going to bring you two back together." Jackie smiled sadly.

"I'll be there, I can't speak for Steven," Jackie said. "Thanks, you two. I'm going to miss this place so much!" She looked back down at the stain on her shirt. "… Despite the, uh, messiness."

--------------------------------

The gang was at Brunswicks that Friday night. Jackie left the next morning, Eric and Donna were off two weeks after. So all that mattered at the time was drinking and dancing.

"Jackie, have a beer, on me," Janie said, gesturing for a bartender.

"Thanks, but I don't like beer," Jackie said.

"So have a White Russian on me," Janie said. "Bartender! Two white Russians!" The bartender nodded, and began mixing.

"How are you already tipsy?" Donna asked Janie. "We've been here an hour."

"… I'm sad, so I drink," Janie said. "Jackie, we're, like, really different! But man, you're one of my best friends and I LOVE you!" Janie threw leather clad arms around Jackie, and Jackie squawked a little bit, but hugged back.

Hyde was on his third beer. He hadn't been able to get Eric's words out of his mind. Mainly because he knew it was true. If it hadn't been for him Jackie would have been a happy TV star in Chicago. Most recently if it hadn't been for him she would have been with Dusty, the most upstanding person in Point Place.

Fez came and sat next to him.

"I can't believe she's actually leaving," Fez said. "I always thought she'd marry some guy here and become-."

"Her mother?" Hyde asked.

"Mean, but yes."

"Well, she sure fooled us all," Hyde said, drinking more beer. Larry and Eric walked to them too.

"More beer!" Eric said. "Beer beer beer! I need beer to dance."

"Where's my fiancée?" Larry asked.

"She wasn't invited, she and Jackie don't like each other," Hyde said.

"Oh, I suppose not," Larry said. "Where is the girl of the hour?"

"She's not nearly drunk enough," Eric stated. "Oh wait, that's a how statement. She's over by Janie and Donna. And they're drunker than she is!"

"I think we're all drunker than she is," Fez muttered, leaning on the bar. "WHICH IS IRONIC. Did I use that word right?"

"Yes, you used it right," Larry said.

"I think our boyfriends are drunk," Donna said to Janie, who had put beer bottles on her fingers. "Isn't that CUTE?" She giggled, and hit the bar. Janie got up really close to Jackie's face, and held up the bottles.

"Hey Jackie, what am I from?" she asked, and began to clink the bottles with her fingers. "Jaaaackie, come out to play-aaaay. Jaaaaackie, come out to PLAY-AAAAY!!!" Jackie wrinkled her nose, and pulled her face back.

"Janie, what are you doing?" Jackie asked, completely thrown.

"Oh COME ON, you haven't seen 'The Warriors'?" Janie asked. "Come on, who hasn't seen that. Here, watch. Hey Larry!" Larry looked at her. "Laaaarry, come out to PLAY-AAAAY!"

"Hey, 'The Warriors'!" he said. "Rock on, Janie!"

'Ziggy Stardust' began playing, and Fez and Eric walked over as best they could to their girlfriends.

"Wanna dance?" Eric asked Donna. She nodded, and they walked to the dance floor. Janie threw her arms around Fez's neck, and he yelped as the beer bottles hit his back.

"Sorry," she said, and took them off her fingers. Jackie just watched her friends, and smiled sadly. She got up, and walked to where Hyde and Larry were.

"Hi," she said, smiling sweetly. "Steven, want to dance?"

"Nah," he said.

"Steven, I leave tomorrow," she said. "Please dance with me."

"Tell you what, I'll dance with you before the night ends, but for now I'm just going to drink a little more," he said.

"I'll dance with you," Larry said. "Just don't tell the fiancée." Jackie smiled at him politely, and accepted, though she wished it was Hyde asking her. Hyde just watched her and Larry, and continued to drink.

"Jackie, you look bummed," Larry said, and she shrugged.

"I'm just sad to be leaving everyone," she stated. "I've never been away from Point Place for more than a vacation. I'm going to miss so many people. You, the Foremans, Fez and Eric, Janie, Donna……"

"….. Hyde," Larry finished. She nodded. "I know. Just dance." She smiled at him, and nodded again.

Hyde was on his fifth drink, and decided he needed some air. He left the bar, and no one noticed.

After a few songs, the gang reconvened around a table.

"Where's Hyde?" Eric asked.

"Maybe he's sick," Janie said.

"He was drinking a lot of booze," Donna agreed. "He's really bummed out." Jackie rested her chin on her hand, and groaned.

"I think I'M going to be sick," Fez said, and ran out the back door of the bar. Janie huffed, and then giggled.

"He's such a wuss," she said. "I'll follow him. I've always wanted to see an alley behind a bar. I hear they're classier than they're made out to be." She followed Fez, and Jackie looked at all her friends, who were much drunker than she.

"I'll just assume you're all so devastated I'm leaving that you turned to alcohol," she said.

Janie rushed back into the bar.

"Guys, Hyde is totally in the dumpster!" she exclaimed, laughing a little bit.

"HA! That's awesome!" Eric exclaimed. Jackie bit her lip, and stood.

"I'll go talk to him," she said, and walked out the back door.

"Do you think she'll get in with him?" Larry asked.

Jackie stepped into the humid night, and saw Fez wiping his mouth on his sleeve across the alley.

"Fez, go get some water," she said. "Or better yet, go home."

"You don't own me," he slurred, and stumbled back into the bar. She rolled her eyes, and peeked over the dumpster. Hyde was indeed sitting in it.

"Steven?"

"Hey Jackie."

"Come out of the dumpster, Steven."

"It's comfy."

"It's a dumpster! It smells and you're so called comfyness is garbage!" she exclaimed, reluctant to touch the side of the dumpster. So she stood on some crates so she could see him better. "Come on, out of the dumpster."

"You could come in," he suggested.

"You're drunker than I thought if you think I'll get in a giant garbage pit," she said. "Steven, please come on out of there."

"I don't know if I'll make it out without falling," he said, resting his arms on the side and looking at her. He proceeded with a whisper, "I'm kind of tipsy."

"You know, tonight is hard enough without you getting plastered and passing out in a dumpster!" she said, angrily.

"Well, it's not like it's MY fault you're leaving tomorrow," he snapped back. "You could stay, but you decided that YOU wanted to be Mary Tyler FREAKING Moore and run off to the Twin Cities and turn the world on with your smile!"

"You know what? You are not going to blame me for leaving," she said. "If this is about us, I was completely willing to try a long distance relationship with you, Steven. Do you want to know why? Because in spite of everything you've done to me, I still care about you! I still love you! I tried, Steven, dammit, I tried! So I'll be damned if I am blamed, AGAIN, for why we didn't work out when we were never technically back together in the first place!" With that, she hopped off the crate, and stamped back into the bar. Hyde sat up a little bit, and watched her storm away. On the last night they had together, she had stormed away. He fell back in the trash, and felt somewhat at home.

Jackie walked into the bar, and grabbed her purse.

"Donna, thanks for this, but I'm going home," she said. "I have a long day tomorrow."

"Oh, JACKIE!" Donna exclaimed. "Is this goodbye, then?"

"No, Donna," Jackie said, calmly. "It's not, because I'm going to stop by your place when you're sober. I'm also yours and Janie's ride home."

"Oh yeah," Donna said.

"Jackie, what will we do without you?" Janie asked, as they left the bar.

"Drive drunk, endangering your lives and everyone elses," she said.

------------------------------

"Hyde, get out of the dumpster," Eric said, finally sober enough to be ready to go home.

"I deserve to be in here," the voice from the dumpster said.

"I don't disagree, but it's pathetic."

"I know how to fix this," Larry said. He looked around, and picked up a piece of pipe someone had discarded.

"Oh my GOD, he's going to BEAT HIM TO DEATH!" Fez exclaimed.

"Nah nah nah," Larry said. "Watch and learn how to get someone out of a dumpster." He began banging the pipe on the side of the dumpster. Hyde sat up, yelling, and pulled himself out of the dumpster.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" Eric asked.

"Let me tell ya, Eric, I was a crazy teen in the 60s," Larry said. "Come on Hyde, up and at em. Let's get you some coffee."

"And a shower," Fez added. Hyde could walk, but Larry let him lean on him.

"Fine, let her go," Hyde said. "Does she think I really care? She can be mad, what do I care? I don't care." Larry rolled his eyes.

"If I have to hear drunken ramblings the whole drive home, I'm gonna be pissed," Larry said.

"Jeeze Jackie was pissed at YOU, man," Eric said.

"Whatever," Hyde muttered.

"Oh 'whatever'," Larry said, letting Hyde drop to the pavement. "You really shoot yourself in the foot when it comes to getting happiness, don't you? For crying out loud you have the chance to be with the second most beautiful girl in Point Place (behind my fiancée of course) and your PRIDE and FEAR is holding you back!" Hyde didn't look at him, he just stared at the ground.

"Oh my GOD laid back Larry is showing an angry streak!" Fez exclaimed, hiding behind Eric a little bit.

"Hyde, what are you so afraid of?" Larry asked. "You get so close with this girl, you almost have it ALL with her, and then you wreck it. It's pitiful! Now come on, get up, I'll drive you home."

"It's not about me, I'm doing it for her!" Hyde snapped. "And I would love a ride home." Larry shook his head.

"Can I have a ride home too, Larry?" Fez asked.

"Yeah, me too?" Eric continued.

-------------------------------

Hyde stumbled into his room after a shower and pajama change, and threw himself on the bed. He was only slightly tipsy now, and groaned at the light by his bed. He turned it off, and crawled under the covers. He hated himself, and hoped he didn't wake Jackie from the couch when he got home.

His door opened, and he looked up a little. Jackie was in the doorway.

"Jackie?" he asked, and she closed the door behind her. She crawled under the covers with him, and draped her small arm around his chest. "What are you-?"

"Just go to sleep," she said, and left it at that. He almost didn't hold her arms back, but then held them in his, firmly. She didn't speak of the events of that night as they fell into sleep. The dumpster incident, as it would be known from that night on, was not mentioned between them. It didn't seem important.

"I'll just hold you back," he muttered to her.

"Shhh. Sleep." And he did.

------------------------------

Jackie and Donna were standing in Donna's kitchen the next morning.

"I feel like someone smashed me in the head with a sledgehammer," Donna said, and Jackie smirked.

"Not me, I wasn't drunk," Jackie said. Donna scowled a little, but then smiled.

"So this is it, huh?" Donna asked. Jackie nodded, and smiled as best she could. "Well hey. There's always Thanksgiving, right?"

"Of course," Jackie said, and Donna smiled too. "And besides, who's to say you and Eric can't come visit me and Danny Bonaduce in the Twin Cities?"

"And you can see us in Madison," Donna agreed. Then the tears began. "Dammit…. Back when we first met I never thought I'd be crying when I saw you walk out of my life." Jackie began crying too, and shook her head.

"I'm not walking out," Jackie said, taking her hands. "Just walking to a different part for now."

"I know," Donna said, and wiped tears from her face. "You're my best friend, Jackie. I know last year I didn't act like it, in fact I acted like a total bitch, and I'm sorry about that-."

"Oh shut up, you big lumberjack," Jackie said, and threw her arms around her. Donna hugged her too, and they cried as they hugged.

"You had better call me as soon as you get settled," Donna said, pulling away.

"Oh, I will!" Jackie said. "And I'm going to the state of Paul Bunyan, I'll get you something nice from your homeland." Donna swatted her, and they hugged again.

------------------------------

Hyde rubbed his temples, his head aching dully. He hadn't seen Jackie since he had been awakened by her leaving his room, she was doing last minute packing. Her Mom was going to be there any minute, and he hadn't been able to apologize for being a jerk at her party. He had also showered a few times since the night before, as he was afraid he still smelled like that dumpster.

Jackie walked out of her room, and paused.

"Hey, you're finally up," she said.

"I feel like crap."

"I bet, you were pretty trashed last night."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't going to miss saying goodbye, now was I?" he asked, standing. She smiled a little, sticking out her lower lip. She set down her suitcase and Danny Bonaduce's kennel, and walked to him.

"So this is it," she said. He nodded, and she took the sunglasses off his face. "Let me see those big blues one more time before I go." He smiled a little, and almost didn't care that she could see into his soul when his glasses were off.

"I'm sorry for getting drunk and getting in that dumpster," he said. She chuckled.

"I'm sure if you were leaving I would have done the same thing," she said. "…. You've bathed, right?"

"Yes, yes, I've bathed."

"Okay, good," she said. "I'll call when I get settled at my place. My Mom is going to be here soon."

"Yeah, I figured as much," he said. "Hey, before you go, I owe you something."

"Huh?" He went to his record player, and turned it on. 'Wild Horses' by The Stones began playing, and she smiled brightly at him.

"I said I'd dance with you last night, but I was obviously indisposed," he said, and she laughed a little. He held out his hand, and she took it. He set his other hand on her hip, and she set hers on his shoulder, and they slowly danced in a small circle, swaying back and forth to the music. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he sighed gruffly. Last times come eventually, he thought.

"Steven, I'm really going to miss you," she said, softly. He nodded, and she held back the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. God, why couldn't he just give them a shot? Why couldn't he give her a shot?

The intercom buzzed sharply, and they stopped dancing. She looked at it, and then back at Hyde.

"That's probably my Mom," she said. He nodded. She sighed, and smiled up at him. "Well, this is it."

"…. Yeah."

"Thanks for everything this past year," she said. "Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, but most things."

"You too, Jacks," he said. He held out a hand for her to shake it, as if that wouldn't hurt as much, but she refused it, and threw her arms around him. He hesitated, and then hugged her back as tightly as he could. Once they were finished, they looked at each other, and she broke the gaze. She grabbed her cat carrier, and her bag, and walked for the door. But she paused.

"You know that you never held me back, right?" she asked, still staring at the door. He closed his eyes, and didn't answer. She sighed, and did turn this time. "Goodbye, Steven." She opened the door, and walked out of their apartment…. His apartment… With that she walked out of his life. He sat on the couch, and began fumbling through his pockets for the one thing he'd fished out of his past the night before but never took out. The little box sat in his hand, and he opened it to look at the blue moonstone ring. Why didn't I give it to her? He wondered. In a fury with himself, he shoved it in the coffee table drawer, and stormed into his room.

-----------------------------

Donna handed Eric the glass of water and vitamin. He looked at her.

"Thank you," he muttered.

"Just drink this, hopefully you'll feel better soon," she said.

"Donna, please, not so loud," Eric stated, holding up his hands defensively.

"… How's this?" she asked, voice a little lower.

"Like a gong in my ear!" he snapped. "Can't you be quiet??" She glared a little bit.

"How about I just leave the room until you're no longer hung over?" she whispered.

"That would be great." She stood.

"Well GOOD," she snapped right in his face, and he covered his ears.

FADE OUT

A/N 2: Well folks, this is it. One more episode. I'm excited and sad at the same time. So next week is 'DREAM ON: That 70s Finale'…. Possibly 'Part I'.


	24. Dream On Part I

A/N: Okay, I know that my girls wanted this to be one long chapter, but it's waaaay too long in it's entirety. So you get two parts of the finale for Season 9. That gives me one more week to stave off the mourning too, so there ya go. So onto part I.

Disclaimer: I own neither 70s SHOW nor AEROSMITH

9.24: Dream On (That 70s Finale) Part I

Kitty was in the kitchen, furiously writing out a shopping list. Red walked into the room, and read over her shoulder.

"What is this for?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Eric's going away party is tomorrow night, Red, and I am going to cook all the food he's ever loved," she stated, matter of factly. "And yes, we can afford it because when he moves out I'll just be cooking for the two of us, since Laurie and Larry are moving into his place this weekend too. Our grocery bill gets cut in half."

"Oh crap, TRUE empty nest syndrome is going to hit you this weekend, isn't it?" Red asked.

"What are you talking about, Red, last year Eric was in Africa and Laurie was God knows where," Kitty stated.

"Yeah, but we also had Steven living here with his stripper, and the kids were all in the basement all the time," Red stated. "After this weekend, with Jackie already gone, it will only be Steven and that weird foreign kid. And who wants a mopey future burnout and a shampoo boy here?"

"Red, Steven is NOT going to be a burnout!" Kitty exclaimed. "He's just depressed because Jackie is gone! And I'm making his favorite food too, so he'll feel better!"

"Kitty, meatloaf won't make him feel better."

"It will! It will!" she snarled.

----------------------------

Hyde sat at the desk in the back room of Grooves, examining a photo he kept in his desk. It was of him and Jackie from earlier that summer. She'd left five days before, and he missed her horribly. At least she had said goodbye, a genuine goodbye. Not just a note. Donna and Eric were leaving in two days. It was Eric's last day at Grooves.

"Hyde, I broke a tape that got caught in the player," Eric said, and Hyde crammed the photo in his wallet quickly.

"You know, I was just thinking about how I was going to miss you," Hyde said. "Now I'm not so sure."

"Ha ha," Eric said. "Are you coming to the going away party Mom is throwing us?"

"Yeah, I'll be there," Hyde said. "I'm closing Grooves early tomorrow just so I can come, you guys better be thankful."

"Eternally," Eric said. "Man, I'm kind of gonna miss working here. At any job I get in Madison I'll be labeled a screw up. Here I'm a friend so I'm loveable."

"You just keep telling yourself that," Hyde said. "Nah, seriously though, we're gonna miss you here too."

Janie knocked on the door to the office.

"Hyde," she said. "Your Dad is here to see you." Hyde stood, and walked from the office. WB was certainly there, and he smiled. Hyde smiled too, and shook his hand.

"It's been awhile, son," WB said.

"Yeah, well, you probably don't feel as obligated to check in on me anymore," Hyde said. "How's it going?"

"I'm fine," WB said. "And how are you?"

"The store is fine," Hyde said. "As you can see, I have more workers now, and there are more cassette tapes available."

"And they're a pain!" Eric called from behind the counter.

"Well it looks like everything here is great for the store," WB said. "But I didn't ask about the store. I asked about you. How. Are. You?" Hyde smirked uncomfortably, and shrugged.

"Can't complain," he said.

"LIAR!" Janie called, and he shot her a dirty look. WB looked at the young punk girl, and she smiled at him. "Hi, I'm Janie, I work here and also do tattoos at the parlor down the street."

"Nice to meet you," WB said.

"Your son isn't doing so hot," Janie said.

"Janie, shut up," Hyde said.

"Well, that's nothing a beer can't fix, am I right?" WB asked. "When are you off work?"

"Closing."

"He can leave earlier," Eric said. "He is in charge of his whole schedule. And Janie and I won't destroy the store."

"Tell you what, I'll pick you up around two and have you back by three thirty," WB said.

"Yeah, okay," Hyde said. "I guess I'll see you then." WB smiled, said his goodbyes, and left.

"You have such a big mouth!" Hyde snapped at Janie. She used that big mouth to give him a big grin.

----------------------------------

"So are you all packed?" Jackie asked Donna over the phone.

"Mostly," Donna said, scanning her very bare room. "How did Danny Bonaduce settle into the new apartment?"

"Well he hasn't destroyed anything so I'll assume he's adjusting," Jackie said. "But he's been looking for Steven."

"That's the saddest thing I've heard all day," Donna said.

"Did you get my picture I sent you?" she asked. Donna chuckled, and looked at the Polaroid shot of Jackie standing outside the Minneapolis Daytons, throwing her hat in the air a la her hero, Mary Tyler Moore.

"I did get it and I don't know whether it's cute or a sick obsession," Donna stated. "How are you holding up, Daytons notwithstanding?"

"I'm fine," Jackie said, aloof. "I'm going to buy my books tonight and walk around the campus. It's really pretty. I think I'm going to like it here, Donna."

"… You sound sad."

"…… I'm not."

"…. I kind of am. I wish you were going to be at our going away party tomorrow night."

"I wish I could too, but I have no way back," Jackie said. "And considering things, it's probably just best I stay here."

"… You suck."

"What?! Why?!"

"Because I miss you!" Donna said, smiling wryly. Jackie heard the teasing in her voice, and chuckled a little.

"I miss you too," Jackie said.

"I have to go, Fez and I are going to get drinks for the party tomorrow," Donna said. "But call me, okay?"

"Okay. Tell everyone hello for me!"

"I will." They hung up, and Donna looked around her bare room.

Bob knocked on the door, and entered.

"Hi kiddo," he said. "Your room looks quite empty."

"Yeah," she said. "Oh Dad!" With that, she ran to her Dad and hugged him, as if he could make everything right again like when she was little.

"Hey hey hey," he said. "It's okay."

"I know," she said, wiping her eyes. "Are you coming to the party tomorrow night?"

"If Red lets me in the house I will be there," Bob said. "You know something Donna? I get the feeling that he doesn't like me that much. Is it just me?" Donna smiled sadly up at her Dad. How could she disillusion him about his neighbor?

"Dad, I'm sure Red thinks you're great," Donna stated.

--------------------------------

Janie was staring at Hyde. He looked up, and met her gaze.

"What?" he asked, perturbed.

"Nothing," she stated, but continued to stare. He tried ignoring it, but her eyes were very intense.

"What?" he asked, angrier this time.

"So why didn't you move out there with her?" she asked, leaning further onto the counter.

"Hey, I have a store to run," he answered. "Who else is going to run Grooves?"

"You have a sister," Janie stated. "Doesn't she have a business degree?"

"WB chose me, not Angie," Hyde snapped. "Besides, I like running this store."

"Like it better than sex?"

"It's more complicated than that, you dingus," he muttered.

"Seems to me you chose work over love," Janie said. "Do you know who else did that? Ebenezer Scrooge."

"Things worked out okay for him in the end," Hyde said, thinking this conversation was becoming ridiculous…. More so.

"Yeah, sure," Janie said, standing up straight. "You have a lot to look forward to. You'll be haunted, find the meaning of Christmas, and die alone."

"JEEZE, you are so morbid!"

"Someone had to say it, I figure if you won't listen to anyone else on this issue, I'll take a stab at it," she explained. "So did it work?"

"If you don't get back to work in five seconds you're fired," he said.

"You say that so much it's lost all meaning," she said.

"FIVE, FOUR, THREE…." he snarled, and she leapt away from the counter and went back to the aisles to straighten up records.

Fez strolled into the store, a large smile across his face.

"Janie, my blossoming flower, I have wonderful news," he said. She looked up from the records.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I've been keeping a secret from you," Fez said. "I applied to beauty school a few months ago, and today I got the acceptance letter!" He held out a pink piece of paper. "I am going to become a full fledged hair stylist and no longer just a shampoo boy!" Janie jumped up and down, shrieking a little bit, and threw her arms around him.

"Fez, that's wonderful news!" she exclaimed. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Fez, you're going to be a beautician?" Eric asked, popping out from behind some record display. "That's great! And totally girly!"

"Sort of like your girly rollerdisco hobby?" Fez snapped back, and Eric stopped laughing. Janie looked at him mouth dropped but in a smiling fashion.

"Rollerdisco?" she asked. "Do tell!"

"Okay, never mind," Eric said. "Congrats, Fez. Now a good deal of us are going to school and bettering ourselves through education."

"Not me," said Hyde.

"Or me," Janie muttered. Eric averted his eyes, and walked to some customers.

----------------------------------

Donna was preparing for her final broadcast as Hot Donna. It was bittersweet but felt right. The glory of the radio could only last so long for Donna Pinciotti. She had her list of songs she was going to play, a project she had dubbed 'My 70s Perspective'. She was going to record it for Jackie, who was obviously way out of broadcasting range.

She was putting on her headphones, and there was a knocking on the window. She looked up, and saw Kelso, Brooke, and Betsy. She squealed a little bit, and threw her headphones down as she rushed to open the door.

"It's HOT DONNA!" Kelso exclaimed.

"Kelso, Brooke, you guys are a day early!" she exclaimed, hugging them.

"Well Michael decided that he just couldn't wait to get here to see you guys," Brooke said. "And he also wanted to show off how big Betsy has gotten.

"And she is such a big girl!" Donna exclaimed, making faces at the shy little girl. "Oh my gosh, I'm so happy you guys can be here! I can't believe it's my last show here!"

"I can't believe that this place still smells like soup!" Kelso stated, and Donna gave him a look.

"Ohhhhkay," she said. "Look, my show is about to start, but you are welcome to listen out there if you want… Kelso!" Kelso had grabbed the headphones and was putting them on his ears. He hit a few buttons in jest, and grinned.

"HELLO POINT PLACE!" he yelled into the microphone. "This is HOT KELSO, Hot Donna's SEXY FRIEND! I'm here to ROCK YOUR WORLD!" Donna was horrified, and pointed at the blinking 'On Air' sign. Brooke put a free hand to her mouth, and Kelso looked up.

"Oh," he said. "I guess this is a real hello, Point Place," he said, and Donna shoved headphones on her head.

"This is Hot Donna, you are listening to the Hot Donna Farewell Show, I have NOT been replaced yet, as much as this dolt made it sound," Donna exclaimed, ripping the headphones from his head. He shrieked a little as she pulled his hair as well, but she clamped a hand over his mouth violently so he wouldn't be broadcast anymore. "As you all know, this is my final show here, and I hope that we can make it a wicked cool one. So let's begin, shall we? This first song is a classic from the 70s in My 70s Perspective, 'More Than a Feeling' by Boston." The song started up, and Donna glared fiercely at Kelso.

"Michael, let's go visit your parents," Brooke said, and Kelso stood up quickly. "They haven't seen Betsy in awhile."

"Agreed," he said, and he hid behind Brooke as they left the studio.

-------------------------------

Jackie was straightening up her living room, when the phone rang. She grabbed it, and plopped over on the couch.

"Jackie Burkhart, college student," she answered, as she had been for the calls she'd received. Which weren't many.

"Jackie, it's Kitty!"

"Hi, Mrs. Foreman!" Jackie exclaimed, happy to hear a friendly voice. "I'm so happy you called!"

"And I'm happy that you're happy," Kitty said. "I need some help. I'm cooking a lot of food for Donna and Eric's going away party, and I wanted to know Steven's favorite food."

"Isn't it Eric and Donna's party?" Jackie asked.

"It is but Steven needs some cheering up, I think," Kitty said. "So what does he like?"

"…… He likes spaghetti," Jackie said. "And instead of meatballs you should really throw in some Italian sausage, because he thinks that it isn't conformist like meatballs are. Though I know that spaghetti isn't really a party food, that's what he likes the best. Or if you really want to stick to party niceties, you can always make guacamole with hot peppers in it. He likes that too. BUT if they're too hot it'll hurt his tongue, but he won't admit that, so just be careful."

"Thank you, Jackie," Kitty said. "That was very, um, complete."

"You're welcome."

"Jackie, if you miss Steven so much why don't you just come home?" Kitty asked. "No one would frown on you for doing so!"

"Mrs. Foreman, believe me, I've thought about that, but I need to do this for myself," Jackie said. "I've realized that I wouldn't be satisfied just being a wife and mother."

"Well thanks."

"No no no!" Jackie exclaimed. "If you are, that's great! But I wouldn't be. I've decided I want to be pretty, married, and RICH. And I've realized it's hard to marry into money, as I've never dated a man who had it…. So I should be the one to have it!"

"Well that's fair," Kitty said. "Well honey, follow your dreams!"

"I'm following most of them," Jackie said. "If I can't have one, I guess it'll all even out… Even if that one dream IS one of my biggest dreams, but I have a lot of little dreams that I can fulfill, so-."

"Sweetie, I hate to do this but I have to go," Kitty said. "Eric just got home and I said I'd make him a peanut butter and honey sandwich. Have a good day!" With that, Kitty hung up, and Jackie looked at the phone, sad at the abandonment over an obscenely sweet sandwich.

------------------------------

Hyde was quiet as he and WB drank their beers on his break.

"So tell me, Steven, what's on your mind?" WB asked. "You seem down."

"Nah, everything's cool," Hyde stated, drinking his beer.

"Is something wrong with the store?' WB asked. "Oh God, you aren't tanking the store, are you?"

"No no no," Hyde stated. "It's not the store, the store is the best thing in my life right now."

"…. Huh?"

"… Look, WB, the store is great because that's all I'm putting my energy into," Hyde said. "I'm really proud of the store because it's my life and after this weekend it's almost all I'll have."

"….. Steven, is this the weekend your friends leave?" WB asked. Hyde nodded. "Son, of course you're going to be upset. Things are changing. Change stinks, but it's necessary. You can't just immerse yourself in the store. Go out there and have some fun! Pick up girls!" Hyde snorted, and drank more.

"… Is this about a girl?" WB prodded, being a nosey Dad.

"No it's not about a girl!" Hyde snapped. "…. Sorry. I'm just…. Look, I did what was best for the store, and I'm completely satisfied and happy with it."

"…. Has Jackie left for school yet?"

"She left five days ago."

"And you miss her."

"Yeah, so?"

"Steven, I know that as much as you deny it to everyone she means a lot to you," he said. "So tell me, why didn't it work out between you two?" Hyde shrugged.

"We both wanted different things," Hyde said. "She's in Minnesota, and she asked me to at least keep a long distance relationship with her, but man, I can't do that. I was a lousy excuse for a boyfriend when she was here, how could I be a good one when she's in Minnesota? Look WB, I let her go, but I made the right choice for her, for me, and for you store. I have a responsibility here, and I'm going to be a man, and I'm going to keep that as my priority. And you've got a lot to show for being devoted to the business, so I figure I will too someday."

"…… Son."

"Yeah?"

"Look at my life. I have two divorces under my belt, no solid relationships, and two kids from different women, one of which until two years ago didn't even know I existed," WB said. "I'm content, but I'm by no means happy." Hyde looked at him, surprised by his honesty.

"…. Huh."

"And you're telling me that you let this girl who you clearly are in love with get away from you in the name of GROOVES?" WB asked. "Grooves? Really?"

"Yes! The store is all I have going for me!"

"You have HER going for you!" WB stated. "Grooves is a puny record store in a Green Bay pseudo suburb! Is that really what you want for your legacy?"

Hyde had a lot to think about. He sipped his beer, and WB clapped him on the back.

"I think I need to go," Hyde said, standing up.

"I think you do too," WB agreed. Hyde stood, and walked from the bar.

-------------------------------

Eric walked out of the back room, after he'd punched out. Dusty and Janie were behind the counter.

"I just punched out of Grooves for the last time and Hyde isn't even here to see it," Eric stated. "Where did he go?"

"Beer with his Dad," Dusty said. "Though one would think that he'd be back by now."

"It was your last day!" Janie exclaimed, and stuck out her lower lip. "Eric, you're going to be missed as our co worker."

"Well not only isn't Hyde here but where is Leo?" Eric asked. "I feel like I haven't seen him in forever!"

"Is he coming to the party tomorrow?" Dusty asked.

"Well, I invited him, but you never know if anything registers with that man," Eric said. "Well former workers, I am off to pick up Donna at the radio station. I hope to see you both tomorrow night." He saluted them, and walked for the door. He turned, and did the Nixon Double Peace Sign, and then left Grooves for the last time.

"…. What a geek," Dusty said, and Janie nodded.

-------------------------------

Fez was hanging out with Kelso and Brooke in the Foreman basement, bouncing Betsy on his knee.

"She looks at me like I am crazy," he said. "I am just trying to play with her."

"She doesn't trust people she doesn't see that often," Brooke said, taking the toddler back. "It took her a long time to get used to Michael."

"Yeah, I did everything to make her like me," he said. "I made faces, I made voices, I even had her stuffed animals talk to each other in front of her."

"But in all fairness, Michael, the animals always got in fights when you did that," Brooke said, patting his leg. "It kind of scared her."

Eric and Donna walked into the basement.

"Here they are!" Fez exclaimed. "They're now unemployed and about to leave me!"

"Don't be so overdramatic," Donna said. "You still have Janie and Hyde…. Wait, where is Hyde?"

"You don't know either?" Kelso asked. "We haven't seen him all day."

"He wasn't at work when I left," Eric said. "He went out for beers with his Dad on his break and never came back."

"Oh God, if he is drunk again I'm going to kick his ass!" Donna exclaimed. "For God's sake, there's only so much I can take!"

"And only so much his liver can take," Fez agreed. "Maybe we should call him."

"He probably just got drunk, went home, and went to bed," Eric said. "Give him a call if you're that worried about him."

At that moment, the phone upstairs rang. They looked up at the ceiling.

"Eric, it's Steven!" Kitty called. "Tell him I'm making him guacamole with hot peppers!"

"He better have an explanation," he said. He walked up the steps.

"If he says that he's drunk and in Vegas again, I'll murder him," Donna said.

"I'll help you," Brooke said. Everyone looked at her. "Hey, strippers are anti feminist images my daughter has to contend with while she grows up."

"Thank you!" Donna said, clapping her hands at her.

From upstairs, they heard Eric yell 'You WHAT?!?!?!' They all looked at each other, and rushed up the steps.

"I told you, Foreman, I'm at a truck stop outside of Eau Claire," Hyde said, holding his hand over his other ear to block the traffic. "I'm going to Minneapolis to get Jackie."

"Dude, you're insane!" Eric exclaimed, as the group crowded in the kitchen. "Insane, I tell you!"

"What is he doing?" Donna asked. "Is he going to Vegas again? Hyde, I'm gonna KILL YOU!"

"Tell Donna to chill out," Hyde said. "Eric, I gotta go, I want to get to Minneapolis before dark. Tell everyone what I'm doing if you want, I don't care."

"Hyde, how are you going to find Jackie? She may not even be at her apartment!" Eric exclaimed.

"He's going to find Jackie?" Kelso asked. "I'M NOT THERE THIS TIME, HYDE!! YOU WON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS!"

"I don't care, Foreman, I'm going," Hyde said. "I'll be back tomorrow hopefully with Jackie in tow!" With that, he hung up. Eric stared at the phone, and then looked at the rest of the gang.

"I guess he's going to get Jackie," Eric said.

Red and Kitty burst through the kitchen door.

"WHAT?!?!" she exclaimed. "THAT'S GREAT NEWS!" Red followed her into the dining area.

"It's about time he got his head out of his ass when it came to her," Red said.

"What's next?" Donna asked.

Laurie and Larry ran through the porch door, Laurie in her wedding dress.

"Guys!" she exclaimed. "Larry and I eloped! WE'RE TOTALLY MARRIED!!!" Everyone looked at them.

"……. BURN!!!!" Fez exclaimed.

------------------------------

Janie and Dusty were in Grooves.

"….. Why do I have the feeling we're missing something really huge?" she asked. Dusty looked up.

"Huh?"

"I just get this feeling," she said. "Don't you?"

"… Not really," he said.

FADE OUT

A/N 2: So that's part one. Next week it's all over! Will Hyde get Jackie back? Will Red kill Laurie and Larry? We just have to see, won't we?


	25. Dream On Part 2

A/N: This is it. The last episode. I know that people have been asking me to do a season 10, and if I do I don't know when that will be, as I have no ideas at the moment. But I won't rule it out completely. I think you will all find this worth the wait.

Disclaimer: I own neither 70S SHOW nor Aerosmith songs.

9.25: Dream On (Part II)

Hyde was driving down the interstate, blasting music from the El Camino. He was trying to figure out what he was going to say to Jackie. He was determined not to be a wuss about it. He wasn't the type to say 'I love you, I need you, I can't live without you'. It just wasn't his style.

"Jackie," he rehearsed as he drove. "For the past two years I've been a complete jerk who couldn't figure out his life… I…. You…. Be mine?" He scowled at the idiocy, and tried to find another approach.

"You're the one that I want, oo oo oo?" he muttered, and hit the steering wheel. That was worse. She'd love it, but he refused to say it. He wasn't about to compromise.

Leo sat up in the bed of the El Camino. Hyde didn't notice, and rubbed his eyes. Leo tapped on the window. Hyde sat up slowly, and saw Leo in the rearview mirror. He jumped a little bit, and swerved the car onto the shoulder, barely keeping control.

"Hyde man, am I dreaming?" Leo asked, his voice muffled through the glass.

----------------------------

"I can't believe this!" Red exclaimed. "You went and got married?! After a month of engagement and three months of dating?!" He, Laurie and Larry, Eric, and Kitty were sitting around the dining room table.

"It was a longer courtship than hers and Fez's," Eric pointed out.

"Red, Laurie's always been a free spirit…" Kitty said.

"You mean impulsive and histrionic," Eric interjected.

"Eric! Can it!" Red snapped. "If you two think that you're going to live under this roof, you can forget it!"

"Daddy, you let Hyde and his stripperwhore wife live here!" Laurie whined. "In my room no less! I had to burn my sheets! They weren't even married for real! Larry and I got our town hall license and everything! We're MARRIED! Why can't we live here?!"

"Because I want my empty nest!" Red snarled. "With your concept of time you'll have a kid running around here in nine months!"

"Babies don't run," Eric ventured.

Donna, Fez, Kelso, and Brooke were listening from the basement steps, and Betsy was sleeping on the couch.

"Red's really pissed this time," Donna said. "Even more than when you married her, Fez."

"He was really mad about that," Fez stated. "Oh my God! Someone needs to tell Janie this news! NO MORE ALIMONY!" With that, he ran out of the basement. Brooke went and picked up Betsy.

"Michael, it's getting to be almost seven," Brooke said. "He's been yelling forever now. Let's take Betsy back to your parents house."

"Aw Brooke, the drama is just getting good!" Kelso said.

"Michael," she said, firmly and in the way that got him to behave. He sighed.

"Fine," he said, taking Betsy from Brooke. "Donna, we'll see you tomorrow." She smiled at them, and they made their exits as well.

Eric walked down the steps.

"A spy!" he said, pointing at Donna, and she giggled. "Do I have to interrogate you with sexy results?"

"So is Red about to blow a gasket?" Donna asked.

"It certainly looks like it," he said. "Aren't you completely thrilled that we're escaping this insanity in two days?"

"…. Not completely," she admitted. "But mostly."

"Yeah, me too," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "You know…. If he keeps yelling like that we could go upstairs and have sex and NO ONE would hear us."

"You can play the CIA man and I'll be the KGB agent," Donna said. Eric growled, and they ran up the steps.

-----------------------------

Janie and Dusty were tossing a rubberband ball back and forth, when a breathless Fez burst into Grooves.

"Marathon, I presume?" Dusty asked, and laughed at his nerdy Greek joke.

"Fez, are you okay?" Janie asked. He leaned on the counter.

"Hyde is going to Minnesota to get Jackie back and Laurie and Larry eloped so I don't have to pay alimony anymore!" he wheezed. Janie and Dusty exchanged looks, and she began the process of closing up.

"Hey hey hey, what are you doing?" Dusty asked. "It's not even seven!"

"Since it was Eric's last day, Hyde abandoned his post, and Leo is MIA, that puts me in charge," she said. "And I say today we close shop early and go watch all the drama unfold."

"Yes ma'am," Dusty said, and helped her start the close down.

-------------------------

Jackie was walking along the Northrup Mall as the sun was setting that August evening. She was carrying her books in a bag, intimidated by the textbooks she had to carry back past Dinkytown. She thought that her book on Psychology would be interesting, but at the same time she didn't know if she could handle carrying a few textbooks in one day across the campus. She had explored the campus and was completely satisfied, and tried to balance her bag of books and her purse with the bagel she had bought at the union. But it wasn't working, so she stuck the bagel in her mouth, and tried shifting her stuff around. She ended up dropping her bag of books, and they spilled across the sidewalk. She groaned, and bent over to begin picking them up.

"Want some help?" the voice asked, and Jackie looked up. Hyde was standing there. She spit out her bagel in surprise.

"Steven!?" she exclaimed, and then noticed her dinner was now on the dirty sidewalk. "Oh, my bagel…. But STEVEN?"

"Hey Jackie," he said, as if it were completely normal for him to be walking down the Northrup lawn. "So this is your school, huh?" This question was with a forced nonchalance that almost had her, but she could see he was nervous. This made her terrified.

"Yeah, after Labor Day it's officially my school," she said, scooping up her books quickly. "What are you doing here…. At my school?"

"Well, Eric and Donna are having a goodbye party tomorrow night," he said. "I thought you may want to go with me….?" She put a hand on her hip.

"Steven, you didn't drive five hours to invite me to a goodbye party," she said, arching an eyebrow.

"I could have!"

"Oh please, you don't like driving ten minutes to go to a movie!"

"Okay okay, fine," he said. "Look, I've been doing a lot of thinking since you left, and it's been really driving me crazy. So after thinking a lot I've come to a conclusion, and I think you should hear it."

"What's that?" she asked, meekly. He sighed, and they both sat on one of the marble benches in front of the chemistry building.

"This is a HUGE step for me, you realize," he muttered, taking off his sunglasses. "So you better appreciate it."

"You aren't off on the right foot," she said, huffily at his snippy tone.

"… Sorry….," he said. "Look, I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm not perfect. I will never be everything you want me to be. I can't be your dream guy with the white collar job and four story mansion. It's hard to me to even think about where I'm going to be next weekend, much less five years down the line. But…. I want to try, okay? I want to be the guy for you, because I realize that you're the only woman for me. You're the only one who makes me feel. Sam never made me feel, but you FORCE me to. I'm going to try my hardest to make things work between us, because I would rather fight tooth and nail for you than be handed something else on a silver platter. I'm going to MAKE this work and I'm going to do what I should have done a year and a half ago." He began fumbling through his pockets, and after some graceless searching he pulled out the box Jackie Burkhart had been waiting for since she was a little girl. He then swatted her hip gently, and she knew that was her cue to stand up.

"Oh my God, it's actually happening," she blurted out, and he nodded, a wry smirk across his lips.

"Trust me, I'm surprised too," he stated, and opened the lid to expose the blue moonstone ring. "It's not a diamond, but-."

"Who cares?" she asked, as happy tears began to prick from her eyes. He chuckled, and got down on one knee.

"Now THAT'S growth," he said. "Jackie. I love you and you're my best friend, and I'm not losing you again. Marry m-?"

"YES!" she exclaimed, slipping the ring on her finger and pulling him up.

"You've always been efficient," he said, and she COMPLETELY jumped into his embrace, arms, legs, and all.

"I LOVE you so MUCH!" she exclaimed, and then swatted him a little.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "What was that for?!"

"Took you long enough!" she said, and then smiled again. They kissed deeply, and then she pulled away, a concerned look on her face.

"Wait a minute," she said, as he set her down on her feet. "You said that you didn't do long distance relationships. What changed?"

"Well, as I was driving, I had to stop and sort this part out," he said. "I know you are going to be really happy in Minneapolis, and I was thinking 'I can't make her pick between me and Minneapolis, even if I am in Point Place'…. So I decided that I wouldn't even make that an issue. I'm moving here."

"WHAT?"

"Whoa, that was a negative reaction."

"No, it's great, it's great!" she exclaimed, hugging him again. "But your store-!"

"Is established in Point Place and should be expanded," Hyde said. "At least, that's what I'm going to tell WB…. Besides. It's just a puny record store… You're… Jackie." She smiled, and held out her arm to look at the ring.

"I'm going to be Mrs. Steven Hyde," she said, airily, and they began walking towards her apartment. "Wait, one more thing. How did you know you'd find me here? Why not wait there?"

"You would either be there or on campus, so Leo is camped there, he was going to make you stay and we were going to meet at the El Camino at ten," Hyde said. "So what do you say, Jackie? Wanna go to a party in Point Place?"

"Yes. And tonight we can stay at my place," she said. "Us in my room, Leo on the couch. Oh wait! Our place. Awwwww, OUR place!" He rolled his eyes.

"We lived together for eight months Jackie, it was our place then too."

"No, that was yours and my place. THIS one will be OUR place!" she sighed, and made more 'aww' noises.

"Don't get mushy on me," he said. "And DON'T tell ANY of them the things I said!"

"Don't worry, I'll just tell Donna."

"No."

"Janie?"

"No!"

"…… Fez?"

"NO ONE, JACKIE."

"Fine!... I love you."

"I love you too. BUT let's not make a habit out of this."

--------------------------

Eric was looking at his packed up room the next day. He had secretly packed all of his Star Wars things, he didn't trust Red to not sell them while he was gone. So they were going to be in a box under the bed.

Red walked in.

"Done yet?" he asked.

"You seem so eager to get rid of me," Eric said.

"I am! Now that Laurie and Larry are convinced they're moving in we have even less room!" Red said. Eric nodded, visibly hurt. Red internally sighed, and clapped Eric on the back. "I just want to see you get out in the real world, son. And I'm glad you're finally doing it. I thought that your mother's clinginess had stunted you. I mean, every single problem in a man can be traced back to his mother!"

"How Freudian," Eric said, not quite convinced. "Well if it makes you feel better, I'm not a serial killer."

"Yeah, that kind of helps," Red said. They looked at each other, and both smiled. Red awkwardly put his arms around his son, and did what appeared to be a hug. Eric hugged back, and they clapped each other's backs and that was the end of it.

Kitty walked in, covered in flour.

"When are your friends coming?" she asked.

"I think around five thirty," Eric said.

"That gives me exactly five hours and thirty two minutes!" Kitty exclaimed. "Eric, when you are finished packing you should come help me set up! And get your girlfriend over here to help too!"

"Kitty, it's their going away party," Red said.

"Well then YOU will be helping me!" Kitty snapped, her senses going insane from all the stress.

"Eric, call Donna and get her over here," Red stated. "And maybe while you're at it, have her pick up some Valium?"

"HA HA HA!" Kitty fake laughed, losing her temper, and Red and Eric rushed from the room, lest she begin a rampage.

------------------------

Kelso and Brooke were sitting on the back porch of the Foreman house with Betsy, when Janie and Fez walked up.

"Is Hyde back yet?" Janie asked.

"No, not yet," Brooke said. "I wonder if he has Jackie with him…"

"Who wants to start a betting pool?" Kelso asked.

"Oh, me!" Fez said, digging for his wallet.

"Ten bucks says that she told him to go to hell," Kelso said.

"Michael, not in front of Betsy!" Brooke exclaimed.

"Well I only asked because Dusty called and said that he's the only one at the store," Janie said. "And I don't want to go in…"

"Where's Leo?" Kelso asked.

"Does anyone know where Leo is ever?" Janie retorted.

"Ten bucks says that she does come back," Fez said. "But only because she wants to see Donna and Eric."

"Well ten bucks says that they're back together," Janie said, throwing in her money.

"You guys, that's in poor taste," Brooke said.

"At least I'm on the side of optimism," Janie said.

Donna walked to the porch, and put her hands on her hips.

"What are you all doing?" she asked.

"Betting on whether Jackie comes back with Hyde," Kelso said. "Since he's been such a jerk to her, I say no."

"That's awful!" Donna said.

"That's what I said," Brooke stated.

At that moment, Jackie popped out from the alley.

"SURPRISE!" she exclaimed, and Donna shrieked and ran to her, Janie hot on her heels. The girls all hugged, and Kelso groaned.

"Dammit, I automatically lose," he whined.

"Serves you right, you ghoul," Brooke said, handing him their daughter. Jackie held up her arms, and had a huge grin across her face.

"What are you doing back here?" Donna asked, smiling widely.

"Yes, do tell, I have ten bucks on it," Fez said. Jackie shot him a look, but then held out her hand.

"Steven proposed!" she exclaimed, hopping up and down.

"WHAT?!" everyone said in unison, and the women gathered around the ring.

"Fez, pay up!" Janie said, and Fez grumbled and handed her the wad of cash. She turned back to Jackie. "And sweetie! That's wonderful!"

"So are you coming back here?" Donna asked.

"No, he's moving out there!" Jackie said, and Hyde strolled into the driveway, hands in his pockets.

"Wow, Hyde, that's fantastic news!" Donna said, and hugged him.

"Whoa whoa whoa," Janie said. "What about the store, man? Cuz I don't want to work for Leo or Dusty, dammit!"

"I'm putting you in charge, Janie," he said. "You're gonna be manager."

"Oh," Janie said, and grinned from ear to ear. "Thanks!"

"Ha, Hyde's been whipped," Kelso said, chuckling a little bit, and Hyde slugged him on the shoulder. "Ow!"

"No more than you, man, and you two aren't even engaged!" Hyde said, pointing at him and Brooke. "Are you even dating?"

"Yeah!" Brooke said. "…. I mean, we are, right, Michael?" Kelso looked at her, and smiled.

"If that's what you want, baby, that's what you get," he said.

Kitty ran out from the kitchen.

"I heard noise! JACKIE!" she exclaimed, and threw her arms around Jackie. "Sweetie, what are you doing back?"

"I'm engaged!" she exclaimed, showing Kitty the ring.

"She's WHAT?" Red and Eric both said, following Kitty.

"Steven proposed!" Jackie repeated.

"It's about time you got your head out of your ass, Steven," Red said.

"Uh, thanks," Hyde said. "So yeah, I'm moving out to Minneapolis with Jackie and I'm gonna open a Grooves by the college."

"That's wonderful!" Kitty exclaimed. "But what about your apartment?"

"Oh, well, I figured I'd just sublease it to someone until the lease was up," Hyde said. "I mean, two bedrooms, good part of town, great starter place…" Red got a wicked smile across his face.

"LAURIE! LARRY! GET DOWN HERE NOW!" he yelled.

-----------------------

The going away party was in full swing that night, everyone talking and having an all around good time. Donna's last broadcast was providing the music, and the atmosphere was alive but sad at the same time.

"So Donna, Janie, and Brooke, you are all going to be my bridesmaids," Jackie said, listing off her ideal wedding. "Betsy can be flower girl, and I'm going to wear a white dress even if it's not tradition to do so…"

"You opened Pandora's box, dude," Eric said to Hyde. Hyde nodded, but wrapped his arms around Jackie tighter.

"Eh, Pandora ain't so bad," Hyde said. "What about you, man? You're on the same path."

"Don't I know it," Eric said, and smiled at Donna. Kitty hit her champagne glass, and everyone looked up from what they were doing.

"I want to propose a multi dimensional toast!" she said. "…. Now bear with me, I may start crying…"

"Oh for God's sake, Kitty," Red said.

"Give me a break, Red, I'm emotional!" she stated. "Okay. First, I want to congratulate Michael, since he's doing well at the police academy in Chicago!"

"YEAH I am!" he said, bouncing Betsy as Brooke rubbed his back.

"And next, to Fez, for getting into Beauty school," Kitty said. "You can do my hair anytime, Fez, a HA HA HA!"

"You got it, Miss Kitty!" Fez said.

"Jeeze," Red muttered.

"To Janie, for becoming manager of Grooves," Kitty said. "You'll be a good boss there."

"Yeah, she will," Dusty said, and Leo nodded. She shot them looks.

"Don't think that sucking up is going to get you the treatment Hyde gave you two," she stated leaning towards them. "You're in my world now, boys." Dusty and Leo exchanged frightened looks.

"To Jackie and Steven, who are ENGAGED!" Kitty exclaimed, and Jackie snuggled closer on Hyde's lap, and he lifted his glass. "She finally roped him in!"

"And he's ALL MINE," Jackie said. "Aren't you, pudding pop?"

"Jackie, don't call me pudding pop in public."

"To my baby Laurie and Larry, who are married and moving into Steven and Jackie's old place as soon as possible!" Kitty said.

"AS SOON AS POSSIBLE," Red confirmed. Laurie and Larry nodded, and kissed each other.

"And of course, to my other baby Eric, and Donna, who are going to school in Madison," Kitty said. "We're all so proud of you two."

"Yes we are," Bob said.

"I just… I feel like my entire group of children is leaving in one fell swoop!" Kitty exclaimed, and Red pulled her down before she made a scene.

The recorded broadcast came to it's closing moments.

"Oh shh you guys, this is my last monologue," Donna said, hushing everyone.

"You are such a diva, Donna," Jackie said.

"No really, listen!" Donna stated. So they quieted down, and listened.

"Well, we're at the end of my final broadcast, Point Place," she said over the radio. "It's surreal and sad, but I think it's for the best. I just want to take this moment to tell you guys out over the airwaves a message from Hot Donna to you. The 70s may be over, but it's a new decade of new beginnings. And I know that I have the best people in my life to continue forward with, and I hope that you all have people like that. People who ground you, laugh with you, cry with you, and love you. So to end my run, I am going to play a song from the 70s that I think sums up the paths we all take. So this is Aerosmith's 'Dream On'. Keep dreaming on, Point Place." The song began playing, and the group all exchanged glances with each other. Their paths were diverging for real this time. Though they wouldn't be in Point Place, they would always have each other. And they knew it, by the looks they were giving each other.

_Everytime that I look in the mirror  
All these lines on my face gettin clearer  
The past is gone  
It went by like dust to dawn  
Isnt that the way?  
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay…_

_I know what nobody knows  
Where it comes and where it goes  
I know its everybodys sin  
You got to lose to know how to win_

_Half my life is in books written pages  
Live and learn from fools and from sages  
You know its true  
All the things come back to you…._

The group of seven all got together, and danced in the middle of the living room, with their respected partners (though Kelso danced with Betsy in his hands as Brooke looked on), and smiled and laughed. It was the end, but it felt like it was just the beginning.

_Sing with me, sing for the years  
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears  
Sing with me, if its just for today  
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away_

------------------------------

After the full on adults had gone to bed and the others had left, the gang sat in the basement, around the table one last time, smoking one last bowl together.

"So since everything's come so far, how much further could it go?" Eric asked, philosophically, Donna leaning on his shoulder. Hyde pulled away from Jackie's lips, and snorted.

"Man, who are you Socrates or something?" he asked, and went back to making out with Jackie.

"You two don't act like a newly engaged couple," Fez stated, his arm draped around Janie's shoulders. "Janie, when we get engaged, are we going to act like that?"

"God I hope so," she said.

"So we should make a point to come back to this basement once a year," Kelso said, and laughed. "We could be like the Justice League! I call Green Lantern! And Janie, you can be Wonder Woman because you have a big rack!" Janie punched him in the shoulder. "Ow! That was a compliment!"

"We've had quite a few adventures down here," Eric said.

"What are you talking about? Cuz we usually just smoke pot down here," Donna said.

"Yeah, Eric," Jackie said. "You can smoke pot anywhere. But not at Steven's and my apartment. It's gonna be too nice for that."

"If you make our place cutesy I'm gonna puke," Hyde said. She stuck out her lower lip. "… Fine, somewhat cutesy. But I'm gonna fight ya on it to the end."

"…. You're hot when you challenge me," she said, and they went back to making out.

"Well, all I know is that Janie and I will always be waiting for you guys to come back to Point Place," Fez said. "Even if it isn't a Bat Cave or Fortress of Solitude."

"We'll be back, Fez," Donna said.

"So will we, man," Hyde stated, and Jackie nodded.

"I just have one last thing to say to you all," Eric said. But before he could answer, the lights turned on, and they all turned to the stairs. Red was there.

"ARE YOU SMOKING THE DOPE AGAIN?!" he yelled. They gang all looked at each other.

"BOLT!" Eric yelled, and they all leapt up from the table and ran. As they scattered, they shot looks amongst each other, smiling. It may have been the end of something, but it was the beginning of many other things.

_Dream on, dream on  
Dream yourself a dream come true  
Dream on, dream on  
Dream until your dreams come true  
Dream on, dream on, dream on..._

THE END

A/N 2: Well that's it, folks. I really hope you liked it. I just want to send a shout out to all my girls (and Stephen). You all know who you are. And especially to zenkindoflove. Your encouragement really helped me through the final episodes of this season, and I look forward to our joint project. Thanks to you all, you're all wonderful::hugs::


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